The Ghosts of Blood and Innocence (35 page)

Some moments later, Darq was lying on his stomach, retching into the ferns. Cool hands were laid against his shoulders, comforting as he heaved. Eventually, he managed to croak, ‘What was that?’

And there were no hands upon him, no voice in his ears; only in his mind.
That, my Darq, was the dehar Aruhani, the devourer, the ruler of aruna. You have sacrificed to him. You are now his priest.

Darq sat up, looked around himself. He saw Darzu lying on his back some feet away, his hair over his face. For one awful moment, Darq feared the har was dead. He crawled over to him, brushed away the strands of hair. Darzu groaned, expelled a sigh. He smiled and turned on to his side. He was asleep.

Darq sat there stunned, hugging his knees. His whole body was throbbing, as if he’d run madly for an hour. Every particle of him was hot, emitting powerful energy.  Something very big had just happened to him. It had changed him, and he was afraid, because he didn’t know in what way he was changed.

In the morning, Darzu was cheerfully oblivious to any of the previous night’s stranger events. He sat in the ferns, clothed only in his hair, which he began to rebraid.
I must have drunk more than I thought last night. The only thing I can remember is that whatever we did together was wonderful.

Darq managed a convincing laugh.
It was. Thank you, Darzu. You gave me quite an education.

Darzu held out a hand.
Come here. I don’t have to be at work that early.

Darq went cold. He stared at Darzu’s fingers, unable to grab hold of them, not because he didn’t want to take aruna again, because he did. It was what might come with it. Darzu frowned and lowered his hand.

I wish I could stay,
Darq told him,
but my teacher will be waiting for me.
He pulled what he hoped looked like a rueful face.

Ah, that’s a shame
. Darzu hesitated.
How long are you staying in Nemodilkii?

I think we’ll have to move on today.

That’s even more of a shame. I would have enjoyed spending more time with you.

Me too…
Darq looked down upon this attractive and friendly creature. He was angry that an uninvited intruder had perverted their simple enjoyment. Ookami would have allowed Darq to stay an extra night, Darq was sure. They had nowhere urgent to be. Instead, they’d have to move on, because Darq was afraid of what might happen if he spent another night in Darzu’s arms.
Never again!
Darq thought hotly, hoping the owner of his mysterious inner voice would hear it.
I’m sad to leave,
Darq told Darzu.

Return one day
, Darzu suggested.
I’ll light a lamp to guide your way, because I can feel you have a long journey ahead of you. Part of you is very sad.

Darq felt a pang of genuine emotion. He leaned down and kissed the top of Darzu’s head. ‘You’re a good har,’ he said aloud. ‘In another life, I might have been allowed to love you.’

Darzu took one of Darq’s hand, pressed it to his cheek, kissed it.
Be safe, my friend.

Darq walked to Ookami’s tent in a somber mood. He debated what he should reveal to his teacher and what should be kept secret from him. He was desperate to share his thoughts with somehar, but also shrank from doing so. It occurred to him that the interloping entity might be swaying his feelings in that regard.

Ookami was exercising beside the tent, observed by the horses, which seemed particularly intent on his movements. Darq sat down between them, drawing comfort from their familiar scent, their huffing breath as they nosed his hair. He watched Ookami’s graceful turns and thought:
Nothing could take possession of him.

Perhaps Ookami sensed something was wrong, because he appeared to end his practice before he’d really finished. He saluted the sun with his swords, then came towards Darq. ‘Pleasant night?’ he asked.

Darq nodded. ‘I begin to see what you meant about aruna. It was certainly… well, certainly not like eliminating waste.’

Ookami smiled, then put his head to one side. ‘You’re not entirely happy. What’s bothering you?’

Darq hesitated. ‘I think…’ He ran both hands through his hair. ‘I’m not like other hara, Ookami. I know it. There’s something wrong with me.’

Ookami squatted down and carefully replaced his swords into the black sheaths that lay beside the tent. ‘What do you mean?’ he asked at last.

Darq shook his head. ‘I can’t explain. Perhaps it’s just that… my visions are darker than other hara’s. Last night, I saw a dehar named Aruhani. He was not exactly a god of sweet little creatures and skipping harlings.’

Ookami’s mouth twitched, although he did not laugh. ‘I know of Aruhani. You were taught about dehara, then?’

‘A little,’ Darq lied. In Samway, he’d simply known that hara elsewhere had created and believed in these entities. He’d never bothered with them himself.

‘Aruhani is the dehar of aruna, life and death,’ Ookami said. ‘He has many parallels in the old human belief systems. He’s sometimes the devourer, sometimes the benefactor. He represents the cycles of the cosmos, creation and destruction. He’s also very sexual. It’s not that surprising you should see him in an aruna vision.’

‘It was rather more than that.’

Ookami didn’t even blink. ‘That too is not unusual in the spiritually inclined.’

‘I’m not that spiritual.’

‘You think so?’ Ookami stood up. ‘Take time to get to know yourself, Darquiel. Anyway, I’m sure you’re hungry after your night’s exertions. Let’s see to breakfast.’

‘OK.’ Darq stood up. ‘It helps to talk with you. Thank you.’

Ookami inclined his head. ‘It’s my job.’

As they prepared the food, Ookami said, ‘How long would you like to stay here?’

Darquiel responded without thinking. ‘I want to leave today.’

‘Oh? Is that wise? I think perhaps you should revisit the thing that worries you, banish it. Make a friend of Aruhani, Darquiel. I’m told he makes a superb benefactor. You could do worse than to honor him.’

‘It’s not just that. The har I was with likes me too much. I have said goodbye to him, and in my mind it would be cruel to see him again, because I can give him nothing but brief union. Also, it would be equally cruel to take aruna with somehar else in this town.’

‘I see,’ Ookami said. ‘In that case, we’ll move on. There will be plenty of other small towns where it’s safe for us to linger.’

I would feel safe with you,
Darq thought, and deliberately took little care to shield it. But if Ookami picked up on it, he gave no sign.

Chapter Twenty

Years later, Darquiel would look back upon the months he spent traveling with Ookami as some of the best of his life. They wandered through a mythic landscape, heading east, pausing at small settlements occasionally, but generally keeping to themselves, self-sufficient. Ookami was an easy companion, and Darq never got irritated with him. His guardian shared his knowledge generously, if not his body. As time went on, Darq became more and more curious about the Grissecon Ookami was preparing for, although he sensed it would be importunate to ask about it.  

After leaving Nemodilkii, Darq had received no further communication from the mysterious entity that had hijacked his aruna with Darzu. As time went on, he became increasingly convinced he’d hallucinated the whole thing. With some trepidation, he initiated aruna with other hara he met and nothing untoward occurred, although none of it was as explosive and overwhelming as that time with Darzu had been. Without mentioning the more bizarre aspects of that occasion, Darq discussed it with Ookami as they rode along an empty road. Fields spread away to either side, and beyond them were mountain forests.

‘It was like the experience with Darzu was my first,’ Darq said, ‘even though Thiede had taken me through feybraiha. I wonder if I’ll ever experience anything like that again.’

Ookami nodded thoughtfully. ‘There’s no doubt that sometimes the chemistry between hara is very strong. If I were you, I wouldn’t shut myself off to the possibility it can’t be recaptured though. There will be others, Darq. That is the way of life.’

Darq liked to talk about aruna with Ookami, because he could see it was the closest he could get to touching the har. Occasionally, once the training with the swords began, Ookami would hold Darq’s body to position his limbs correctly, and once Darq couldn’t help sinking back against him. Ookami was still for a moment, then gently pushed Darq away. But Darq had registered that stillness, so felt neither embarrassed nor upset. In some ways, it was enough. He could lose himself in the dance of the blades, moving energy around him in the way that Ookami taught him. He hoped one day to have swords of his own.

Although Ookami had never pushed the matter of caste ascension, leaving Darq to make up his own mind, Darq eventually decided he’d like to go through the initiations, if Ookami was willing to officiate. Ookami said he’d be happy to do this, and they agreed that the first ceremony would take place on the summer festival of Reaptide, this being a significant time for such activities. At Ookami’s gentle yet repeated suggestion – the closest he ever got to insistence – Darq had begun to pay his respects to Aruhani whenever he meditated or trained with the swords. The dehar did not seem disposed to make another spectacular appearance, even in visualization, but Darq took care to dedicate whatever aruna he took to Aruhani. Ookami said it was the offering that the dehar preferred.

On the eve of Reaptide, Darq and Ookami made camp in an isolated mountain meadow. On the way up the trail, they had spotted an inhabited farmstead, so once the tent was erected, Ookami told Darq to begin his meditations for the ascension to come. Ookami would ride back down the rough road to ask if the farmsteaders had any milk, cheese or eggs they could spare to travelers. It was his intention to provide Darq with a small feast after the ceremony.

Warmed by this consideration, Darq climbed sun-heated rocks to a high vantage point. From here the world stretched away in a cascading tapestry of a thousand different greens. The wind blew Darq’s hair across his face and pressed his shirt to his back. Sitting cross-legged on the rock, Darq raised his arms to the sky, feeling life surge in every atom of his being. The disciplines of mind and body that Ookami had taught him appeared to have silenced the sly inner voice, if indeed it had ever existed outside of himself. Perhaps inevitably, this calm and satisfied thought invoked it.

Darquiel, my Darq, you disappoint me. Would you deny that I exist?

Darquiel froze.
Get out of my head!

Very well…

And it was gone.

Darq pressed his fingertips against his temples. He felt faintly sick, remembering all too clearly the last time he had heard that voice. But by the time he’d climbed back down to the camp, the nausea had subsided, and Darq had convinced himself the voice had been his own. It must be part of his inner self, perhaps the darker part.

At sundown, Ookami lit small lamps and hung them in the trees about their campsite. Darquiel bathed in the icy water of a mountain stream and bound up his hair. It was a solemn and intimate occasion. Darq sat in a circle of softly glowing lights, while Ookami stood before him and called upon various dehara and spirits in his own tongue. His voice was a song, barely more than a whisper, yet containing all the power of the loudest invocation.

When the preliminaries were over, Ookami said, ‘I’ll conduct the rest of the ceremony in Megalithican… I just prefer to speak to the dehara in my own words.’

‘I know,’ Darq said. ‘Please keep doing it. I feel the words inside me. I don’t have to hear them.’

He closed his eyes, concentrating on sensations within his body, the pulse and rush of his own energy. He could sense Ookami stirring him up, raising his frequency to a higher level. It was most astounding. Darq was glad he’d decided to opt for the caste ascensions.

Then Ookami fell quiet. As Darq had undergone no previous ceremonies, he thought at first this silence was simply a part of it, and would have continued to think that, if he’d not heard a strange coughing splutter.

Darq opened his eyes. Ookami stood rigid, his eyes staring madly, straight ahead, as if he was looking at something hideous. Darq glanced over his shoulder, but saw nothing. ‘Ookami?’ he murmured. ‘Are you…’

Ookami began to shudder, as if in a fit. Darq leapt to his feet. ‘No! Don’t touch him! No!’ He knew what was happening. He knew it. An image was forming over Ookami’s body, like a ghost, transparent and wavering. It was an image of the entity that sought to control him, that was torturing his flesh. Ookami was no simple soul. He wouldn’t surrender himself without a fight. Darq saw a creature taller than the har it sought to inhabit. Details were indistinct but he got an impression of very long pale hair and a light-colored robe. The only things that were easily perceived were two smoking holes of burning blue light. He could not call them eyes.

‘Get out of him!’ Darq yelled. ‘I command you.’

The image shimmered and then settled over Ookami like a shroud. It sank right into him. Ookami shuddered, jerked his head to the side, and then smoothed his face with his hands. ‘Ah,’ he said, ‘that’s much better.’ The voice was not his own.

‘In the name of Aruhani, I exorcise you!’ Darq said.

Ookami laughed. ‘You call upon
him
to dismiss
me
? How little you know, my Darq.’

‘Who are you?’ Darq shouted. ‘I’m not
yours
! Who
are
you?’

Ookami extended his hands in a gesture of appeasement. ‘Calm down. There’s nothing to fear. I’m here to conduct your ascension.’

‘I already have somehar to conduct it,’ Darq said. ‘I don’t want you.’

‘You have no choice,’ said Ookami. ‘It’s my wish to do it.’ His voice hardened. ‘Now sit down.’ He raised a hand, and Darq found himself flung back to the ground. Ookami’s eyes were a dark velvety brown; the har before him now had blazing blue eyes, as cold and dangerous as the eternal flames that might burn upon the altars of damned temples. Darq could see the entity meant business; to defy it might put Ookami in danger.