The Ghosts of Blood and Innocence (65 page)

Galdra raised his glass. ‘I’ll drink to that.’

‘The househara have built a fire in the sitting room,’ Caeru said. ‘Have you all finished eating? Shall we move there?’

‘Yes,’ Cal said, getting to his feet and scooping up several untouched wine bottles. ‘Let’s toast our feet and get mindlessly drunk.’

Cal and Galdra appeared to be more intoxicated than Pellaz and Caeru and had become mildly rowdy. As they threw themselves onto the rugs before the hearth in the sitting room, and Pellaz seated himself on a chair beside them, he thought about how alike they were: they really could be brothers. Galdra was probably younger than Cal’s son Tyson, yet he seemed older. Now, they were behaving exactly like brothers, making jokes about members of the Hegemony that weren’t really funny, yet for some reason were hilarious to them.

Caeru, sitting opposite Pell, raised his hands and grimaced. He sent a mind touch.
Somehow, I get the feeling we should leave them to it.

I think you might be right.

Caeru got to his feet and Pellaz did likewise.

Cal stopped laughing and stared up at Pellaz. His hair was falling over his face, so he had to squint. ‘Where are you going?’

‘Retiring,’ Pellaz said. He bowed his head to Galdra. ‘Thanks for coming.’

Galdra appeared to sober up quickly. He looked wary. ‘It was a pleasure.’

Cal grabbed hold of one of Pell’s legs. ‘No you don’t,’ he said. ‘Sit here with us.’

Pellaz staggered as Cal pulled on him. ‘Cal…’

‘Come here!’

Pellaz turned to Caeru, who raised a hand. ‘I’m going,’ he said.

‘Rue?’ Pellaz said. ‘Do you have to?’

‘Yes. I do. Really.’ Caeru waved his hand. ‘Good night. Have fun.’

Pellaz stared down at Cal and heard the door to the room close. Cal raised an eyebrow, smiled lazily and leaned back against the chair behind him. What har could resist so beautiful a creature? ‘You know what?’ Cal said.

‘What?’ Pellaz dropped down and straddled Cal’s lap, conscious of Galdra’s cautious scrutiny beside him.

Cal wound a lock of Pell’s hair around his hand. ‘This is the happy ending. This time, I think it really is.’

Pellaz exhaled through his nose, closed his eyes briefly. ‘That would be good.’

Cal pushed Pellaz off him, laid him down between himself and Galdra. ‘Imagine your dearest fantasy,’ he said, and kissed Pellaz on the mouth. ‘It’s about to happen.’

In the morning, Pellaz and Galdra were the first downstairs, and sat waiting in the dining room for breakfast. The night had gone better than even Pellaz had expected; he still felt dizzy from it. Images kept replaying upon his mind’s eye, and the one that warmed him most was that of when Cal and Galdra had, for some time, forgotten he was with them. Pellaz had realised that Cal actually liked taking aruna with hara with whom he’d been intimate himself. Certain moments between Cal and Galdra had been fairly intense. Pellaz had felt stunned at the time to discover that they felt something for one another. Maybe neither of them knew precisely what it was, but it was feeling, and it wasn’t hostile.

Now, in the bright light of morning, Galdra appeared dazed, as if he was shocked at himself. He’d been subjected to the full force of Cal’s arunic accomplishments, of course, so reality must be rather hazy for him at the moment. Pellaz thought he should introduce a neutral topic of conversation. ‘With all that’s been going on,’ he said, ‘I haven’t thought to ask before, but is that weird portal still here in Freygard?’

Galdra nodded. ‘Yes. We still don’t know where it came from. I thought Geburael or Diablo made it, but I asked Geb and he said he didn’t.’

‘I know. That’s a dangling thread, Galdra. What if it represents another threat?’ Pellaz twisted his mouth to the side. ‘I think I want to go and look at it today.’

‘Shall I come with you?’

‘No. I want to go alone. I feel I have to.’

Pellaz walked out to the cliff top, trudging through deep snow. He could feel the portal as a tingle in his flesh, long before he reached it. Within the grove of hawthorns, he saw a pulsing violet glow. What was this thing?

Among the huddling trees, Pellaz sat down on the hard ground. There was little snow in the grove, because the hawthorns clustered so closely together. He extended his senses to examine the portal. His faculties felt highly sensitive, not least because of the previous night’s events. But Pellaz knew he must not think of that now. He must penetrate the mystery of this portal. He didn’t want anything to spoil the peace that had come to his heart.

Do you never rest, beloved?
The voice was familiar in Pell’s mind.

He opened his eyes. ‘Peridot?’

‘Here I am.’

Pellaz turned round and saw a figure silhouetted at the entrance to the grove. It looked like a har, clad in close-fitting garments of animal hide, like a hunter. This figure came towards him. It was a har he’d never seen, a har who looked young, but who had long white hair and whose eyes were golden. ‘Do you approve of this form?’ the har asked.

‘Peridot, is that you?’

‘Yes.’

‘Why have you changed?’

‘Because I can.’ Peridot sat down next to Pellaz in front of the portal. ‘I can talk to you now.’

‘How? Why?’

Peridot hugged his knees. ‘I asked Lurlei to grant me – us – this favor and he agreed. I told him how you’d always wanted to speak to me aloud, like hara do.’

‘I see,’ Pellaz said crisply. ‘So this is a bribe, is it?’

‘Lurlei might well see it as that, yes, but I just see it as something we’ve both wanted for a long time.’ Peridot gestured at the portal. ‘It still puzzles you, doesn’t it?’

‘Of course it does. You said it wasn’t a danger, but I wonder. It’s still here, and it doesn’t appear to belong to any faction, enemy or friend that I know of. I worry that something might come out of it.’

‘It won’t,’ Peridot said.

‘You’re not always right, you know. Can’t you help me close this thing down?’

Peridot rested his cheek on his raised knees, and stared at Pellaz unblinkingly. ‘I’ll close it for you, if you wish.’

‘You said you couldn’t before. Is this another
favor
of Lurlei’s?’

Peridot sighed. ‘Pell, I’ll close it for you, because it was me who created it.’

‘
What
? Why?’

‘To bring you to Freygard.’

Pellaz shook his head slowly. ‘Maybe you shouldn’t go on, Peridot. I’m not sure I want to hear anything else.’

‘But you should,’ Peridot said. ‘I can talk to you now, so take advantage of it. All those years ago, when Galdra first came to you, do you remember why?’

Pellaz snorted. ‘I can hardly forget. His chesnari Tyr was slaughtered by unseen assailants. He thought the Gelaming could help him.’

‘Mmm,’ Peridot murmured. ‘I’m going to tell you something now you probably should never reveal to Galdra. Agents of the Zehk were responsible for Tyr’s death. It wasn’t the
sedim,
though; don’t think that.’

Pellaz had gone utterly cold. ‘Why?’ he asked dully.

‘It was always the Zehk’s desire for you and Galdra to get together. The
sedim
monitor hara carefully. We’re aware of what different essential combinations can produce. You and Galdra were an effective force against the Aasp’s attempt to take control of this realm.’ Peridot paused. ‘You can imagine that the Zehk were not exactly pleased to discover that Loki, the fruit of your union, was being used against them.’

Pellaz rubbed his hands over his face. ‘I don’t want to know these things.’

‘Don’t lie to yourself. Of course you do.’

Pellaz gestured abruptly. ‘But why tell me now? You give me secrets to keep, and I don’t like that. It makes no difference to the way things are and only brings pain.’

Peridot’s voice was wistful. ‘Between friends, there should be truth. You won’t believe me, I know, but I’ve wanted to tell you these things, so many times.’

Pellaz grimaced. ‘I believed you to be one thing, and you were another. You have used me, Peridot, or whatever your real name is. We can’t be friends, because I’ll never be able to trust you. You want there to be truth between us now? Then why not before? So many times, you could have helped me or told me the truth. Always, you obeyed your masters. Don’t come to me now like this and expect me to be pleased.’

‘I carried you to Samway,’ Peridot said. ‘I carried you to rebirth. I’ve been with you since the beginning. I’ve seen you grow as a har and as a Tigron. Over the years, we’ve both had to take action we’ve not liked.’ He sighed deeply, as if it pained him. ‘The birth of Wraeththu is over, Pellaz.  The
sedim
were midwives to it, and have stayed with you throughout. Your pain was often mine, beloved. I could not remain impartial.’

Pellaz laughed harshly. ‘If we’re going to stick with that analogy, isn’t the time after the child arrives when the work really starts?’

‘The birth of Wraeththu,’ Peridot said patiently, ‘involved your generation coming to terms with what you are. Now, it is the time of your sons.’

‘In my case, sons who have been damaged by your meddling with my
birth
.’ Pellaz got to his feet. ‘Can you deny that?’

Peridot, still resting his face on his raised knees, stared up at the Tigron. ‘I did what I could, when I could.’

Pellaz nodded his head once and walked out of the grove. He was full of anger and frustration and disappointment. He wanted to talk more to Peridot, yet he didn’t. A subtle shift in the air made his body go cold, but he didn’t look round. The portal had gone, and he supposed Peridot had gone with it.

For some minutes, Pellaz stood on the cliff top, gazing out to the sea. Humanity had lived and died in ignorance over so many things. The world still shook with the echoes of their cries: the voices of countless children screaming.
Did you ever care for them, Divozenky? Your children went bad, perhaps, but you were their mother in the beginning. Did you never weep for their pain?

Pellaz was not Darquiel. He could not perceive a response, even if there was one.

It was not our birth the
sedim
watched over,
he thought,
but our coming of age. It has happened so quickly. Our childhood was too brief. Now we are free to walk away from those who sought to guide us. Parents can be wrong sometimes, as can children. With maturity comes the ability to accept and not condemn the fallibility of those who came before us.

He smiled to himself. He’d heard no voice in his head, but perhaps Divozenky wasn’t as far from him as he’d believed.

Heal Loki
, Pellaz said in his mind.
Please.

That was all. He turned towards Freygard. He must go home now.

Snow had begun to fall again, because spring comes late to the northern lands. Pellaz pulled his wolf skin coat, borrowed from Galdra, more tightly around his body. He felt very young and very old. His feet slipped upon the frozen ground. He thought longingly of the hearthfires of Freygard, the hearthfires of those he loved. If only the town was nearer. These last minutes out in the cold were almost too much to bear. Pellaz missed Peridot, not just as a
sedu
, but as a friend. How could he judge Peridot, when he was far from perfect himself? He wished he hadn’t walked out of the hawthorn grove like that. They should have talked some more. Now, it might be too late.

And then, as if Pell’s thoughts had invoked it, from amongst the swirling flakes came a large shadowy shape. It seemed made of snow itself. A
sedu
took on form, shaking its heavy mane, stamping one foot against the hard ground.
Do you need a ride, beloved?

Pellaz sighed, then smiled. He went to the
sedu
, grasped its mane and vaulted onto its back. ‘There is still work for us to do,’ he said.

I know. I’ve walked away from my world, Pellaz. This is where I belong now.

‘Then let’s go home,’ Pellaz said.

Peridot lifted his head and made his way along the cliff. He did not go into the otherlanes, but placed his hooves surely on the path. Once they’d left the narrow trail behind and reached the wider road through the rough heath to the town, he picked up speed. His powerful body surged through the whirling air.

Pellaz laughed aloud, snowflakes stinging his face, blinding his eyes. It was like the time when he’d first met Peridot, when he’d cast off a dull skin to become Tigron. They had traveled through snow in a cold northern country then too.

I’ve left another skin behind,
Pellaz thought.

Ahead of him, the gates of Freygard opened to them.