The Heart of Mine (3 page)

I nodded in agreement and slid out from under my covers.

"I'm going to take a quick shower and then I'll meet you downstairs."

"Okay." I could feel her questioning gaze on me as I turned to walk into the bathroom.

I closed the door behind me and turned on the shower as hot as it would allow. I waited for the thick steam to engulf the room before I entered the shower. I let the scalding hot droplets of water fall over me, mixing with my salty tears. After I washed my hair and body, I let my naked trembling body slide down the cool tile wall. The steam was so thick, I was finding it hard to breathe, but I just couldn't bring myself to leave the confines of my hot shower.

My knees were tucked tightly into my body with my head resting on the top of my knees and arms. I let the water run over my skin, pushing my hair over my face making it stick to my slick skin. I wasn't sure how long I had been in there, but just as the water started running cold, I felt a pair of strong arms slide under my knees and with one swift motion, pull me up and into an even stronger chest. I knew instantly it was Madison, but I couldn't bring myself to look up at him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my face into the crook of his neck.

I heard him turn the water off with his other hand and grab a towel from below the sink, before gently tucking it around my body. Seconds later, I found myself being set down on my bed. I tugged at the edges of the towel, before I finally looked up under hooded eyes.

"Hey there pretty girl. You wanna tell me what's goin' on?"

"Not really." My voice came out gravely and strained from cryin' so much.

"Okay, do you think you will want to anytime soon?"

I shook my head just as the second wave of tears came crashing down over me. I'm sure it was the mix of my hormones and the thought of bein' pregnant with my rapist's baby, but I felt out of control and on edge. I needed to tell Madison, lord knows I wanted to, but I wasn't even sure that I was one hundred percent pregnant. In that instant, I made the decision to wait to tell him, until I went to see a doctor. There was no sense in worryin' about something that may not be true.

Madison's arm settled on top of my shoulders and I nestled my cold wet body against his. "Do you want to tell me what Joey said to you last night?"

"Not really." He countered. I knew that would be his answer, but it still didn't make the frustration I felt dissipate.

I just shook my head and pushed myself off of the bed to get dressed. I clutched my things to my chest along with the towel, as I made my way past him and back into the bathroom. "I thought we were going to be honest with each other?" I said just as I closed the door.

I knew I was being a hypocrite, given the fact that I still hadn't told him about the baby, but he was hiding something as well and that made me want to not tell him even more. I knew how childish I was being, but now I had someone else to worry about beside myself. There was no way I was going to let him think he could get away with keeping secrets from me, no matter how big or small they may be.

When I emerged from the bathroom, Madison was no longer in my room. I assumed he made his way downstairs to hang with Cami while I got dressed, but when I made it down to the kitchen, Cami sat by herself at the table.

"Where's Madison?"

"He left. Didn't say a word, just left out the back door. Your grandparents are gone too. Said they had some errands to run in town and that they would be back later this afternoon."

"I guess it's just me and you then, huh?"

"Um.. Yeah about that. I kind of made plans with Glenn. Is that okay?"

Seriously? Was everybody just going to ignore me today? "Yeah hun, that's fine. I'll find something to do."

"Okay, I'll see ya later today." She gave me a quick hug, and then cleared her plate from the table before leaving.

I grabbed myself a cup of coffee and settled in at the table. I grabbed my cell phone from the opposite side and decided now was as good a time as any to make an appointment. I called our family doctor and amazingly enough, the nurse said she just had someone cancel, and if I could get down there in twenty minutes they could see me today.

I finished my cup of coffee, grabbed my purse and keys and made my way out to my truck. I was five minutes away from the doctor's office when I felt my phone vibrate in my front pocket. I checked the caller ID and hit ignore as Madison's face lit up my screen. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him after his disappearing act and I needed to keep myself composed before I saw the doctor.

I pulled into the parking lot a few minutes later and just as I was signing in, my phone vibrated again. I knew who it was, so without looking at the screen, I turned it off. I would call him when I was done.

I sat down in one of the chairs in the far corner next to a petite pregnant lady and her daughter. The little girl looked up at me from under long black lashes and I gave her a small smile. Her face lit up when I did this and she waved her small little hand. I watched this little girl as she quickly jumped down from her chair, making her way over to the pile of toys on the other side of her mom.

She was the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. Her hair was long and curly and sat just above her waistband. Below her bangs, sat a pair of the most piercing blue eyes and a small button nose. She looked up at me just then and gave me a full heart warming smile. In that instant, I knew that no matter who the father was, I would embrace motherhood to the best of my abilities. I hadn't known this morning, or ever, but I wanted this more than anything.

Madison

I slammed my phone down on the kitchen table, startling my gran in the process. I looked in her direction with an apologetic smile. I knew Kayla would be a little pissed that I just left without sayin' anything this mornin', but I didn't expect her to ignore my calls and then turn her phone off.

After the first two calls went unanswered, I had made my way back to her house, but nobody was around and her truck was gone. How did we get here? Granted yesterday had been a shitty day, but I thoroughly expected us to grow closer, not push each other away.

"Madison, honey. Give her some space. I'm sure after yesterday she is just feelin' a bit out of sorts. She'll talk to you when she's ready."

"I know Gran, but things just don't feel right lately and I'm at a loss at what I can do to fix things."

"Sometimes, you have to let these things sort themselves out. Everything will be okay."

"Gran are you okay after everything that happened yesterday? I'm so sorry for all of that by the way."

"Oh honey, I'm fine. And as far as yesterday goes, well I reckon your father deserved what you handed him and more."

I smiled up at my gran and kissed the palm of her hand. "I'm gonna go out for a little bit, I'll be back before dinner."

"Take your time honey. I'll be here."

I grabbed my keys with no direction in mind. Glenn was busy hangin' out with Cami, and Kayla was god knows where. Once again, I found myself alone. I made my way into town, when I noticed Kayla's truck parked in the parking lot next to the only medical building in town. I pulled into the space next to her truck and made my way up the steps to the main entrance. I wasn't exactly sure what I was goin' to do even if I found her, but my feet had an entirely different idea. I glanced at the sign that listed all the offices in the building when my eyes stopped on Dr. Langer's name. It seemed like the only plausible doctor that she could be visiting. The rest were podiatrists and oncologists. I took the stairs two at a time and stopped dead in my tracks as I caught sight of Kayla as she was walking through one of the doors that led back to the rooms. After the door closed behind her, I slipped through the front door and took a seat.

I glanced around the office wondering what exactly she was doin' here, when my eyes stopped on a brown haired little girl playin' in the corner by who I could only assume to be her mother. I watched her as she sat there putting together a small puzzle, while her mother sat readin' a magazine. Something about this little girl had me drawn to her. I quickly turned in my seat before people started thinkin' I was some creepy child molester. I glanced at my phone, noting the time, before I grabbed a magazine to keep myself occupied while I waited for Kayla to emerge.

A little over thirty minutes later, Kayla still hadn't reappeared, so I decided to head back down to my truck. What did I think I was goin' to accomplish by ambushing her at her doctor's office? I started my truck and threw it into reverse just as I saw Kayla walkin' out to her truck. By the time I was backing out, she had already caught sight of my truck, and I knew by the look on her face that she wasn't very happy to see me. I pulled back into the parking space and put my truck in park, before cutting the ignition. She looked as though she had been cryin' and I found myself jumping out of the truck and running to her.

"Madison, what are you doin' here?" She was most definitely
not
happy to see me.

I ran my hands through my hair before placing my cap back on my head. "You weren't home and you weren't answerin' your phone. I swear I didn't follow you. I was just drivin' through town and saw your truck. I wanted to make sure you were okay." I was rambling.

"Thanks, I think." She let out a small laugh and my body instantly relaxed. I had missed hearing that laugh.

"You wanna get some lunch?" I prayed she wouldn't say no.

"Yeah, that would be nice."

I opened the passenger door and gave her a boost up into the cab. I ran around the back and jumped in beside her. When I realized that she wasn't movin' closer to me, I grabbed her around her waist and pulled her across the bench seat. "That's better."

She simply smiled and we took off down the street. I pulled into the small diner we almost always went to lately, glancing at her for confirmation that this would do. When she nodded in my direction, I jumped out to retrieve my girl.

We found a small booth in the back and I let her slide in before me. The waitress came over a second later and we ordered our usual. After the waitress dropped off our drinks, I turned towards Kayla, lifting her chin up so she was looking right at me.

"You wanna tell me what's goin' on with you?"

"I do."

Her answer surprised me, but I wasn't about to ruin it, so I sat silent urging her to continue.

"I went to the doctor."

"I got that much, pretty girl." I laughed.

"I took a test yesterday morning before your granddad’s funeral. After everything happened and given the fact that I hadn't been to the doctor yet to confirm it, I didn't want to say anything, but she confirmed it for me today." There was a long pause before she finally looked up at me. "I'm pregnant, Madison."

I choked on my soda that I had just taken a drink of, as I tried to comprehend what she was tellin' me. "I'm sorry, you're what?"

"I'm pregnant." She whispered as she hung her head.

I pulled her into my arms, squeezing her tighter than necessary. My words were lost in my throat and I wasn't exactly sure what to say to her, but I tried. "I...I don't really know what to say."

"It's okay. You don't have to be involved, if this isn't what you want. I know we haven't been together that long, but I want this Madison, more than I could ever explain."

"Why would you think I wouldn't want to be part of this?" I could hear the anger rising in my voice. Who did she think I was?

"I don't know."

"Is it mine?" Shit, did I just ask that out loud? "Oh my god, Kayla I didn't mean it like that, I swear. I just-"

"I understand, trust me. I had the same thought a million times after Cami mentioned it. Yes, it's yours. From what the doctor told me, it looks like I conceived the first time we had sex after you came home."

"Are you sure that we can trust that? I mean, well, I don't know exactly what I mean. Never mind." I threw my cap onto the bench next to me. I knew I was handling this situation all wrong. I pushed my hands back through my hair, finding myself becoming more irritated with every passing second. Deep down, I knew I wanted this, but something felt wrong, off even, but I just couldn't put my finger on it.

"Look, Madison I think maybe you just need some time to digest all of this. I'm gonna go. I have some things to take care of today before I go back to school on Monday. I'll talk to you later."

I watched as she slid out from next to me. My eyes instantly made their way down to the non existent bump that I knew would start showing any day now, but I just couldn't bring myself to go after her. I had too many things running through my mind at the moment to be worried about what she was worried about. I knew how selfish I sounded, but I needed some time to process everything. This was gonna affect me just as much as her.

When the waitress showed up at the table with our plates of food, I shot up from the booth, threw some money down and made my way out of the diner. I stood looking both ways for her. I wasn't going to go after her, but something was pullin' at my insides. My heart was pounding out of my chest and the adrenaline coursing through my veins was enough to make me feel invincible. I quickly ran in the direction of the doctor's office, forgetting all about my truck.