THE GIFT (13 page)

“I’ve thought about it, but I miss my home, Amanda. I’ve been all over the world and I’ve seen horrible things. At the end of the day, I just want to be home,” he told her.

“Well, I can understand that too,” she said softly, not knowing what else to say.

“Anyway, now you know that you have nothing to fear from me,” he said with a smile.

“Yes, I suppose I do. Hey, maybe if you don’t want to move to the city, you could at least come visit me sometimes. You could bring Ben and explore New York for a while. My apartment is pitifully small, but we will work it out,” she told him.

“I think that would be great, because I can already tell that I’m really going to miss you when you are gone,” he told her, leaning in to give her a big hug. They sat on her bed talking into the early hours of morning about absolutely everything. Somewhere around three a.m., Cody wandered back to his room and they slept in until called down for breakfast the next morning.

“You two look like you stayed out all night chasing up trouble,” Uncle Tank bellowed as she came in and sat down at the table.

“We just stayed up talking too long. I might have to go back to bed for a while after I eat all this food,” Amanda replied. Instead, she ended up going shopping for souvenirs with her Mom and Aunt Mary.

“I was about to come out of the bathroom early this morning and saw Cody leaving your room,” her mother remarked, causing Amanda to smile.

“Yes, mother. Was there a question in there somewhere?” she asked.

“I just don’t want you to make things any more difficult for yourself,” she replied, looking at her daughter with a worried face.

“Oh, they were just talking, Angela. She already told you that. You don’t need to worry about Cody,” she said, flashing a wink at Amanda. It was no surprise to Amanda that she knew the truth. Aunt Mary had always had a special way of getting to the heart of things and of course she would have known everything about Cody before letting him into her house. No doubt she had gone straight to his mother and had been told what really caused the bar fight.

While some women would have turned him away when Tank had asked for him to stay, Mary would have just embraced him all that much harder. Of course, Amanda also knew she would have never shared it with Tank. Like so many other small town, closed-minded people, he would have not been so welcoming.

By the time they packed it back up for home at the end of their stay, Amanda felt much more relaxed than she had when they had driven here. She hated to say goodbye to Cody and made him promise to visit, much to her mother’s surprise. She hugged her aunt and uncle and then they were on their way back to New York. Once they were on the road, her calm slipped away and she felt her anxiety rise with every mile put behind them.

Back in the city, Amanda’s mother dropped her off at home, where it seemed that the walls might close in on her within moments of her arrival there. She shook it off and began making herself some dinner. She still had one day off from the shop, but planned to stop in and check on how her father was doing there. It would be like old times being a customer instead of the boss. She was looking forward to sitting by the open window and sipping a tall cup of soy chai and maybe eating something gooey and soothing to the soul.

“Amanda! You look stunning, baby. How was the trip?” her father asked as she approached the counter the next morning.

“It was great. I loved it. Did Mom bring you back the little souvenir I got you?” she asked.

“She did and it was fabulous. Thank you for feeding my addiction to miniature animals. I’ve already added it to the odd assortment in the window sill of my man cave,” he told her. It was a running joke that she always bought him these weird little animals that she found here and there. It had started when she was a little girl and given him a rabbit she won in a plastic egg at the grocery store as a father’s day present. It had just taken on speed over the years.

“It’s to show you how much I appreciated you running the shop while I was gone,” she said with a playful smile.

“Well, I can’t think of more adequate remuneration,” he told her. She stepped behind the counter to make herself the drink she had come here for. Grabbing a raspberry cream cheese bar from the display, she started back out to the dining area but was stopped dead in her tracks by the sudden opening of the kitchen door. It was Todd, bringing out more treats.

“Hey, the boss is back and....” His voice trailed off as he looked at her curiously. “Your eyes are blue? Did they change colors on your trip?” Amanda laughed. She realized that he had not known her before her surgery like the other employees had. All he had ever seen was the dark glasses and the contacts, so it was a bit of a shock to him. She was betting it would be for Jagger, as well. That is, if she ever saw him again.

“No, this is my natural eye color. I had on dark contacts before. I ordered some that were closer to my natural shade now that my eyes aren’t so light sensitive. They came in while I was gone. Picked them up on my way here and changed them out,” she told him.

“Well, I’ll be damned. They are stunning. Good job, girlfriend,” he said, still holding the tray for a moment before realizing he hadn’t made it to the case with them yet. He moved past her and went about his work as she continued on out to the front. Jagger’s seat was empty. It looked somehow sad now without him in it. She decided she would sit there since it was in the corner and beside the front window where she could look out.

Another week went by during which she did not hear from or see Jagger anywhere. He never came into the coffee shop, he wasn’t at the park, and she never even saw him walking past the window on the sidewalk. She finally decided that it was over and she might as well just move on with her life. The coffee shop became the only place she felt truly at ease and in her element.

Her phone rang one night, but the number showed up as unlisted and she didn’t answer it. Instead she sat there kicking herself for the next thirty minutes about not answering it. When it rang again, she decided to pick it up and see who was on the other end, holding her breath until they spoke.

“Amanda? I got it! I got it!” Cody gushed.

“What? I....” Amanda had been so absorbed in what she would say if it were Jagger that she was caught completely off guard by it being someone else.

“The farm. I got the farm! I close in two weeks!” he told her.

“That’s fantastic, Cody. I’m so excited for you,” she told him.

“I knew you would be. I can’t wait to get inside and start work on it. I will take lots of pictures of the before and after stuff so you will feel like you are here with us!” he said.

“Us?” she repeated.

“Yes, us. Ben and I have decided to shove open the closet doors and get married. We want to come to New York and tie the knot with you as our lone bridesmaid, since I don’t think I would have ever gotten up the courage to do it if not for you,” he said.

“Well, I don’t know what I could have said that would have caused all that, but I am very happy for you and I can’t wait to see you again,” she told him. “When did you want to come up?”

“I’d like to come toward the end of next week and make all the arrangements in person, if that is okay? Ben will join me the day before the ceremony and we will be leaving right afterward for a quick honeymoon in Miami. It’s not a grand event, but money will be tight for a bit after we close on the farm. Ben works as a software engineer though, so he will continue to do that while I get the farm going. Of course, he will help when he’s not at work. It’s going to be great,” he told her.

“It sounds great and I could sure use the company. So, just let me know when you will be here as soon as you know.

“Will do. I’ll call you in a couple of days. Bye, Amanda.”

“Bye, Cody,” she said, hanging up the phone. The moment of happiness she had felt on his behalf quickly faded as she considered her own failed relationship. She considered giving in and calling Jagger to sit down and talk, but then decided against it. She had done nothing wrong and she wasn’t going to chase after a man that didn’t seem to even care enough about their relationship to try to salvage it. The whole thought of it put her right back into a funk. At least she had Cody’s visit to look forward to.

The following week, Cody showed up just as expected, looking about as radiant as a guy could be. He had flown in rather than driving because they were going to fly directly from here to Florida after their wedding, so she had picked him up at the airport and brought him back to her place, listening to him chatter all the way about what he wanted to do while he was here. Some was wedding related and some wasn’t.

“You were not kidding when you said this place was tiny,” he told her, looking around. “I do love what you’ve done with it though. Your tastes are very similar to your Aunt Mary’s.”

“Actually, Mom helped me decorate and both she and Aunt Mary have their mother’s sort of down home taste. I’m a misfit in New York with all of this country esquire furniture, but I like it. It’s cozy.”

“Yes, it is cozy. Where should I put my stuff? The fire escape?” he joked.

“Put in my room, smarty pants. I’m going to let you crash in there and I’ll sleep on the couch,” she told him.

“Oh, no way. I can’t take your bed. That’s just bad manners,” he said.

“Not really. I sleep out here most of the time anyway. I just toss and turn in the bed. Too much room,” she said dismissively.

“Okay, but only if you are sure,” he said.

‘I’m sure.” She laughed and helped him carry his things to her room.

“I’m starving. Let’s go eat something off the street,” he told her as he dropped his things.

“Off the streets? Your first day in New York and you’re already dumpster diving? Man, this city really does screw people up quickly,” she said.

“You’re funny, but you know what I meant. Let’s go eat food from some of those cool street vendors I’m always seeing in movies centered around New York City,” he said.

“Well, I had planned on taking you someplace much nicer, but if you want potentially fatal hot dogs from the Flaming Buns cart, then that is what we will have,” she told him.

“We’ll eat better tomorrow. Today, I want to roam the streets. Can we do that for a little while?” he asked.

“Yep, whatever you say, Cowpoke Johnson,” she said, ribbing him for his excitement about being in New York for the first time.

Along the way, he told her all about what he had planned for the wedding. It was pretty no-frills. They were just going to rent a couple of tuxes and find an official, but they wanted to do it in a gazebo of some sort and ride off in a horse drawn carriage like an old black and white movie.

“I don’t want to burst your bubble, but I don’t ever recall watching a black and white movie where two guys road off into the sunset together,” she laughed.

“Well, there should have been and there will be once Ben gets here,” he told her.

It was funny. When she had first met Cody, she would have never guessed he was gay. He kept it so well hidden beneath his seemingly rough country boy exterior, but when allowed to be himself, it was much more evident as he cooed and giggled over things in windows and openly smiled at other gay men that passed by. More than a few of them paused to check him out, as well. Amanda found herself hoping that his new open life with Ben didn’t bring them too much hardship. People could be so inexcusably cruel to those who are different, as he had already seen.

“Have you told Ben’s parents?” she asked.

“No, we will tell them afterwards. We want to have the farm secured before we tell them in case the worst happens. They are old country folk and will be more concerned with what people are going to think than the fact that their son is gay, but they will come around. At least that is what we hope, it’s the best case scenario. There is a chance they will freak and kick him out, so I need to have a place for him to go. As much as I love your aunt and uncle, I couldn’t really ask them to let my gay lover stay in their house. I suspect your aunt already knows, but Tank...well, you know.”

“Yeah, Aunt Mary knows. I got a mini lecture from my Mom about spending too much time with a guy I didn’t know and there was something about the way she assured Mom that there was nothing to worry about that let me know she was onto you. I didn’t know if you told her or she just figured it out,” Amanda said.

“I don’t know what I would have done without her and Tank, probably been sleeping in the bed of my truck out by the lake, dreaming about actually catching fish for a change,” he told her. They grabbed bratwursts from a nearby stand and Cody had everything put on his.

“I hope you enjoy that, because it is going to take you from now until the wedding to get those strong onions off your breath,” she told him, wrinkling her nose.

“Whhhhhhat did you say,” he asked, breathing on her after taking his first bite.

“Ugh. That’s horrible.” Amanda laughed and pinched her nose together as she bit into her decidedly less offensive pretzel dog, topped only with a bit of mustard.

They wandered around the city for a while and stopped into a liquor store to pick up a few bottles of wine for his visit, walking arm in arm back to her apartment. They were completely lost in conversation when a familiar voice started Amanda and she stopped dead in her tracks. She looked up to find herself staring into the eyes of Jagger Remington.

“Amanda, I’ve been trying to call you,” he said.

“No, you haven’t,” she replied glibly.

“Yes, I have. I’ve been out of the country. An emergency. I just couldn’t get through to the states,” he said. His eyes glanced toward Cody, giving him a quick sizing up before turning his attention back to Amanda.

“Well, as you can see, I am busy right now. Chalk it up to too little, too late,” she told him, pulling Cody closer to her as if he were a real date. She skirted around him and walked down the sidewalk, leaving him there to stare at her as she put as much distance between them as possible.

“Did I pull that off? Do you think he could see me nearing heart failure?” she asked Cody as they rounded the next block. “Let’s stop for a moment. I feel like I can’t breathe.”

“That was him. That was the man that broke your heart. Oh, Amanda. I’m sorry. Yes, I think you pulled it off. He looked absolutely stunned by your response,” he said.

“It was hard seeing him like that. I wasn’t expecting it, especially after all this time,” she said.

“I know, but honey, are you sure you don’t want to just talk to him? I can make myself scarce for a bit. Just take me back home and I’ll watch a movie or drop me off someplace where I can have a drink and catch a game,” he told her.

“No, I’m not ready, Cody. I have been thinking that I needed to talk to him since the day I left his apartment, but now that he wants to talk, I don’t. I don’t know when I will be ready,” she told him.

“Okay. Well, do whatever you need to do, but don’t wait too late just because of some hurt feelings, not if you think there is something there you want to hold on to,” Cody told her, lifting her chin up to look into her eyes as he spoke. She smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

“I think you might just be my new best friend,” she told him. The comment made her twinge a little as she said it, because she realized it had been a long time since she had seen any of the other friends from her accident. It had always been too horrible a reminder of their last moments together and of Dan. She wondered if they thought her a bad person for it or if, they too, didn’t want to be reminded of that night any more than she did, even though all of them had the scars from it for life.

“I can live with that,” he said with a broad smile.

“Well, let’s get inside and get to work on all this wine,” she told Cody and they resumed their trek down the street back to her place.

After nearly two bottles of wine, neither of them was feeling any pain. They slipped into their pajamas and curled up on the TV to watch old episodes of “
I Love Lucy
” and “
The Honeymooners
”.

It was getting pretty late when the doorbell rang. No one had asked to be buzzed up, so it must be one of the neighbors. Amanda opened the door to find Jagger standing there looking at her. Her heart fell as she saw his glance drift over to Cody, piled up on the couch with a glass of wine in hand, laughing hysterically at the television.

“Well, I guess the date is going well. How cozy this is. I’m guessing that he just happened to have a spare pair of pajamas in his pocket. You just really didn’t waste any time in moving on, did you Amanda?

“What? No, it’s...wait, I don’t owe you any explanations. You lied to me. I don’t even know what to say about what you did. It was strange and creepy. I would have never fallen in love with you if I had known about Cassandra and how you followed me around,” she spat at him.

“That is not how it was, Amanda. I want to tell you everything, but you are always so angry. You left my place without even saying a word. Can’t you just stop and listen long enough for me to explain or will that interrupt your play time with your Ken doll over there?” he yelled back at her.

“You need to leave Jagger. This is neither the time nor the place to have this discussion,” she said, aware that Cody had put down his wine and taken a step toward the door, standing there with his arms crossed to let Jagger know he wouldn’t hesitate to kick his ass if needed. Jagger was a big guy, but Cody was bigger and appeared much more intimidating than he actually was.

“Fine. I’ll leave, but we need to talk and soon,” he said, shooting Cody a dirty look.

Amanda closed the door and leaned against it, trying to get her heart-rate back down to normal. She looked at Cody, who was grinning from ear to ear.

“What?” she said.

“That man is in love with you. It took everything he had to leave here knowing you were sitting around in your pajamas with another man,” he told her.

“Or he was just afraid that you were going to kick his ass down the stairs,” she said.

“You keep telling yourself that, but you’re wrong. Look, I know that what he did is pretty screwed up, but people don’t always go about things the right way. I’m not saying you should just forgive him without a second thought, but maybe it’s worth listening to his side of the story. You might learn something that makes all the difference,” he told her.

“I don’t know about that. The more I think about him just seeing me as a reminder of her.... I mean, how can I ever compete with the memory of a dead woman?” she asked.

“Perhaps you aren’t competing and you don’t even realize it. Put yourself in his shoes. His fiancée’ dies after a long drawn out illness. His curiosity leads him to seek out the person who has what is left of her and he can’t help himself. He watches from afar, not meaning any harm. It’s maybe just his way of healing.”

Amanda shrugged, “I think you give him way too much credit.”

“I don’t think you give yourself enough credit. One day he crosses the line and interacts with you. You strike up a conversation and it leads to more conversation. Pretty soon, his pain for her begins to subside and he finds a new interest in you. It might have started because of the transplant, but that doesn’t mean that is all there is to it,” he told her.

Amanda looked at him. He was right, she knew. It was just so hard to let go of her anger at feeling betrayed, but how long could she walk around just feeling angry about things. At some point she had to let it go. Either she worked this out with Jagger or she spent forever wondering what they might have been if she had given him a chance to explain.

“Well, now isn’t a good time anyway. I have a very sexy man here in my apartment in his pajamas and I can’t be bothered to reconcile with old flames today,” she said with a laugh.

“That’s right. You’re still mine for a couple more days and I’m still yours. Let’s have some more wine and find a movie. These old sitcoms are beginning to get boring,” he told her.

“Sounds good to me,” she replied, grabbing the last bottle of wine and plopping down on the couch beside him. They watched a sappy remake of an old French movie which only reminded her of her trip to Paris with Jagger, but Cody seemed to be enjoying it and she didn’t want to be a pain. Instead, she sat there drinking her wine and remembering the way they had made love in their fancy suite. It had seemed so magical then.