The Keys to Jericho (48 page)

She rolls her head against the pillow. “God. Jared. I don’t want to hear about all the women you’ve slept with. I’m sure it’s…a lot.”

“It’s not
that
bad. I don’t have an exact number, but—”

Her eyes fly open. “Okay. It doesn’t matter. It’s up to you what you do with your…life.”

Resting the side of my head against the side of hers, I whisper, “But it
does
matter because with you, it wasn’t just about getting off. I can’t describe it, but I felt something with you.”

“Yeah. My breast.”

Irritated, I raise my head slightly. “Now, you’re the one joking.”

She sighs and cringes in the dim light. “You’re right. Wow.”

Returning my head to hers, I ask, “So, do
you
have a little black book?”

“No. I’ve only been with three.” What?

Surprised, I ask, “Really?”

She nods, moving my head. “I guess
I
do have an exact number. Maybe I’ll get it right on my fourth.” Holy fuck.

I’ll rip his goddamned dick off.

Licking my lip, I ask, “What about you? Is…
he
…still in your life?” Fuck. I hope not.

“No. He’s gone. Since everything has been taken care of, we no longer talk. I didn’t love him.”

“Isn’t that why people get married, though?”

“I thought I did, but he was only a Band-Aid.”

I guardedly ask, “For what?”

She whispers, “For my broken heart.”

“Who was that fucker you dated in high school? He was your first, wasn’t he?”

“He was, but he was my first Band-Aid. He wasn’t the one who broke my heart.”

Confused, I say, “You said you didn’t date anyone else.”

I hear her sharp intake of air. “I didn’t…Jared.”

The way she says that, makes every hair on my body stand on end. “Kat…”

“You left me, barely saying goodbye. You didn’t even look back.”

I stutter, “I-I couldn’t look back. I thought you were…” I sigh into her hair, closing my eyes. “Fuck.”

“I lost you that day, but now, you’re back in my life. Yet, it’s like a tease. You’ll be yanked away again when you leave me.”

“I’m not leaving you.”

“But you will and I have to accept that.”

I argue, “We’ll still be together.”

“We’re
not
together. You’re not responsible for my happiness.”

“But I want to contribute to it. We
are
together, Kat. I want us to enjoy the time I’m here, and maybe… Maybe we can see where it goes.”

She shakes her head, surprising me. “We both want different things. I’m a teacher. I like kids, so I want to have a baby at some point.”

Opening my eyes, I nod, but don’t have an immediate response that I want to share. However, the thought of her getting pregnant by some other fucker, sends a hot wave over me, and my hand tightens around hers.

She goes on, “I want to be in love with the man who fathers my children.” She’s still searching for love? This shit will no doubt be the end of humanity somehow.

Through my teeth, I warn, “You’ll only get hurt.”

“My heart can’t break any more than it already has.”

“Jesus,” I mutter, closing my eyes again.

“So what good is there in seeing where it goes for us?”

I sigh, my breath blowing down the front of her shirt, and whisper, “I don’t know.”

“Maybe we were meant to be
just friends
.”

Oddly, my throat constricts. That’s what I’ve wanted, yet I feel like she did just back-kick me in the balls.

I’m able to hoarsely whisper, “If you’ll still have me.” She nods, and we’re both quiet with only our staggered breathing punctuating the silence.

When my throat relaxes more, I say, “I’m sorry for breaking your heart in school, Kit Kat. I didn’t know that I did. I’ll find some way to make it up to you.” I want to tell her she broke mine, too, but inexplicably, repairing her broken heart is more important than worrying about mine, which has been wrecked for much longer.

“I don’t know if you can.”

My fingers slide against hers. “I want to try.”

“You can’t just make it up to me.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want you to fix it, only to break it again.”

“Kat. Damn it. I…”

“All of these horrible things you’ve said to me haven’t compared to the last day I saw you, or to the day you’ll leave me again.”

“Christ. Kat, I had no idea. It’ll be different this time. I promise you. Just like I promised you that you’re the only one I’ll be with.”

“Only while you’re in Annapolis, but we can’t do it anymore.” We’re not even in Annapolis right now, but she still was my only one. Doesn’t she realize that?

“We can.”

“We
can’t
, Jared. I won’t delude myself, believing or hoping for a better ending to this summer. So, please don’t ask me to, just as I won’t ask you to delude yourself into wanting something you really don’t. Give me that much respect.”

Swallowing my protest, I close my eyes and nod, whispering, “Okay.” That’s the only response I’m able to give, as I listen to her muffled sobs.

Kat tearfully says, “You probably should go.” She pulls away, but I hold her against me. I
need
to hold onto her.

As she cries, I kiss behind her ear and numbly stroke her arm, but I don’t go beyond that. However, I want to so I can remind her what she does to me, and that it’s not just about sex, even if that’s the only way I know how to show her.

Holding Kat tighter to me, I fight the urge to roll her onto her back to kiss her lips, but I wouldn’t be able to stop there, and she doesn’t want to have that with me anymore.

How was I lucky enough to have Kat return to my life, only to lose her without even trying? What did I do to deserve this?

Why can’t I have the life with her that she wants?

I want to be in love with her. Fuck, I do.

But I’m not.

I can’t.

And I’m fucking grateful.

CHAPTER 22

“None of our cars have been stolen.”

“Do you think he’s in there with her?”

“After last night, he can’t be.”

“I can’t imagine she’d let him—”

“No way. You two aren’t doing this. Come on. Get away from the door.”

“I wonder if this means he came to his senses?”

“Only if Jericho got his head out of his ass, and I doubt
that
happened.”

I roll my eyes and then close them, inhaling into her side-swept hair. With my head propped over my curled arm on my pillow, and my lips against sleeping Kat’s forehead, I intermittently kiss her, but keep it light enough she doesn’t notice. My hand rests on her hip, and I battle the constant urge to draw her closer to me, drifting my fingers over her skin to awaken her, making her beg for more of me, until we’re heatedly panting together as our loud moans fill the room.

Yeah. A monstrously bad idea.

Last time I was loud, it cost me big.

Since she had rolled over hours ago, I’ve been cautiously motionless, so I don’t wake her, ending what we unexpectedly found together this weekend, before things change for us again, but not for the better this time.

Kat cried herself to sleep, and I was helpless, as usual. All I could do was lie here with her, holding onto her until her sobs quieted. I maybe slept for 20 minutes, but for the most part, I’ve been listening to her steady breathing, and silently begging for someone to give me the answers to the mounting list of questions I’ve been asking my entire life, and even more so now.

Kat stirs against me in her sleep. Her hands fall against my chest, and she lightly tugs on my chest hair. Christ. This is not easy.

Seemingly content, she sighs, which causes me to sigh, as well, but more out of frustration over the entire situation that we’ve fallen into.

“Jared?” Kat quietly slurs as she moves again, and I promptly take my hand off of her. Tipping my head back, I look down at her blinking eyelids before she brings her sleepy gaze up to my face. “You’re still here?”

“Not leaving you,” I repeat what I said last night.

Looking back to my chest, she mumbles, “Oh. You didn’t have to.”

“I wanted to.”

As Kat resituates herself, she slides her leg up, her knee grazing my thigh, and I impulsively pull away from her; however, she stiffens faster than I can.

“Sorry,” she mutters, sitting up. Kat puts distance between us and combs her hand through her messy hair. As she does this, her shirt rides up and I can tell she’s not wearing a bra, forcing me to remember how her hard nipples felt on my tongue, and how sweet her skin tasted.
Fuck. I can’t take this
. When my gaze unwillingly falls, I see a sliver of her stomach, above the waistband of her shorts, and my balls agonizingly tighten. Instinctively, I move my hand to cover my hardening, just like I’m used to with her, but I can’t completely hide it since she’s sitting right in front of me.

Unintentionally, I peer up to her face, and she has to notice the uncontrollable burning look in my eyes, because her gaze travels to my hand futilely hiding my growing bulge. I could move, but then it would be more obvious, and I can’t move a whole lot without her seeing all of it. Jesus. I didn’t want to hide from her anymore, but if I don’t, she’ll think I’m only thinking of doing one thing. Truth is, I’m thinking of doing more than one thing to her.

Kat blinks, her eyes falling to my bare chest. “Uh… I need to go to the bathroom.” She hurriedly turns away, shaking the bed as she scurries to the edge. I quietly sigh, knowing that this is the new normal for us, even if it wasn’t normal in the first place when it began a few days ago.

When she walks to my side of the bed, I quickly twist around and swing my legs over the side. Leaning forward, I prop my elbows on my legs to bury my hard-on.

Warily looking over at me as she opens her suitcase, Kat says, “I’m going to take a shower.”

I nod and she continues to look uneasy, anxiously playing with her hair and straightening out her shirt. Kat has always been so fucking sexy, but since the first time I’ve been inside her, she’s even sexier to me, and I can’t stop staring at her, which isn’t helping.

She crosses her arms, lifting her tits, which definitely works against me. “Um, so, I’ll need to be in here.” When I continue to stare at her, she clears her throat. “Alone, Jared.”

Blinking out of my trance, I shake my head. “Oh. Um, yeah. Okay.” I ruefully smile, but my smile doesn’t last long. “Sorry.”

Turning from me, she sighs, grabbing things for her shower, and I’m back to watching her every move. Dash was right about one thing. Just watching Kat move around is a potential porno for me waiting to happen.

But it can’t.

When she looks over her shoulder and notices me still on her bed, she asks, “What?”

I give her a lingering look before I shake my head at the floor between my legs. “We can go driving when we get home.”

She quietly says, “Um, maybe tomorrow. I need a break.”

Glancing up at her, I argue, “You’ve only driven once since Wednesday.”

Dangling a dark blue T-shirt in her hand, she counters, “No, I drove with Liberty.”

I irritably scowl, deflating my hard-on. “That doesn’t count.”

“Yes, it does.” She suddenly winces. “I’m not talking about driving, though.”

When it dawns on me what she means, I wince back. “Oh.” I bow my head again and sigh. “Right.”

“Thank you for staying with me.”

I hesitantly peer up at her. “Thank you for letting me.”

“I told you to leave, but you didn’t.”

“I know.”

Kat nods at the door. “You probably should go now before they all think we…”

I derisively laugh. “Honestly. Does it matter what they think after…?” I hang my head again, fucking hating myself for letting Rio’s bitch get to me last night. Things would be so different this morning. I’d be inside Kat, hurtling to our orgasms, instead of inside my head, sprinting to a breakdown.

She heaves a long sigh, and I look up to see her choosing a pair of gray shorts from her suitcase, and idly gazing around the room. “I guess not. The damage has already been done.”

Closing my eyes, I utter, “There’s no
damage
, Kat. It’s
me
they have a problem with. They don’t think any less of you.”

Kat looks at me and sadly says, “But
I
do, Jared.”

Sitting up, I narrow my eyes at her. “You shouldn’t. We didn’t do anything wrong.” I thought it was so right.

“I should, because I kind of exploited
you.”

My forehead wrinkles as I contemplate that. “To get closer to me? All you had to do was ask.” Kat tucks a pair of pink underwear into her pile of clothes, which flashes my mind to tasting her when I licked my fingers.
Goddamn it
.

As I lean forward again, she dubiously frowns. “Ask you for sex? That’s not the way I wanted to get closer to you. I’ve mentioned it before. Talking. Having no more secrets. Being there for each other.” She shakes her head and her frown intensifies. “But why does it matter now?”

“We’re still friends, so it does matter.”

“Do you treat Dash any differently? You don’t tell him everything.”

“He’s different.”

“What about Rio?”

I shake my head, my irritation building. “Not the same.”

“Why not? They’re your best friends. Why would I be any different than them?”

I shrug as her poorly hidden underwear catches my eye. “I don’t know. Maybe they aren’t my best friends.” Fucking hell. I can still taste her. Just thinking about how delicious she’ll taste when I lick inside her…

If I had.

Damn it to Hell.

She asks, “Why do you think that? They would do anything for you, and they do more than you even realize.”

Tightening my fingers together, I tersely answer, “Well, apparently, I’m not doing that great in the friends department.”

She inches closer to the door. “Hopefully, you’ll get better.”

Not caring at the moment, I shrug again. “I doubt I will.”

Kat holds onto her pile of clothes like it’s her lifeline or security blanket. “You’ll also meet new people in Philadelphia.”

“I don’t care.”

“You should care. It’s going to be your new home.”

“I’ll only work there. I’ll still be in Annapolis quite a lot.”

She doubtfully yanks her lips to the side. “It’s not Baltimore. You’ll come back that often for Dash?”

Looking right at her, I say, “Nope. Not him.”

Understanding flickers in her eyes and they blink closed for a few seconds. “Jared…” She shakes her head as her eyes open to me. “I will not be your damn port of call.” I’d think that was funny if she weren’t so serious, thinking that’s what I’m imagining she’d be to me.

Fuck. I’ll need a keg tonight.

Straightening, I say, “You’ve basically said that already, but I was talking about my dad. You know. Try to be a better son, too.”

“Oh.” Kat bites her lip, looking slightly embarrassed that she made a wrong assumption about me.

I smirk, but she doesn’t seem to get that I was teasing, and I sigh. “You, Kat. I’ll be visiting
you
.”

Twisting to the door, she mumbles, “I don’t know, Jared.”

Not wanting Kat to leave yet, I shoot off the bed and go over to her, but don’t get too close. So I don’t touch her, I put my hands on my hips. “We said no regrets. I don’t want to see you wallowing in it.”

Kat mutters to the door, “Maybe it was a mistake.” That was a fucking sledgehammer to my gut.

I shake my head, but she can’t see me since she won’t turn around. “No. I’ll never see it that way.” I close my eyes and plead, “Please, Kat. Say you don’t, either. It’s something that we both wanted to do together for so long.” Something I wanted, at least.

She raspingly whispers, “It was.”

“And we’re friends, and we care about each other, right?” She tightly nods, and I say to the back of her striped head, “Well, how can you regret
us
sleeping together, when you
married
someone you shouldn’t have?”

Warily, she turns to face me, but her expression is stoic. “Because the fallout of my marriage was nothing compared to the fallout of you leaving, or of us having sex. After you left, I cried for months on end, and missed you every fucking day since.”

My jaw drops like a penny from a skyscraper. “Christ. Why, Kat? Why am I that damn significant to you?” I’ve been living the same, miserable way, though. How in the fuck is it possible that we walked similar paths without even knowing?

Her eyes widen and glaze over. “Because you are, Jared. I…” Suddenly, she rapidly blinks and looks to the door again. “I need to take a shower.”

I sigh as Kat promptly leaves the room, leaving me alone. Yet, outside of being in the Nissan with her, I should get used to it because I think she’s altogether done with me.

However, she is fucking delusional if I allow that to happen. This time.

Leaving in her scented wake to go to my room, Dash rounds the corner and we both abruptly stop. He looks me up and down, and since I’m shirtless, I can only imagine what he’s imagining I was doing, and for that, I need several kegs or that nail gun.

“Where were you, Jericho?”

I impatiently glower at him, wanting to mess up his nice and neat hair. Throwing him into the ocean before we leave will remedy that. “Shit. I’ve been here.”

He looks past me and then frowns, whispering, “You slept with Merrick
again
?”

Easily provoked when it comes to Kat, I snap, “Stay out of it.”

He smirks, and I know he’s looking to piss me off. “Maybe you should stay out of
her
.” What the hell?

I grab a handful of his T-shirt, yanking him closer. “You didn’t just fucking say that, Dash.”

He scoffs, “Don’t you remember your little scene last night? So, you
do
owe an explanation of why you were in her room.”

“I slept in the same room as her. That’s all. Is that enough to quench your thirsty curiosity?”

Dash pulls on my arm, but he’s not as strong. “I’m looking out for Kat, Jared.”

I growl, “So am I. Back off.” I let go of him, and try to walk around him, but he steps with me, pissing me off more, which was his goal.

“Hang on. Why would she let you sleep in there with her? Has she forgiven you already?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He slowly nods. “So, no.”

I shove his arm. “Fuck off, Calder.”

Pushing past him, I go into my room, slamming my door, to change and pack, staying in there until I hear Dash and Rio talking about loading the cars.

Taking my suitcase downstairs, Rio looks up from his phone. “Who are you riding with, Jare?”