The Iceman Cometh (9 page)

HOPE

His smiling face congealing
.

No, you don’t!

Acidly
.

Any time you only take one sip of a drink, you’ll have lockjaw and paralysis! Think you can kid me with those old circus con games?—

me, that’s known you since you was knee-high, and, bejees, you was

a crook even then!

MCGLOIN

Grinning
.

It’s not like you to be so hard-hearted, Harry. Sure, it’s hot, parching work laughing at your jokes so early in the morning on an empty stomach!

HOPE

Yah! You, Mac! Another crook! Who asked you to laugh? We was talking about poor old Bessie, and you and her no-good brother start to laugh! A hell of a thing! Talking mush about her, too! “Good old Bess.” Bejees, she’d never forgive me if she knew I had you two bums living in her flat, throwing ashes and cigar butts on her carpet. You know her opinion of you, Mac. “That Pat McGloin is the biggest drunken grafter that ever disgraced the police force,” she used to say to me. “I hope they send him to Sing Sing for life.”

MCGLOIN

Unperturbed
.

She didn’t mean it. She was angry at me because you used to get me drunk. But Bess had a heart of gold underneath her sharpness. She knew I was innocent of all the charges.

WILLIE

Jumps to his feet drunkenly and points a finger
atmcgloin—
imitating the manner of a cross-examiner
—
coldly
.

One moment, please. Lieutenant McGloin! Are you aware you are under oath? Do you realize what the penalty for perjury is?
Purringly
.

Come now, Lieutenant, isn’t it a fact that you’re as guilty as hell? No, don’t say, “How about your old man?” I am asking the questions. The fact that he was a crooked old bucket-shop bastard has no bearing on your case.

With a change to maudlin joviality
.

Gentlemen of the Jury, court will now recess while the D. A. sings out a little ditty he learned at Harvard. It was composed in a wanton moment by the Dean of the Divinity School on a moonlight night in July, 1776, while sobering up in a Turkish bath.

He sings
.

“Oh, come up,” she cried, “my sailor lad,

And you and I’ll agree.

And I’ll show you the prettiest

Rap, rap, rap on table
.

That ever you did see.”

Suddenly he catches
HOPE’s
eyes fixed on him condemningly, and sees
rocky
appearing from the bar. He co
lla
pses back on his chair, pleading miserably
.

Please, Harry! I’ll be quiet! Don’t make Rocky bounce me upstairs! I’ll go crazy alone!

To
mcgloin.

I apologize, Mac. Don’t get sore. I was only kidding you.

ROCKY
,
at a relenting glance from
hope,
returns to the bar
.

MCGLOIN

Good-naturedly
.

Sure, kid all you like, Willie. I’m hardened to it.

He pauses
—
seriously
.

But I’m telling you some day before long I’m going to make them reopen my case. Everyone knows there was no real evidence against me, and I took the fall for the ones higher up. I’ll be found innocent this time and reinstated.

Wistfully
.

I’d like to have my old job on the Force back. The boys tell me there’s

fine pickings these days, and I’m not getting rich here, sitting with

a parched throat waiting for Harry Hope to buy a drink.

He glances reproachfully
at
HOPE
.

WILLIE

Of course, you’ll be reinstated, Mac. All you need is a brilliant young attorney to handle your case. I’ll be straightened out and on the wagon in a day or two. I’ve never practiced but I was one of the most brilliant students in Law School, and your case is just the opportunity I need to start.

Darkly
.

Don’t worry about my not forcing the D. A. to reopen your case. I went through my father’s papers before the cops destroyed them, and I remember a lot of people, even if I can’t prove—
Coaxingly
. You will let me take your case, won’t you, Mac?

MCGLOIN

Soothingly
.

Sure I will and it’ll make your reputation, Willie.

MOSHER

winks at hope, shaking his head, and
hope
answers with identical pantomime, as though to say
, “
Poor dopes, they’re off again!
”

LARRY

Aloud to himself more than to
parritt—
with irritab
le
wonder
. Ah, be damned! Haven’t I heard their visions a thousand times? Why should they get under my skin now? I’ve got the blues, I guess. I wish to hell Hickey’d turn up.

MOSHER

Calcu
la
tingly solicitous
—
whispering
to
HOPE
.

Poor Willie needs a drink bad, Harry—and I think if we all joined him it’d make him feel he was among friends and cheer him up.

HOPE

More circus con tricks!

Scathingly
.

You talking of your dear sister! Bessie had you sized up. She used to tell me, “I don’t know what you can see in that worthless, drunken, petty-larceny brother of mine. If I had my way,” she’d say, “he’d get booted out in the gutter on his fat behind.” Sometimes she didn’t

say behind, either.

MOSHER

Grins genially
.

Yes, dear old Bess had a quick temper, but there was no real harm in her.

He chuckles reminiscently
.

Remember the time she sent me down to the bar to change a ten-dollar bill for her?

HOPE

Has to grin himself
.

Bejees, do I! She coulda bit a piece out of a stove lid, after she found it out.

He cackles appreciatively
.

MOSHER

I was sure surprised when she gave me the ten spot. Bess usually had better sense, but she was in a hurry to go to church. I didn’t really mean to do it, but you know how habit gets you. Besides, I still worked then, and the circus season was going to begin soon, and I needed a little practice to keep my hand in. Or, you never can tell, the first rube that came to my wagon for a ticket might have left with the right change and I’d be disgraced.

He chuckles
.

I said, “I’m sorry, Bess, but I had to take it all in dimes. Here, hold out your hands and I’ll count it out for you, so you won’t kick afterwards I short-changed you.”

He begins a count which grows more rapid as he goes on
. Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty, seventy, eighty, ninety, a dollar. Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty, sixty—You’re counting with me, Bess, aren’t you?—eighty, ninety, two dollars. Ten, twenty—Those are pretty shoes you got on, Bess—forty, fifty, seventy, eighty, ninety, three dollars. Ten, twenty, thirty—What’s on at the church tonight, Bess?—fifty, sixty, seventy, ninety, four dollars. Ten, twenty, thirty, fifty, seventy, eighty, ninety—That’s a swell new hat, Bess, looks very becoming—six dollars.

He chuckles
.

And so on. I’m bum at it now for lack of practice, but in those days I could have short-changed the Keeper of the Mint.

HOPE

Grinning
.

Stung her for two dollars and a half, wasn’t it, Ed?

MOSHER

Yes. A fine percentage, if I do say so, when you’re dealing to someone who’s sober and can count. I’m sorry to say she discovered my mistakes in arithmetic just after I beat it around the corner. She counted it over herself. Bess somehow never had the confidence in me a sister should.

He sighs tenderly
. Dear old Bess.

HOPE

Indignant now
.

You’re a fine guy bragging how you short-changed your own sister! Bejees, if there was a war and you was in it, they’d have to padlock the pockets of the dead!

MOSHER

A bit hurt at this
.

That’s going pretty strong, Harry. I always gave a sucker some chance. There wouldn’t be no fun robbing the dead.

He becomes reminiscently me
la
ncholy
.

Gosh, thinking of the old ticket wagon brings those days back. The greatest life on earth with the greatest show of earth! The grandest crowd of regular guys ever gathered under one tent! I’d sure like to shake their hands again!

HOPE

Acidly
.

They’d have guns in theirs. They’d shoot you on sight. You’ve touched every damned one of them. Bejees, you’ve even borrowed fish from the trained seals and peanuts from every elephant that remembered you!

This fancy tickles him and he gives a cackling
la
ugh
.

MOSHER

Overlooking this
—
dreamily
.

You know, Harry, I’ve made up my mind I’ll see the boss in a couple of days and ask for my old job. I can get back my magic touch with change easy, and I can throw him a line of bull that’ll kid him I won’t be so unreasonable about sharing the profits next time.

With insinuating comp
la
int
.

There’s no percentage in hanging around this dive, taking care of you and shooting away your snakes, when I don’t even get an eye-opener for my trouble.

HOPE

Implacably
.

No!

MOSHER

sighs and gives up and closes his eyes. The others, except
LARRY

and
PARRITT,
are all dozing again now
.
HOPE
goes on grumbling
.

Go to hell or the circus, for all I care. Good riddance, bejees! I’m

sick of you!

Then worriedly
.

Say, Ed, what the hell you think’s happened to Hickey? I hope he’ll turn up. Always got a million funny stories. You and the other bums have begun to give me the graveyard fantods. I’d like a good laugh with old Hickey.

He chuckles at a memory
.

Remember that gag he always pulls about his wife and the iceman? He’d make a cat laugh!

ROCKY
appears from the bar. He comes front, behindmoshe
r’
s chair, and begins pushing the b
la
ck curtain along the rod to the rear wall
.

ROCKY

Openin’ time, Boss.

He presses a button at rear which switches off the lights. The back room becomes drabber and dingier than ever in the gray daylight that comes from the street windows, off right, and what light can penetrate the grime of the two backyard windows at left
.
ROCKY
turns back to
HOPE
—

grumpily
.

Why don’t you go up to bed, Boss? Hickey’d never turn up dis time of de morning’!

HOPE

Starts and listens
.

Someone’s coming now.

ROCKY

Listens
.

Aw, dat’s on’y my two pigs. It’s about time dey showed.

He goes back toward the door at left of the bar
.

HOPE

Sourly disappointed
.

You keep them dumb broads quiet. I don’t want to go to bed. I’m going to catch a couple more winks here and I don’t want no damn-fool laughing and screeching.

He settles himself in his chair, grumbling
.

Never thought I’d see the day when Harry
HOPE’s
would have tarts rooming in it. What’d Bessie think? But I don’t let ’em use my rooms for business. And they’re good kids. Good as anyone else. They got to make a living. Pay their rent, too, which is more than I can say for—

He cocks an eye over his specs
at mosher
and grins with satisfaction
. Bejees, Ed, I’ll bet Bessie is doing somersaults in her grave!

He chuckles
. Butmosher’s
eyes are closed, his head nodding, and he doesn’t reply, so
hope
closes his eyes
. rocky
has opened the barroom door at rear and is standing in the hall beyond it, facing right. A girl
’s
laugh is heard
.

ROCKY

Warningly
.

Nix! Piano!

He comes in, beckoning them to follow. He goes behind the bar and gets a whiskey bottle and glasses and chairs
. margie
and
pearl
follow him, casting a glance around. Everyone except
larry
and
parritt
is asleep or dozing. Even
parritt
has his eyes closed. The two girls, neither much over twenty, are typical dollar street walkers, dressed in the usual tawdry get-up
. pearlis
obviously Italian with black hair and eyes
. margie
has brown hair and hazel eyes, a slum New Yorker of mixed blood. Both are plump and have a certain prettiness that shows even through their blobby make-up. Each retains a vestige of youthful freshness, although the game is beginning to get them and give them hard, worn expressions. Both are sentimental, feather-brained, giggly, lazy, good-natured and reasonably contented with life. Their attitude toward
rocky
is much that of two maternal, affectionate sisters toward a bullying brother whom they like to tease and spoil. His attitude toward them is that of the owner of two performing pets he has trained to do a profitable act under his management. He feels a proud proprietor
’s
affection for them, and is tolerantly lax in his discipline
.