The Infatuation (Josh and Kat #1 , The Club #5) (25 page)

I squint at Josh. “So that’s the sum total of your
advice on how to bag a babe, huh? Dick it up, dig in your heels,
don’t act desperate, and keep your eye on the prize?”

“Yeah, pretty much. That and
always
wear
cologne. Women are highly sensory creatures. You gotta overwhelm
all their senses—sight, sound, smell, touch. It’s primal.” One side
of his mouth tilts up.

“Okay, this I understand,” Henn says. “Wear cologne.
That’s something I can actually do.”

“Well, as long as it’s the
right
cologne,
yes,” I say. “Wear the wrong cologne, and you’re sunk. The wrong
cologne is worse than no cologne at all.”

That cocky grin isn’t going anywhere. “Oh really?
Well, what about mine, for instance? Right or wrong?”

I hate to give him the satisfaction, but the truth
is the truth. “Very, very
right
.” I say. I inhale deeply as
if I’m taking in his scent from across the table.

Josh barks the name of his cologne at Henn. “Write
that down, man. You heard the woman—she likes my cologne
a
lot
.” He licks his lips, assessing me. “Actually, you know
what, Henn? If you’re gonna get advice on how to bag a babe from
anyone, you should get it from Kat. She’s probably the world’s
foremost expert.”

I narrow my eyes. What does that mean? Did he just
call me a slut? Or does he think I’m bisexual? “No, I think Josh
has lots and lots more experience bagging
babes
than
me.”

Josh rolls his eyes. “Testy, testy. Jeez. What I
mean is that you’re a babe, so best to ask you. Actually, you’re
the best of both worlds. You’ve got a
vagina
(so I’m
told—I’m still not sure I believe it)
and
you’ve got four
brothers, too. So as a woman
and
an honorary dude, you can
give our beloved Henny the female
and
male perspectives on
babe-baggery. Shit, with those credentials, you could probably
teach a Learning Annex seminar on the subject, maybe even a
twelve-week course.”

I smile broadly. “Thank you for recognizing my
expertise.”

Josh nods. “Plus, you’re demonic as hell. If he’s
gonna learn the ropes, best if he learns from an instructor who
blows shit up, rather than one who plays by the rules. No one ever
learned a damned thing from following The Rules. Ever. Am I
right?”

I shoot him my most demonic look. “Well, actually,
yeah, we’re definitely in agreement about that.”

Josh grins.

“Well, all right, then.” I turn my attention to
Henn, popping up from my chair. “Get up, Henny. We’re gonna
role-play.” I let my eyes drift suggestively to Josh. “One of my
very favorite things to do, actually.” I wink.

The smoldering look on Josh’s face tells me he
understands my meaning just fine.

“Come on, Henn. Get up
.
”

Henn stands warily.

“Okay. We’re at a bar. You see me from across the
room. You’re interested in me. Go.”

“
Go
?”

“Yeah, go. Do what you’d normally do when you see a
babe at a bar.”

“You want me to do what I usually do when I see a
really pretty girl at a bar?”

“Correct.”

Henn shrugs, beelines to the front door of the
suite, opens the door, and leaves the room. Josh and I look at each
other and burst out laughing. After a beat, there’s a soft knock at
the front door and Josh strides to it, still laughing.

“Thanks,” Henn says, re-entering the room. “Damn
door locked behind me.”

I’m laughing so hard, I’m crying. “Oh, Henny, you’re
hilare.”

“I think maybe my strategy needs a little
fine-tuning,” Henn says.

“Just a little,” I agree. “Okay, so approach me.
Come on. Pretend I’m a girl you’re interested in.”

“Well, that’s not hard to do,” he mutters.

“Come on. Just be yourself.”

Henn stares at me for a long minute and then throws
up his hands. “I have no fucking idea what to do.” He plops himself
into a chair.

“Don’t overthink it. The truth is, it doesn’t
actually matter what you say to a woman—it’s all in your attitude.
You know how in public speaking, they say to imagine your audience
naked?”

“Yeah. You’re saying I should imagine you naked?
Oops. Too late. I just did.” His face turns bright red. “Confession
time: that wasn’t the first time I’ve done that. Sorry.”

I laugh. “No, no, no. Don’t imagine the babe
naked—you’ll get too flustered. Instead, just imagine your dick is
so big, it drags on the ground.” I glance at Josh pointedly and he
shoots me a naughty smile.

“Do you have any advice that’s a bit more
concrete
than that?” Henn asks. “Imagining my dick is
dragging on the ground seems a bit
esoteric
.”

I laugh. “Okay, I’ve got a great rule of thumb for
you,” I say. “Every time you open your mouth to talk to a woman
you’re interested in—a
babe
you wanna bag—ask yourself this
question: ‘Is what I’m about to say more or less likely to get me a
blowjob?’ If the answer is yes, then say it—but if the answer is
no, then shut the fuck up.”

Josh bursts out laughing.

“Whoa,” Henn says.

“Words to live by,” Josh says. “Did one of your
brothers come up with that little gem?”

“No. That’s all me.”

“Damn,” Josh says. “I think we just discovered who
of the three of us is the
real
fucking genius.
Damn
.”

“If all men knew that one simple rule,” I continue,
“the world would be a much happier place.”

“Fuck yeah,” Josh agrees. “For everyone.” He spreads
his legs and reaches under the table, presumably adjusting his dick
in his pants. “What other tips you got, Madame Professor? I must
admit, I’m finding your lesson plan highly educational.”

“That’s it. I’m done talking. Now it’s time for
Henny to learn through
doing.
Come on, Henny. Get up. It’s
role-play time.”

Henn scowls at me.

“Oh, come on. This is for your own good. Try to pick
me up, using all the advice I just gave you.”

Henn grimaces.

“Get up. Come on,” I say.

Henn begrudgingly stands.

“Okay. We’re in a bar. I’m a babe you’re interested
in bagging.
Go
.”

“Bars aren’t really my thing, actually. I have a lot
more success at places like, you know, Starbucks. Gimme a woman
with a laptop in Starbucks, preferably a cute little brunette with
glasses, and I’m Don Juan.”

“Okay. Fine. We’re in Starbucks. I’ve got a laptop.
Go.
”

“Brown hair and glasses?”

“You bet. Now
go
.”

“Well, is your laptop a Mac or a PC?”

I make a face. “Whichever. That’s not important.
Go
.”

“Not
important
? Are you
mad
?”

“Okay, fine.” I roll my eyes. “A Mac. Now,
go
.”

“Can you be more specific, please? What model? A Mac
Book Pro? Or a Mac Book Air? And how many gigabytes of memory?”

“Holy Filibuster, Batman!” I shout.

Josh laughs.

“No more stalling, Henn,” I say. “Come on.
Goooooooooo
.”

“
Fine
.” He closes his eyes briefly, and when
he opens them, he’s clearly got his Casanova face on. “Um. Oh, hi
there, pretty brunette lady with glasses. I’m Hennessy. I was
wondering, is your name ‘Wi Fi’ by any chance?”

I make a face. “Is my name ‘
Wi Fi
’?” I ask,
not comprehending his meaning.

“Yeah, because I really feel a
connection
to
you.”

We all laugh together.

“I told you, I have no idea,” Henn says, smiling
shyly. “The initial approach is the hardest thing for me.”

“You just have to act like it’s a foregone
conclusion,” Josh says. “Make her think it’s her lucky day you’ve
graced her with your attention.”

I roll my eyes. “Oh, this I gotta see. Show us how
you do it, Playboy.”

“Oh, you wanna see how I do it, huh?”

“Hell yeah. Razzle-dazzle us, Playboy.”

He smirks. “You sure you can handle it?”

“Pretty sure.”

“Okay, I’ll show you the Playboy razzle-dazzle, but
I gotta warn you, even in role-play, it’s gonna make you wanna
sleep with me.”

“I’ll risk it.”

“Just sayin’—you’ve been warned.”

“I’ll risk it,” I say again.

“I think you should sign a waiver first.”

I roll my eyes. “Just give it to me already.”

“That’s exactly what you’ll say after I show you the
Playboy razzle-dazzle.”

I laugh. “We’ll see about that. Come on.”

“Fine. But we’re at a bar, not Starbucks. At least
let me play on my home turf.”

“Okay,” I say. “We’re at a bar.
Go
.”

Josh slowly gets up from his chair and sidles up to
me, taking his sweet time.

“Hey, beautiful,” he says smoothly. “I’m Josh.” He
puts out his hand.

I take his hand. “Hi, I’m Kat.”

He leans into me, close enough for me to get a whiff
of his cologne, and my knees instantly go weak.

He whispers softly into my ear. “What are you
drinking, Kat?”

My clit zings. “A mojito,” I choke out.

He turns to Henn. “Hey, bartender, another mojito
for the gorgeous lady with the sexy little cleft in her chin.” He
looks at me and levels me with a dark blue smolder that makes my
clit pound like a jackhammer. “You ready to get out of here,
sweetheart? Because I’m in the mood to make you feel so fucking
good,” he whispers, almost inaudibly, skimming his hand down my
arm. “Before you answer, you should know: I’ve got a huge dick and
I know exactly how to use it to make you scream. All you need to
decide is whether you wanna have the night of your life.”

There’s a long beat during which I feel warm wetness
literally ooze into the crotch of my panties.

“What do you say, honey? You ready to go?”

I nod.

“Let’s go.”

He holds out his hand and I take it.

All of a sudden, I want one thing: for Josh to pull
me out the door and straight to my room. But, instead, Josh
releases my hand and turns to Henn, smiling.

“Badah-bing-badah-boom,” he says. “Easy peasy. Now
you try it. Just like that.”

“Ummmmmmmm,” Henn says. “Could you be serious,
please? I actually wanna know what you do, no kidding around.”

“I wasn’t kidding around. That’s what I do.”

Henn laughs. “Come on, Josh.”

Josh whips his attention onto me. “Kat, in all
seriousness—would that have worked on you if I did it just like
that?”

“In all seriousness?” I say. Oh man, my heart is
racing out of my chest. “
Hell yes
.”

“See?” Josh says. He shrugs. “Success with
babe-baggery is all about confidence. Everything else is
secondary.” He sits back down, a cocky grin on his face. “Thank
you, Kat.” He winks. “You’re excellent at role-play—not
surprisingly.”

I sit back down, flustered.

“It always boils down to confidence,” Josh says. “Am
I right, Madame Professor?”

“Yeah,” I say, struggling to regain my composure. Oh
shit. There’s a deep, dull ache in my abdomen that won’t go away. I
clear my throat. “But don’t forget, Josh, getting the babe hooked
on the line is only the first step—then you’ve actually got to be
able to
deliver
on all that bravado or else you’re sunk.” I
shoot Josh a smart-ass look that, hopefully, says, “You’re full of
shit.”

Josh’s eyes are brimming with confidence. “Well,
duh. It goes without saying a guy’s gotta be able to deliver on
everything he promises—that’s where true confidence comes from,
being able to walk the walk.” He winks. “‘Under-promise and
over-perform,’ I always say. And believe me, I just under-promised
on what I can perform.”

Oh holy hell. I can’t breathe.

“So let’s start simple, then,” Josh says to Henn.
“The first step is being able to kiss a woman like a boss. For
women, kissing is everything—you gotta be able to curl her toes,
man. From there, all good things will come to you. Kiss a woman
right, she’ll be begging you for more. Am I right, Madame
Professor?”

I shoot Josh a pointed look. “Yep. No doubt about
it. Begging.”

Josh bites his lip.

“Well, no sweat, guys. Because I happen to be a
fantastic kisser.”

“Really?” I ask, surprised.

“Yup.”

“
Fantastic
?”

“Well, okay, maybe not
fantastic.
But pretty
damned good.”

“What’s your technique?”

“My
technique
? Well, I can’t
describe
it. It’s a show-me-don’t-tell-me kind of thing.”

“Well, you gotta give me something to work with
here, Henny. How else am I gonna be able to give you feedback?”

“I can’t describe it,” Henn says, shrugging his
shoulders. “You’ll just have to trust me.”

“Try explaining it to me, Henn,” I say. “Josh is
right—that first kiss can make or break you—lead you to the
Promised Land or sink you like a stone.” I flash Josh a smart-ass
look. “You gotta get it right.”

Josh squints at me. “Yeah, Kat’s right. But that’s
only because women sometimes place ridiculous importance on what
should be a simple kiss—irrational, ridiculous, stupid
importance—when they should just chill out and go with the flow and
stop acting like a fucking terrorist.”

“Jesus, Josh,” Henn says.

Josh’s eyes are locked with mine. I squint at him,
and he returns the gesture.

“Why don’t you just
show
her, bro?” Josh
says, still looking at me. “That’s the simplest way for us to
approach this.”

My face involuntarily morphs into a “what the fuck”
look.

“You don’t mind, do you, Kat?” Josh asks evenly.

“You mean... you want me to . . .?” Henn asks.

“Yeah, why not?” Josh says. “Unless, of course,
Kat’s gonna require you to reveal all your secrets in order to kiss
her?”

I narrow my eyes at Josh and then whip my head to
look at Henn. “I think it’s a great idea for you to kiss me. How
else are we gonna know if you’ve got the right technique?”