The Hidden Life (4 page)

“It seems like the longer we go without seeing each other, the cockier this sweet little mouth gets,” he rumbled, nibbling at my bottom lip. “Seems we may need to do something about that.”

My pulse spiked. I forgot how to breathe. My vision glossed over.

When I was with
this
Colin, I was on top of the world. No matter how much everyone else thought they knew him, no matter how many articles and newscasts had been centered around him, no one else knew the Colin I knew. Not his teammates. Not his coaches. Not his parents. Not even Monroe, whom I knew he loved without question.

I was the only one who got to experience his passion. His intense craving to please and to be pleased. His overwhelming love. The refuge I found in the strength and security of his arms was empowering. Life-changing.

“What do you propose?” I murmured, my eager fingers diving into his thick sandy-colored hair.

Releasing my lip, his mouth skimmed across my jaw to my ear, the sound of our scruff brushing together triggering my dick to jump with excitement. “Use that smart mouth to show me how much you missed me, Seth, and
maybe
I’ll let you come afterward.”

A groan escaped the back of my throat as he traced his tongue around the perimeter of my ear, and as he rocked his hips back and forth, his steeled shaft stroked the length of my own pulsating cock, and the last few threads of resolve I had slipped through my fingers. Tugging his head back roughly, my fingers tangled in his hair, I slammed our mouths together in the kiss I had been fantasizing about for the last six weeks.

Urgent, desperate tongues collided in an axis-tilting kiss. We moved and shuffled on the mattress until he was propped up on his back and I was kneeling between his thighs, our mouths never breaking contact as we made up for lost time. His hands cupped the back of my neck, applying pressure just how I loved, and tearing my lips from his, I began to inch my way down his body, kissing, licking, and nipping until I reached my final destination.

A steady chorus of our grunts and grumbles mixed with heavy, labored breathing filled the room. His intoxicating scent was a mixture of leather and pine — all fucking man — and I couldn’t get enough. It was never enough.

Peering up at him as I wrapped my fingers around the base of his erection, my mouth hovered directly above the tip of his cock, already glistening with his arousal. “Is this what you had in mind?” I provoked, swirling my tongue around the dark, swollen flesh.

He chuckled low and husky, shaking his head. “Nobody likes a tease, Seth. That
maybe
can quickly turn into a
doubtful,
if you want to play that game.”

I flicked my tongue over the head again then lifted my eyebrows, as if to ask, “
What now?”
Demanding fingers dug into my scalp and the back of my neck, pushing my head back down, but I resisted.

“Tell me why first,” I whispered, needing to hear him say it. Over the phone or laptop screen wasn’t the same.

Colin’s entire face softened at my vulnerability as one of his hands fell to cradle the side of my jaw, his rough, calloused thumb brushing over my cheek. “Because you’re the only one. You’ll always be my only one.”

Warmth filled me and I nodded, reassured. Without wasting another second to finally get a taste of the man I loved, my lips parted and I slid him inside my mouth until the tip hit the back of my throat. He moaned so loud it rumbled inside my bones, and hearing his pleasure only spurred me on.

Bobbing my head up and down his long, thick cock, I established a steady rhythm of using my hand and mouth to work him over thoroughly, just how he liked. After three years of pleasuring each other like this, we had learned all of the other’s trigger points and very much enjoyed taunting and tantalizing. My own shaft rubbed brusquely against the sheet, the heated friction triggering tingling in my balls and up my spine.

“Yes, oh, my God, that feels so good. Don’t stop… whatever you do, please don’t stop,” Colin pleaded as his hips bucked uncontrollably, his release mounting fast and furiously.

I slipped one of my hands under his body when he lifted up off the mattress, my finger tracing the seam of his cheeks until I reach his tight hole. Even though we’d been sucking and jacking each other off since that first night we hooked up in the tree house, Colin was still adamant about not being ready to go all the way — either on the giving or receiving end — but I’d finally gotten him involved in a little backdoor-play, which I knew he liked a lot more than he admitted. Slipping just a tip inside his ass almost always spurred him to explode within seconds. And I fucking loved having that power over him.

Lightly tapping my finger over the puckered skin, he clenched tight, but before I had the chance to torment him any longer, his bedroom door flew open, banging loudly against the wall. Standing beneath the doorframe was one very-pissed-off Monroe, staring at us in jaw-dropped disbelief.

After several seconds of suffocating silence, with all three of us frozen in place, Colin finally moved, jerking out from under me and rolling off the mattress. “Roe, sweetheart, please don’t freak out,” he said, his voice soft and soothing. “Give us a chance to explain.”

Immediately, my body ached at the loss of him, but I understood that taking care of her was the number one priority in that moment. As I followed him off the bed, we both grabbed our clothes from the floor and swiftly got dressed. All the while, she stood there and watched us, never once seeming uneasy nor disgusted. More shocked and intrigued. I could see the mountain of questions building in her head, but she kept quiet.

Colin reached her first, scooping her up into his arms and holding her tight to his chest. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry we didn’t tell you, baby girl. We just didn’t know how.”

I lagged a few feet away, awkward, not knowing what to say or do. And my balls were on fire, pissed off about the interruption, so I was extra uncomfortable. Gratefully, Monroe put me out of at least part of my misery almost instantly.

“I’m not mad at you guys,” she announced, shifting her attention from Colin over to me then back to him. “Maybe a little hurt that you didn’t just tell me, but not mad.”

Colin and I exhaled a collective sigh of relief as she continued talking to him. “I mean, it’s definitely crossed my mind before. After a while, a girl starts to wonder why you aren’t interested in doing anything physical with her, but I liked thinking you really were that noble, dedicated to waiting until you got married.” Her brow wrinkled with worry as she stepped back and wrapped her arms around her center. “And it’s not like I’ve been completely forthcoming with you either. I…uh, I…I don’t li—”

He closed the gap between them again, lifting her hung chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Shh, it’s okay. Not here. Let’s move out to the living room, where we can all sit and talk,” he suggested.

Monroe nodded her agreement then peeked around Colin to where I stood, extending her hand out to me, compassion and understanding blanketing her face. “Come on, Seth babe, you too. The three of us have a lot to discuss.”

“I am sorry

and I will not

stop being sorry.

I will always fail

you in moments because

I am a terribly selfish

human but I

will never fail you

when it matters most

and that, my dear,

is a promise weaved

together with promise.

I will always love you,

and you must know:

there are seas

inside me

and the waves

only sway

to the sound

of your name.”

-Christopher Poindexter

Seth

JEALOUSY WILL FUCK
up a relationship faster than you can blink, and ours was no different. Surprisingly, Monroe wasn’t the one I was ever jealous of. Even after their impromptu destination wedding in the Bahamas during the summer between college and his rookie season in the NFL, which was attended by only his parents, myself, and my immediate family, I never felt threatened by her or what they shared. Monroe was not only good for Colin’s public image, but she was good for his soul, smoothing him out around the edges and helping to rein in the intensity he often struggled to control.

Honestly, some days I was glad it was her who had to deal with him when he was acting like an ass, instead of me. She always knew exactly what to say or do to put things into perspective. When she had told us the story of her fucked-up childhood and the reason why she had no desire to ever be involved in a sexual relationship, my heart broke for her. If anyone deserved to feel loved and cherished, it was her. She had a heart of gold and the face of an angel, and I loved her like my own flesh and blood. Not to mention, it was her idea that he and I spend their wedding night ‘sealing the deal’, like all married couples should, and… Oh. My. God.

But I digress.

No, Monroe wasn’t the problem at all. It was every other couple that I saw out in public — kissing, holding hands, going out on dates, and enjoying their partner. All the things Colin and I could never do outside the confines of our homes. All because he refused to entertain the idea of coming out.

You see, once Colin was drafted by our hometown New England Patriots, I found a job in Boston so I would be close by and we could continue whatever it was exactly we were doing. With Monroe’s blessing, of course. Though my parents were none too pleased about it, I’d changed my major my junior year from government and public policy to journalism with a minor in kinesiology. A life in politics was never what I truly wanted, and with Colin and Monroe’s encouragement, I decided to follow my dream to be a high school journalism teacher and rowing coach.

At first, things were great. Better than great — amazing. I had a job I looked forward to going to each morning, a nice apartment in Bay Village, and a man who I loved more than life itself. With Colin spending the vast majority of his time at the team’s practice facility, acclimating himself to the game on a professional level, Monroe and I spent most evenings hanging out together — cooking dinner, watching movies, playing games, whatever we could find to pass the time. When he’d get home, the three of us would chat a bit before Colin and I would disappear into his room and Monroe into hers.

But soon, it wasn’t enough.

I wanted… no, I
needed
more. Monroe and I shared an incredible friendship, and I loved being around her, but when it got to the point I was spending more time with her than I was with Colin, including the time we were asleep, I grew frustrated and lonely. And that’s when it all started to unravel.

“Hello?” I shouted into my phone as I weaved my way through the crowded bar, making my way outside, where I could hear over the loud music and noisy chatter.

“Where. Are. You?” Colin growled, his tone callous, low, and gritty.

I stepped out the door onto the patio and glanced up at the red oval sign above my head, not really remembering when we’d moved to this pub from the last one. “I’m at the White Horse with some of my coworkers. We came out for a couple of beers after work.”

“It’s nine-thirty, Seth! You got off work five hours ago!” he roared. “You’re supposed to be here when I get home. I’ve been waiting all day to see you!”

Anger sparked inside me, and fueled by a few too many Sam Adamses, I popped off without thinking. “Are you kidding me? I’m
supposed
to be there when you get home? I’m not allowed to have a life of my own? You just want me to sit there, at your house, with your
wife,
and wait for you? For when it’s convenient for you. For when you can fit me into your I’m-such-a-fucking-important-person schedule. ‘Cause what I want or when I need you doesn’t matter, right? It’s always about you. Always has been.”

“Seth, stop. You’re drunk and being overdramatic. I’m coming to get you before you make an ass of yourself or do something stupid,” he bossed.

“Fuck off! You don’t tell me what to do!” I snarled into the receiver, pacing the sidewalk out in front of the bar, ignoring the side-eye glances I was getting from the lingering smokers. “I’m tired of this bullshit. I can’t do it anymore. I’m done.”