The Japanese Devil Fish Girl (22 page)
Read The Japanese Devil Fish Girl Online
Authors: Robert Rankin
‘Darwin and I were thinking to visit the casino,’ she said.
Darwin grinned a simian grin and raised a simian thumb.
‘The casino?’ said George. ‘But I do not have any money.’
‘I do,’ said Ada. ‘And also Darwin. He has put himself in charge of his deceased master’s goods and chattels.’
‘An enterprising ape,’ said George, and thought to himself that if all else failed, he and the professor might well exhibit such an ape to an appreciative public.
The casino of the
Empress of Mars
fairly beggared description. It was decorated all about in the style called erotic-exotique. It certainly outdid the bathing rooms of Cardinal La Motte, or the suave and gracious boudoir of La Marquise du Deffand. It was rich with royal stuffs and furnished with frescoes that would have done justice to the Rabelaisian Abbey of Thélème.
Empress of Mars
fairly beggared description. It was decorated all about in the style called erotic-exotique. It certainly outdid the bathing rooms of Cardinal La Motte, or the suave and gracious boudoir of La Marquise du Deffand. It was rich with royal stuffs and furnished with frescoes that would have done justice to the Rabelaisian Abbey of Thélème.
George kept his gaze low and tried to move with seeming ease and confidence between pillars that arose like hymns in praise of carnal revelry.
Ada Lovelace glanced up at George. ‘Your cheeks are red,’ said she.
George did whispered shushings in reply. ‘The pictures are frankly obscene,’ said he. ‘I cannot believe that images such as these should be on board this ship.’
‘You have clearly not visited the Nympharium,’ said Ada.
‘I do not even know what that means,’ whispered George.
And Ada spoke words into his ear.
‘No!’ said George, growing redder than ever. ‘That is outrageous. No.’
‘The rich will not be denied their indulgences,’ said Ada. ‘But the art displayed here is rather beautiful, to my thinking. It is the work of Mr Aubrey Beardsley, who also designed a lot of the ladies’ fans that you might have seen fluttering about.’
‘What shall we play, then?’ asked George of a sudden. ‘I do not really know how to gamble.’
‘Let us just drift about a little and see what takes our fancy,’ said Ada. ‘Ah, look though, Darwin has already found his way to the Snap table.’
‘The Snap table?’ George Fox asked.
‘Now do not tell me that you don’t know how to play Snap,’ said Ada. ‘Everybody knows how to play Snap.’
‘Snap?’ said George. ‘In a casino? Snap?’
‘There is Snap,’ said Ada, and then she pointed. ‘And over there I see Ludo and there Happy Families, Noughts and Crosses, Snakes and Ladders, Hunt the Thimble and Tiddlywinks. And there is Boggle. Although I confess that I have never quite understood Boggle.’
‘But these are children’s games,’ protested George. ‘I had assumed that there would be roulette and poker and pontoon.’
‘I have never heard of those,’ said Ada. ‘Let’s watch Darwin playing.’
Darwin the monkey butler gave a good account of himself at the Snap table. He won five rounds in succession, but was then out-snapped by the dealer, whom George recognised almost at once to be none other than the wine waiter he now so regularly encountered.
‘What is your name?’ enquired George. ‘We meet up so often, I feel I should address you by name.’
The wine waiter/dealer wore a decorated golden turban and matching robes. The casino staff look was distinctive. He wiggled a gloved hand at George and counselled silence.
‘I cannot speak now, sir, I—’
‘Snap!’ went Darwin.
And, ‘Snap!’ went the dealer also.
‘The monkey won that one,’ said George.
‘You distracted me,’ complained the dealer. ‘Please do not speak when I’m playing, it—’
‘Snap!’ went Darwin once more.
‘And he definitely won that one,’ said George.
‘Sir, I must ask you not to speak at the table,’ said the dealer, ‘because I—’
‘Snap!’ went Darwin once more again.
‘That was never Snap,’ cried the dealer. ‘That was a two and a three. You cannot call Snap on a two and a three.’
‘It was two twos,’ said George. ‘You laid that three after the monkey called Snap.’
‘I did nothing of the kind, I—’
‘Snap!’ went Darwin.
‘Stop it!’ cried the dealer, flinging his cards to the table. ‘I cannot concentrate on the game when someone is constantly distracting me. It is outrageous.’
‘I am sorry,’ said George. ‘I did not mean to upset you.’
‘It is all too much.’ The dealer now kicked at the Snap table, hurting his toes and resulting in much comedic hopping about.
‘Calm yourself down,’ said George.
‘Snap!’ went Darwin one more time and loudly.
‘I resign,’ shouted the dealer. ‘Here, take all the money, I don’t care. I have had enough.’ And with that said he thrust piles of gambling chips in Darwin’s direction, tore off his turban and flung it to the inlaid floor and flounced from the casino in the very worst of moods.
George stared after him, then turned back to the Snap table, rubbed his palms together and sought to avail himself of the dealer’s largesse.
‘Ah, sorry now, sir, but we cannot have
that
.’ Another young man in casino livery stepped swiftly behind the table and drew the gambling chips beyond George’s reach. ‘That boy will receive the thrashing he deserves. My apologies for his behaviour, sir, but what can one expect when one employs Austrians?’
that
.’ Another young man in casino livery stepped swiftly behind the table and drew the gambling chips beyond George’s reach. ‘That boy will receive the thrashing he deserves. My apologies for his behaviour, sir, but what can one expect when one employs Austrians?’
‘Austrians?’ queried George. ‘He did not have an Austrian accent.’
‘And what, pray, does an Austrian accent sound like, sir?’
‘Fair enough,’ said George. ‘And I never did learn his name.’
‘His name is Hitler,’ said the new dealer. ‘Adolf Hitler, the little tyke, he’ll come to no good, mark my words.’
George smiled at Ada who smiled back at him. ‘I am sure there is some lesson to be learned from all of this,’ George told her, ‘but for the very life of me I have absolutely no idea just what it might be.’
‘Do you fancy a game of Marbles?’ asked Ada.
‘I certainly do,’ said George.
And so they spent a pleasant hour or two. There were some moments, however, that were slightly less pleasant. Such as when Darwin the monkey butler was caught cheating at Hopscotch and was escorted from the casino. Or when he returned shortly afterwards with something very much less than pleasant in his hairy hand and proceeded to hurl it into the face of the casino’s horrified Hopscotcher.
George and Ada turned away their faces. George suggested they should take their leave.
Once more upon the promenade deck, in steamer chairs with cocktails and cakes, George toasted Ada and remarked that he had had a most entertaining afternoon and thank you very much for it.
Ada flashed her emerald eyes and took to counting money.
‘You did rather well at the casino,’ said George. ‘Your skills at Happy Families would seem to be unrivalled. Winning that last big pot was a triumph. I thought the dealer was going to win and he would have done too if he had been able to come up with all of the Baker’s family. Luck was also on your side, it would seem.’
‘So it would seem,’ agreed Ada. But as she continued with her money counting, George was somewhat saddened to see several cards fall from her lace-cuffed sleeve. Master Bun the Baker’s son being one of them.
Darwin the monkey butler came bouncing along the deck.
‘I hope you have washed your hands,’ George said to him.
The monkey butler grinned at George and helped himself to a cake.
‘I must go and powder my nose,’ said Ada Lovelace. ‘Do not let Darwin eat any more cakes – I want the chocolate eclair.’
She rose from her chair and smiled down at George, then stopped and kissed his cheek.
‘I like being with you, George,’ she said. ‘I like you very much.’
George looked on as she walked away and a small tear formed in his eye. For George Fox knew more than anything else that he was in love with Ada.
Ahead crackled something of a storm. High, dark clouds upon the horizon. And there was of a sudden a certain chill to the air and George hunched his shoulders and rubbed his hands together and wondered much regarding the future.
The
Empress of Mars
boasted to the most luxurious Ladies’ Accommodation. Etched-glass mirrors and faux marble fixtures and fittings of brass and of copper. Specific needs such as the unlacing and relacing of corsetry were attended to by a female servant, the ‘feminine needs facilitator’, known colloquially as the ‘toilette fairy’. The toilette fairy was not in residence upon this particular afternoon, but Ada Lovelace, skilled in lace-work of her own corset, had no need for her.
Empress of Mars
boasted to the most luxurious Ladies’ Accommodation. Etched-glass mirrors and faux marble fixtures and fittings of brass and of copper. Specific needs such as the unlacing and relacing of corsetry were attended to by a female servant, the ‘feminine needs facilitator’, known colloquially as the ‘toilette fairy’. The toilette fairy was not in residence upon this particular afternoon, but Ada Lovelace, skilled in lace-work of her own corset, had no need for her.
Ada repaired to the cubicle and did what ladies do.
She tugged at the ivory handle of the Rupert Fairglass Patent Sanitizing Ceramic-bowl-de-fustigator, set herself to decency and emerged from the cubicle.
To find herself most unexpectedly confronted by Professor Cagliostro Coffin.
‘You see, Darwin,’ George told the monkey butler, ‘it could be a most wonderful world, wonderful
worlds
in fact, if people just took time to care for each other rather than be so nasty.’
worlds
in fact, if people just took time to care for each other rather than be so nasty.’
Darwin nodded his hairy head. His thoughts were, however, elsewhere.
‘Take yourself as an example,’ said George. ‘I expect you would rather be back in the jungle, swinging about in the trees with your relatives.’
Darwin, who had been born in Brentford and preferred the wearing of fine livery and kid gloves to the prospect of naked ramblings in treetops, had no comment to make.
‘You are discriminated against because you are not human,’ said George. ‘Folk look down on you. Not
me
, of course, but other folk do, trust me on this. Everybody seems to be suspicious of everybody else and if there are folk who are different, then they get treated badly.’ George had something of a bee in his top-hat bonnet and as Darwin made no objection to his diatribe, George continued with it.
me
, of course, but other folk do, trust me on this. Everybody seems to be suspicious of everybody else and if there are folk who are different, then they get treated badly.’ George had something of a bee in his top-hat bonnet and as Darwin made no objection to his diatribe, George continued with it.
‘I am supposedly on a sacred quest,’ he said. ‘A prophecy was made to me. My fate, it seems, is sealed. And maybe that is true. But the more I see of this world, the less I like it. I do not think I have enjoyed this journey.’
‘Not enjoyed the journey?’
At the sound of these words George looked up, to view the smiling professor. ‘We are near our goal,’ said he to George. ‘Trust me, all will be well.’
‘Trust?’ said George, in reply to this. ‘I am having trouble with trust.’
‘You do too much thinking, my boy. Too much cerebral concentration gives rise to an anxious disposition. Follow my lead and be joyous in your outlook.’ Professor Coffin did a little dance. ‘We are a happy crowd of travellers and must put all differences aside if we are to succeed in our goal. Do you not agree with me, dear Ada?’
George looked beyond the professor. He had not seen Ada return.
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