The I Hate to Cook Book (41 page)

4 servings

4 slices bacon

4 boiled potatoes, cubed (or an equal amount of canned potatoes)

salt, pepper

½ cup grated cheese (any kind you have around)

4 eggs

1 tablespoon chopped onion

Chop the bacon rather fine and fry it till it’s crisp. Now drain all but a couple of tablespoons of the fat off, and add the potatoes, onion, salt, and pepper. Cook it gently till the potatoes are a nice old-ivory color. Then sprinkle the cheese over it all and break the four eggs into the skillet. Stir it constantly over low heat till the eggs are set, then call the hands.

Just a word here, before we proceed to
FAST FISH
.

When you arrive home in a dead heat with your family, it’s a good idea to set the table
immediately
. Then the children may stop screaming, and even your husband may relax a little, believing things to be further along than they are. It helps, too, to use your best china and serving dishes. A silver bowl gives a certain je ne sais quoi to creamed tuna, and plain ice cream tastes better in pretty sherbet glasses.

Another thing that helps, if your husband likes wine with his meals, is to keep a few bottles of red wine stashed away somewhere. (Most red wines can be served at room temperature, so this saves chilling time.) You can bring forth a bottle with your last-minute supper, and this may lead him to think he’s going first class. The sort of wine doesn’t matter too much. It can be a whim
sical little $4.95 bottle or a downright comical 59¢ vintage; it’s the principle of the thing that counts.

     RAGTIME TUNA     

4–5 servings

(You won’t believe this, but I first tasted this dish at an extremely fancy buffet, knee deep in baby brown orchids. This dish is probably why they could afford the baby brown orchids. Anyway, the hostess told me how she did it, and to keep it to myself, which proves you can’t trust anybody these days.)

2 15-ounce cans macaroni and cheese

2 cans chunk tuna

grated cheese

Alternate layers of macaroni and tuna in a greased casserole dish till you run out of material. Sprinkle the grated cheese lavishly on top and bake, uncovered, at 300˚ for thirty minutes.

     CANTON TUNA     

4 servings

1 can condensed cream of celery soup

cup milk

1 can tuna

green pepper

celery

1 can chow mein noodles

soy sauce (optional)

Thin the soup with the milk, add the tuna, a bit of chopped green pepper and celery if you have them, heat, and serve over the noodles.

A little soy sauce is good in this, but it isn’t essential.

Incidentally, never feel guilty about serving a last-minute supper. Remember, there is a certain poetic justice apparent here. Every red-blooded American girl gets miffed once in a while when a dinner that took her two hours to prepare gets eaten in nine minutes. Sometimes it is comforting to reflect that you didn’t spend a bit more time making it than it took the family to dispose of it.

     BARCELONA BEANS     

4–5 servings

In a saucepan mix together

1 big can baked beans (1 pound, 12 ounces)

½ pound grated sharp cheese

small can chopped pimentos

small jar stuffed olives, sliced

Stir it over low heat until the cheese is melted and it’s hot clear through. Good with ready-mix corn muffins and sliced tomatoes.

Note:
Never forget the virtues of those ready-mix corn muffins (which take about one and a half minutes to mix up) when you’re cooking a top-of-the-stove last-minute supper. Nor corn bread. Nor refrigerator biscuits. With butter and marmalade, they make a meal seem better, besides plugging a lot of holes.

Another thing to remember is
SOUP
. In warm weather, cold soup is ideal, if your family likes it. Open a can of V8, pour into glass dishes (which look chillier), and add a lemon or lime wedge on the side. Hot or cold, soup gives the family something to do while the last-minute supper heats or while you wonder what to do next.

     CORNED BEEF DIABLE     

3 servings

1 12-ounce can corned beef

prepared mustard

horse-radish

beaten egg

cracker crumbs

butter

Remove the beef from the can and slice it into six thick pieces. Mix the mustard and horse-radish in equal parts, spread the slices with it, then dip them in the beaten egg (to which you’ve added two tablespoons of water) and in the cracker crumbs, and fry them in butter till they’re light brown.

This is good with instant mashed potatoes.

     ANTHONY’S SHRIMP