Authors: Dennis J Butler
I breathed a mental sigh of relief when I saw the nurse
approaching us. “Okay LeAnne. Let’s get you started.”
I saw LeAnne three or four times a week for the next three
weeks. LeAnne talked about her childhood, growing up in the mountainous area in
upstate New York. She talked about hunting and fishing with her brother and dad
as I listened intently. One day when I walked in, she had a stack of photo
albums sitting on her bed tray. “Here’s the way I used to look Luke,” she said
as she opened one of the photo albums to show me.
“Hot, very hot,” I said. “But you are still hot, even with
the baseball cap.” LeAnne smiled with just a hint of a smirk.
LeAnne had a story for every picture in her photo albums. It
was both joyous and devastatingly sad to look at the photos of when she was
happy and healthy. It seemed to take her mind off her condition to talk about the
good times of her life. I was happy to listen and thankful she didn’t ask me
too many questions about my life, at least for the first couple of weeks. But I
knew it was just a matter of time before normal curiosity bubbled up to the
surface. The questions about me finally began, a little at a time.
“So Luke, were you brought up in the Midwest or maybe upstate like
me?
You don’t have much of a NY accent. You know all about me but I
don’t know much about you. Do you have family here?”
I hadn’t looked at my fake bio for almost a year. I figured
I could remember the basics and I could improvise the rest as long as I didn’t
lie myself into a corner. “I’m originally from Ohio, so that’s why I don’t have
a NY accent. I’ve been here just under a year.”
“So what brought you here to NY?”
“I was kind of in a rut back in Ohio. I had broken up with a
girl I was with for a few years and I lost my job so I thought it was time for
a big change. I would like to work in the medical research field so I’m
planning on registering at NYU, most likely on a path toward clinical research.
Also, I was thinking maybe I could get into a rock band eventually.”
“Cool! I know you will achieve everything you want Luke. I
think you are a nice person. I only wish I could be here to watch your
success,” LeAnne said with the biggest smile I had seen.
After a long awkward pause in our conversation, I continued,
“I had a friend here a few months ago. He died of soft tissue cancer. I think
we would have been friends for life if he had lived. We had a connection. I
know that working in a hospital, especially in and around a cancer wing, I
shouldn’t get so emotionally attached to people, but we are human and it
happens. I was devastated when Eli died.”
“My feelings for you are the same only different,” I said.
LeAnne looked surprised.
“I’m not sure why. I hardly know you but I think I’m a good
judge of character.”
LeAnne looked confused and made a hand gesture to let me
know that she didn’t understand. “It’s difficult to explain or to even understand.
When I am on my way to your room to take you somewhere, my heart races and I
can’t wait to see you. I feel as if I want to take care of you.” Intellectually
I knew that part of it was because I was lonely and homesick and had no real
friends there. But there was something else, something unique to LeAnne and the
way I felt about her. “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but when I am with
you I have this overwhelming desire to hug you and hold you in my arms. I guess
I just feel helpless and I would do anything if I was able to help you. So, it
is more than a friendship like I felt for Eli. I think in another life, in
another world, we could be even more than friends. There I’ve said it.”
“So much for my shyness,” I thought.
LeAnne reached for my hand. When I looked back up at her,
she was smiling and crying at the same time. I hadn’t heard LeAnne’s parents
enter the room so when I realized someone was standing behind me, I turned and
got a sudden flashback of the time when Eli’s parents came into the room and I
was holding his hand. Again I felt a little embarrassed so after greeting
LeAnne’s parents I said goodbye.
As the weeks went on, LeAnne and I talked about anything and
everything and it seemed she had forgotten our conversation about UFOs. I hoped
it wouldn’t come up again. But as soon as I looked at her I no longer cared
where the conversation led. Over the course of four days, it looked like her
condition deteriorated dramatically. She gave me a half smile and lifted her
hand to say hello without saying anything. By the time we arrived at the IV
room, she was asleep so I left her with the nurse.
When I arrived back two hours later to pick LeAnne up she
was awake but she still looked pale and weak. She seemed suddenly frail and
older looking. She didn’t speak at all until we arrived back in her room and I
helped her back onto the bed. “Luke,” she whispered weakly. “I’m done.”
“I know LeAnne. I wish there was something I could do to
make it better.”
“No Luke. I mean I’m really done. I’m done with everything.
I wish someone could do something. You know what I mean.” LeAnne stopped to
catch her breath again before continuing. “I can’t ask that of you but I will
ask something. If you have time, could you spend a little time with me,” LeAnne
said and gasped for air for a moment before continuing again. “You’re like a
big sponge that absorbs heartache. I’m not sure why but I like seeing you more
than my own family.”
“It’s not unusual to feel more comfortable with a stranger
than a family member LeAnne. With a stranger, you don’t have to care about what
they think of you. You can be totally open and honest.”
“I suppose that’s true. I’ll tell you something right now
that I would never tell my parents.”
“You don’t have to say it LeAnne. I know.”
“It’s that thing I was referring to before that I said I
couldn’t ask of you. Too bad it’s still considered a crime. I have this feeling
that you would help me do it if you could.”
LeAnne and I were locked in a stare. I could tell that she
knew something but I wasn’t sure exactly what it was. I had a sudden brief
flash of Eli and I was taken back to the day when Eli realized I was different.
“What if it was actually possible?”
“Yes Luke. I am ready.”
I felt the same heartache I felt with Eli. I felt the same
kind of bond or emotional attachment but it was different. I had never felt
anything like it back on Ranjisan, not even with Syrma. I had an uncontrollable
urge to hold LeAnne in my arms but my phone was buzzing.
“I have another assignment but I’ll be back later.”
At the end of my shift I punched out and took the elevator
up to LeAnne’s room. I could hear the sound of talking before I stepped in. I
hadn’t seen LeAnne’s parents since the day she checked in but I assumed it was
them. Just as I was about to turn around, the woman who I assumed was LeAnne’s
mother stepped out of the room and headed for the nurse’s station. She gave me
a quick nod and continued on down the long hallway. She looked excited or
impatient as she asked the nurse several questions about LeAnne’s condition. I
decided to go home and return early the following day.
That night I decided I would contact the Tseen Ke group and
start a dialogue about LeAnne. The decision was fast and unanimous. LeAnne was
the perfect candidate, the timing was right and no one else introduced any
other possible candidates. I was given the sanction to perform Tseen Ke on
LeAnne.
I arrived at the hospital an hour early and went straight to
LeAnne’s room. I knew it would be too early for her parents to be there. When I
stepped into her room, the dead stare she had while sitting there looking at
her breakfast changed to a warm smile. “You’re in early Luke.”
“Yes, I wanted to talk to you before your family got here.”
“It’s about what we talked about yesterday?”
“Yes. I can do it, whenever you’re ready.”
“Wouldn’t you get in trouble?” LeAnne asked. “Won’t they
know it was you? I don’t want you to go to jail.”
“No. They won’t know what happened. They won’t know it was
me.”
“How could you possibly do it so that they don’t know it was
you? As soon as the machine flat-lines, they will all come running in.”
“If we do this, it will take four or five days after I
administer the treatment. At that time, you will simply fall asleep. You will
feel relatively well during the four day waiting period.”
“I don’t understand Luke. I want to do it, but I am curious
about the whole thing. How do you know about this? How are you able to do it?
How does it work?”
It was time to explain the process while managing to ignore
LeAnne’s questions. “It would take about three minutes for me to perform the
treatment which consists of three injections. The first two injections will
reduce the fever and body aches for 3 to 5 days. You should even be able to
breathe more easily. You will feel better during your last hours. You would
have to say goodbye to your family while at the same time controlling your
emotions so they don’t get wind of what we’re doing. The final injection will
cause you to fall asleep about 4 to 5 days later. In the end, you will just go
to sleep.”
“It is time Luke. I agree to do it under one condition,”
LeAnne said with a sly smile. “You have to tell me who you really are. Do you
belong to a secret organization that does assisted suicides? I need to know
before I leave this world.”
“I will explain it on day 3 after I administer the
injections, I promise. I don’t have to tell you that it must be kept a secret.”
“I will take your secret with me when I leave. It is time.
The pain is getting worse and the drugs seem to help less and less. Today is
Tuesday. Can you do it Friday or Saturday? The family will be in over the
weekend and I can say goodbye. You can say goodbye Monday. How does that
sound?”
“It is settled.
Friday after my shift.
Now, for the rest of the time we
spend together, let’s talk about something else.”
***
When I left for work Friday, I felt like a criminal. The
Tseen Ke pack was stashed in a side pouch of my lunch bag. As I rode the
elevated subway from Queens to New York City, I felt both terrified and
liberated. I was thinking that no one on that train could ever imagine in their
wildest dreams that there was an alien from outer space riding the train with
them. This particular alien was carrying a set of serums that would end
someone’s life. It was exhilarating and I felt reborn. At least I felt that way
until the moment I walked into LeAnne’s room. Suddenly it hit me. I did not
want LeAnne to die. I suddenly understood what her family was feeling. It was
selfish of me but I wanted her to stay alive as long as possible. But it was
too late. LeAnne looked like a rabbit in the headlights. She was wide awake and
alert and staring wide-eyed at me.
Her glance shifted to my lunch bag. “You have it with you?”
“I do.”
“I’ll take that hug now,” LeAnne said. I put the bag on the
windowsill and turned toward LeAnne. Her arms were outstretched and she was
sitting up and leaning toward me.
We were still hugging and crying ten minutes later when the
nurse’s aide walked in with the lunch menu. We separated long enough for LeAnne
to circle a few things on the menu. “Let’s do it before I change my mind,”
LeAnne whispered, took a few breaths and continued, “before anyone else comes
in here. Maybe we should go in the bathroom.”
I helped LeAnne into the wheelchair and moved behind her to
push her toward the bathroom, pushing her a few feet before stopping. “What’s
the matter?” she asked.
“I can’t LeAnne.”
“What do you mean Luke?”
“I mean I can’t do it. I thought I could but I can’t.” I
leaned over and we hugged for a few long moments again.
“So that’s it. You brought it with you but you aren’t going
to do it. Give it to me and I’ll do it myself.”
I ignored LeAnne’s request to give her the Tseen Ke pack. “I
think I might have another idea. I’m going to leave now. I have to talk to some
people.”
“Would you please tell me what is going on Luke. Who are you
really and who are these people you need to talk to? What do you want to talk
to them about?”
“Ok LeAnne. It’s time for a few truths. I think it will be
less of a shock to you then for most people.”
I went to the windowsill and pulled the Tseen Ke pack from
my lunch bag and rested it on LeAnne’s lap. The case itself was made of a
flexible metallic fabric. “This is an unusual case. What’s it made out of?”
“It’s just a basic metal fabric used for many things.”
“Metal fabric?
What, where, who are
these people you need to talk to? Where was this made?”
“I need to talk to people from my home,” I said with a sly
smile. “It’s very far away. That’s where this case and the serums were made.”
“LeAnne, open the case and look at the writing.”
LeAnne opened the soft metallic case and peaked in at the
three cases holding the syringes. She pulled out a folded piece of metallic cloth
and began unfolding it. As soon as she touched it, it opened up and flattened
out. All the wrinkles and creases were gone. The document was a fact sheet on
the Tseen Ke process including step by step instructions, follow-up and
potential problems and solutions. But of course it was written in a language
that no human had ever seen. There were no alphanumeric characters to use as a
starting point or reference. There were no letters that seemed to have any
relation to ancient Latin or Roman and yet it was unlike any logographic
language such as Mandarin.
“What language is this?”
“It’s the written language of my people.”
“Who are your people and why have you changed your mind
about our plans? What is it you need to talk to your people about?”
“I will tell you as soon as I have an answer. I am sorry
LeAnne but I can’t tell you now. Please trust me.”
I put the needles back in the case, kissed LeAnne on the
forehead and left. I thought she was a little annoyed with me but I couldn’t
tell her of my idea. I didn’t want to get her hopes up. Even if my idea was
possible, I didn’t think we had enough time. For LeAnne, time was running out.