The Healing (12 page)

“Sorry about the change of plans,” Titus said, looking sincerely at Suzanne, “but as long as Samuel’s still having bouts of depression, I wouldn’t feel right about leaving him here alone.”

“I understand that, but I wish …” Suzanne’s voice trailed off, and then, turning away from Titus, she motioned toward the door. “Come on, kids; let’s go sledding.”

Tap! Tap! Tap!

“Samuel, can I come in?”

Samuel rolled over on his side so that he faced the wall. He didn’t want to talk to Titus right now. He just wanted to be left alone.

Tap! Tap! Tap!

Samuel figured if he didn’t respond, the tapping would only continue. So he pulled himself to a sitting position and called, “Come in.”

The door opened and Titus stepped into the room. “You know, you’re not doing yourself or the kinner any good by pulling away like you have,” he said, taking a seat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m not pulling away.”

“Jah, you are. You won’t join the kinner in anything they do that’s fun, and—”

Samuel leaped to his feet and started pacing. “I can’t do anything fun! I’m miserable without Elsie. Not that I’d expect you to understand.” He stopped pacing and whirled around to face Titus. “You’ve never lost a mate, and you have no idea how empty I feel without Elsie. The pain is unbearable. It’s like my heart has been torn in two.”

“I know you’re hurting, and you’re right, I don’t understand, but Mom and Dad do. As you well know, they both lost their first mates, and I’m sure it wasn’t easy for either of them.” Titus stepped up to Samuel and placed his hand on his shoulder. “Maybe someday, when the time is right, you’ll find someone else, the way our folks did.”

White hot anger boiled in Samuel’s chest as he glared at his brother, hoping he would get the point. “I am never getting married again. Don’t you get it? No one could ever take Elsie’s place in my heart!”

Titus blinked and held up his hand. “Of course not. You don’t have to get so riled. I just meant—”

“I don’t want to talk about this anymore. I need to be alone.” Samuel grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the room. “Why can’t everyone just leave me alone and quit telling me how I’m supposed to feel?” he mumbled under his breath.

“Sorry I forgot to bring my sled,” Suzanne said as she and Esther trudged through the snow behind the children and Lucky, their exuberant Lab.

“That’s okay. We can manage with the three I brought.” Esther smiled. “I think this is going to be a fun day for all of us, don’t you?”

Suzanne exhaled, releasing a sigh. “I suppose.”

“Are you disappointed because Titus didn’t come with us?”

“Jah, but I understand why he felt the need to stay with his bruder.”

“Do you think Samuel will ever get over his wife’s death?” Esther asked, knowing everyone dealt with grief in their own way, at their own pace.

“I hope so, but I think it’ll take some time, just as it did for my mamm when my daed died. From what Titus has told me, Elsie was the love of Samuel’s life, and the two of them were really looking forward to having another child, so losing the boppli she carried made it that much harder for Samuel.”

“I’m sure it did. I just hate to see him looking so sad.”

“I know, but until he’s able to come to grips with his loss, there isn’t much any of us can do but pray for him and offer support.”

They walked in silence for a while; then Esther said, “I don’t think Samuel likes me.”

“How come?”

“He doesn’t say much whenever I’m around, and when he does, he won’t look at me.”

“Titus was like that with me when he first moved to Kentucky,” Suzanne said. “It really bothered me, too.”

“But that was because you reminded him of his ex-girlfriend, Phoebe.”

Suzanne nodded. “I was so relieved when he chose me over her.”

“Have you heard anything about how she’s doing since she went back to Pennsylvania?”

“From the few things Titus’s mamm has told him, I gather that Phoebe’s getting along pretty well and has even decided to join the church.”

“Is she being courted by anyone there?”

Suzanne shrugged. “I don’t think so, but I don’t know for sure. Titus doesn’t talk about her much anymore, and I’m glad. When Phoebe showed up here out of the blue, it was hard for me, and I felt insecure about my relationship with Titus.”

“But things are okay between you now, aren’t they?”

“For the moment, they are. If Samuel doesn’t mess them up, that is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Samuel’s always around, and I miss not having the quality time Titus and I used to have together.” Suzanne bumped Esther’s arm with her elbow. “Speaking of Samuel, if you think he doesn’t like you, then maybe you should ask him why.”

Esther shook her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“Why not?”

“Samuel’s hard to figure out, and I don’t want to say or do anything that might make him angry at me. I enjoy watching the kinner and wouldn’t want to lose my job.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that. Samuel needs someone to watch them while he’s working, and since you’re so good with the kinner, he’d be foolish to let you go.”

Esther was about to comment, when Penny stopped walking, turned toward Esther and Suzanne, and pointed upward. “Look there—some
gens!”

Esther leaned her head back. Sure enough, there was a flock of honking geese cutting across the sky. “Looks like spring can’t be too far off now.” She smiled. “They’re heading back north.”

“And look over there.” Suzanne pointed to her left. A small doe pranced into the empty cornfield, now covered with snow.

“Ach, how cute!” Penny watched the doe a minute, then she hurried on.

After they’d gone a bit farther, Marla handed her sled rope to Leon and joined Esther and Suzanne. “I’m hopin’ I get a sled of my own for my
gebottsdaag
,” she said.

“When is your birthday?” Esther asked.

“I’ll be nine years old next Saturday. Daadi hasn’t said a thing about it, though, so I’ll bet he forgot.” Marla frowned deeply and scrunched up her nose. “He don’t remember much of anything anymore.”

Esther gave the girl’s shoulder a gentle squeeze. “I’m sure he won’t forget something as important as your birthday.”

Marla shrugged. “We’ll see.”

As they continued on, Esther determined in her heart that she would do something special for Marla’s birthday. That way, if Samuel should forget, the child wouldn’t be quite so disappointed.

“Since we only have three sleds, we’ll have to take turns,” Suzanne said when they came to the top of a hill that looked perfect for sledding.

“Me first! Me first!” Leon shouted, hopping up and down. He raced for one of the sleds and took off down the hill before Esther had a chance to respond. Barking and nipping at the back of the sled, Lucky followed.

Marla grabbed another sled and went right behind him. “Look out, Leon—here I come!”

“Penny’s kind of little to manage the sled by herself,” Esther said to Suzanne, “so maybe I should ride down the hill with her.”

“That’s a good idea,” Suzanne agreed. “When one of the others gets back with their sled, I’ll take Jared for a ride with me.”

Esther seated herself on the sled, situated Penny in front of her, and pushed off with her feet.

“Whee … This is schpass!” Penny hollered.

“Jah, it’s a whole lot of fun.” Esther giggled as they gathered speed and the snow sprayed back in their faces. The faster they went, the more she laughed, enjoying the memory of her youth when life was so simple and carefree.

When they reached the bottom of the hill, Lucky was there, ready to slurp Penny’s cheek.

Penny giggled as she turned her head. “Get away, Lucky! You’re gettin’ my face all wet.”

Woof! Woof!
The dog wagged his tail, and with one final slurp, he dashed up the hill behind the others.

They went up and down the hill several more times, with Esther taking turns with Suzanne as they gave Penny and Jared rides on the sled.

“I wanna ride by myself now.” Before anyone could stop her, Penny grabbed hold of the sled Marla had been using and took off down the hill in a flash. Lucky raced ahead of her, barking excitedly and zigzagging through the snow.

“Penny, look out!” Esther shouted.

It was too late. Lucky bumped the sled, and Penny screamed as her hat flew off. The sled flipped over, and Penny landed at the base of a tree with a horrible
thud
!

E
sther raced down the hill and dropped to her knees beside Penny, who was laying facedown in the snow. Lucky stood over her, whimpering.

Esther pushed the dog aside and quickly turned Penny over. “Ach, my!” she gasped when she saw blood oozing out of a gash in the little girl’s forehead.

Penny’s eyes opened and she looked up at Esther with a blank stare. “Wh–what happened?”

“You flew off the sled.” Esther removed the scarf she wore around her neck and wrapped it around Penny’s forehead to stop the bleeding.

“Is she okay?” Suzanne asked, kneeling on the snow beside Penny. Marla and Leon had joined them now, too, wearing worried expressions.

“There’s a nasty-looking cut on her forehead. I think she either hit the runner of the sled or the tree.” Esther felt deep concern, but she tried to remain calm for the children’s sake, as she didn’t want to frighten them. “She could have a concussion, and I’m sure she’s going to need stitches,” she whispered to Suzanne. “We need to get her back to the house right away.”

“Let’s put her on the sled, and I’ll pull it to the house. That’ll be quicker and easier than one of us trying to carry her,” Suzanne said.

Once they got Penny situated on the sled, Esther carried Jared, while Marla and Leon pulled the other two sleds, and they headed as quickly as possible for the house.

“Sure wish we didn’t have to quit sleddin’,” Leon complained as they trudged along.

“We can’t sled no more, dummkopp. Penny’s been hurt.” Marla’s chin quivered. “You don’t want her to die, like Mammi did, do ya?”

“I ain’t no dunce, and Penny ain’t gonna die,” the boy shot back.

“She might. Mammi died when she fell down the
schteeg.”

Leon’s face turned white as the snow beneath their feet. “Ya really think so?”

“Your sister is not going to die,” Esther was quick to say. “She’ll be fine once we get her cleaned up and see if she’ll need to go to the doctor for stitches.”

Marla gave a nod, but Leon didn’t look one bit convinced. It was obvious that the pain of losing his mother was still very real. Esther wished there was something she could do to bring healing to Samuel’s children. Samuel, too, for that matter, but she didn’t think he’d ever let her get close enough to offer comfort. He didn’t seem to let anyone get close to him—not even his children or Titus.

Esther had a tender heart toward those who were hurting. She’d been like that since she was a child. She remembered once when her brother James had broken his arm after falling from a tree in their yard. She’d felt his pain as if it were her own. Then there was the time her dog, Rascal, had gotten hit by a car. When they’d brought Rascal home from the vet’s, she’d stayed by his side for hours on end.

“We’re almost there,” Suzanne said, pointing to the house as it came into view. “I think I see Samuel out by the barn.”