The Lady Astronomer (9 page)

“He’s as bad as Leibniz,”
whispered the Younger as he handed her the required items before bowing to the king
and exiting by walking backward out of the room as was dictated when leaving
the royal presence.

“Good cake,” remarked his
Majesty, mouth full and crumbs spraying.

“Your Majesty came alone today?”
Al overcame his shyness.

“Good lord no, man. What what? It
would never do to travel around the country willy nilly by Oneself. My
retainers and so on and so forth wait outside for my visit to be concluded. I
believe your brother here was talking to me when I nodded off for a royal nap.”

“Perhaps Your Majesty would like to
come see my clockwork orchestra when you are finished here? My sister will help
me to set up, if we may be excused?”

“Quite so,” was the royal reply.

Lucretia and Al had just about made it to
his workroom when a cry came up that startled the roosting doves and made them
fly to safety, while the tiniest of creatures, the woodlouse, also took fright
and fled with his family.

Orion flew to Lucretia, but there was no
sign of Leibniz, who was still sleeping off the effects of his binge.

“I think Freddie has just told the king
about the mirror debacle,” Lucretia remarked.

“Indeed,” replied Al as a second
shriek rent the air asunder.

“That will be about the barges,”
she said, as yet another shout was let loose.

“And that about the further funding.”
Al grinned and shepherded Lucretia into his workroom where the fire blazed
merrily. Everything was bathed in gold light, and all felt safe from the wrath
of the king.

“That’s better.” Al sighed
contentedly and set to winding up the orchestra and setting them into position
for their Audience with the king.

“What will they play?”

“Why, God Save the king, of course.”

“Of course, what else would it be?”

“Here Lucretia, help me with the cats,
they always want to jump down and look for mice rather than playing music.”

“We’d better distract Orion then,”
she grinned, “or he’ll want to join in the game of cat and mouse.”

“I’m not sure I get you, Lucretia.”

“Oh, Al. For someone quite so
smart…never mind, I was just being witty, or trying to at least. Now let’s
get going with this, I have a horrible feeling Freddie is going to spring
another telescopic type of thunderbolt on me soon.”

“Lucretia?”

“Never mind, dear, never mind.” She
patted Al’s knee.

*

Lucretia stood on the slimy green steps at
the Queen’s Quay on the Thames and shivered. The day was not particularly cold,
but the wind blew the dark, briny stench off the water and straight into her
face. She pulled up her hood, covered her nose and turned her back to the docks.

The grey, greasy river lapped against the
steps and she swore as the tips of her boots were covered with brackish
effluvium.

Green slippery algae fought with rubbish,
sewerage thrown from chamber pots, run offs from tanners and the other trades
that put up shop along the quayside. A fish head with a partial skeleton still
attached bumped the toe of her boot and she stepped back again, nearly losing
her footing.

“Mind yourself there, miss.” The
burly sailor pulled her back.

“Thank you, sir.”

“There’s many a person I’ve seen
coming a cropper in those waters, and trust me, you don’t want a swim there.
You’d leave it with your skin hanging off and your eyes eaten out.”

Lucretia shivered and the sailor grinned.

“I’m only having a laugh with you,
miss. But all the same, the Thames was not meant for people to bathe in, though
there’s some fools that would try their luck anyway.”

“I have no intention of getting wet.”
She held up her boot and shook it.

“You’re here with the Astronomer?”
He gestured to where Freddie stood a little way off, groaning with exertion
even though he was only issuing orders to the men on the barge.

Disaster had followed disaster since the king’s
visit. Even though he had agreed, grudgingly, to grant the extra funds that
were needed, the first mirror to be cast in London had been an expensive
disaster. Once it had been ground and polished, the huge finished product had
been declared to be too thin.

Lucretia wondered about something weighing
half a ton being too thin. She pulled herself back into the present, accepted
the sailor’s arm, climbed the steps and went to stand with Freddie.

“Do you think they might be finished
soon, Freddie? I could really do with a cup of tea.”

“Well, they finally have it roped down.”
He pointed to the huge mirror lying in the body of the barge, well wrapped and
only just visible underneath coiling, snaking ropes the thickness of a man’s
forearm.

“How are we going to get back?”

“I was thinking we could travel in the
barge. After all, there is so much at stake.”

Lucretia missed the more jovial Freddie. This
serious side of him was no fun at all. She knew there would be no more laughing
and joking until the huge mirror was back at their home.

“Would you mind if I rode back?”

“Why do you want to do that?”

“I should really get back to Al.
Leibniz has been in bad humour since his tooth started hurting after the Kitchen
Incident.”

“Lucretia.” He sounded
exasperated. “Al is a grown man. A clumsy one, I’ll give you that. He can
surely mind hearth and home while we are gone. Besides, the O’s are there. And
we’ll be back in Slough this time tomorrow at the latest. Hopefully.”

“If you are going to be quite so cross
with me, I’m leaving right now.”

“Ah, I am sorry.” He pulled her
close to him. “I’m so tense, this is dreadful. And the king will be
keeping an even sharper eye on us now. I only just managed to persuade him that
we didn’t need a supervisor from the castle to come and live with us until the Forty
Foot is built.”

She grimaced.

“I know! Can you imagine! Anyway, you
can see that I really need to get the largest mirror in the world home safely.
Come with me, please?” He put on his little boy voice and looked at her so
sadly that she punched his arm.

“Stop that, Freddie! I’ll come, but I’ll
need tea first.”

“That’s my girl.”

*

As Lucretia sat at the prow of the barge making
its laborious way down the river, tea sitting badly in her stomach, things just
as arduous were happening back at the H residence.

Al stood in the courtyard with the Family
O, Mr. V had been drafted in, and even Mrs. P was on the alert.

“Let me get this straight.” Mr. V
chewed on his pipe stem. “The lemur has disappeared.”

“He knew something was afoot, I’d
swear to it. And with Lucretia away, well…” Al looked at the assembled
crew sadly. “I’ll never forgive myself if he has gone for good.”

Mr. O patted his shoulder. “There’s no
need to be so glum, lad, nor any of the rest of you. We’ll find him before they
get back. Here’s an idea, Mr. V, would you arrange with your wife to waylay the
weary travellers as soon as she spots them? They won’t be difficult to miss
with the mirror transferred to horses and carts, and going slowly.”

“Mrs. V would win a gold medal if
there was a competition in talking. I’m sure she’ll be glad to help. Yes, quite
sure.”

Al looked at Mr. V aghast, it was the most
he had ever heard the man speak. Tricky situations obviously brought something
out in the old fellow.

“Excellent. Now, the rest of us will
spread out. To catch a monkey you need to think like a monkey. Yes, yes, I
know, no need to interrupt. I’ve been told off already for calling him a
monkey. Primate. But he acts like the cheekiest monkey I’ve ever seen.”

The group split up. Mrs. O climbed trees,
while O the Younger took the lower ground. Mr. O heaved anything heavy aside
while Al peered under things, disturbing beetles and spiders which skittered
out of his way.

He stood and brushed a creature out of his
mouth.

“This is hopeless. Absolutely
hopeless.” He turned aside and saw Orion sitting watching their progress.
Al had a candlelight moment.

“I’ve got it! Orion is sure to know
where Leibniz is!”

“That great furry fellow?”

“Mr. O, he’ll take offence.”

“Sorry, owl. No offence intended.”

Orion blinked.

Al walked over to the chopped wood pile and
hunkered down before remembering that it was very unlikely the owl could
actually see him. He walked a bit away and hunkered down again, waving his arms
to catch Orion’s attention.

Orion flew over to him.

“No, no,” Al protested as the
huge bird nearly knocked him to the ground. “I need you to stay here.”

He moved away again.

Orion flew over to him again.

“This is absolutely hopeless!”

“I have an idea, if I may. How about I
stay with the owl, and you walk away?”

“Well, I’m fresh out of them, couldn’t
hurt to give it a go I suppose.”

So, once caught, the strong man kept his
palm on the owl’s body, exerting enough pressure to keep him in place while Al
moved further away again. When he was sure it was going to work, he hunkered
down and looked Orion in the eye.

“Where is Leibniz?”

Orion blinked.

“Where is the lemur?”

The owl pushed against Mr. O, spread his
wings and took off into the sky.

“Keep an eye on him, for goodness
sake. He might actually just lead us to Leibniz. And if he does, I’m going to
find him the biggest treat I can.”

They lost sight as Orion found a current,
dipping and diving and having a grand old time. But then the speck in the sky
grew larger and resumed its owl shape. Orion then alighted on the roof where
Lucretia spent her nights.

“Of course, how silly of us.” Al
scrambled up the ladder to the roof top, Mr. O in pursuit.

There sat Leibniz, mutinous, with Orion
preening, dispelling the heinous myth that owls were not the cleverest of
avians.

“Leibniz.” Al held his hands out.
“Come here, little fellow.”

The lemur sulked and turned his face away,
injured feelings oozing from his very core.

“Ah, Leibniz, I’m sorry. We needed to
find you.”

The lemur turned his back haughtily.

“I know, I know. We shouldn’t have
chased you, I’m sorry.”

“That’s quite enough pussy-footing
around,” interjected Mr. O. “Leibniz, I have some sugared violets in
my pocket, want them?”

The lemur moved faster than Al had ever
seen him move before, and was snuggled up with Mr. O, searching his pockets in
the time that it took to blink once.

“Do you really have sweeties?”

Mr. O put his finger to his lips and shook
his head, backing away until his foot felt the ladder. He descended with
Leibniz continuing his search, hand holding him firmly by the scruff of the
neck.

“So, lemur.” The family and Al
were gathered once more at the scene of the crime. “What are we to do? We
need to look into your mouth to see your sore tooth. And if it is bad, it will
have to come out.”

The members of the clockwork orchestra
stood to attention on the kitchen table. They would distract Leibniz while Mr.
O yanked out the ivory, which was indeed rotten.

“On three.” Mr. O, with Al’s
clamping device in hand, moved behind the lemur as son and wife held on to the
wriggling furry body. The orchestra started up with another rendition of God
Save the King and Al stopped them.

“Not that one, no, no, no. If Leibniz
associates this with tooth-pulling and it is played every time the king visits,
well I can see mayhem and mischief ensuing. Something different please,
something soothing.”

The orchestra complied and Al held on to
Leibniz’s hands as Mr. O opened his mouth and inserted the clamping device. He
tightened around the offending tooth, and then nodded to Al.

“Leibniz, what’s that over there?”

The lemur turned his head and Mr. O gave an
almighty tug. He fell backward, and Leibniz fought off the dental assistants,
shrieking. Once he had given them the slip, he climbed to the top of the
kitchen dresser and sat there glowering down balefully at them all, minus a
tooth.

“Good boy, Leibniz,” cooed Al. “No
more sugar for you, my friend. It’s going to have to be kept under lock and
key.”

Mrs. O smiled and jingled the keys on her
belt, showing Al the new one to the sugar cupboard.

“Always one step ahead.” Al
smiled and sat on a chair, heavily. “Tea all round I think.”

*

The horses snorted disdainfully, shaking
their manes and darting glances to see if they could be seen pulling such a
contrivance.