Authors: Eleanor Webb
"No way," Carla exclaimed as
she grabbed Anne's arm. "So he's your boss. I can see how that would be
a problem. Has he made it difficult for you at work? Is that why you're
quitting?"
"No, he was out of the country
until earlier this week, and I only saw him for a short time on Monday. He
treated me very professionally."
"I see. No, I don't. From what
you said, I think that you want to keep seeing him, but he isn't interested. Have
I got it right, so far?" Anne nodded in agreement then told her what Ben
had accused her of before breaking their relationship off that Saturday. "That's
terrible, Anne. But I can kind of see his side, too. Not that you would ever
do that, but that if past girlfriends always wanted him for other reasons than
him, well, his not knowing that you were the applicant would seem like you were
using him. But this is Ben, Anne. The guy was always crazy about you. If you
want my advice, hang in there because he will eventually come around. He
probably already regrets jumping to the wrong conclusion.
"That's not all, Carla. I'm
pregnant."
"What? You're just telling me now?"
"I just found out for sure this
week. Before that, I thought it was stress from everything."
"That would make you eight weeks, a
month and a half behind me. How are you feeling, otherwise?"
"Fine, I guess. The doctor said I
looked good other than the fact that I looked tired. Carla, what am I going to
do? Ben had other ex-girlfriends who tried to trap him into marriage with
false claims of pregnancy. I can't tell him that I'm pregnant. He will think
that I’m trying to trap him. And I definitely cannot continue to work there. The
last thing I want to do is tell him so that he feels that he has to be the
father to a baby that he doesn't want. And I won't marry him because of it. Not
if he does not love me."
"But you love him," Carla
stated matter-of-factly. "Well, in my opinion, I think you are
underestimating him. He has a right to know that he is going to be a father,
Anne."
"I know, and I'll tell him after
I've left the company."
"Have you decided what you are
going to do for work? You can't work for another research company for the next
year. What are you going to do for money?"
"I plan on writing up my curriculum
vitae this afternoon and sending it to the University and to the Aquarium. I
hope to get some adjunct work teaching and I can do some consulting. And if
that isn't enough, I plan on asking my father."
"There has to be a better way than
asking your father. The last thing you need, especially now, is your father in
your life messing it up." Carla had her lips pursed in distaste at the
mention of Anne's father. She was a true friend, Anne thought. "You told
me how you think Ben will feel, but you haven't told me what you feel. Do you
love Ben?"
"Yes. I had hoped that it would
fade, but it hasn't. It's only gotten worse."
"What about the baby?"
"I'm scared and happy all at the
same time. I keep rubbing my belly to see if there has been any change even
though I know that it is too early. And I talk to the baby. Is that
strange?"
"It sounds perfectly normal to me
because I do the same things. Oh, Anne. This will be great. We will go
through all the stages together, our kids will play together."
From that point on the conversation
turned to pregnancy and babies. Anne and Carla stood back up and continued
their walk, and after they were finished, they walked back to the neighborhood.
Anne stopped at Carla's house to look at paint samples and to try a new recipe
that Carla was testing for lunch. If it was good, she was planning on
presenting it as part of the entree course for a catered fiftieth wedding
anniversary next month. Then they sat on Carla's back patio and drank glasses
of ice water until Gary came home an hour later with Bob in tow.
"Hi, Honey," Carla called out
from the patio.
"Hi! Hey, Anne! You have a
visitor at your house. There is a car in the driveway."
"There is?" Anne put her
water glass down on the table and got up to walk around to the front of the
house to look down the block at the strange silver Lexus sports sedan sitting
in her driveway behind her SUV. Carla came up behind her, something that did
not surprise Anne.
"Is it Ben?"
"I don't know, Carla. I don't know
what kind of car he drives."
"I think that it's him. Go on
home. You can tell me who it is later."
Anne did not bother to say goodbye but
began walking down the street to her house. Her stomach began to jump the
closer she got, and it felt as if her nerves were strung tight, ready to snap
at the slightest provocation. The car blocked her view of her front door, so
she did not see Ben sitting on the front steps until she walked around the back
of his car. He was dressed in old jeans with a hole in the right knee, an old
gray tee shirt, and a ratty old pair of athletic shoes. His hair was a mess,
as if he ran his hands through it several times. Her heart leaped when she saw
him. He stopped looking at his smart phone and stood up immediately when she
came into view. Feeling too nervous to talk, she pulled her key from her
pocket and walked forward until she was only a few feet away from him.
"Hello, Ben," she croaked out
a greeting. She could not make out what he was thinking from his expression.
His face had a guarded look with a burning, intense gaze. He did not greet
her, a fact she noticed because it made the pain in her chest widen to other
parts of her body. She climbed her steps and moved around him to unlock the front
door. Once she had it unlocked, she stepped over the threshold and held the
door open for him to come inside.
"Will you tell me what your
resignation letter is about?" Ben finally asked after he walked in behind
her and stood looking at her in the foyer. He now looked angry, frustrated
actually, and her heart sank. He was here only to confront her about leaving
the company and nothing more.
"I don't think that it will work
out, my being there, working with you." Anne turned and walked into the
kitchen with Ben on her heels. Stopping to pull two water bottles from the
refrigerator, she handed one to him. Ben leaned his backside against the
counter and thanked her gruffly. "I won't sue you or the company, Ben, if
that is what you are worried about. I'll even sign papers waiving my right to
do so if that is what you want."
"I don't give a damn about that,
Anne. Tell me why you want to leave. Rudolph told me you were doing well and
seemed to like the company." He ran a hand through his hair again messing
it up further until the ends stuck straight up. She wanted to brush his hair
down, to touch his face, to touch any part of him. But she could not do it,
not any more. She no longer had the right to do so. Shaking her head sadly,
she put her bottle down on the counter and looked out the patio door at the
sunny deck.
"I do like the company."
Without looking at Ben she walked back
into the living room and sat down on the couch. Ben came in behind her and took
a chair next to her. He looked so good dressed in his jeans and tee shirt. His
eyes looked tired, though, with circles under his eyes, as if he had not slept
for a while.
"Then why?" He clearly looked
frustrated now as he asked her. He no longer looked angry, only worried.
"You know why." It hurt to
keep looking at him so she stared at the fireplace.
He set his water bottle down on a
coaster on the coffee table and ran his hands over his face. When he looked
back at her, his eyes were sad and his lips were frowning.
"I tried to find you that Sunday to
apologize, Anne. I was stupid, so stupid. I know that you did not try to
manipulate your way into the job, that you would never do that. I'm sorry,
Anne. Don't leave because of that." She could hear the sincerity in his
voice. It did not change anything. He still had only wanted a vacation
romance, and now she was pregnant.
"That's not why I'm leaving,
Ben," she spoke softly.
"Then why?" he suddenly
exploded and stood up to pace the floor a few times before he sat back down
again. Anne watched him confused by his agitation. He was the one who called
off their relationship, not her. She hoped he would leave soon because she was
finding the pain of seeing him here wearing on her control.
"Why, Anne? I don't want you to
go." Pain suddenly flashed across his face, and his eyes looked tormented.
"We'll work it out, Anne."
"I can't, Ben. It's too
hard." Her voice caught and she swallowed wishing that she still had her water
bottle. She could not look at him any longer and stared at the fireplace again.
"I tried calling you, Anne, to
explain but you changed your cell phone number right away."
"I changed it to a local number
before I went back to Boston."
"You didn't call me. I asked Jim
to tell you to call me." His voice sounded husky with emotion.
"I threw your card out," she
said quietly. She continued to stare straight ahead but was surprised by the
low moan that came for him. She looked over at him and saw him press the
fingers of his right hand to his eyes. He was silent for several long seconds
before he looked up at her. His eyes were full of sorrow and regret. She
could feel tears behind her eyes and looked away, biting her lower lip with her
teeth. This was much more difficult than she thought it would be.
"Anne," his voice was choked. "I'm
sorry for what I said to you at the inn. You have no idea how sorry I am about
that. But I'll never be sorry for loving you, Anne. Never!"
Anne felt a tear slide down her cheek
and she looked over at Ben. He stood up shakily, kissed the top of her head,
and walked to the front door. The sound of the door closing registered in her
muddled thoughts, and what he said sank in. He loved her! He was gone! He
tells her that then just leaves? She had to stop him before he left.
Jumping up, she ran to her front door,
pulled it open, and stepped onto the front steps. Ben was standing next to his
car with his hands resting on the roof. His head was down, and Anne could see
the muscles of his back and arms flexing as if he was trying to control his
emotions.
"Ben! You can't just tell me that
you love me and leave."
He turned to look at her, and she saw
that his eyes were wet with tears.
"I was planning on coming back
inside. I'm not giving up on us, Anne. We have something special here, and
I'm not giving it up. I don't care about the job. I only care about you."
He stood facing her, preparing for her rejection, daring her to reject him.
"I don't regret loving you,
either." She called out the words and watched the change on his face and
in his stance. He seemed to become taller, more sure, before her eyes.
"I love you, Jane Anne Conner. I
don't want you to leave because I love you. I’ve always loved you." He
waited by his car looking at her, waiting for her response, his heart in his
eyes. They burned with so much fire that she felt it clear down to her bones.
"I love you too, Ben."
As soon as she said the words, he ran
back to the house and scooped her into his arms. They felt so right around her.
She held him tight against her and rested her cheek against his shoulder. He
held her close as he took several deep shaky breaths. She could feel his chest
move with each inhale and exhale, and she could also feel him swallow a lump in
his throat. Finally, she lifted her head and looked up at him. He kissed her
softly with a tender rubbing of his lips over hers. The softness of his kiss
warmed her heart, melting away the last bit of her doubts and resistance, and
she kissed him back until they both were breathless. Then she smiled into his
eyes. They had lost their sad look, and now burned with a renewed and determined
intensity.
She quickly pulled him back into the
house and closed the door. Then taking his hand, she led him to her bedroom,
where he pulled her once again into his arms. The love and desire he felt for
her came through when his mouth found hers again. It touched her heart and stirred
her loins until she could not wait any longer to touch him. She pushed his
shirt up and kissed his chest, loving the feel of his hair against her palms
and lips. He told her he loved her again as he helped her take the shirt off.
Every one of their movements while they undressed each other was followed by
words of love. Oh, how she missed him.
Ben laid her down on the bed and began
to slowly drive her wild with passion and pleasure. He worshipped her body
until she could no longer take the powerful sensations that racked her body, and
she rolled him over so that she could take control of their lovemaking. He
helped position her over his erection and pushed himself inside of her as she
came down until she was full of him. Then she began to move and rode him until
she climaxed around him, her pleasure running through her and transferring to
him. When she became calm again, he rolled her onto her back, never breaking
their connection, and began thrusting again until she reached another climax stronger
than the first while he found his own release inside of her.