The Heart (31 page)

An endless and unbearable silence followed as he watched me. The stillness between us was a heavy weight in my chest as I waited with bated breath.

“You’re afraid you’ll love me less.” He sighed, defeated.

“No,” I said, pushing my shoulders back as I admitted my biggest fear. “I’m afraid I’ll love you more.” He took a step toward me, and I saw all the love in his eyes dim as I cowered away. “And that would mean I was wrong about Grant and the way we felt and what we had.”

Jack watched me crumble as I tried my best to keep from shaking. It felt like years of bottled emotions were coming out at once, the anger of my loss, the fact that I had to hide my pain after the ‘allotted’ amount of time to grieve, and also the fact that I’d let myself get wrapped up in another man. I couldn’t shake the fucking guilt that I knew was keeping me from moving on with him.

“Or maybe he just died, Rose, and there’s no rhyme or good reason, and the man you’re supposed to be with is standing right in front of you, losing his goddamned mind because he’s competing with a ghost. You
don’t
have to make a choice between us.”

“That’s not true,” I said as I let out a small sob. “I’ve been holding on to him for so long, Jack, I have no idea how to let go.” We stood and stared at each other, every part of me begging for release of the guilt I’d inflicted upon myself, yet every bit of my words to Jack were the absolute truth. I was afraid to love him for so many more reasons other than just forgetting Grant. I was terrified of losing it all over again. And yet, as I stood watching, him I knew that fear was already becoming reality. I was in love with him, totally, utterly, and completely, but I was losing him with every word I spoke. He looked behind me, studying the house, and I didn’t have to ask to know what he was thinking. I had barricaded myself in my love for Grant, in my loss, and rebuilt my life
around
him, not without him. I made no room for anyone else. It had never seemed so damning for me until that very moment.

I saw Jack’s decision before he spoke, but I spoke first. “No.”

“I can’t do this,” he said as he turned toward his truck and looked back at me briefly. “I’m sorry, I can’t. My chest can’t take it, baby. You knocked the wind out of me again, and I’m not going to stand here and wait for you to rip the rest of me apart.”

“Jack, please don’t leave,” I said weakly.

“I can’t stay here and watch you throw us away. Tell your father and the family I said goodbye.”

“Jack, please don’t leave like this.” I was sobbing now as he looked me over and took a step toward me, cupped my face and slid his thumbs along my cheeks. “My being here is tearing you apart, too, and as selfish as I feel right now, I hate seeing you cry. Don’t cry, baby. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so fucking insensitive.”

“Don’t be sorry. I should have told you,” I said as a fresh wound opened and my heart bled freely before him. “Don’t leave, Jack.”

“God, Rose, all I wanted to do was make you happy. I wanted in, but I had no idea what I was up against. I can’t make you mine if you’ve already decided you belong to someone else. I can’t stay, not like this, wondering if I ever had a real piece of you, fighting a battle you tell me I’ve already lost. You don’t belong to me, and I can’t handle it. I’m too far gone and I’ve made a goddamned fool of myself.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“What for?” He looked at me with unshed tears in his eyes. “I fell in love with a beautiful woman worthy of it. I’m not sorry.” He leaned in and kissed me. Just as the kiss deepened, I gripped him to me desperately. He pulled away, making our separation unbearable.

Jack looked at me for a long moment before he kissed my tear soaked lips one last time and climbed into his truck. I banged on his window as I begged. “Jack, please don’t drive!”

Alarm covered his features as he rolled down his window.

“Please don’t drive,” I begged in near hysterics.

“I’m going to the center. I’ll sleep it off there. I’ll be fine. The bottle was almost empty when I started.”

“You can stay here. You don’t have to go. I want you to stay. I do!”

He cut me off when he looked at me again, the pain on his features unbearable. “Let’s not fault each other, okay? There’s too much here between us. I want you too much. Jesus, every time I look at you, it’s like lightning to the chest.” He missed my gasp at his words as he turned the ignition and took off, the gravel kicking up behind him.

“Jack!”

Sobs poured from me as I planted my ass on the grass, completely obliterated. He’d seen my baggage, and it had been too much for him. The gash in my chest openly bled as I curled up on my lawn, the foolish widow that I was. After years of begging my heart, it finally stopped beating.

I stood with my sister beside my family as I moved to address the crowd in front of me. A crowd filled with friends of the family, new employees of the center, media, and the building crew.

I hadn’t at all thought about the words I would say as they looked at me expectantly, and for the first time in a very long time, I let my heart lead.

“My sister and I have known since we were young that we wanted to be doctors,” I started, my voice surprisingly steady. “We made it our common goal to open a general practice and worked hard toward that common goal.” I looked over at Dallas and smiled as her eyes filled, and I rolled mine at her, trying to make her laugh, which she did. I couldn’t afford to get choked up. With fresh breath, I faced the crowd.

“To say this is the most important day of our lives would be a lie. The two of us may look back on this day with fondness and pride. It may very well rank high as one of our best, but I can tell you with absolute certainty it won’t be either of our favorite days.”

I saw a mix of confusion on the faces of the onlookers.

“Because the two of us were raised to know what was truly important, and that’s our time with people who shape our lives.”

I saw my mom squeeze my dad’s arm in approval before giving me a wink. “I can honestly tell you that for Dallas, a day that will top today was the day she married her husband, Dean. And me, well, I have one day in particular that stands out above most.” My heart began to pound in my chest as inevitable tears built behind my steady demeanor. Dallas reached over and squeezed my hand, and I nodded at her in reassurance that I could do this.

“That day for me is the day I met Grant Foster.” I sucked in a huge breath as I gathered every bit of strength inside me.

“Grant was an undeniable force of nature not to be ignored. And those he left in his wake were left better people for simply knowing him. I can tell you firsthand, as the woman who was most affected by him, that he was a free spirit with unyielding, unrelenting, unconditional love that is such a rarity that he shined among men. And though his life was cut far too short, he lived for a purpose, and that purpose paved the way for those of us involved in opening this center. He was a man to be cherished and honored.

“So today we open the Grant Foster Cancer Treatment Center in hopes of doing just that. To keep a piece of his selfless legacy with us and to remind us all of what’s truly important: to care for and protect the people that provide us with our favorite days because
they
are truly significant and irreplaceable. And that’s how we plan to treat each patient that walks through our doors. Thank you.”

I barely made it a step before Dallas pulled me to her in a ridiculously tight hug, which I returned.

“God, that was awesome,” she said as she pulled away and beamed at me with tears in her eyes.

“We did it!” I beamed back.

“We have to cut the ribbon first,” she said, taking the large scissors from Dean. I gripped them with her as we cut through the thick, woven ribbon that my mother put together in every color to represent the many types of cancer.

Once cut, Dallas and I stood patiently as pictures were snapped and the crowd slowly disbursed.

“Jack,” I heard Grant call out as he wiggled out of Dean’s arms. I stood paralyzed as I saw the crowd part and followed Grant’s movements as he flew into Jack’s waiting arms.

“Easy, Rose,” Dallas whispered.

“He saw the whole thing,” I said, paling as my eyes met Jack’s. He looked gorgeous as usual in dark denim jeans and a gray button-down shirt. He looked at me as if I was a mystery to him. As if we hadn’t just spent the last three months inseparable and in each other’s arms. A part of me tore in half as I felt the distance between us widen.

“He deserved to know what big shoes he had to fill,” Dallas said before she stilled for another picture. “Smile, damn it. We don’t get retakes,” she snapped. I faked a smile, my eyes still focused on Jack as he listened to Grant tell him what was what. Forced to spend another ten minutes taking pictures, I lost Jack in the crowd as Dallas and I gave a short tour of the main building to the eager reporters.

I’d spent every day of the past three weeks praying for word from him and got nothing. I dialed his number twice and hung up the second time after he didn’t return the first unanswered call. I spent very little time pretending our separation was for the best, and after the first week, I came close to losing my mind. The two Js had come to the rescue this past weekend, holding me hostage. In spite of my heartbreak, I had finally come clean about everything, down to the smallest detail. I’d shown them the stethoscope and found myself comforting Jules, who had turned out to be a real softy and broke down into sobs on my behalf.

Both of them would be starting the center next week, and I was stuck at Memorial without them for the next year. I’d shot my foot off offering their jobs too soon. Neither of them wanted to wait. They stood now in front of me with wide eyes as I knew immediately I was about to get a report.

“Where is he?”

“He left,” they answered in unison.

“Shit,” I muttered as tears sprang to my eyes.

Jules glared at Jamie briefly before she turned back to me. “Don’t freak. He’ll be at the party tonight. I heard your mother ask him if he would come.”

“He said he would?”

“He told her he wouldn’t miss it,” Jules exclaimed proudly. “Let’s get you home and Sandra Dee you up.”

An hour into the party, and after staring at the doors from the arboretum, I began to lose hope. Jack was nowhere to be seen. I took my time making rounds, thanking my father’s crew, and chatting with the new staff as I attempted to keep from bursting into tears.

I loved him. I missed him. And now I belonged to him. It was that simple.

Champagne poured freely as everyone took the dance floor that sat next to the fountain. My father grabbed my hand in passing and led me onto it with a smile.

“We haven’t done this in a very long time,” he said as he gripped my hand and began to lead.

“Remember when you first taught me and let me stand on your feet?”

He smiled at me with a nod. “I’m surprised you remember that. You were so little.”

“It was one of my favorite days,” I said fondly.

“Mine too, little woman,” he said as he spun me around. “That was one hell of a speech you gave. Your mother and I couldn’t be prouder.”

“I had parents who molded me and gave a crap about my future. I’m the lucky one, Dad.”

“You’ll be the same way when you become a mother.”

“Right,” I said, being agreeable as I looked around us. The party was in full swing, and I had to admit, it had been put together well in a short time. I noticed the subtle touches. The finished floor to ceiling healing posts that Jack had had spent hours on at the entrance were nothing short of spectacular. They were so intricately carved, I knew on nights we weren’t together that was what he was doing. Pink, White, and Orange roses were arranged throughout the room in vases covered in ribbon similar to the one we cut today. I looked up to the lights strewn above us and froze. They’d been netted and woven together to cover the whole of the atrium. Soft green, blue, streaks of white, and light purple shone above us in alternating patterns as I stood in complete awe.

“Isn’t it amazing?” my father said, clearly impressed. “Jack set it up this morning before the ceremony. It’s—”