The Harder They Fall (32 page)

I don’t know if the Lord at that point prompted me to get up and turn the TV on, or if I did it on my own to rid myself of these feelings. But I got up and turned it on and realized, as the picture came on the screen, that I hadn’t slept long at all, because Jimmy Swaggart was still on, and he had just delivered the message of salvation and was having an altar call—where he invited people to come forward and invite Christ into their hearts. I realized in that instant that the presence in that room with me was the spirit of the Living God. I was being given the opportunity to bend my knee and invite Christ into my life.

Now, they say that when you die, your whole life passes through your eyes, and in a sense, my whole life passed before my eyes that night. I could see the number of times in the previous thirty years that, given the drinking and drugs and the kind of life-style that I was living, I was headed for destruction. I would be one step away from self-destructing, and this hand would materialize. It would gently nudge me back from the edge. At that moment, I intuitively knew that what I’d been longing for and what I needed was a relationship with God. I knew that the void in my life was a
God-shaped void, and only God could fill it. I fell on my knees and wept and cried and invited Jesus Christ into my life.

I don’t know how long I was on the floor. I finally got up and went back to bed. I do know that when I got up the next morning and went outside that it was a decidedly different world. The world hadn’t changed, but I had. The Bible says that when you accept Christ into your life, you become a new creature. The old things pass away, and all things become new again, and I was a new creature in Christ.

Now, I couldn’t have verbalized that and told you at the time. I’ve since come to learn and realize that what happened was I became born again through the spirit of the Living God. I went on about my business that day, and it was incredible. The grass seemed greener, the sky bluer. All of a sudden, my senses were so in tune with everything around me. Whereas I was so dulled with the drugs and alcohol and the life-style I’d been living, now everything has taken on a new brilliance.

So I went about my way that day and finished up the races and got on a plane to fly back to Colorado. After we got into the air, a stewardess came by and asked if I wanted a drink. When I was sober, I was really a pretty polite individual, yet I snapped at her. I said, “No!” She said, “Okay, fine.” I can picture the look on her, the astonished and shocked look on her face that I would snap at her like that. Then I sat back in my chair and said, “Now where did that come from?” I started looking inside. I realized that not only did I not find alcohol appealing, but I found it repulsive. And I truly believe that at the moment I accepted Christ into my life, He broke the chains of bondage to drugs and alcohol.

I have never gone to rehab or had a relapse. I’ve been in the company of people doing drugs and alcohol, and it’s not like I have to fight the urge. What I do is try to talk to people who are doing it into not doing it: “That’s not the way to go. That’s not what you need to be doing. This isn’t the answer to your problems. Here, I have the answer, let me share it with you.” The people that I was trying to witness to and minister to were the same ones that I had partied with. They were like, “Git owda here!” That caused me to have to find a new circle of friends. Whether you are reaching the pinnacle of success or falling on your back, until you want help, God
Himself won’t separate you from the habit or addiction that you don’t want to get rid of.

A lot of people thought that the change that had taken place in my life was a momentary thing, and that I would come out of it, but Christianity to me is not a way of life, it is life. It is a continual, ongoing, ever-growing, intimate walk with the Lord. He is faithful. They now recognize that what happened to me was for real, that it wasn’t a passing fancy. I recovered the day I accepted Christ. I was set free. When I sat down on the plane that night and snapped at the lady (and I apologized), the change had already taken place. As I said, when you accept Christ into your life you become a new creature.

I truly believe that if someone with an addiction of any kind has a heart’s desire, a heart’s cry, to be rid of that addiction, God will give that person the power to overcome. In my case, He instantaneously delivered me from the bondage of drugs and alcohol. Now, there’s other areas of my life that the Lord and I together work on daily. I’ve always been competitive, but I wasn’t a very good loser, and I was known to throw a temper tantrum if I got beat a nose in a race or if something didn’t go my way. I had a vicious temper. But with the Lord’s help, today I’ve got that in check.

And I realized right away that I was going to have a hard time witnessing for the Lord and living for the Lord if I used the kind of vulgarity that is second language—sometimes primary language!—in a locker-room environment. I was clear on that: Stay away from coarse talking. So the Lord has helped me and is continuing to help me to monitor my words and be careful about what I say and how I say it.

It’s all a process, and God is continuing to work in and through me. God is faithful even when I’m faithless. So I’m not in recovery or recovering, I’m going in the spirit of the Lord and in the grace and knowledge of Jesus. As far as drugs and alcohol, I was set free from the moment I accepted Him. The Bible says that if you know the truth, then the truth will set you free. Elsewhere it says Jesus Christ is the Way and the Truth and the Life, and nobody comes to the Father except through Him. He is the Truth, and if you know the Truth, then the Truth will set you free. If you invite Christ into your life, you experience the power of God working in your heart and
in your life. You experience the forgiveness of your sins, you are reconciled to God, and you have the power of God to tap into. It’s not by might or by power, but by my spirit, sayeth the Lord. And it’s the spirit of God working in and through me that allows me to be the person that I am and to be where I am today.

My life is better than it’s ever been, and getting better by the day. I’d be lying if I said it was all just smooth sailing! I have good days and bad days—everybody does. That’s part of being human. But my life is so incredibly better than it was twenty years ago.

I joke that I was like one of those life-sized cartoon characters, Popeye and all, air-filled but weighted at the bottom. That weight will finally bring them upright. For me, God was the weight at the bottom. My mother and father laid the foundation by raising me the right way, and I just waffled back and forth, back and forth, until on January 27, 1984, when I accepted Christ and finally came upright. By the grace of God, I have stayed that way for the most part.

My mother is still living; my father passed away in ’86. Both parents saw me sober and straight. They had seen me at my worst, and it wasn’t something they were proud of, yet at the same time, I think they recognized that they had raised me right—they had laid the groundwork. When the rubber meets the road, ultimately the choice has to be made. Needless to say, both my mother and father were ecstatic when the change occurred in my life. I wish my father was alive today to see the continuing change that has taken place, the success that the Lord blessed me with, and the positive influence that I trust I’m making on people I come into contact with in racing.

My daughter was born in 1986, so she never saw me under the influence of drugs and alcohol and never saw me in bad shape, but we have talked about the dangers of such. I’ve shared harrowing stories with her—near misses and close calls—and tried to impress upon her that I’m not proud of that. I only share with her for the reason I share with you, that she might learn from my mistakes.

I often share my testimony and tell people that if they’re out there today and have a problem, know that there’s help. I don’t share to glamorize
alcohol or drugs or make it look like what I did was all right—not by any stretch of the imagination! I despise what I did to myself, my family, and my friends—and what I very nearly did to the God-given talent and ability to communicate with horses and ride races that the Lord has blessed me with. To treat His love, grace, and mercy with disregard is disheartening to look back on, but I share in hopes that if there’s someone on the verge of getting involved that they’d recognize it’s the wrong way to go. That if they are involved, there’s hope and help, and that they can turn away from that life.

(comedian)