The Gate to Everything (Once Upon a Dare Book 1) (32 page)

Afterwards, she rested on top of him, her body slick and warm. He traced her spine and waited for his heart and breath to return to normal. Man, they hadn’t made love like this since they’d first started dating. How had he missed this assertive, carnal side of Grace? Part of him wanted to kick himself for not encouraging her to buy lingerie sooner, but perhaps this was a step she’d needed to take on her own.

“I need water,” she said hoarsely, and he laughed.

“I’ll get some,” he said and picked her up and carried her to bed. “Be right back.”

Kissing her lightly on the lips, he tugged the covers up and over her. She snuggled into the pillow and smiled back at him. “Hurry.”

He ran downstairs and pulled out half a dozen bottles of water. Catching his reflection in the mirror in the den on the way back, he couldn’t help but shake his head. His hair was stuck to his head from sweat and sticking up in other places. Boy, they’d had a bout.
 

When he returned to the bedroom, Grace was lying on her side, her hand tucked under the pillow. Her eyes opened, and she reached for the bottle of water he held out.

“Do I look as wild as you do?” she asked, propping herself up to drink.

He drained half the bottle before answering. “Wild looks good on you.”

She let out a breathy laugh. “It feels rather good. I started wondering why we hadn’t done something like this before, but I already knew the answer. Me.”

He drained the rest of the water and then lay back, bringing her against his chest. “I was just thinking about that too. But it’s no one’s fault. I’m just glad you opened up like this with me. Grace, you might not want to hear this, and maybe I don’t have the right to say it, but I’m proud of you. I know tonight wasn’t easy.”

“No, it wasn’t,” she said, putting her hand on his stomach. “But I decided I needed to be bold and stand in my power, so to speak. If I want to be a good role model for Ella, I need to stop backing away from the things that scare me. You know? I told myself that after she was born, but I haven’t been as consistent as I’d like. I’m still growing, I guess.”

“It takes time to get used to the media,” he told her. “It took me some time and some coaching, and I still have my moments. You’re doing great!”

She traced his thigh. “I want to be more empowered with you too. There have been things I’ve wanted to do with you in bed, but I was…too scared to ask.”

“You never need to be scared about that,” he said, looking down at her. “I want you to have what you want. Always.”

Her face turned a delightful pink. “All right. There are some more things I’ve been wanting to try.”

“Let me grab you a notepad so we can write them all down.”

He received a half-hearted punch in the gut. “I’m serious.”

“I know,” he said, rolling them onto their sides so they could face each other. “But you can always be honest with me, even when it doesn’t feel completely comfortable. I want us to be completely open with each other.”

She looked down and sighed deeply.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing,” she said half-heartedly.

He cupped her cheek and made her look at him. “Tell me.” When she still hesitated, his belly grew tight with nerves.
“Grace.”

She took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I’ve been trying not to think about it, and I know it’s none of my business since we were broken up, but…”

His stomach dropped. “You want to know about the women I was with while we were apart.” Sweet Christ, why hadn’t he expected she would think about that? “All right, ask me what you want, and I’ll be as honest as I can with you.”
 

“I feel like it’s my fault,” she said in a hushed voice. “I know you agreed to the breakup, but deep down I know it really was my choice. I can’t help but wish they hadn’t happened now that we’re back together again.”

Jesus Christ. The casual dalliances had meant so little to him, and he’d hoped they would never resurface. “Oh, Gracie. Come here.”
 

He held her gaze, stroking her spine as he gathered his control.

“Part of me doesn’t want to talk about this,” she said, “but I just can’t let it go.”
 

“Is that what tonight was about?” he asked, his heart breaking at the thought.

“No,” she said softly. “I only decided that if I could do all this, then I could tell you it was bothering me. That it has been for months.”

“A night for courage, eh?” he asked. “When you decide to go all the way, you never stint. I remember seeing you have moments like this when you decided to go to culinary school in New York City and not closer to home. No one was going to stop you. Grace, if this has been on your mind, we need to deal with it.”

“Okay,” she mumbled.

Jordan kept his face neutral. “Yes, I slept with other women while we were apart. But not nearly as many as you may imagine from the media coverage, and none of them made me feel even a fraction of what I feel when I’m with you. I need you to believe that, Grace. More than anything.” He hoped she wouldn’t ask for details because he didn’t want to share them. They didn’t matter.

“I was afraid it was only confirmation that I was too dull for you,” she said, crushing him. “Or not pretty enough.”

Pain flashed through his chest. “Oh, Grace! I never thought that! Ever! You’re beautiful and funny and…pretty much everything to me.”

She studied him for a long moment, making him feel totally exposed.
 

“I believe you,” she finally said.

He stopped holding his breath. “Thank you.”

She gave him a hesitant smile. “I know it won’t surprise you, but I didn’t sleep with anyone. There was an Italian man who pursued me while I was in Rome after our breakup, but I just couldn’t do it. I…still loved you too much, and it wouldn’t have been kind to him.”

He wasn’t surprised other men had wanted her, but he felt kind of glad there hadn’t been anyone, which also made him feel like a heel. “Thank you for telling me.”

“Jordan, I still have moments of worry that I might not be enough for you,” Grace said, her green eyes direct. “There are so many gorgeous women around you all the time. I know you wouldn’t cheat on me, but I…crap…if we’re sharing, I might as well go all the way. I don’t want you to get bored with me, and being a new mom…well, I’ve worried about that too, Jordan.”

To give himself a little time to find his words, he stroked her cheek. “Grace, since the first day I kissed you, I’ve been scared of how much you make me feel. Before she died, my mom used to say, ‘that Grace is such a good girl, Jordan.’ You
were
a good girl growing up. You still are.” His mom had been over the moon when they’d started dating, but she’d died shortly afterward. It still saddened him she hadn’t seen how far they’d come, and it especially hurt that she’d never meet her grandchild.

“Good isn’t a compliment.” She made a face.

“It’s not something to be embarrassed about,” he told her, eager to make her understand. “When we first got together, you told me there had only been one guy in college, but you know I…wasn’t so discriminating.”

Plenty of girls had made crazy overtures because he was a football player. He hadn’t resisted some of them. He’d fallen into the same pattern when he and Grace had split.

“So let me be clear, while I completely and physically enjoyed your seduction scene tonight, it’s not something I expect—or need. I want you to share with me what you want to share. I’m glad you did tonight. But if you’re worried about being enough for me, you’re crazy. It’s the Grace that I know and love that I want to make
love
to. Okay?”

She smiled hesitantly. “I’m glad.”

His chest felt ten times lighter now. “I’m not scared of football, Grace, but I am scared of what I feel for you sometimes. I don’t ever want to lose you again, so you just keep telling me what you feel, and I’ll do the same. I’m in this all the way. I hope you know that.”

She sat up higher until she was lying on his chest, supported by her elbows. “The same thing that scares you scares me. Even if you had a normal body or a paunch, you’d still be it for me.”
 

He was oddly touched. “That’s good to know, I guess. I won’t be playing forever, and it would be devastating to find out after retirement that you were only in it for my hot body.”

Her laughter soothed his vulnerable heart. “You are pretty hot.”

“So are you,” he said, running his finger along her jaw. “I wish you knew what you do to me. Just by being you.”

She smoothed his hair off his forehead. “Even in my flannel nightgown and the missionary position?” she asked, a smile touching her lips.

He started laughing. “Even that. You do like your flannel.”

“Hey,” she said, narrowing her eyes at him. “It reminds me of South Dakota.”

He bit his lip to stop from making a Laura Ingalls Wilder joke. It was one of her favorite book series and a touchy subject. “Are we good now?”
 

“Oh, I hope so. If not, you’ll just have to tie a blindfold around me and do some more convincing.”

He blinked. “Seriously? You know I can pretty much go all night, Grace, but that would be pushing it.” In a flash, he had her on her back. “Just kidding.”

She rolled her eyes. “I was worried for a moment. You calling uncle? But let’s wait until tomorrow night. Ella is going to wake up at her normal time, so we should get a little sleep while we can.”

He gave her a soft kiss on the lips before turning and tucking her back against his body. “Tomorrow night then. Love you.”

She laid her hand over the arm he had wrapped around her. “Love you too.”

Right before Jordan fell asleep, he realized they were one step closer to him asking her to marry him.

Chapter 26

Grace was pretty pleased with herself: she had attended another game with Carlo in the owner’s box and managed to make nice with a few of the people in attendance. Chaz had asked again about when everyone was going to see a picture of their daughter, and Grace had finally told him flat out that it wouldn’t happen until Ella was older.
 

When she told Jordan how she’d handled Chaz’s question, he gave her his full support. His knotted brow told her he was a little anxious about the whole thing, but so was she, and it relaxed her to feel they were on the same page.

Their sex life blossomed despite the changes Ella had made to their schedule. Late evenings together were filled with lots of laughter and more pleasure than she expected a new mother to experience. Her heart was happy, and her body felt languid. She decided to grow her hair out when Jordan hesitantly shared he missed running his hands through it and feeling it brush his chest.

They asked each other questions. Listened. And shared their deepest thoughts and feelings—something they’d stopped doing before. Each day she fell more in love with him as a man. And then there was their daughter…

Ella continued to grow before their eyes. She started to babble, and Jordan loved to babble right back at her, which always made the baby laugh. When she popped her first tooth, Jordan raised her hands in the air like a champion. Family time became as special to them as the time she and Jordan spent alone, and that made her happiest of all. They had finally settled into a good groove.

They came to a mutual decision to spend Thanksgiving in Atlanta by themselves. Grace had to work that Friday and Saturday and Jordan had a game that Sunday. But Grace invited her mother to fly in for Jordan’s final game of the season the weekend after Thanksgiving. FaceTime was great, but Meg wanted to see her grandbaby again, and truth be told, Grace missed her.

When her mom arrived at the house the Saturday afternoon before the game, she held two brightly colored gift bags, one with a giraffe and the other a violet bow.

“Is that my Ella?” she asked, grinning from ear to ear. The baby babbled and leaned toward her with outstretched arms. “Yeah, you remember Grandma, don’t you, sweet girl? And Grace…you look good.”

“It’s so great to see you, Mom,” she said, holding a squirming Ella. “Jordan is sorry he couldn’t be here.”

She hugged Grace and Ella holding both bags. “I know he’s busy with the game tomorrow. Let’s go inside so you can open your presents, and I can hold this precious little baby.”

When they reached the den, they hunkered down on the floor. Grace pulled out the gift paper and tossed it out of reach so Ella wouldn’t put it in her mouth. She was sticking everything she could find in it these days, and since she could roll over like a pro, she could travel a bigger area.

“Oh, look,” Grace called out as she opened Ella’s present. “It’s a doll! Mom, did you sew this? It looks like the one you made me when I was little.”

“I was a little rusty, but after making two of them, I caught back on.” She laughed. “Your dad got weirded out by the first couple, so I put one of them under his pillow. I love keeping that man on his toes.”

Grace laughed with her, imagining her father’s startled reaction. Ella got a good grip on the doll and tugged it toward her, so Grace lowered her and the doll to the receiving blanket.

“Goodness,” her mom said. “It’s hard to believe she’s going on five months old already. Time flies.”