The Ghosts of Blood and Innocence (4 page)

Darq hesitated for a moment before he obeyed. There was a wide space between him and Phade now. It made him feel uncomfortable.

Phade folded his arms. ‘I’m not scared, Darquiel. Let’s just say I’m concerned for your welfare. It’s not the forest you should fear, harling, nor the night creatures, nor ghosts, nor beasts of the air. It is hara you should fear.’

‘Why?’

‘I can’t tell you.’

Darq sensed that Phade had erected barriers in his mind to shield his thoughts. He did that often when Darq asked difficult questions. Did that mean he lied?

‘All you need to know is that I’m entrusted with your safety,’ Phade said. He pulled his robe closed and belted it more tightly. ‘It’s my prime concern.’

‘Where did I come from?’ Darq asked.

‘The ethers,’ Phade replied.

‘Who was the one who bore me, my hostling?’

‘I’ve no idea.’ Phade ran his fingers through his hair. ‘A friend asked me to care for you. I imagine your parents are either dead or disgraced. Your life is here now. And as we are both condemned to live with this incontrovertible circumstance, you will obey me, as if I were your hostling.’ His dark eyes appeared to have gone completely black. ‘You will not go out alone again. You will stay in your room for another week. And you can be sure the window will be locked.’          

‘That’s not fair,’ Darq said. ‘Why can’t I go out with Zira?’

‘It’s called punishment,’ Phade said. ‘When you do something bad, you have to see the error of your ways. You lose privileges. If you’re good, you get to do things you like. I’m sure you can understand the concept.’

Darq felt so full of rage, he was shocked at himself. He didn’t like being told what to do or having his movements restricted. This har wasn’t even his parent. What right did he have to issue orders and give punishments?
I’ll run away
, Darq thought, but because he was so angry, his thought was too loud and Phade heard it.

‘If you attempt any such thing, I’ll do more than lock you up,’ he said. ‘I have no wish to hurt you, Darq, but if you continue in this way, I’ll have no choice but to administer a more physical form of punishment. Perhaps that’s something you will understand.’

‘Amelza said you’d beat me,’ Darq said sarcastically, hoping to imply insult that a human child could know such a thing.

‘You would be wise to listen to your friend in the future, then,’ Phade said, perhaps deliberately misinterpreting the message. ‘If you are good for a week, then Amelza can come to the tower and play here in the garden with you.’

Phade sent out a mind-call to Zira, who presently came to the office. ‘Take Darq back to his room,’ Phade said. ‘Have his breakfast taken there. There will be no lessons today because Darq needs time to think about things on his own. Don’t you, Darq?’

Without a word, Darq followed Zira out of the room.

The guards had lost no time in gossiping with the household staff, so Zira already knew most of what had happened. Once they were in the whitewashed corridor outside Phade’s office, Zira pinched Darq hard on the arm. ‘If my family ends up in trouble because of you, I’ll kill you,’ he said in a low, hard voice.

‘You’re not allowed to have human family any more,’ Darq said, repeating something he’d picked up from Zira’s thoughts, which were occasionally troubled.

Zira uttered a cry and smacked Darq across the head. ‘You’re a little beast! I hope to Ag all harlings are not like you. You’re unnatural and vile!’

Darq rubbed his head for a moment, strangely unmoved. He was surprised and awed by the fact he no longer felt angry, even though Zira had hurt him. ‘You’re just afraid of me,’ he said. ‘And if you hit me again, I’ll blind you.’

‘Nohar likes you,’ Zira said. ‘You’re not a child, you’re a malevolent adult hiding in a harling’s body. Everyhar thinks you’re a freak. The only person who’ll speak to you is my sister, and the whole world knows she’s “touched”.’

‘Your mother likes me too,’ Darq said primly. ‘You don’t want to ask how I know, because if you do, you’ll also realise how much I know about what goes on in
your
head!’ Darq laughed. ‘I wonder, does Phade know how much you dream of him?’

‘Beast!’ Zira hissed. ‘I do no such thing.’

‘Yes you do. You do more than dream. You touch yourself and imagine it’s him.’

Zira growled and Darq considered the har both looked and sounded like an angry dog. ‘You’re too young to be able to mind touch,’ Zira said. ‘You’re just a spiteful liar.’ He took hold of one of Darq’s arms and hauled him up the passageway.         

Left alone in his room to await his breakfast, Darq stared at himself in the mirror. He remembered what he’d heard and seen at the pool the previous night.
There are four of me.
‘Where are you?’ he asked aloud. ‘
Who
are you?’

But there was no message in the mirror. Only his reflection stared back at him: an adult hiding in a harling’s body.

Chapter Three

Phade came to Darq’s bedroom early the next morning. Darq had hardly slept because his mind had been in a spin all night. For the first time, he had begun to think about himself. Where had he come from? Who were his parents? Why had he been given to Phade? Did he have brothers somewhere? It seemed the only way to get the answers to these perplexing questions would be to win Phade’s favor. And Darq knew he’d overstepped the line the day before. Zira would have told Phade everything. Well, nearly everything.

As soon as Phade unlocked the door and came into the room, Darq could tell the har felt a little contrite. Memories of Phade’s own childhood, which had often been unhappy, had plagued his dreams. Echoes of them wafted round Darq’s room, lamenting. Now Phade smiled, obviously in an attempt to put Darq at ease. Darq reflected that Phade looked better when he was smiling, or when his heart was soft. When Phade was in a good mood, Darq appreciated more what Zira saw in him.

‘What are we going to do with you?’ Phade asked, shaking his head.

‘I didn’t ask to come here,’ Darq replied. ‘I didn’t ask to be made. Who were my parents? I know you know.’

‘Zira’s not wrong about you,’ Phade said. ‘I know harlings are different to human children, but surely not
this
different. You’re too adult.’ He sat down on the bed. ‘Tell me what you remember about hatching. Do you remember anything before that?’

Darq considered and a hot wave coursed through his flesh. It was as if Phade’s question had been a magical key to unlock a door Darq had known nothing about. For just an instant, he saw utter blackness, but within it there was movement, something violent, and the sound of screaming. ‘I remember something bad,’ he said. Should he tell Phade? He decided to bargain. ‘I’ll tell you, but only if you tell me something in return. Who are my parents?’

‘I don’t know,’ Phade said, and perhaps he was lying, because his thoughts were again impenetrable to Darq. ‘You came to me as a pearl. Perhaps your hostling died.’

‘But who brought me here? You said yesterday it was a friend.’

‘An old friend. He didn’t explain much. He just asked me to raise you here, because Samway is safe and hidden and…’ Phade narrowed his eyes. ‘Enough. Tell me what you remember.’

‘Screaming,’ Darq said, briefly closing his eyes. ‘And… something like fighting, but it was in darkness. I couldn’t see anything.’

‘Perhaps that’s because you were in the pearl,’ Phade said, ‘though it’s interesting you recall so much.’

‘I think I was stolen,’ Darq said. ‘That’s the only possible explanation.’

‘That conclusion is not unreasonable,’ Phade agreed.

Darq hugged his knees through his bed covers. ‘My parents must have been important.’

Phade folded his arms. ‘You don’t know that. Perhaps we’ll never know the circumstances of your conception.  The fact is, Darq, you are with me now, and I don’t want there to be hostility between us. You’ll carry your childhood with you for the rest of your life. Let’s make sure your memories of it are mostly happy ones. Respect my wishes and I’ll respect yours.’

‘You think I’m in danger,’ Darq said. ‘You must do, otherwise you’d let me out alone.’

Phade stared at him thoughtfully. ‘Perhaps I am over-protective,’ he admitted. ‘You don’t really get along with Zira, do you? You need a harish companion, so that you can go out together. Amelza is a good friend, I know, but she wouldn’t be able to protect you, if you ever needed her to.’

‘Make her har like Zira is, then,’ Darq suggested. The idea seemed logical.

Phade smiled. ‘I can’t do that.  She can’t be made har like you.’

This was news to Darq. ‘Why not?’

‘Hara can’t incept human females. Also, she is too young. She could become Kamagrian one day, perhaps, but not har. Kamagrian are similar to us, but not exactly the same.’

Darq was delighted with this information. ‘Make her that, then!’ he said. ‘I don’t want her to shrivel up and die like humans do. I like her.’

Phade smiled and reached out to ruffle Darq’s hair. ‘I know. I’ll bear it in mind, I promise.’

Emboldened by this strange new intimacy, which made him feel slightly drunk, Darq laughed and said, ‘Zira is in love with you.’

Phade didn’t laugh as Darq expected. ‘Did he tell you that?’

‘No. It’s what he thinks about. He’s sad you didn’t go to him after althaia, that it was somehar else.’

Phade exhaled through his nose and folded his arms. ‘Hasn’t Zira told you it’s very rude to pry in other hara’s thoughts?’

Darq glanced away. ‘I don’t know. He might have done.’

‘You mustn’t do it.’

‘It wasn’t prying,” Darq insisted. To him, this seemed true. ‘He thinks so loud about you it’s like he’s singing.’

‘Well, whatever — curb yourself,’ Phade admonished. ‘If you hear something like that, tune out and turn off. You do know how to do that, don’t you?’

Darq shrugged.

‘Darq,
don’t
listen in. It’s bad. Also, you are far too young to know about what happens after althaia.’ Again Darq got a brief impression of Phade’s bittersweet childhood memories.  ‘Enjoy being a child. Enjoy being innocent. It won’t last forever, and one day you’ll wake up feeling sad because it’s gone. Understand?’

Darq shook his head. ‘Zira says I’m not a child, so what’s the point of trying to cling on to something I’m not?’

Phade sighed again. ‘Physically, you
are
a child. That’s the way it is and the way we will look at things. You upset Zira yesterday. You should apologise.’

‘He pinched and hit me.’

‘You should
both
apologise. Believe me, Darq, life is far easier if hara can get along.’

Darq could see that Phade was right. If you displeased somehar, things often got awkward. But how to cope with the dilemma that something you wanted to do was in opposition to what others wanted? Presumably, you just had to find a way to do it so that nohar would know about it.

‘So, if I apologise to Zira you’ll let me out of my room?’ Darq asked.

‘If I went back on punishments, that’d be wrong,’ Phade answered. ‘I must stand by what I said, otherwise the punishment is worthless.’

‘I don’t understand,’ Darq said. ‘You made me see what happens when I’m bad, and all day yesterday and all night I was in the punishment. I felt what it would be like not to be let out for a week, and I suffered. You came and explained to me why you did it, and now we’re friends, so what’s the point of there still being this horrible thing between us? I won’t climb out of my window again at night. I understand everything you’ve said. I agree with you. Why must I still be punished?’

Phade stared at Darq for several seconds. It was clearly difficult for him to believe he was talking to a one-year-old harling. ‘All right,’ he said at last. ‘But be nice to Zira. Threatening to blind him indeed! A harling your age should have no such ideas. Come on, get up. We’ll go and have breakfast.’

After breakfast, Darq went to the room on the first floor that Phade had appointed as his classroom. It was a light and airy place, its walls lined with book shelves. The shelves were far from full, but Darq put other things on them that interested him, such as animal skulls he found in the forest and brightly colored fungi that eventually shriveled up and smelled bad.  Zira was already there, still looking furious.

‘I’m sorry,’ Darq said.

Zira raised his eyebrows. ‘What for?’

‘Saying those things to you. I won’t blind you.’

Zira smiled. ‘If you tried, there might be rather a scuffle. All right, apology accepted. I’m sorry I whacked your head.’

Darq was astounded at the power of the simple words ‘I’m sorry’. It was like a magic spell. ‘Will you take me to see Olivia?’ he asked. ‘I think I should apologise to her too. I didn’t want to get any of your family into trouble. I just like being outside and… well… can we go to the cottage?’

‘Of course,’ Zira said.

‘I could pick her some flowers,’ Darq offered, ‘or find some branches with red berries on.’ He realised that a bit of coy simpering might also be useful and batted his eyelashes a few times.

Zira responded exactly as Darq wished. ‘That’s a thoughtful idea. She’ll be pleased. Afterwards, we can go into the woods, if you like. We can do today’s lessons there. Perhaps Ma will let Amelza come with us.’

This is amazing
, Darq thought.
It’s so easy.
He giggled as he’d heard human children do when they sought the favor of adults.

Zira ruffled his hair. ‘Perhaps you’re not as freakish as I thought,’ he said. ‘Maybe it’s just that nohar round here really knows how to be with harlings. We’ll just have to learn.’

So will I
, Darq thought. He felt he’d made a major breakthrough already.

Chapter Four

Loki har Aralis’ first name would have rested far more comfortably on Darquiel’s shoulders. It was the name of a trickster god, and Loki the harling was anything but a trickster.

He was the half-brother of Darquiel, but did not know it. He lived in the Gelaming city of Immanion with his parents, in the country of Almagabra. As far as Loki was concerned, he had only one other sibling, who nohar talked about. From gossip around the palace Phaonica, Loki had determined that his much older brother, Abrimel, was in prison somewhere, a criminal. His parents wouldn’t speak about it, nor his hura, Caeru, nor his tutors and servants. They would say things like ‘when you’re older’, which was no use at all. Loki was inquisitive and bright, but knew his place. When adults said ‘no’, he complied with their wishes.