The Heart of a Girl (2) (16 page)

Chapter 24

             
Mason didn’t seem thrilled at the idea of dropping me off at Nolan’s house instead of home but he did it anyway. He was hiding all of Harper’s gifts back at Bella Vista since we didn’t have the room.

             
“Don’t do anything stupid,” he warned once he was parked outside the apartment complex.

             
I shot him a look. “Who, me?” I asked. “I never do anything stupid.”

             
“I’m not touching that because I love my niece,” he said. “But be careful, okay? Remember what’s most important.”

             
I sighed. “You’re acting like I’m going in there with some sort of intent. I’m not, Mason. I just wanted to see Nolan and talk about some things, just in case.”

             
“In case I’m right?”

             
“Yes, in case you’re right.”

             
Mason looked like he wanted to say something more but didn’t. I got out of the car and waited until he was gone before entering the complex.

             
Nolan answered the door after one knock and looked surprised to see me. “I didn’t think you were stopping over today,” he said. “What happened to Christmas shopping with Mason?”

             
“We just finished,” I said, walking into his apartment. It was already starting to look more like a bachelor pad, with a half-finished box of pizza lying open on the coffee table and articles of Nolan’s clothing strew throughout.

             
“Have anyone over last night?” I asked, lifting a shift off the floor and raising my eyebrows.

             
“Nope, I had that on earlier and I got cold so I changed.”

             
“That’s what a bedroom is for,” I reminded him, picking up a few other shirts and heading into his bedroom.

             
“What’s the fun in that? I have the whole place to myself. I could walk around naked if I wanted to.”

             
“Please don’t,” I replied. “The last thing I need is to show up one day and find you naked and wandering around the apartment like it’s no big deal.”

             
“Or maybe that’s exactly what you need,” he grinned. I blushed and ignored him, throwing the clothes into the already overflowing hamper and heading back to the living room. I grabbed the pizza box and went into the kitchen, wrapped the pizza in foil and popped it in the fridge then tossed the box into the trash can.

             
“Why are you cleaning my apartment?” Nolan asked, laughing.

             
“Someone has to,” I replied. “And I doubt I can count on you to actually do it.”

             
“Don’t worry about it, Lainey. They have cleaning services here. I’ll probably just sign up for that.”

             
“With what money?” I demanded. “Nolan, you have to start getting serious about the future. You dropped out of college and you have no job and now you have an apartment to make rent on every month. It’s time to grow up a little.”

             
“Whoa!” Nolan protested, holding his hands in the air. “Where did that come from?”

             
I ignored him and went around tidying up a little more, trying to remember what I was doing there and why it seemed so important in the car. I should have just gone home, relieved Adam of daddy duty and spent the rest of the day with Harper. That was where I was more comfortable and it was where I belonged. Not here with the boy that had broken my best friend’s heart, cleaning up his apartment because he couldn’t be bothered to do it himself.

             
“I have to go,” I said suddenly and started to head towards the door, even though I had no idea how I was going to get anywhere. Nolan lived downtown and it would be about a thirty minute walk, if I were lucky, back home. But maybe that would be good. Maybe it was exactly what I needed.

             
“You just got here,” Nolan protested, jumping in front of me and leaning against the door. “What’s going on? Did Adam do something?”

             
“No,” I said testily. “Adam didn’t do anything. I just have to go. I don’t even know why I came over.”

             
“Well, there was obviously a reason. Don’t go, Lainey. Talk to me.” He was almost pleading with me and the humor that had been in his eyes moments before disappeared. He looked almost like a lost little boy, and I felt obligated to stay. I needed to figure this out, anyway. Whatever
this
was.

             
“Why are we suddenly friends?” I asked him, turning around and heading back to the couch. Nolan sat down next to me and frowned.

             
“I don’t know. We just are. Why?”

             
“It doesn’t make sense,” I explained. “You were Adam’s best friend when I met him and we barely said two words to each other until you started dating Hannah. You broke her heart before you two were even official and I only supported your relationship because she really cared about you, even though you were bad for her. Why are we friends now? What changed?”

             
“Everything,” Nolan said. “We’re not the same people we were a year ago, Lainey, not by far.”

             
“I am,” I insisted and he shook his head, disagreeing with me.

             
“You’re way different, Lainey. A year ago, you would never ignore the way Adam’s been acting the way you do now. You would have called him out on it, demanded he change and not take no for an answer. Now, he does what he wants, goes out all the time, and you just accept it.”

             
“He does not,” I protested. “Not anymore, anyway.”

             
“Yeah, and he didn’t stop because you asked him to. He stopped because Mason said something about it. I don’t get it, Lainey. Why do you let him not take full responsibility, the way you have?”

             
“I don’t know,” I answered, because that was true. “I don’t want to lose him. It’s scary enough being a mom, but being one without Harper’s dad around… I don’t think I could do it.”

             
“So you let him do whatever, just so he won’t leave? That’s not like you, Lainey.”

             
“And what about you?” I demanded. “You’re a completely different person now and you act like you don’t care about anything. I don’t think that’s any healthier than being a pushover.”

             
“I never said you were a pushover, and what are you talking about, I don’t care about anything? I care about a lot of things!” Now it was his turn to get defensive.

             
“Really? Because last I checked, you dropped out of school after not even completing a full semester and you got kicked out of your parents’ house and don’t even seem to care.”

             
“I didn’t get kicked out of my parents’ house,” he said quietly.

             
“What?” I asked, surprised. “You told me…”

             
“I know what I told you, and I lied. The truth is, my parents don’t even know I’m back yet. I didn’t want to tell them about college because I knew my dad would freak out. I went straight to you and Adam’s house as soon as I got back in the area because I figured even though Adam and I hadn’t spoken in forever, at least I’d have a chance.”

             
“You lied,” I fumed, more enraged about it then maybe I should be. “God, Nolan, I guess you haven’t changed at all.”

             
I stood up, preparing to leave again but Nolan grabbed my arm, stopping me. “Would you have let me crash on your couch if I’d told you the truth?” He asked.

             
“No,” I admitted, still angry.

             
“Exactly. Come on, Lainey, you know better than anyone how parents can be when they don’t approve of your decisions. I didn’t want to deal with that, not yet. I just wanted to be around people that I thought cared about me, that I care about.”

             
“We barely knew each other before you came back, Nolan,” I protested. “We had a few conversations last year and if I remember correctly, most of them involved me yelling at you for the way you treated Hannah.”

             
Nolan smiled and loosened his grip on my arm. I didn’t move.

             
“I know,” he replied. “That’s how I know you care.”

             
I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall next to the door. I felt tired, drained. Everything seemed to weight on me, the enormity of what my life had become. I was here because I thought there was a chance I had feelings for him, for Nolan. Now I realized how insane that was. Even if it were true, it could never work.

             
I felt Nolan move closer, and put his hands on either side of me, against the wall. I felt trapped, but it wasn’t a necessarily bad feeling. I opened my eyes and stared into his blue ones.

             
“You’re so wrong when you say I don’t care about anything,” he said softly. “I care about you, Lainey, more than I thought I’d ever care about anyone. Even Hannah, in a way, but that was different. I just…” His voice trailed off, and I didn’t have any desire to ask him to finish his sentence. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it might explode right out of my chest.

             
He leaned forward slowly and I didn’t stop him. I didn’t stop him as his lips hovered over me and felt my eyes close almost on their own as his mouth brushed against mine. Kissing him was completely different than kissing Adam. His lips moved roughly against my lips, his tongue forcing them open, meeting mine.

             
One hand left the wall and tangled in my hair, pulling me closer to him. He continued to lead me until he literally fell over the arm of the couch, pulling me down on top of him. Our lips still didn’t break apart.

             
He rolled over so that he was on top of me, kissing me harder with every passing moment. His hand reached up my shirt, causing the skin along my side to tingle and I let him. I responded in a way I hadn’t since that night in September with Adam, before that phone call. Phone call. My phone was ringing and it was enough to make me push Nolan off, staring at him in shock.

             
He sat up, staring at me with the same shock I felt and my face turned redder than I was sure it had ever been before. “Oh my God,” I whispered, shaking my head. I pulled my phone out my pocket and checked it. One missed called from Adam. I felt horrible, worse than I ever had before.

             
Adam was home with our baby, wondering where I was. I was at his former best friend’s apartment, making out with him. I was officially the worst mother in the world. No, the worst person in the world.

             
“That’s never going to happen again,” I said, standing up and smoothing my shirt over my stomach.

             
“Lainey…” Nolan started, but I was headed back to the door once again, determined not to let him stop me.

             
“Lainey,” he said again, and jumped ahead of me.

             
“Let me go,” I demanded.

             
“I’m sorry,” he said. “Please try to hear me out. I’m sorry.”

             
“Never again, Nolan,” I whispered, feeling all the fight draining out of me. How was I going to explain this to Adam? Or should I just try and forget it ever happened? That felt too dishonest, but telling him felt too dangerous. He already didn’t trust the two of us alone together. To give him proof of how he was right all along, that just didn’t sit well with me.

             
“Lainey, listen to me. I’m not sorry I kissed you. To be totally honest, I’ve wanted to do that since I got back. I’m just sorry I put you in this situation.”

             
“Nolan, stop!” I exclaimed. “You can’t be serious. I’m with your
best friend
. I have a
daughter with him
.” I said those words carefully so he would hear them clearly and realize how ridiculous this situation was.

             
“You have no idea, do you?” He was staring at me now with a look of sympathy and even a little bit of pity, which just served to enrage me.

             
“What the hell are you talking about?” I spat out. “I know all I need to know, and right now I know that we can’t do this anymore. We can’t be friends if this is how it’s going to be.”

             
I started to walk past him and this time he made no attempt to stop me. His lack of action caused me to stop myself before reaching for the door handle.

             
“Why aren’t you and Adam friends anymore?” I asked, turning around. “Tell me right now, while you have nothing left to lose.”