The Ghost House (6 page)

I began to sob uncontrollably and felt Edward’s hands begin to stroke my hair and dab at my eyes with his handkerchief; I was taken aback that he was comforting me. As I write this I have come to realise that it was the first time I have known him to be nice. I like this kind Edward and I liked the feel of his hands as they smoothed my hair even more.

He stood to go and see his mother and I did not want him to leave me on my own but he did and I carried on sobbing. I wanted to go and see her but I am too afraid of his Lordship. I stood on legs that wobbled and went to the door of the library. It was then that I heard his Lordship roar at the top of his voice. It was a dreadful sound full of pain and misery which echoed around the great hall. I looked up to see Cook running along the passage; the doctor walked down the stairs and shook his head at her. I knew then that Lady Hannah the beautiful, kind woman was dead – gone forever. I closed the door and stumbled back to the chair in a daze. Lying back down I cried until I fell asleep, where I would not have to face the awful truth.

I woke up in the dark. It was so cold. The fire I lit myself earlier had died down to a few glowing orange embers. The house was silent except for the ticking of the grandfather clock in the hall. Shivering, I stood up to go to my bedroom. I slipped from the library and ran along the corridor to the servants’ stairs at the back of the house. I was too afraid to look into the hall in case I saw a vision of Lady Hannah crumpled and bleeding to death on the floor. I turned the corner and squealed to see Edward sat on the bottom step, he was holding something in his hands that looked like a knife but it was so dark I couldn’t be sure.

My heart began to race. I did not want to be alone with him in.. I mumbled my excuse and then dashed up the two flights of stairs until I reached the servants’ bathroom and locked the door. My tear-stained face stared back at me from the small mirror above the sink and my eyes were huge with both sorrow and fright. I splashed cold water onto my face and then ran to the safety of my bedroom.

Undressing I slipped on the nightgown that Lady Hannah had only just bought for me and got into my freezing cold bed. I lay there trembling, waiting to get warm. A few minutes later a gentle knock on my door made my heart freeze.

He whispered through the door, ‘Alice, it’s me, Edward, please can I come in?’

I was terrified but my stomach began to flutter. I did not know what I should do. If Harold or Cook caught Edward in my room I would be in so much trouble. Before I could answer the doorknob began to turn and he crept in.

‘Alice, are you still awake?’

I could barely whisper ‘yes’ but I did and he closed the door behind him. He walked across to where I lay and sat on the bed next to me: I felt sick with fear. I did not want Edward next to me but I could not send him away. He lifted a hand and began to stroke my hair and I felt myself shiver. He had been drinking because I could smell the sour whisky on his breath. I pulled away from his hand and then he slapped me across the face. Before I could do anything he was on top of me, his lips pressing down on my lips and his body pressed hard against mine. I am so ashamed of what happened next I cannot even write it down but I know it was wrong and it hurt so much that I cried in pain. After Edward was finished he stood up and walked out of the room, he did not even look back and I sobbed myself to sleep.

I awoke early and spent a long time in the bath. Even after it had gone cold I stayed in there. I stayed until Millie hammered on the door demanding to come in. I was sore and did not know what to do with myself. I wanted to tell someone about what had happened because I did not know if it was right or wrong.

When I went back into my room Edward was stood by the window he turned to me with tears rolling down his cheeks and told me how truly sorry he was and that he hoped he hadn’t hurt me too much last night. He looked so sad and forlorn that I could not help myself and I told him I was sore but it was not too bad. He took hold of my hand and fell to his knees begging my forgiveness. He held onto my legs, his head pushing against my thighs, and I felt so sorry for him that I stroked his hair and told him I forgave him. When he finally stood up he took hold of me and kissed me. This time it was so gentle that I couldn’t help but kiss him back.

Today was Lady Hannah’s funeral and it was so very sad for it reminded me of my mother’s. Harold said that we could attend as a mark of respect. I did not really want to but I had no choice. I would rather have stayed at the house to make sure everything was prepared for the mourners. All the servants lined up at the back of the church, out of the way of the important people. I cried and cried. Edward was stood at the front next to his Lordship, with his head bowed. I was sandwiched between Cook and Alfie in the middle of the aisle where I had a direct view of the coffin and Edward.

Every time I see him I get butterflies and I am still not sure whether it is terror or indeed passion that makes me feel this way. Alfie squirmed throughout the entire service. I was so upset that he put his arm around my shoulders to try and give me some comfort. That was the only time I saw Edward lift his eyes from the ground. He turned and glared at Alfie. Edward’s eyes were blacker than ever and he looked so angry I felt sorry for poor Alfie. I pulled away from his touch so as not to get him into any trouble.

After the funeral lots of mourners came back to the house and I spent the rest of the day rushing around serving drinks and food to them all. Cook said there is nothing like a funeral to give someone an appetite and she was right. They practically ate and drank his Lordship out of house and home. By the time the last one left I was exhausted. My poor feet were aching and my eyes stinging from the tears and vast clouds of cigar smoke which had turned the inside of the house into a haze.

His Lordship was in the drawing room and very drunk. I watched as Edward and Harold carried him up to his room. He has taken to sleeping in one of the guest rooms. He told Harold that he could no longer abide to be in the room where his beloved wife had died for she had taken his soul when she passed and he was nothing now but an empty shell.

Everyone retired to bed except myself and Edward, who had come to find me sitting at the piano, resting for a moment and thinking about Lady Hannah. He stood in front of me and I could not help but think how handsome he looked in his grief, and then I felt terrible for thinking such thoughts.

He pulled me into his arms and kissed me with so much passion; the heat from his body was so intense I feared we might set on fire. I know that what we are doing is wrong and I know full well that no good will come from it but I wanted him so badly. I wanted to feel those strong arms around me and his lips crushing against mine. He picked me up and carried me across the hall to the library, once again laying me down onto the chaise lounge. My heart was beating so fast it was hard to breathe. I lay and watched him unbutton his shirt then he bent down towards me and I threw my arms around him losing myself to him.

After a while an uncomfortable feeling that someone was watching made me lift my head and look to the doorway where I saw Alfie, his face white and such hurt in his eyes. As our eyes met he turned and ran. My cheeks burned with shame but Edward held me even tighter and I closed my eyes letting the heat wash over me.

Edward is leaving today. He has important exams in London that he must not miss. I do not know how I will cope without him for he has become my rock. He has been there to give me comfort as I have him and we have spent hours talking each evening after I have finished my chores. The lovemaking between us has been so full of passion and pleasure that I never imagined it could ever be this way; he has never forced himself on me since that first time. According to Cook it was something that had to be done if you wanted to keep your husband happy and make babies.

I am ashamed of the way I have been behaving and I know it is not how a good girl should behave but it feels so right for I think I am falling in love with Edward so deep that I would not be able to stop myself if I tried. We have to keep our friendship a secret because I am a servant and it is not heard of for the master of the house to carry on as such. If his Lordship found out I would be sent away and I could not bear it; this house and the people in it are the only family that I know.

Alfie has not spoken a word to me since the night of the funeral and for that I am truly sad; he is my best friend and I miss him greatly. Once Edward leaves for London I will try and speak to him on his own and explain everything to him.

His Lordship has become so melancholy it breaks my heart to look at him. He is not eating his meals and stays in his room all day drinking nothing but whisky. He looks dreadful and Edward confessed to me that he is awfully worried about him.

I made myself busy and went to clean the schoolroom to keep my mind from missing Edward so much. He came to find me to say goodbye and I found myself wondering how we had gone from hating each other to loving each other in such a short space of time. He kissed me and I did not want him to stop. I wanted him to make love to me one last time before he left but I was being foolish and selfish. I held him tight and he told me he would be home as soon as he could to see me again. Then he turned and left and I wished that I could go with him.

Alfie has managed to avoid me but today I crept away from polishing the silverware in the dining room and went to find him. I knew he would be in the greenhouse tending to the plants that Lady Hannah had planted herself from seed for Cook told me he had done it every day since she died. That was Alfie all over, so kind and thoughtful he would not want to let the plants die: by keeping them alive he was keeping Lady Hannah alive.

When I walked in he turned away from me but I picked up a watering can and began to help him. He told me to go away and I told him that he simply must talk to me, that I did not want us to be enemies and that I missed him. I took his hand and dragged him to sit on the broken bench at the far end of the greenhouse. I told him how sorry I was that he saw me with Edward that night and that I was not proud of my behaviour but that I loved Edward. Alfie laughed loudly and told me that Edward was the most selfish, wicked person he had ever met. He told me that the only reason Edward was even interested in me was because he overheard a conversation that Alfie had with Harold about how much he really liked me. I jumped up I was so angry with him for telling such lies and we had a terrible argument. Alfie tugged my arm and pulled me back down onto the bench, telling me to be quiet before someone heard us and we got in trouble.

I remembered all too well the Edward that would force me to play his horrid games, the Edward who would chase me with dead rabbits. But people change and I wanted to believe that he has outgrown all those childish pranks. Alfie shook his head and told me that a leopard never changes its spots. I do not believe him though; everyone deserves a second chance. But still he planted a tiny seed of doubt into my mind and each day I know that it will get a little stronger if I nurture it. I so want to believe that Edward truly loves me and that he may even one day ask me to become his wife.

Then Alfie shocked me and asked me to marry him. He told me that he loved me with all his heart in a way that Edward never would. I laughed and told him to stop being ridiculous. It was then that I hurt him in such a spiteful way that I don’t think I will ever forgive myself but I do not have feelings for him like I do for Edward. I told Alfie this and that I wanted to have lots of Edward’s children, for them to run around and fill Abbey Wood with their laughter. This beautiful house would be a much better place with the sound of children echoing around the walls instead of the hushed tones of grief-stricken people.

Alfie stared at me in such a way that I almost began to cry. He got up and could barely stand; his entire body was shaking and I know that he wanted to cry. I never wanted to hurt him, but to me he is a very dear friend and not someone I want to share the rest of my life with. As he walked away I felt like the cruellest woman in the world and I prayed to God that Alfie would forgive me and find someone who would truly love him.

His Lordship has not come out of his room for weeks and is refusing all visitors. Harold takes all his meals and drinks up to him. Cook told me and Millie that if he carries on this way he will die from a broken heart. I cannot imagine how sad he must be because I miss Lady Hannah’s laughter and music every minute of every day. I used to dust whilst humming along and it would fill my heart with joy. Now I feel as if a part of me is missing so I cannot imagine how his Lordship feels.

Edward sent me a letter to tell me how much he misses me and how he is counting down the days until he is home for Christmas. I have it tucked under my pillow and read it every single night before I go to sleep. Cook has been teasing me, asking me who would be writing to me and Alfie told her it was the master. I laughed when she clipped him around the back of the head and told him not to be so insolent for it served him right.

Today has been yet another terrible day of tragedy in this great house of sadness. I went outside to hang the billiard room rugs out to air and was greeted by the most dreadful sight. His Lordship was hanging from the big oak tree. His face was grey and his blue lips were parted with his tongue protruding through them. I screamed and screamed as loud as I could for I did not know what else to do. Alfie ran out of the scullery door followed by Harold, Cook and Millie. Cook fell to her knees and crossed herself. Once again I found myself frozen to the ground, unable to move, my eyes fixed on the terrible sight of his Lordship swinging like some huge marionette.