The Invisible Papers (7 page)
Closing his or her eyes, trying to breathe easily and steadily. One wonders if they’ll be able to stay awake for much longer. The sunset doesn’t bother them, not even a “smidge”. In fact one loves the dark, one loves the night. Night people. Darkness’ shroud is like warm milk. Straighten one’s back to look Death in the eye even though he’s still far away over the horizon. It never hurts to be prepared though! Who knows, maybe Death is tall and can spot him or her from such a distance and is looking to snatch a sloucher instead of a “stand up guy”. Do you know if there’s a hotline one can call to find out? Is Death on the internet? Available for consultation only at midnight perhaps? Does Death have an e-mail account? How about Twitter? Maybe Death is making a little money on the side by selling wares from the souls He’s claimed on eBay for all we know! The souls though, what happens to the souls?
Existence and souls, where do souls go and how do magnets work? Don’t let that obscure low-brow cultural reference turn you away because there won’t be many of them. The Internet generation knows so many more useless facts, anecdotes and silly jokes than any prior generation! Do souls take up arms in preparation for the journey of leaving their vessels and heading towards wherever it is they will end up? Are there soul hunters standing in their way? Do souls get mugged on the way to heaven? Are there any bullies in purgatory? Is Hell really just an all-inclusive resort vacation in North Korea? Clouds ever gray with food ever bland? The Dear Leader constantly revered? Is the trade-off a cozy bed with simple yet endearing television programming? Why would you need anything exciting anyway? Excitement is overrated!
One has come to the conclusion that they’ve reached their absolute limit in regards to your insistency and forceful opinions. Truthfully one is so far passed his or her limit and beyond aggravation that it’s safe to say they’ve figuratively left the building! If this issue presents itself to him or her in a literal fashion then they’ll be happy to demonstrate what “leaving the building” actually looks like! The past is what it was, that was then and this is now. How much longer will you go through life correcting other people’s feelings and perspectives on a matter? It’s one thing to share your differing views however one has no qualms with biting back if you try to sit on them!
How was your day? How was their day? It was long, wasn’t it? How were the day’s feelings toward you though? Can a day really belong to you or them or anyone at all? Aren’t we just fooling ourselves with such thoughts? Not only is there self-inflicted trickery but there’s pain and anguish as well! If the day were truly ours then wouldn’t it bend to our will? Alas, it’s not ours. We live according to its whim and he or she loves it that way!
Let’s fill up a few more lines before lunchtime, let’s tell our minds that we’ve done enough and maybe even went the extra mile! Let’s all put a smile on our faces knowing that we’ve satisfied the requirements of our Masters. Isn’t it nice to be an upstanding citizen? Isn’t it nice to be law-abiding and nonconfrontational? Nobody likes confrontation and they hate a troublemaker that much more! Keep your questions to yourself Sir. One doesn’t have the answers you seek and you really shouldn’t be asking those questions anyway! Good day to you Sir, good day.
Chapter 13
It’s all gravy from here on in! They surpassed a threshold that he or she dreaded for a very long time, at the moment one’s foot rightly stepped well beyond that line they flailed their arms up high and screamed, “Hallelujah!” Correction, “Hail Satan!” Humorous? Probably not however they definitely thought so! Who knows? Do you? Does anyone know for certain? Nope, nah, no way, absolutely not! It’s impossible to tell and impossible to determine. Deciphering won’t work either, friend. Just let it be and let it go. Let it happen and let it flow! No one knows where the chocolate comes from yet all the while that caramel is still hiding away, way, way far from the vanilla.
Things that you could never predict, planning and arranging things that seem trivial, is it because one has nothing else to spend his or her time on? How can they do something worthwhile if he or she has no idea what is worthy? One tries not to overthink things believe it or not, they’re only posing these questions in preparation for trial, public lynching, the court of public opinion. Hobbies are great! Whether one is approved or disapproved of, certain pastimes never fail to cheer him or her up. One wonders if there is anything else he or she can do to further their role, their soul or spirit in this race toward the finish?
All they’ve got are a few more words left to go until he or she reaches the end. What end? Probably not the end you’re thinking of. Let them just keep you in the dark and consider yourself warned! He or she will snap a photograph of a dreamcatcher and call it art. One has all the tools they need yet they yearn for more because they’re all just frivolities, toys and distractions. Oh how wonderful it is to be content with what one has!
Hurrying and trying to sneak in a few more words before stepping out. One needs to give solace to the voice in their head! One needs to feed the hunger in his or her stomach! Hopefully these few words will ease its pangs. They want a little comfort and a little peace, just for the next forty-five minutes please. Already the relief is now beginning to rise, the sky is clearing and the horizon is whitening. The pink, orange and blackness that is on the edge of it all is fading. Oh, oh, oh how nice, nice, nice. It’s all so fantastic. What is? One doesn’t know.
Here we are with a few more lines. Let’s feed the beast quickly before it bites! One wants to do about five things at once. He or she may be exaggerating, it’s more like two things. Yes just two. However small in number that seems, it’s practically impossible nevertheless! Just try it yourself! You may trick yourself into believing you are accomplishing such a feat but in reality you are only doing something one at a time, abruptly switching over from task to task all the while sacrificing the overall quality of your work! Is one right? Secrets can ruin your life and those of others along with it. Secrets come in all shapes and sizes, they can be good or bad, believe it or not. When a good secret is revealed it’s possible that it may bring about negative consequences, the results are independent of its nature. What’s the point of this digression? Maybe digression in and of itself is just one other spice on the spice rack of life? Goodbyes can bring out such deep emotions. Tears, heavy hearts and yet they are sweet in their own way. One would rather they rip him or her apart than to never be given the opportunity to experience such a wonderfully profound moment that comes about from time to time in this life!
We love you all, every single one of you! Thank you for bringing us so much joy. Thank you even for the tears. Is there not enough words to describe our appreciation? Unlikely, but we will forever endeavour to try! A few more forced and squeezed out examples, letters and phrases to please the muse with fangs as sharp as razors. Let them sleep peacefully please! Have mercy on their souls!
Let’s get this show on the road! One probably said that already somewhere but shows aren’t continuous nor forever. Sometimes they end and tear down, pack up and move on to the next town to do it all over again! Consider today the next town. Wait, not far enough… The next country! Possibly even a whole new continent! How does that sound buddy? Everyone likes new continents, they’re a fresh start on a magnum level. Do you know what would be even more awesome? A fresh new show on an entirely new world! A different planet than the one we know… Where can one buy the next ticket off this popsicle stand? This heap of fleas! It’s easier to confront change if you turn all that you are leaving into an inferior and negative element. It is unlikely to be the healthiest or most honest way of transitioning but it works for us!
Here’s to you! Here’s to them! Here’s to time running out on all of us and pushing us and our guilt buttons into doing more and more and more. We have no choice here, in this matter we are absolutely imprisoned! Even if one could escape they’d have no idea where to go and he or she probably wouldn’t even want to leave! They are like one of those gorillas in captivity that is so accustomed to being a slave that his or her cage is unlocked but they still remain.
Such intense feelings come about. One basically invested weeks and weeks of mindshare into a complete fiction even though it was filled with beauty! One actually shed a tear and felt a deep welling up inside him or her. Literally it was a wish for this moment not to be, a wish from his or her depths to not be witnessing this occasion. Would you mind turning back time or simply ceasing this event from existence altogether? All things must come to an end whether good or bad, they do end. Oh how celebrated you are and will be. One is proud to be standing here leading the march, at least in their heart. You will never die as long as we shall live! One’s memory is the reel, their words and voice is the projector, we are the canvas. Let one take just a bit more of your precious time to illustrate this point. Let one try his or her hardest to hit this home. Has it worked?
He or she needs to keep busy and occupied and thoughtful or else their aching heart will tear them apart! So here they are, repeating any old trick he or she can think of and moving their fingers attached to bones, muscles, neurones and anything else one missed! It’s absolutely beautiful, the angle and colour and shot that a camera could display when in good hands that is. When done right, the view transmitted to the audience is magical and can be transcendental! It provides solace! There is nothing else one can do to mask or destroy this feeling they’re having. It’s all a pastime, one big hobby, one big lie! The only way to grow is to feel. If the only way to move forward is to crawl through the glass laid out before us, so be it.
Sitting in the dark with a dim light in the distance, it’s beige. It’s a bit damp and he or she thinks there’s a smell in the air because of it. This happens every so often, sometimes once a week. It’s tolerable but never comfortable, even bittersweet perhaps. The level of acceptance can vary depending on whether you’ve had enough water to drink and food to eat that day. Intoxicants never work. He or she thinks they’ll use this time to catch up on their very favourite stories. A detective and a journalist alone in a cabin. Want to hear more? Sorry, you’re going to have to discover it for yourself, get lost in it yourself. He or she likes to keep their best kept secrets just the way they are, secret. The colour is gray, the wind is cold and the wardrobe is black. One is home!
One is absolutely done with feeling guilty. They don’t like it and they refuse to perpetuate this self-mutilation of the spirit. We choose to feel comfortable with who we are and we’ll also avoid looking for approval and reassurance in this especially when we already feel it within ourselves. If one feels fine why should he or she confirm such a thing with you? No, thank you.
If only they could see us now, wasting pages like the rainforest is at full health, just look at us now! Withdrawal from too much TV. Squeezing words in only where it is comfortable to do so otherwise one just won’t be able to continue. Sure, one may run out of road soon but they’ve already got their eye on the next interchange and the exit on the horizon!
One is liberally filling up areas which could handle more weight, all for comfort they say! Consider it a tad rushed though, more like a spice that can be frivolously added without harming the dish but sparing use still delivers an agreeable taste. One is trying to keep it fluid here at a nice pace, let’s keep it real, creative and fresh.
Chapter 14
They’re keeping it real, keeping it righteous. They’ll deliver guilt onto you thicker than religious guilt ever might, similarly how a priest gets his minions to do his bidding. One loves the feeling of settling into a session of transcription, writing or research. Especially when using a clean pad and pen on a writing surface well maintained and free of clutter and even smartly colour matched! Let one sit under lamp light by a window at night wearing a robe, freshly showered, full of hope and on a full stomach no less!
Ah yes, it’s the ideal time to make new decisions and reconsider old ones. Metal, writing, Metal and writing or any pastime really! So many things simply go fantastically with Metal. One is not ashamed, he or she just brings out what needs to emerge. Trying his or her best to empty out, pour out onto the sidewalk all that’s left from or all that is! There is no specification as to what defines “from”, there is no source here. There may not even be an end. No end and no beginning and no highfalutin philosophy following close behind it either.
This is great guys and we should do this more often! Let’s make it a habit, a weekly get together! Wonderful.
We gave it a shot but it’s time to ask for directions. We need some mindless tales to help us stay awake tonight on this lonely road, let’s hope we can make it in one piece. They’ve got some weapons to keep them safe, do you? Are you willing, ready and able to use them? To do what it takes to protect yourself and stay alive? Survive? Let’s wait and see!
Soon winter will fall and snow will come, they can’t wait. Let it cover them! Bury him or her alive! Let one die in a snowflake coffin cold and blue, white and humid. Let’s turn that frown upside down with an ice cake or with snowball desserts. Nonsense or “below freezing terminology”. There’s absolutely no way one can break away from this literary theme for the next five minutes.
Let them tell you a secret, okay? All right then, they’ll get back to you with it in about a month, just leave your coordinates at the desk on your way out. Okay that’s enough, please leave him or her alone, it’s time to check out. One admires your positivity but he or she doesn’t share your attitude. Good day Sir.
One admits that they’re totally addicted to nonaddictive substances, activities and ideas. He or she just can’t refuse this or you, right now or ever. There is no peace in them or around them and no matter how hard one looks he or she is unable to find it. Maybe you could help them? They’ll just leave his or her coordinates at your desk on their way out and hope for the best! Now is the time to take advantage of your kindness and generosity. Here is the playing field where your dreams and morals will be corrupted. Everything you shared with him or her will now be used against you! Part of you knew this outcome were possible yet you persevered anyway in the hopes they’d change their mind or forget about it or simply be nice to you. You were wrong, so sorely mistaken that you’ll never be fooled the same way again!