The Girl He Left Behind (12 page)

Two hours and three pizzas later, they were all ready to call it a night. Everyone skirted around the topic of Nisha and the package she’d dropped off in the interests of peace. Minty and Adarsh finally mumbled goodbyes and headed towards Minty’s car. Sia and Ryan were set on finishing some work relating to their project before he headed back.

Shutting the door behind them, Sia turned to find Ryan clearing up the last of the debris in the drawing room.

‘You didn’t have to do that.’ She said, grabbing some empty coke cans and following him into the kitchen.

He tossed an absent ‘It’s not an issue’ over his shoulder before settling into washing up the dishes. Sia nudged him aside and starting scrubbing the dishes before handing them over to him to be rinsed. They worked quickly with the ease of years of practice and were done and settled in with the project work in ten minutes. Wrapping up the finer details didn’t take long and before they knew it, they were done with work as well.

Ryan said his goodbyes while she continued to laze on the couch and wandered off in the direction of his car shutting the front door behind him. Stretching and yawning loudly, Sia followed a few minutes later to lock the door behind him. She was halfway to the door when she heard a loud bang from the storage closet in the hallway. Startled, she turned towards the
closet and stared at it in wide-eyed silence. When she heard another rattle, she approached the closet cautiously. Placing her hand on the door knob she turned it slowly and, keeping as much distance as possible between herself and the closet, pulled the door back.

A mop rattled out of the closet and landed on her feet at the same time as a hand landed on her shoulder. Sia squealed! She couldn’t help it and she would forever be ashamed of the noise that erupted from her mouth but there was no denying that it was an extremely high pitched squeal. With one hand on her chest in a futile attempt to still her racing heart, she whirled around to find herself staring into Ryan’s laughing face.

‘You idiot!!! How can you frighten me like that?’ She picked up the mop and waved it in his face wishing she had it in her to clonk him on the head with it.

‘I wasn’t planning on frightening you. I came in to pick up my car keys which I’d forgotten and happened to find you staring into the storage closet. What was so fascinating in there anyway?’ He stared into the closet, seeing nothing out of the ordinary.

‘Nothing.’ Sia still had one palm planted against her heart, which showed no sign of slowing down. ‘I heard a noise coming from here and was just checking to see what it was.’

‘And what was it?’ Ryan shot her an amused glance. Sia was normally way too grounded to react like this. It was usually Minty who freaked out after watching a horror movie.

‘Just the mop slipping out of place. I wasn’t overreacting okay. It was just a weird noise and I was just checking it out.’ Crossing her hands defensively across her chest, Sia glared at him.

‘Sure. Okay. I’ll just go get my keys.’ Shooting her another smug little smirk, he strode off in the direction of the drawing room.

Shooting the closet another nervous glance, Sia followed him. After a brief hunt, they found the keys in between the cushions on the couch. Grabbing them, Ryan leant down, kissed her on the cheek, said goodbye and sauntered off in the direction of the front door. Halfway there, he suddenly remembered something he needed to ask Sia and turned to call out to her only to find she was practically following him with her nose to his back.

Grabbing her with one hand so she didn’t fall down, he shot her an incredulous look. ‘What’s wrong? You’re not actually freaked out by that movie are you? Horror movies never used to scare you before.’

‘Like I keep telling you frequently, Ryan, I’m not the same person I was before.’ She retorted tartly.

Looking rather taken aback at her vehemence, he took a deep breath before steering her back to the couch. He sat down on the coffee table opposite and leaned in till they were practically nose to nose. ‘Would you like me to spend the night here? I can sleep on the couch.’

Common sense and irrational fear waged a battle in Sia’s head. It was a very brief battle. ‘Yes please.’ She abandoned all pretence of being brave and clutched his hand. ‘That movie really freaked me out, I doubt I’ll sleep much tonight if I’m all alone in the house.’

Laughing a little, Ryan started to take his shoes off. ‘Do you have a pair of boxer shorts and a spare t-shirt in my size?’

‘I should have something lying around from the last time dad and mom visited.’ Giving his hand a grateful squeeze she went to fetch him some clothes.

An hour later, she had settled Ryan in comfortably on the couch and gotten into bed. Snuggling into her covers, she mused sleepily that she was very lucky to have had a couch large enough to fit him comfortably. Her last thought before she drifted off to
sleep was that it was nice knowing there was someone else in the house if she needed anything.

* * *

‘Sia! Sia, wake up.’ Ryan tried desperately to bring her back from whatever nightmare had her in its grip. He’d woken to her blood curdling scream and rushed in to find her thrashing around in her sleep.

‘Sweetheart, wake up. It’s just a dream.’ Using a firmer tone, he gripped the sides of her arms and tried to shake her awake. Sia erupted in his arms like a cornered animal.

‘No! No! Please don’t.’ Tearing herself free, she cringed away from him.

‘Sia, it’s me, Ryan.’ He watched, horrified, as she flinched away from his outstretched hand. Dropping his hand, he moved as far away from her as he could on the bed and waited for her to wake up fully and calm down. They sat in the dim light thrown from the lamp on her bedside table, with only her ragged breathing breaking the night’s silence. When her breathing finally calmed and slowed, he moved closer to her only to find her sobbing silently into her arm.

‘Aww baby! Don’t cry.’ His voice breaking, he gathered her into his arms and settled her in his lap. Pressing a soft kiss on her hair, he rocked her gently till her heart-breaking sobs slowly faded away. Blinking back the tears stinging his eyes, he continued to rock her while pressing soft kisses on her hair and forehead. They sat like that for what felt like hours before Sia stirred in his arms.

‘I should go wash my face.’ She sat up self-consciously and tried to move away from his embrace. Controlling his knee jerk reaction to hold on to her more tightly, he let her go knowing she would need a little time to compose herself.

He waited till she shut the bathroom door before he let the tight rein he had on his control slip. Burying his face in his hands, he made himself take a good hard look at the reality that had been Sia’s life while he’d been gone. His heart gave an anguished twist as he considered the consequences his decisions had had on her life. If he hadn’t left like an idiot feeling all wronged and betrayed, he could have been there for her. He was a fool to think he could walk back into her life and wipe out all the turmoil and pain the last six years had brought her. He was the reason that there had even been any turmoil. No wonder she didn’t want to give him a second chance. His stomach churned as he considered the fact that if he had stayed, her life now would have been different. All the problems he anticipated may have still come to pass but at least they would have been together. Instead he’d been so busy climbing on to his high horse that he had left her to follow the path that had led her to this – nights of terror reliving the nightmare of her marriage. Of that he was sure. This was not the ghost from the horror movie stalking her dreams. It was most definitely ghosts from her past not letting her sleep in peace.

He looked up when the bathroom door opened. Knowing Sia well enough to know she wouldn’t want to talk about it. He forced a smile and stood up. ‘Feeling any better?’

‘Yes, thank you.’ Sia hovered uncertainly in the doorway. When Ryan stretched out a hand, she took it and walked towards the bed. Without saying a word, he tucked her into bed and lay down next to her on top of the covers. She curled up on her side and looked up at him with those big eyes of hers.

‘Thank you.’ She whispered.

After a heartbeat, he gathered her up into his arms once more and buried his face in her hair. ‘For what?’ He asked roughly.

‘For being here tonight,’ she stroked one tentative hand through his hair gently, ‘and for not asking any questions.’

He had every intention of being with her every night going forward. He just needed the time to bring her around to his way of thinking. His arms tightened convulsively around her. ‘Go to sleep. I’ll go back to the drawing room after you’re asleep.’

After another cautious moment, she placed one hand on his cheek and made him look at her. ‘Would you mind staying with me through the night? I don’t think I’ll be able to sleep otherwise.’ Her voice trailed off as the almost painful intensity of his gaze drew her in. With a slight hitch in her breath, she lost herself in the eyes that had always brought such peace, love and yes, excitement into her life. Faint stirrings of arousal had her shifting restlessly. This certainly wasn’t the most appropriate time for her libido to wake up and demand attention.

‘Go to sleep, Sia. I’ll be right here all night. I promise.’ Ryan’s husky voice interrupted Sia’s wandering thoughts and had her jerking both her mind and gaze back to the present.

With a contented sigh, she settled more securely into his embrace. Dropping a light kiss on the part of his chest right next to her mouth, she let herself sleep knowing she was safe. Staring fixedly into the dark, Ryan felt her breath even out and her body relax into sleep. Gazing down at her and trying to ignore his body’s automatic but inappropriate reaction to her proximity, Ryan wondered if there was a special place in hell for men like him. Or maybe this was his personal hell. They were in bed, he had his arms full of the woman of his dreams and they were going to sleep. Raising his eyes heavenward, he muttered ‘Good job.’

Ryan woke the next morning to a warm bundle of curves snuggled up in his arms. Opening his eyes, he found himself nose to nose with a charmingly rumpled, sleepy eyed Sia. Trying desperately to remember all his good resolutions from the previous night, he fumbled to put some space between them.

‘Hi.’ Smiling sleepily, she wound her arms around his neck. The slow, inviting smile that spread across her face had all thoughts of space and distance abandoning him. Keeping his eyes on hers to ensure he saw no reluctance, he lowered his head slowly and captured that smile with his own. Sinking into the kiss, he gathered her even closer as she wrapped her arms around him. Pouring every thought and feeling he’d guarded so closely from her into the kiss, Ryan tried to tell her what he hadn’t had the courage to put into words. When she only wriggled closer and drew him in deeper, he lost whatever little hold he had on control and turned her over on her back. Resting his arms on either side of her head, he deepened the kiss losing all track of time. Slipping one hand between them to lightly caress her breast, he tore his mouth from hers to feather a line of kisses down the side of her neck. Panting, Sia turned her face into the pillow as she tried frantically to get her breath back. She needed to tell him. Biting back a moan as his mouth took over
from the hand that had been gently massaging her breast, she tried to form the words.

‘Ryan, stop.’ The softly voiced words stopped him more effectively than a bucket of cold water splashing down on his head. Jerking back on his haunches, Ryan tossed the comforter over her to cover up all possible areas of temptation. Looking away, he fought for control over his breathing even as he willed his arousal to subside. Deciding the latter might be a losing battle; he dragged a pillow across his lap and focused only on slowing his breathing.

‘We should talk.’

‘Oh Christ! Now she wanted to talk. Giving a pained laugh, he shook his head and flopped back against the bed.

‘What?’ Her worried face floated over him as she took in his clenched jaw and death grip on the pillow. ‘Are you okay?’

‘Sia?’

‘Yes?’

‘Go away.’

‘What?’ Affront and confusion waged a pitched battle on her face as she hovered over him.

‘Go make tea or coffee or something.’ He ground out. When she didn’t move, he growled, ‘Go before I toss you on your back and finish what we started.’

The threat had her scrambling off the bed and out of the room leaving him to lie back in relative peace. He’d run through every unappealing and unattractive image he could think of and was currently contemplating his maternal aunt’s hairy legs when the sinfully tantalizing scent of coffee had him turning to look at the door. No one brewed coffee like Sia did.

Sia watched him warily from the door, a mug in each hand. ‘Are you going to growl at me again if I come into the room?’

Judging it safe to abandon the cover of the pillow, Ryan sat up and held out a hand waiting for her to come further into the
room. Taking one of the mugs, he took a large fortifying sip before saying, ‘Talk.’

The brusque, autocratic tone had Sia bristling. A close look at the hard lines his face was set in had her wisely biting back any sarcastic retort.

‘Well?’ He prompted, impatiently. ‘You said you wanted to talk.’

All good intentions fleeing in the face of his irritability, Sia glared. ‘I changed my mind.’

‘You certainly do that a lot.’ The inaudible mutter had her scowling suspiciously at him. She hadn’t heard what he’d said but she doubted it was flattering.

Drinking deep from his mug, Ryan waited for her to get to it. When he was only faced with more moments of silence than he cared for, he drained his mug and stood. ‘If you’re not going to say anything, I think I’ll leave. I have a full day at the office.’

‘I’m sorry I disappointed you this morning. I didn’t intend for it to go so far.’

‘Shut up.’ Praying for strength and patience, Ryan shook his head trying to make sense of where she was going with this.

The terse order had her sighing in frustration. ‘I don’t understand you.’

‘From what I can see, it seems like you understand very little about all men.’

Wounded, Sia whacked him hard against his chest. ‘I never claimed to be as experienced as all your bed partners.’

‘Bed partners?’ Raising an eyebrow at her attempt at delicacy, he grabbed her hand to stop her from attacking him again. ‘My lovers were definitely more able to tell when the man they’re with was disappointed or not. It almost killed me to stop when you asked me to earlier this morning.’

The last statement put an end to all attempts at bodily harm. Stilling, she looked up warily. Reading the truth of the statement
in his face, she licked her lips nervously. Inwardly groaning, Ryan decided that he needed to add will power to his prayer for strength and patience.

‘I’m sure Nisha knew exactly what you wanted.’

Bumping patience to the top of the list, he ground out, ‘Have you ever in your life known me to wear red silk briefs?’

‘But you didn’t deny they were yours.’

‘Neither did you give me a chance to explain.’

They glared at each other as Sia shoved a hand against his chest again and he let her go.

Fighting to keep a tight rein on his temper, Ryan said, ‘She gave them to me as some kind of gag gift. Since I obviously didn’t want it, I pretended to forget it and left it behind. Since she obviously wanted all of you to read more into it than there was, she decided to give it back in front of everyone. Now can we please forget about that and talk about what’s more important?’

‘What do you want to talk about?’

The polite, distant query had him losing whatever little control he had. Temper, arousal and guilt rolling over from the previous night made him say the first thing that came to his head. ‘The bastard you were married to.’

‘What about him?’

‘What he did to you.’

Bewildered, Sia tried to make sense of the turn the argument was taking. ‘I thought we already talked about him. I told you everything.’

‘Not everything.’ Daring her to deny there was anything she’d hidden, he watched as her eyes dropped from his.

Pleating the sheet with her fingers, Sia tried to figure out exactly what he could have found out. She had never discussed it with anyone. Her insides turning to ice, she cleared her throat trying desperately to keep her voice calm as she bluffed. ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

Swallowing the bile rising in his throat, he tried to speak past the murderous rage that always seemed to course through him whenever he thought about this. ‘I know he raped you.’

‘What?’ The frank astonishment in Sia’s voice had his eyes shooting up to hers. ‘Who the hell told you something as stupid as that?’

Raking his gaze over her, Ryan took in the surprise, confusion and complete cluelessness. As enlightenment slowly dawned, he said, ‘No one. I just pieced it together. I guess I got the wrong end of the stick.’ Dropping his head into his hands, he let the happiness at being wrong take over.

Dimly, he heard her ask, ‘Pieced it together from what?’

‘From some things people said.’

‘What did people say and who exactly are these people?’

Relief making him light headed, he answered before his mind caught up with his tongue. ‘Well Ajay and some of the other guys from work said something about you being very frigid and touch me not about stuff.’

With a deceptively bland expression, Sia said, ‘Oh? And that made you think I was raped?’ His brain starting to work again, Ryan tried to find a way to yank out the foot he’d jammed into his mouth. ‘Well, no. But the way you flinch when I get too close to you and the other day you said you didn’t want to sleep with me …’ Trailing off, he realized there was no way he could recover from this one.

‘Oh damn. Of course! Because the only reason someone wouldn’t want to sleep with you would be because they were raped.’

Shit. He’d made a major mess of this.

‘Get out.’ The calm in her voice didn’t in any way detract from the heat in the words.

‘Sia.’

‘Please.’ When he didn’t move, she jumped off the bed, walked past him and held the bedroom door open.

‘You’re overreacting.’

‘You heard some imbeciles talking about how frigid I am and added that to the fact that you think I flinch when you get too close to me and the fact that I wouldn’t jump into bed with you and you decided I was a rape victim?’ Her voice rose towards the end shattering the calm façade she’d managed to maintain till now.

Following her, he came to stand in front of her. ‘What exactly are you so angry about? I know you haven’t told me the whole story about your marriage and I seem to have jumped to the wrong conclusion.’ Running an aggrieved hand through his hair, he raised his voice as well, ‘First you won’t tell me anything and then you crucify me if I get it wrong. You would save us both a lot of time if you would just explain things to me. Obviously, I’m too simple minded to figure it out on my own.’

‘I don’t enjoy sex, you idiot.’ She yelled. Great, now even the neighbours had probably heard her. In the deafening silence that followed, she tried desperately to steady her choppy breath while ignoring the fact that Ryan seemed to have turned into a statue.

Humiliation coursing through her, she heard herself say, ‘This is what the last few days have been about, haven’t they? None of this was about being friends again or being a part of each other’s lives again. The day I came back from my parent’s home. That was the day you came to this conclusion.’ Piecing it together, she shook her head at her own naiveté. ‘You see me as some kind of victim and you’re labouring under this delusion that everything that has happened to me in the last six years has been your fault. My marriage was a mistake, my mistake. My choices, my decisions and my consequences. Yes, if you hadn’t
left I would never have ended up married to someone else but it was still my decision to marry someone else. You weren’t there and that more than anything else should tell you that you had nothing to do with it. I am not your responsibility. I am not your problem to solve and I most definitely am not the wounded chick you need to tend to and heal. I am neither your duty nor your obligation. Now for the last time, get out.’

‘Like hell I will’ He managed to croak.

‘Do you have a problem understanding English?’ Suddenly acutely conscious of the fact that she was wearing nothing but a nightshirt, Sia tried to move past him.

Grabbing her arm, he hauled her back to face him. ‘Did this morning scare you?’

‘No. I actually enjoyed it. That would be a first. I’m more scared I’ll disappoint you Ryan, than anything else.’

Her last sentence ended on a shriek as Ryan’s hand snaked around her waist and he swung her up into his arms. Dumping her unceremoniously on the bed, he loomed over her.

‘Are you an idiot?’

‘Excuse me?’ Outrage coloured her voice as she shoved herself upright from the bed almost colliding with his head.

‘Well, I know you’re not uneducated or unaware of the facts of life so that leaves me with idiocy.’

Staring daggers at him, she moved away and leaned against the headboard. Taking in her white face, tightly crossed hands and legs and the lip that was getting chewed to pieces, he sighed.

Striving for a more moderate tone, he grabbed her ankle eliciting another squeak and pulled her into his lap. ‘You know that making love is so much more than just the mechanics of it. A bad experience does not-’

‘It was my only experience.’ Her flat voice cut him off midsentence.

Exhaling hard, he let loose a stream of unprintable curses that told her exactly what he thought of her ex-husband. Ignoring the fact that she was as stiff as a plank of wood in his lap, he wrapped his arms around her before lowering his forehead to rest against hers. Closing his eyes, he prayed for the right words.

‘Sia, I’m sure whatever you went through was horrific. But you really can’t base the rest of your life on-’

‘I don’t need or want your condescension or pity.’ The stiff words lit a fuse under his temper again.

‘You think I pity you? If there is a God in heaven he should be sitting there pitying me. You stupid fool.’ Toppling her from his lap back onto the bed, he followed her down. Feeling the length of him press against her, Sia wriggled. ‘Please don’t. You don’t need to prove anything to me.’

‘Actually, I need to prove something to myself.’ Stemming any further protest with his lips, Ryan teased hers open as gently as he could. Keeping himself on a tight leash and his hands where they couldn’t wander, he used only his mouth to show her how he felt and to coax a response out of her. When he felt the shudder that ran through her now pliant body, he raised his head and looked down. ‘This is your call. It all comes down to whether you want this or not. It will kill me to stop but I will stop if you want me to. Your call.’ He repeated and waited.

Scanning his tightly drawn features, Sia wondered at the twists and turns her life had taken since Ryan had walked back into it. In all the moments she’d spent wondering where things would end up; she’d never imagined lying in bed with his weight pressed into hers. It felt wonderful. He felt wonderful and she felt more alive in this single moment than she had at any point in the last six years. There was nobody she trusted more to do this with. Making up her mind, she reached up to draw his lips back to hers. Between tiny nibbling kisses, he said, ‘Anytime you want to stop or slow down, pinch me hard. I’ve heard pain
is very good at bringing your arousal down to controllable levels.’

A faint smile was his only response before she slipped her hands under his shirt and all coherent thought fled. Shutting her mind off completely, Sia gave herself up to the moment. Sensation flooding through her, she ran her fingers through the coarse mat of hair covering his chest. She had an anxious moment when he slipped her nightshirt over her head but forgot all about it when he bent his head to close his mouth around her breast. He didn’t leave her in any doubt about his enthusiasm or his undivided attention. The seconds slipped by in a tangle of limbs, sighs and moans. When the moment came and he slipped into her, it didn’t feel awkward, painful or sad. It felt right. It was perfect.