The I Hate to Cook Book (22 page)

6 servings

Mix everything and marinate for twenty-four hours

1 cup canned green beans (cut beans are better in this than julienne)

1 can cut wax beans

1 can red kidney beans, with the juice thoroughly washed off

1 medium chopped onion

¾ cup sugar

1 teaspoon salt

½ teaspoon pepper

½ cup canola oil

cup vinegar

Stir it a few times, if you happen to think of it, while it marinates. Before you serve it, drain all the dressing off and pour the beans into a lettuce-lined bowl.

Then there is the matter of the
HOT VEGETABLE
.

To be sure, this isn’t apt to come up too often, except when you are about to start over the river and through the woods for a holiday dinner at Mother’s. But remember—more often than you may think—Mother hates to cook, too, and she has been doing it even longer. You can add another jewel to your eventual crown by volunteering, no matter how much it hurts, to bring your Festive Onions, though it really doesn’t hurt much, because it’s quite easy. Also, it is a dish that goes very well with a Thanksgiving turkey or a Christmas prime rib or even an Easter ham.

     FESTIVE ONIONS     

4 cups sliced onions

5 tablespoons butter

2 eggs

1 cup heavy cream

salt, pepper

cup grated Parmesan

First, you sauté the onions in the butter until they’re transparent. Then you put them in a baking dish, cover it with aluminum foil, and set it on the floor of the sleigh in which you aim to travel. Now you beat the eggs till they’re light, and mix in the cream and
a dash of salt and pepper. Pour this into a jar, screw the lid on tight, and before you start out, remember to take along the Parmesan in a little paper sack. When you get to Mother’s, you ask her to turn the oven on to 425˚. Then you pour the custard mix over the onions, sprinkle the Parmesan on top, and bake it, uncovered, for fifteen minutes.

Well, we have avoided the main issue now for about as long as we gracefully can. There is bound to come a day when none of these little ruses does you any good; a day when the clambake under consideration is to be held at your own house; a day—in other words—when you are stuck with the entrée for a Potluck Supper.

When this happens, consider first the virtues of

Chicken-Rice Roger (
here
)

French Beef Casserole (
here
)

Saturday Chicken (
here
)

(appropriately doubled or tripled in quantity). Next, consider the following three recipes, all of which are good, easy, somewhat different, and—let’s come right out and say it—cheap.

     ITALIAN TUNA     

6 servings

8 ounces uncooked spaghetti

2 garlic cloves, minced

1 large onion, coarsely chopped

4 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil

2 8-ounce cans tomato sauce

1½ teaspoons dried basil

salt, pepper

2 8-ounce cans chunk tuna, plus the oil it’s in

Parmesan or other grated cheese

parsley

Start the spaghetti to cooking while you fry the garlic and onion in the cooking oil until they’re just tender. Then add the tomato sauce, basil, salt, and pepper, and bring it to a boil. Turn the heat low, and let it simmer long enough for you to set the table and put on your lipstick. Now add the tuna, let it heat through, and serve all this over the cooked and drained spaghetti, garnishing it first with the parsley and the cheese.

Then there is this one, which will never make Escoffier, but which is good, easy, filling, and gets remarkable mileage out of one can of corned beef.

     SCOTCH CASSEROLE     

8 servings

8 ounces uncooked elbow macaroni

1 cup milk

1 can condensed cream of mushroom soup

1 can corned beef, chopped

¼ pound sharp cheese, diced

dash of garlic salt

¼ cup chopped onion

¾ cup dry bread crumbs

butter

Cook the macaroni in two quarts of salted water until it’s tender. Then blend the milk with the soup and add the beef, cheese, garlic salt, and onion. Grease a large casserole and fill it up with
alternating layers of this mélange and the cooked macaroni. Put crumbs on top and dot with butter. Bake it, uncovered, in a 350˚ oven for forty-five minutes.

     TIA JUANA TAMALE