The Heart of Mine (10 page)

"Now isn't the time, Madison. Don't worry though, son. Soon enough." He lowered the gun to the ground, aiming it at my feet. I slowly started backing away, when he let off a round that barely missed the toe of my shoe.

"I'm leavin', but don't
you worry
DAD, you'll get what's comin' to ya."

I turned my back on them both and started walkin' back to my truck. I glanced both ways lookin’ for cars before crossing the street to the parking lot. The next thing I heard was squealing tires and then a thunderous crash.

As my body made contact with the windshield of the Suburban, I could feel and hear every bone in my body cracking. As the SUV stopped, my body rolled forward onto the warm metal hood. I lay not moving, waiting for the darkness to sweep in and take over me, but it didn't, not yet. Suddenly the SUV began rolling backwards and my body rolled to the asphalt. I frantically searched for my pocket tryin' to find my phone in my disoriented state. Just as my fingertips grazed the cool backing, I heard the engine rev.

The taste of salt and metal flooded my mouth as the blood poured out of it continuously. This was it. This was my end. My entire life flashed before my eyes, playing out in slow motion. I blinked a few times and then everything went black. My last thoughts were of Kayla. Kayla an our unborn child that I would never see again. There were even flashes of my father and I at a baseball game and my mother holding my hand as we crossed the street to get ice cream on one of her last days.

There was nothin' left for me. Now there would be nothin' left for her. I could feel my last few breaths fill my lungs as I gasped for air. My body was limp. I couldn't feel anything now. Not even the excruciating pain that should've been present. My breaths became shallower and the reel of my life became shorter. Just like an old reel to reel, the film was done and continued to flip through the last frames. There was nobody there to shut it off. Nobody to come to my rescue and save me from death. The only thing left was, darkness. My chest dropped one last time as my last breath was expelled from my body. I never imagined death to be peaceful, but in this moment, peace was all I had.

Kayla

Seven hours, twenty-two minutes, and fifteen, no now sixteen seconds is how long it's been since I got the phone call that would forever change my life. Twenty-five minutes and thirty seconds is exactly how long it took me to realize that I was still standing in the very spot I had been in after hearing that I needed to get to the hospital. Thirty minutes and five seconds is how long it took me to get to the hospital.

And now one hour, sixteen minutes and three seconds is how long I've been sitting in this drab, mauve colored waiting room, waiting for the doctor to give me an answer. I had about a million and one of them, but my concern and uncertainty didn't seem important to anyone but myself.

"There's been an accident," is the only sentence replaying in my head. I hated hospitals. I have no fond memories of hospitals or doctors for that matter. Only bad. I was sitting in a waiting room almost exactly like this one when I was nine and they told my parents and me that my grandma Nelson had died. I was sitting in that exact waiting room when they told me that my grandpa Nelson only had an hour to live. Like I said, I have no fond memories of hospitals.

I've never had any relatives or friends who have had babies. In fact, I don't think there has a ever been a time when I have voluntarily been to any hospital for that matter. So here I sit, waiting for the bad news I know is coming. The emergency room doors slide open and I watch as people file in. Sick people, hurt people, even happy people pass me by as though I'm a permanent fixture in this god-forsaken place.

Seven hundred and thirty six. The amount of black and white tiles I have counted in the last fifteen minutes. Seven is the number of people I have counted come in and get triaged in the last ten minutes. All that runs through my mind is numbers. I have no one to lean on for support. I have no one who understands the pain of what I going through right now. Zero, the number of those people, is zero.

I lift my head long enough to see the next person walk through the double doors leading to the back, and all I can do is feel sorry for them. I can't find it in my heart to feel sorry for myself. I can't even bring myself to send a text message to Cami, or even call Madison's grandmother. I feel empty, as though a part of my heart has broken off and the jagged pieces left over tear at my lungs with each breath I take. I feel dead. I find myself thinking about death with every passing second, and the only thing keeping me from taking my own, is the growing baby inside of me.

How am I supposed to live without him? How do I explain to our unborn child that he or she may never meet his or her father? Two, that's how many relatives I now have. I can't help but wonder how we all take something so precious as life, for granted so often. One, that's the number of friends I have left. I wish all the numbers would just disappear.

The door opens up again and a doctor in sea green scrubs emerges. He has on a surgical cap and there is a small splatter of blood on the inside of his left pant leg. I watch him closely as he glances around the small waiting room, in search of the poor soul that he is about to crush with his bad news. Twenty two seconds, that's how long it takes me to realize that he is actually searching for me. I can feel the tears welling up behind my eyes, the very same ones that I can't bring myself to shed. The surgeon removes his white surgical cap with his long deft fingers and drops his head as he makes his way over to me.

Two, that's how many breaths I take before the doctor finally, reaches me. He sits down in the worn down leather chair next to me and a frown forms across his face. I'm bracing myself for the worst news I could ever hear. His mouth opens and I can tell that words are comin' out, but in place of the sound of his voice, a ringing in my ears is the only prominent sound. My eyes reach his and all I can see is sorrow and empathy behind them. I take in another deep breath, trying to find my words to ask him to repeat himself when everything around me starts to fade to black.

I don't know how long I've been out, but I'm now laying on a very uncomfortable bed, and all I can hear is a fast whooshing sound echoing through the room. I slowly come to the realization that it's my baby's heart beat and I find myself being able to breathe again.

The same doctor that I had seen not too long ago enters the room and gives me a half-hearted smile. It doesn't reach his eyes and I realize that his smile is forced. I try to sit up, but I'm unable to find my strength. I look up at the doctor and smile in return, the best I can.

"Just tell me." I whisper.

"You passed out Mrs. Raine."

I cringe at his reference to the name that I don't possess. "I'm not his wife."

His apologetic tone lets me know that he indeed had no idea. "I'm sorry..."

"Kayla."

"I'm sorry, Kayla. I just assumed." He's pointing at my stomach and I realize that he must've assumed that because I was pregnant with his child, that I would be his wife. "Well the good news is, you and baby are doin' just fine. But, I suppose the news you're waitin' for is in regards to your boyfriend?"

"Yes, he's my boyfriend. And yes, I need to know."

"I'm only supposed to tell family members about his condition, but I suppose bein' the mother of his child constitutes as much."

"Thank you."

"Madison came in, in extremely critical condition. He had more internal bleeding than we had initially suspected and quite a few broken bones. We reset the bones that needed it, but the damage was extensive. Along with three broken ribs, a broken arm, leg and hip, we also had to remove his spleen."

He stopped to take a quick breath and to make sure I wasn't going to pass out again, I assume. I nodded in his direction for him to continue, when his voice lowered to just above a whisper.

"Kayla, Madison is in a coma. As of right now, he is in stable condition and we managed to get the internal bleeding under control, but he has a long road ahead of him. If he wakes up, there's no telling the toll the accident has taken on his brain. As soon as you're feelin' up to it, I can have a nurse wheel you up to his room. Does he have any kin we can contact?"

I nodded. In my current state of shock, it was all I could do.

"Okay, I'll need to get that number from you if that's possible?"

I nodded again as I pointed towards my handbag on the chair across from me. I knew how his grandmother was goin' to react, but she needed to know. She needed to have the chance to say her goodbye's if need be. The doctor handed me my phone and I quickly scrolled down to Lydia's number. I shoved the phone into the doctor's hand and rolled my head to the side. I couldn't stop the never ending flow of tears that were now falling, and the last person I needed to see me like this, was the doctor taking care of the father of my child.

He gently placed his hand on my shoulder before turning and leaving the room. I let my sobs take over as they racked my body. All I could think was that he was still alive. I was thankful for this, but I found myself wondering if he would even remember me when he woke up. The doctor never said what happened, or how he ended up in this place, but I could only assume it was for my own good.

A little while later, I pressed my call button for the nurse to come into my room. When she entered from behind the curtain, I quickly plastered a brave smile onto my face.

"I'm ready now."

She nodded and helped me into the old rickety wheelchair that sat next to the side of my bed. My entire body and brain was stuck in a zombie like state and there was never any exchange of words between the two of us, as she pushed to where Madison lay. I'll never forget the way he looked as we turned the corner into his room. I covered my open mouth with my hand, muffling the sound of horror as I took in the horrific scene in front of me. He looked tattered, with bruises covering almost every inch of his body. Where there wasn't bruised skin, there were white casts covering the rest. My poor cowboy lay there, lifeless, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do to fix him.

Madison

I could feel her presence in the room almost immediately. The connection we had was one that couldn't be explained in words. Then, I could feel her touch. I could hear her voice as she whispered softly into my ear. "Oh Madison, what I wouldn't do to have you talk to me."

I wanted to cry. I could feel my body wanting to react the way it should, but it was stuck. I was nothing but a shell of a man at this moment, and my only thoughts were of how much I didn't want to put her through this. Though I was still here physically, my spirit was elsewhere. I felt selfish. I needed her to know how much I loved her and our unborn child. As her fingers slipped through mine, all I wanted to do was squeeze them back and tell her everything would be okay. But, I wasn't exactly sure if
it
would be okay.

I stood back and watched as the tears poured down her cheeks, tears that were brought on by me. Tears that no matter how hard I tried would never cease until I was with her again. She shifted uncomfortably in the wheelchair, and I reached out to help comfort her. Of course this was an impossibility.

Damn it, Madison wake up! I needed to get out of this state of limbo. I needed to be with her.

A nurse walked in seconds later to take my vitals down. She glanced over at Kayla with a sympathetic glare. "Honey, do you need anything?"

Yeah, she needs me to wake up.

"I'm okay. Can you take me back to my room now?"

No, Kayla no. Don't leave me. I can hear you, please just sit and talk to me. I begged and pleaded to no one but myself.

"Of course, dear." As the nurse reached for the handles on the wheelchair, Kayla's fingers slipped out of mine. I know how crazy it sounded, but I could feel her every touch. I could feel the warmth of her hand as it sat in mine, and now I could feel the emptiness it left behind.

Kayla looked back at me with tears in her eyes and a look of loss. I'm not gone, Kayla. I'm right here. I watched as she exited my room and the door closed tightly in place behind her. I was alone. I knew who had done this to me, and I could only imagine what they would do to her, if given the chance.

A short while later, the door to my room opened again and I sat back hoping it was Kayla. Instead, my gran's frail figure came sauntering in along with a doctor. She sat down next to me in the chair that Kayla would've sat in had she not have been in that awful wheelchair.

She took my hand, just as Kayla had and the overwhelming warmth ran through my body. As she stroked the back of my hand, I could feel a finger twitch. Nobody seemed to notice, and I wondered if it was just my imagination playing tricks on me. But as she continued the slow soothing motion, another finger moved. I looked over at my gran, willing her to tell the doctor. Her sunken in eyes, that were once so full of life glanced between our hands and my face. I closed my eyes, willing my body to respond again. Within seconds, three of my five fingers grasped onto hers.

"Doctor, his hand. Look at his hand. It's gripping onto mine. Please, just look."

"Mrs. Raine, I have to tell you, this is common in coma patients. They have reflexes, just like you or I. This could just be an involuntary movement, but I will check him out."

My gran sat back as the doctor propped open each eye, checking for dilation. I could tell by the look on his face, that what was happening wasn't because I was wakin' up. My heart sank and depression slowly settled into my heart. I was never comin' back. This was how my gran and Kayla would be forced to remember me. All that was left was my spirit. A spirit that was strong enough to stay in this realm. My spirit that could forever watch over Kayla and my baby.