The Lady’s Torn Heart (Faces of Love Series #2) (5 page)

* * *

T
he next morning
, I was determined not to see James for a while. If anything else, it would facilitate peace in his family. If he were smart, he would do the same. James didn’t seem like the particularly wise type. He was more of an in-the-moment type.

When a visitor came to the door by early afternoon, I was surprised to see that it was Colonel Fitzwilliam. I had to say, though he was the first real friend I had made upon coming here, I hadn’t thought of him much since meeting James. I felt ashamed; he was a very kind man. Today he was wearing civilian clothes instead of the uniform I had seen at various dinner parties.

“I’m sorry, Lady Julia, did I come at a bad time?” he said in response to my look of shock at seeing him enter the drawing room.

“Not at all, Colonel. I was just surprised to have a guest is all. Would you care to join me for some tea?”

He gladly accepted, and we sat across from each other as we waited for it to be served. “I don’t know if you recall, but I had mentioned at our first meaning my reasoning for coming home at this time.”

“Yes, of course I do. You said there was a horse auction to be held.”

“Yes. Well, I am leaving for it tomorrow. It will be a short carriage ride and then I will stay there for about three days before returning.”

“It sounds lovely. I couldn’t imagine seeing all those fine steeds.”

“Well, that is the reason for my visit. I know I asked you to come along. I am a man of my word and would be happy to bring you with me.”

“That is very kind of you, Colonel, but I wouldn’t want to inconvenience you.”

“It would be no inconvenience at all. I have a younger sister who has just come into town, named Scarlett. She is about your age. I have convinced her to come along. That way, you would be able to come and of course, save propriety.”

My thoughts floated back to last night’s ball.
James and I had gone alone, ridden in his gig alone, and stayed out until the early morning hours.
Heat rose to my cheeks just thinking about it.
Yes, he was an in-the-moment kind of man, not at all thinking about propriety.

“I understand if you do not wish to come, or if you have other engagements. I just wanted you to know that the offer was still there should you wish it.”

I thought about it, “We will be gone for five days?”

“Yes,” he said, watching me with those blue eyes.

“I would want to make sure with Mary that she could do without me for that time span. I couldn’t say for sure right at this moment. I would be happy to send a letter to you tonight with my response. I am sure she will be alright with my itinerary, but I want to make sure first.”

“Of course. I completely understand.”

“Tel me more about your sister?” I asked, not wanting him to leave yet.

“Scarlett is,” he gave a little laugh. “Well, she isn’t at all like me. She is very rambunctious and hasn’t a lot of patience. Her character also makes her very exciting and loved by most anyone who meets her. She has a very contagious energy around her. People seem to like that in a companion.”

By the way he phrased his words at the end, I had a feeling that we were no longer talking about his sister. He had been around for several dinners that James was also invited to. I had spent most of my time enamored by James. I am sure it didn’t go unnoticed by the colonel.

“Yes, it can be very exciting to have a companion like that, as long as you don't get into trouble,” I replied.

“Well, some mischief is fine, I think. Natural even. Sometimes you can just get caught up in the moment, not realizing the consequences.”

“Yes, I do know about that,” I said, a little ashamed.

I knew we were talking about my escapades last night. I should have known that going to a town ball probably wasn’t the most prudent thing to do when breaking society’s rules. Like Fitzwilliam said, I was caught up in the moment and didn’t stop to think about the results.

“It’s the joys of youth,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “We all get into a little trouble while we are still young and allowed to make mistakes.”

“You talk as if you are a hundred years old,” I teased. “I can’t imagine you are that much older than me.”

“Sometimes, I feel as if I have already lived a lifetime,” he said, looking past me to something much more sobering. He gave a small laugh again to release himself from the trance of distant memories.

“If you will forgive my boldness, how old are you?”

He gave me a broad smile at this, his blue eyes twinkling. “I fear that if I tell you; you will think I am too old to be your friend.”

“Nonsense.”

“Thirty and eight,” he replied frankly.

He was about the age I’d expected. “And your sister?”

“Nineteen, just as you are.” It didn’t miss that he knew my age. “So you see, I will be an old bag of bones escorting two very exceptional young ladies,” he added with a little laugh.

“Well, my birthday is only three months away and then I will be twenty, so I’m not as young as you thought.”

* * *

I
t was
after dinner that night. We were all sitting around the fire again, as was the custom. Mary had little Juliette in her arms, cooing to her softly. I realized that I had never discussed the prospect of going with Colonel Fitzwilliam.

In truth, I hadn’t entirely decided whether I wanted to go. I did want to see the horses. I was sure that the trip would be exciting and memorable. It wasn’t that I was disappointed in the company either. I enjoyed talking with Fitzwilliam. He seemed like a kindred spirit to me, a good friend.

In reality, I was hesitant to leave and not see James. I had spent every day from our meeting until today with him in some fashion or another. I understood why he stayed away today, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be without him for a whole week’s time.

Not to mention, I wasn’t sure if me going with Fitzwilliam was more of a message than I wanted to send. I did like him. Now I couldn’t help but be convinced that I was head over heels for James.

Perhaps that was reason in itself to go. It was already clear that his aunt didn’t like the idea of him with me. I had taken Gaffton’s words to heart. I wouldn’t want to encourage his affections if it was to his detriment. The thought of him with another woman was a mixture of unfathomable pain and heated jealousy. No words had been spoken between us, but I had to believe by his manners and the words he did say that he did feel the same for me.

My head had been circling these thoughts throughout the day. It was the cause of my forgetfulness to talk to Mary or send off my note. “Mary, I forgot to mention to you that Colonel Fitzwilliam came by for tea today.”

“I thought I saw him leaving as I came up to the house today,” Gaffton said, taking a seat alongside his wife with brandy in hand.

I smiled at the picture of their little family. I loved how they spent every possible moment with each other. “Yes, he asked if I still wanted to go to auction with him. He is leaving tomorrow.”

“What did you say?” Mary asked.

“I told him I would discuss it with you first. His sister would be coming along also.”

“Do you want to go?”

I hesitated. “Yes,” I said finally.

“But you don't want to leave James,” she finished for me.

I blushed at my transparency.

“I think it might be a good idea,” Gaffton chimed in firmly. It would give you both some time to get some perspective.”

“I agree,” I said. “I thought about going for that reason. But then I wonder if that would be fair to Fitzwilliam.”

“I do think he cares for you more than you do for him,” Mary said. “I’ve seen the way he watches you when you are with James. I think he knows where your feelings lie now. I don’t believe that you would be doing anything to give him false hope.”

“It would be nice for him if things did work out between the two of you,” Gaffton added as an afterthought. “He has been through so much. He deserves some happiness.”

“Do you mean because of the war?” I asked. I had noticed that the colonel always did have a bit of a sorrowful air about him. Like something was weighing him down that he just couldn't’ shake.

“Well, there is certainly that. What I speak of, though, is his first wife.”

I was surprised. I suppose it made sense that a man of his age had been married before. “I had no idea,” I said.

“Neither did I,” Mary added. “He has never spoken of it.”

Gaffton nodded. “He was married when we were young. Back when I refused ever to give in to the whims of a woman,” he said and gave his wife a wink. “They were a lovely couple. She died during childbirth.”

“So Fitzwilliam has a child?” I asked.

“No, sadly, the baby also passed before its first birthday.”

We all settled into silence. Mary held her little girl a little tighter to her chest. It was a vivid reminder that this life was all too fragile.

“The poor man never really recovered from that,” Gaffton finally said.

“Understandably,” Mary quipped.

“I think you are the first lady that brought a smile back to his face,” Gaffton said to me. “I don't mean to pressure you, or make your life more confusing. I think even if you just went for a lovely time at the auction, it would be a good thing for the both of you. You could get some perspective and Fitzwilliam could learn to be happy again.”

I thought about it for a bit. He was a good friend to me. He was also a very kind and gentle man. If anyone deserved to find happiness, it was he. If my going on this trip would help him open up his heart to opportunities, I would be more than willing to do that for a friend. “Do you think it is too late to write and tell him?” I asked.

Gaffton gave a big satisfactory smile at this. “Not at all. I’ll have Daniels take it over to him right now.” Gaffton got up to find the butler.

Mary waited until he’d left the room and then leaned in to whisper something to me. “You should know too; James isn’t here.”

“How do you know?”

“Josie told me while she was helping me change for dinner. She said that he and Lady Heather left to visit a friend for a few weeks.”

“And how would Josie know this?” I asked with a raised golden eyebrow.

“Oh, you know how servants all talk with each other. Gossip travels quickly around the market in the morning.”

“Yes, but how would Josie know to pick up this information about James and share it with you? Please do not tell me that you are having the servants glean gossip on my behalf.”

She waved me off impatiently. “It was just something Josie heard, and she thought I might want to know. I just wanted to put your mind at ease. You don't have to worry about offending James by taking this trip with another man.”

I opened my mouth to deny her right assumption. She simply waved me off before I could.

“All I am saying is, he won't be here. He wouldn’t even be back before you return. You could go, have an enjoyable time, and no one would be the wiser.”

“You make it sound deceitful,” I said with a skeptical frown.

“Not deceitful. Just aware of your actions. A lesson I think we can both agree would be an important one to learn.”

I scrunched my nose at her scolding tone. She was right though.