The Gate to Everything (Once Upon a Dare Book 1) (16 page)

“It will be a while before she can appreciate all of this,” her mom said, sitting beside Jordan on the day bed. “But when she does…oh…she’s going to have a lot of fun in here.”

Grace walked over to the rocker she’d bought for herself from a local carpenter. When she sat in it, the wood seemed to hug her body. “Oh, I like this.”

Her eyes tracked to the changing table stocked with little baby diapers. She still couldn’t believe how small they were. Ella suddenly stretched and yawned without opening her eyes, melting Grace’s heart. Jordan reached down to adjust her pink baby cap, stroking her cheek like he simply couldn’t believe she was his.

“Let’s go downstairs and make some lunch,” her mom said, crossing to the door. “Why don’t you put her in her bassinet and turn on the baby monitor?”

Grace was reluctant to leave Ella upstairs, and her mom seemed to know it. She gently pulled her out of the rocker.

“Come on, Gracie,” her mom said. “I know she’s just out of the chute, but you can leave her to sleep for a few hours. Trust me, in a couple of months, you’ll wish she still slept this much. Plus, you need to eat and go for a walk to regain your strength.”

Her mom was right. “Okay.”

Jordan hesitated too, and her mom crossed her arms.

“You too, Daddy.”

His mouth turned into a frown, but he lifted Ella from the carrier and put her in the bassinet in Grace’s room. After they set up the baby monitor, Grace’s mother crooked her finger at them. They left Ella sleeping—sometimes there was no saying no to Meg Kincaid—but shuffled their feet the whole way out of the room.

Back in the den, Jordan explained that the baby monitors worked long-distance. They’d work in his house too, which would make it easier for him to come over and help if Ella was crying.

Grace wasn’t sure how she felt about that. Couldn’t she just text him? But he seemed so happy, she didn’t say anything. They could talk about it another time.

Grace’s energy was flagging, and her incision was itching some, so she agreed to sit at the table while her mom and Jordan put together sandwiches like old times. They ate together, and Grace tried to hold off feeling weird about Jordan eating lunch with her and her mom. He’d been around the hospital all the time, but somehow it felt different here.

When Ella started fussing over the monitor, Jordan immediately jumped up.

“I’ll get her,” he said, and she watched him race off.

“He’s going to be a good father,” her mom told her, handing her a peeled orange. “I know it’s a bit awkward, but give it time.”

She ate her orange because she didn’t know how to respond. They all had a lot of things to get used to, and today seemed to be a big transition marker.

When Jordan brought Ella back freshly changed, he was beaming, cuddling her close to his chest. The love emanating from him was palpable, and she had to admit she’d never seen him this tender before. She’d seen him around kids, sure, but this was a whole new level of softness. And it looked good on him.

She had to steer herself to remember the past and all that stood between them. It would be easy to slip—like she had while baby shopping.

She realized Ella needed to nurse, and it wasn’t like she could ask Jordan to go into the other room like she had in the hospital. Bucking up, Grace situated herself on the couch and reached for a crocheted blanket to pull over her shoulder.

“Okay, I’m ready for her,” she told him.

Jordan brought Ella over and handed her over carefully, a frown on his face. Fumbling with her nursing bra, she waited for Ella to latch, trying not to be embarrassed.

Jordan stood over her for a minute while she fussed with Ella’s little yellow socks peeking out of the blanket. “Are you always going to be this weird about nursing in front of me?” he finally asked. “It doesn’t have to be this way, Grace.”

She looked up. “I’m not completely comfortable with you around.”

“I’ll go get your bags,” he said and walked out.

Her mom started to clean up their lunch, oddly silent.

“Mom, please don’t say anything,” she whispered.

When Jordan returned with their luggage, there was a line between his brows. “I know you’re uncomfortable, Grace. This arrangement will be an adjustment for both of us. All I’m saying is that we both want Ella to be happy. I’m willing to do anything to make that happen. That’s…all.”
 

He left before she could respond. When he came back downstairs, his movements were stiff. Guilt clawed into her, and she wanted to make things peaceful again between them.

“You can burp her if you’d like,” she told him.

He approached hesitantly, not meeting her eyes, and took Ella from her. “Thanks.”

“I’m willing to do whatever it takes too, Jordan,” she said softly. “Being here is proof of that.”

There was a long pause before he nodded, and she wondered if he was thinking about her dream house in South Dakota too. She forced herself to stop thinking about it as he set himself to burping their daughter. When he finished, he handed her back to Grace.

“I’m going to see if everything is still good at the security gate and next door. I’ll be back in a while. Text me if you need something.”

Grace knew a retreat when she saw one and felt guilty that she was looking forward to having some time to acclimate.

“Perhaps you can give me a tour next door when Ella goes down for a nap again,” her mom said. “I’d like to see your house.”
 

A smile flickered on his face. “I’d be happy to, Mrs. K.”

Her mom gave him an encouraging wink. “We’ll see you later, Jordan.”

“Of course.” He approached Grace awkwardly. “I’d like to give Ella a kiss goodbye…if that’s okay. I know she’s too little to remember it, but my mom always did that with me when I was a kid, and it…I remember liking it.”

Grace had to firm her lip to stop the sudden trembling. “It’s a nice gesture.”

He leaned over and kissed Ella softly on the head. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart.”

Grace caught his scent. Felt his warmth. And made herself stare straight ahead until he’d left the room.

Then she closed her eyes and cuddled Ella closer, telling herself the two of them were enough on their own.

Chapter 13

The short distance to the yellow gate dividing their properties was the hardest yardage Jordan had ever needed to cross. The architectural perfection awaiting him at his house didn’t offer any comfort. He couldn’t stop thinking about the life they might have had if he’d given up on football and they’d moved to Deadwood and gotten married like Grace had wanted.

But regrets were useless. He had to make the best of what was. They both did. At least his daughter was a stone’s throw away. But opening and closing that gate only made the division between him and Grace feel more pronounced.
 

He shook his head, trying to banish the dark feelings and focus on Ella. She was the most amazing gift he’d ever received—and she was his. For the rest of his life, she would be his daughter, and he would be her dad. He still couldn’t get over how much that thought had transformed his life and all the visions of his future. She would be in the stands cheering him on before he retired from the NFL. And they would spend holidays together and go on vacation together.

He wouldn’t be alone anymore. Like he had felt when his dad had left. Like he had felt when his mom had died suddenly of a heart attack at fifty-five. Like he had felt when he and Grace had broken up.

And his daughter would never feel alone either.

Thankfully, he had an ally. Meg did her God’s honest best to orchestrate the next steps for them all in the days after their return from the hospital.

Like some kind of family magician, she managed to weave him into the family fold with ease, calling him over for breakfast when Ella awoke or when he got home from practice after her nap.
 

His daughter seemed to sleep all the time, which frustrated him. He knew she wasn’t going to be able to play with him for a while, but he’d hoped for more interaction. Still, her mere presence was enough to move him—he loved to watch her sleep, her little chest rising with her breathing, even if it felt like a weird thing to do. Grace seemed to feel the same way, and sometimes they simply sat together on the couch as she slept in her carrier, conversation unnecessary.

He wanted to pull his weight, and he discovered he was a champion burper. Meg taught him how to place Ella high on his shoulder and pat her with just the right rhythm and pressure. It still baffled him that Ella weighed less than his shoulder pads, but since she was growing like a weed, he wasn’t worried.
 

At first, he’d come over all decked out in his brand-new Italian threads, wanting to look attractive to Grace, but that had come to a quick end. Ella had spit up all over his designer silk-blend shirt. He’d felt the warm liquid run down his back and uttered a heartfelt, “Shit.” Grace had called him on his cussing and hastily taken Ella from him, but Meg had barked out a laugh and handed him a burp rag. Before Grace had turned around, he’d seen the grin on her face and heard her whisper, “Good one, sweetheart.”

Meg taught them both how to bathe Ella in the sink on what Jordan referred to as the “baby sponge.” She felt like a greased pig when wet, which terrified him. But he came to love the way she smelled after a bath, so he held her firmly as he washed her while she fussed and grunted in the water.

He grew distracted at practice and earned a good chewing out from the Rebels’ offensive coordinator. The guys had given him some slack over being a new dad, but they had their first pre-season game coming up in early August. He needed to get focused, but fretted over the thought of leaving Ella for road games. She was so little and growing so fast. He was worried he was going to miss something.

Already she’d become his whole world.

While he dreaded leaving, he wasn’t looking forward to seeing Grace’s father and brothers. Jordan suspected Meg had arranged their visit to coincide with Jordan’s departure for his first game in Seattle. They would only overlap for one day. It was likely all they could handle. Meg planned to leave a week after they did, and Jordan would be sorry to see her go. She’d been a Godsend.

Meg was oddly restless when the Kincaid men arrived. Jordan was burping Ella, and it was impossible not to feel the shift in the air. He immediately handed Grace the baby and stepped back. Part of him wanted to head for the hills, but he stood his ground.
 

The Kincaid men bore a remarkable resemblance to one another—they all had heavy stubble on their strong jaws, tough-guy dents in their chins, lanky frames, and strong shoulders. John and Mike ran together in the mornings with their father three times a week, Jordan knew, since he’d run with them whenever he’d gone back to Deadwood with Grace. While Patrick’s hair had gone salt and pepper, his sons’ hair was still dark-coffee brown.

Patrick was filled with warmth as he greeted his wife and Grace, and he delighted over Ella. All that warmth slid away as he looked across the room at Jordan.

“Patrick,” he said, crossing to shake his hand.

“Jordan,” the man replied crisply.

There was no mistaking the disappointment radiating from the man he’d admired, and it cut him deep. Jordan hadn’t known if Patrick was going to comment on the house—especially since he’d built the original one in Deadwood—but when Patrick looked away, Jordan knew the topic would remain closed.

It was probably for the best.

Jordan turned to Mike and John, who had finished embracing Meg and Grace as well. Instead of hugging them, like he would have done before the breakup, before Ella, he shook hands with them too.

Patrick took Ella from Grace’s arms and cradled her to his shoulder like an old pro. The family chatted like a unit, acting as if Jordan weren’t in the room. Mike had two little boys who were too rowdy for plane travel, so he’d come without his wife, Bev, but she’d sent a lovely baby blanket knitted in yellow and sage. John’s wife hadn’t been able to make it either, which meant there was no one around to cut the tension.

He had never felt more outside the circle, and it didn’t help that the Kincaid men stood across from Jordan like an opposing team. Patrick planted his feet, rocking on his heels. His sons seemed to mimic the stance.
 

Jordan saw the nervous glances Meg and Grace were trading and decided that he had stayed long enough. He walked across the room to John, who was now holding Ella. Everyone froze at his movement, as if he were some stranger who’d wandered into the room, which only added to the tension already knotting his shoulders.
 

“I’m going to take off,” he said, running his hand over Ella’s silky head, careful of the soft spot.
 

He gazed at his daughter before meeting John’s hard stare.
 

“Have fun,” he said, forcing a smile.

As he walked out, he felt everyone’s eyes on him. When he was halfway across the drive, he let out the breath he’d been holding. He felt like a lineman had knocked the wind out of him. He couldn’t stay in his new house tonight. Not with the whole Kincaid family this close. He’d stay in town and pop back to see Ella before he left for Seattle.