The Goodbye Man (24 page)

After standing in
the corner like a toddler in time-out, Mateo drags me downstairs to his version of heaven. The fluorescent buzzing lights makes me nervous as I am faced with remembering my stint here. Rows of hospital beds line the walls on two sides with sleeping beauties tucked quietly in a peaceful slumber as they await their final farewell. Beeping alarms indicate their hearts are still alive, in a world in limbo. I hate them even more as I am faced with something that Mateo will never let go of. He told me he needed to get it back. My belly drops to the ground as I am faced with jealousy once again as he drags me over to the bed of a pretty, pale skinned blonde girl. His hand leaves mine.

“If you don’t want me to leave, then you don’t get to leave my side either. I have to fix what you did. Stand there. And watch me fix your mistake. You hurt me Lettie. Now I get to hurt you back.”

I swallow bile down my burning throat as Mateo strips himself from his jeans and boots. The pretty little girl is limp, but still alive, not refusing any of his movements. He leans down, taking her pink nipple into his mouth, nursing it with gentleness. I want to yell at him and tell him that I am the woman that deserves that. I can be enough for him, but I won’t. I fight. I breathe. I moan. I move. I create disorder. Mateo hates disorder. He grips his beautifully hard cock and preps to enter the unconscious girl. I squeeze my eyes shut.

“Open your fucking eyes and watch. You did this, I was doing better until you destroyed my life. Watch me love her.”

His words are like venom to my heart. I force my teary eyes open, my mouth goes agape as his hard cock prods its way inside of her dry cunt. I watch his ass flex back and forth while my pussy gets wet. I hate my body for responding to such a sight, but two can play a game. If this is what he wants and needs, I will show him that I can play too.

I let him finish as I stare as his rippling ass when he comes inside of the girl’s soon-to-be dead body. He looks hot as hell. I look at his face, the flames of his past still ever present while he wrestles with the demons from his past that will never waiver. I have to remind myself to breathe as the air in my lungs stops its exchange. The maddened creature that beat me upstairs has transformed into a fallen angel, his movements so graceful and fluid. I’m enamored and turned on. This is wrong, so wrong, but I can’t stop myself from feeling this way. Tears fall from my eyes as I come to the conclusion that this disorder is both disastrous and stunning. Chaotic and profound. Beautiful and decrepit.

Mateo pulls himself out of his fuck doll, and immediately pulling my mouth to his, kissing me with passion and need. I wrap my arms around his neck, embracing this moment like it’s my last to live. But I still have a game to play. Little Lettie isn’t dead and I’m about to show Mateo how dead dollies like to play with lively little dolls. My tears of bewilderment cease and my hands make their way to his chest, the thumping from his heart beating faster with each fleeting moment. I push him hard away from me, appreciating the confused look on his face.

“Your lively little fuck doll wants to play too, Mateo. Bet you haven’t seen a girl eat almost-dead pussy before, have you?” I croon, peeling my pants away from my legs as my pussy drips with need. I strip myself from my shirt, eyeing Mateo prudently as he stays naked from his recent fuck session. I watch him, taking my fingers into my mouth, sucking them and moaning out loud. I feel my cunt twitch in delight.

I continue to suck on my fingers while my free hand makes its way to my pussy. I finger myself slowly, watching Mateo as his eyes grow darker. His stance stays the same.
Oh, you dirty, dirty man. You like this, don’t you? Maybe I will win this game.

I allow a faint whimper escape my lungs as my fingers leave my cunt. I walk to the head of the comatose girl’s bed. Her lips are slightly parted. I stick my fingers, covered with my arousal, into her mouth. Her tongue is slightly dry, but I feed her what I know she would like. My womb clenches in response and I moan out loud. I hear Mateo groan behind me.
Good boy. Just wait. The show will get better.

I take my hands from her mouth, bending down and running my tongue across her pale, pink lips. I push my mouth to hers, controlling the movements as my tongue enters her mouth. I taste my salty arousal bathed on her tongue and I sigh, lust immersing me more than before. I climb on top of the girl with no name and whisper in her ear, “Are you ready to play with me, little girl?” She stays limp under me and I grind my hips over her belly, letting the friction rub my clit. The sensation that I have between Mateo watching me take this girl along with the powerless girl beneath me is too much. I suck on my wet fingers again, popping them free and making my way down to her pert breast. I suck on her nipple gently as it peaks in my mouth. My fingers enter her pussy as I make soft movements like I would enjoy, in and out, over and over.

“Jesus Christ,” Mateo breathes.

I smile on the girl’s bare skin, continuing to nurse her breast. I pepper kisses down her skinny body until I make my way between her thighs. I pull my fingers out, licking them clean. I hear chaffing movements in the background as pride swells in my chest, realizing Mateo is jacking himself off. I force her legs further apart, inhaling her stale scent. My mouth makes its way to her pussy as I allow my tongue to make tender movements along her lips, flicking her clit in a way that would be pleasurable if she were conscious.

“Fuck this shit!” Mateo screams.

I continue to eat her pussy, grazing and thrashing her with quicker swipes of my tongue that would bring her closer to a release if she were awake. Mateo’s strong hands grip both my hips, spreading my legs apart. He pushes himself hard inside of me.

“Fuck, why? Why do you have to be so fucking perfect, Lettie? Why can’t I resist wanting you?” he pants, thrusting his hard cock inside of me.

I moan out loud as he hits my sweet spot, sending a rush of ecstasy to my legs, flooding me with gloriousness. My knees give out, but he holds up my tiny frame. My lips separate from the girl’s pussy.

“No, no. Eat that fucking pussy. Eat it, Lettie!” he bites between gritted teeth.

I part her folds with my fingers, flicking her clit quickly with my tongue while crying out as my belly tightens as the feeling my impending orgasm chases me.

“Why do I have to want you so fucking much?” Mateo demands, pounding his cock deeper inside of me.

My vision goes black as my lips leave her cunt. I shake as he continues to fuck me roughly. I yell, gripping onto the girl’s legs for dear life as the man who I wish for takes me perfectly from behind in the most dysfunctional way. He stills himself inside of me, his pulsating cock making my insides twitch with delight. He kisses my naked back and pulls out of me, remaining silent. I hop from the bed and walk to the girl’s head, running my hands through her blonde curls, still breathless with the taste of her still lingering on my tongue.

My hand grips onto her hair and I yank a fistful free, turning until I face Mateo with her golden strands safely in my hands. As I make my way over to Mateo, his arms wrap themselves around me, pulling me into his hard body for a searing kiss. His fingers find the hair in mine and I let it go, giving it to him. Maybe this is a peace offering.

My mother said I couldn’t have my cake and eat it!

Well my cake is in front of me and I am fucking eating it too.

When a little stone
is flicked up against a large pane of glass, the glass breaks into a million pieces, radiating out from that small spot. Lettie is my stone. She is so small and touched one tiny spot and it has radiated out into a shattered mess of disaster from there. Now I stand here kissing the mouth that just loved one of them,
one of my dolls,
with no shame at all. I am confused and conflicted. My anger still hovers below the surface because she is mine and Lettie touched her, she broke my precious bottles. She kissed my lover. She fucked her with her fingers and her mouth, but she let me fuck her while she did it. My body loved the feel of her, but my heart doesn’t want this.

I grab the handful of hair from her and break the kiss that is killing me slowly. Her eyes are filled with the smugness from her illusion of winning.
Fuck you, Lettie. I win, not you. This is my world and my game.
I want to slap the satisfaction off her face, but I know it won’t work. Instead, I step away from her and dress myself. I don’t have words for her. I rub the stolen hair between my fingers and I feel robbed of something that was mine to do. How did she turn her punishment into pleasure? I want to growl as the rage starts to bubble to the surface again.

“Come, Lettie.” I bark at her as she scrambles to get dressed again. I can’t have her wandering around naked, there are other men here like Hugo, and she is mine. Even if I want to kill her, even more so because I do. She scurries after me, just where I want her. Today she can see the ugly truth below; that love she won’t let go of. She can see just what Caesar does here. I am going to turn her savior into her devil. She can’t love him and me. I want her to myself.
I wonder where he is. He always comes back, but his car is still here, so he should be here somewhere. He might be hiding away, trying to find quiet.

I open the office door and chaos still greets me. Where the fuck is that little pest? He is being lazy and I am going to teach him a fucking lesson, maybe one she can watch and learn from. I grab the clipboard for the afternoons harvest and deliveries before I sit at the desk. When she moves to sit on the small sofa, a small tick snaps at the side of my mouth and I can’t ignore it.

“No, here,” I point to the floor next to me. “You sit here, Lettie. I can’t leave you, you can’t leave me.” Her body sinks to the floor next to me and I start my work by calling the clinics to make sure all the recipients are ready and waiting for their spare parts. I tick the list as I go, keeping everything in order. Lettie picks at the carpet with her fingers as she sits like a little girl next to me on the floor. If she is right there, she cannot leave. I slide my chair back, getting her attention, “Come sit here, Lettie.” I pat my lap and she looks at me with those dark eyes. I want to do terrible things to her, but I need to make her understand who is in control first. She stands up and slides onto my lap, her warmth infuriating yet comforting. I pull her into me, my uncle’s voice in my head,
“Make them feel safe and they will sign their lives over to you. Love a lonely girl and she will give you anything.”
Why his words are burning in my ears now, I do not know, but I pull her against my chest and hold her like he would have. Softly lulling her into that space where she feels safe. No one is safe from me, I have filth in me and I cannot get rid of it. I feel her body slowly unwind and the fear evaporates as she slowly melts against me. I take those few moments to try to love Lettie, even though I am not sure I really want to.
I can’t not.

“Come, Lettie. I have work to do. You are coming with me.” I speak softly, trying to hide my anger. If I make her think I love her, it will hurt more when I punish her. She still needs to hurt for what she did. She stands and waits for me to lead her back to the scene of our earlier debauchery. I seek out the number I need for today’s harvest. Her papers are all on the board including the one Caesar got her to sign stating she was a willing donor receiving no compensation for her voluntary organ donation. I kick the brakes off her bed as she is already disconnected and ready to go. I wheel the squeaky bed towards the automated doors,
just like he does.
When we get to the door, I push the button and whisper goodbye to the pretty girl with ginger hair. I kiss her dead cheek, she has been a beautiful lover to me for two months now. One last brush of her freckled cheek and I push her through the doors to her end and the waiting doctors.
One insignificant life for eighteen others this time. It seems so justified, yet I feel something tugging in me this time.

When the doors whoosh closed, we turn and go to the packing and distribution area where each piece of her will be packed and transported. My drivers line the outside wall waiting on their precious cargo. The misfits and criminals are all just happy to do anything for a paycheck at the end of the day. I pull Lettie through the swing doors and plastic curtains to the sterile washing area, and I start to scrub her skin. She needs to see it all.

I watch the security I made her feel slipping away. The love is being replaced with sadness and fear. As the first organs appear through the other side of the room, her eyes widen in shock as she gasps at the truth, the real truth of how Caesar, her precious fucking Caesar, saves them. She covers her gaping mouth so I can’t hear the cries escaping. I ignore her despair and focus on my job, these are going to save others.

Two hours later, the last pieces of my love have passed through the doors and it’s time to take her away. Sweet little Lettie is a mess and I cannot wait to destroy the last little tether to her love of Caesar once and for all.

Once all the doctors have cleared out and the room is deathly silent, we go in. Her body is wrapped in the blue theater cloths and she is ready to leave. I heave the bed so it starts rolling towards the doors while Lettie remains close behind me. I think reality of the girl’s death has sunk in and she looks sad. As we pass through those still waiting their turn, I see my lovers, all of them so peaceful - all of them there. The wheel of the gurney I am pushing squeaks annoyingly as we start down the passage towards the lift. My finger presses the cool metal button to open the doors and I can hear the metal sounds from inside as they slowly slide apart. I love the feeling in my stomach as the lift moves down below the real world into the fiery pits below. My silent little Lettie doll just follows me. The fire I saw earlier has been extinguished and she looks defeated and heartbroken. Her eyes are planted on the floor; she doesn’t look at me or the blue cloth covered girl invading the space between us. An honest wall of violent, bloody truth is now between us.

We jolt to a stop and the doors grate open, where we are met by the searing heat of this place. I feel my body begin to leak sweat from every pore. I can never get used to it. I push the dead body so that it starts to move again, it’s just a short way now to the door of the furnace rooms. The metal bed hits the heavy door hard as I force it through into the scorching heat that waits inside. I wait until Lettie follows me inside, her eyes taking in the space wide with fear, confusion and disbelief. I watch as her hand comes up to cover her nose; the rank smell of burnt flesh and hair never leaves this place. It hangs here like the death it represents. I turn the conveyor switch on, the door of the incinerator opens, the load roar vibrates, and the mechanical sounds of all the machinery coming to life fills the room. I lift the almost weightless girl onto the already moving belt and watch as she is sucked into the flames, and after a few seconds the furnace door closes again. As I turn around, I am met with Lettie’s tears as her savior image of my uncle burns with the girl. I slip my arm around her and hold her against me, she feels too alive, but I need her to take her comfort from me.

“Come, Lettie. Let’s leave here for a while.” I say, letting her go so we can get out of the fire pit. I need to go to the store for smokes and food anyway, and since she wants me never to leave, she gets to come too. There is something sick about the incinerator rooms that always makes me hungry.