The Friendship Matchmaker (8 page)

Tanya had brought her bathing suit. After the movie—which we both thought should be
compulsory viewing for the entire universe—we jumped into the pool. As we were throwing the beach ball to each other I realized I had to slip into my Friendship Matchmaker role for a little while. I had my professional duties and integrity to think about—not to mention helping Tanya in my mission to find her a best friend. It impressed me, the way I was able to always think about the greater good.

“Okay, so let’s do a role-playing activity. I’ll be Stephanie and you can be yourself.” I giggled. “
Obviously
. Let me set the scene: Drama with Ms. Fraser.”

“I hate drama.”

“Well, that doesn’t really matter because it’s just an example. Okay, so we’re in class waiting our turn to act as the president or a talking robot or a doctor saving a life with kitchen utensils, or whatever Ms. Fraser’s cooked up for us to do. So you’re standing next to me,
Stephanie
, when you say …”

I waved at her, motioning for her to take her cue.

“Um …
Doctor
Stephanie, are you sure
stopping the patient’s blood flow with Saran Wrap is the best option?”

“Good point, Nurse Tanya! What do you think about me performing open heart surgery with a whisk and barbecue tongs?”

“A fine idea, Doctor! Only remember to clean the ketchup off the tongs! We don’t want to confuse Heinz with a leaking blood vessel!”

We got the giggles, climbed out of the pool, and spread out on the banana chairs, letting the hot sun dry us off. We were still laughing hysterically when Tanya’s dad picked her up an hour later.

On Monday morning before school I was in the reception area outside the staff room waiting to see Mr. Smith. I needed to borrow some lunch money, since I’d forgotten mine. The bell on top of the door jingled, and I looked over to see Emily coming in. There was only a small couch, so she had no choice but to sit next to me. She leaned back and folded her arms across her chest, stretching her legs out in front of her. I took a close look at her outfit. She was obviously in the mood for looking like a zebra: black-and-white-striped T-shirt, black skirt with a thick white hem, black headband and white hair tie, and one black and one white earring. Plus black shoes and white socks.

“Is it International Save the Zebra Day?” I asked.

She smoothed out her skirt. “Thanks,” she said enthusiastically. “I agree, I do look great.”

What nerve!

“You like making a statement with your clothes, don’t you?”

“Sure. Why not? It’s fun.”

“On weekends, maybe. But it’s risky at school.”

“Are black stripes against your Rules?”

“Not exactly. The zebra look never really crossed my mind. But it’s just safer to dress in a way that isn’t going to put you straight into the firing line of a bully. Is that such a bad thing?” I sat up nice and tall. “I’m only thinking of people’s well-being.”

“How about teaching kids to stand up to bullies instead of getting them to act like sheep?”

I sighed heavily. Emily had obviously watched too many Disney movies. “I am not saying people should be sheep. But if you’re at war, isn’t it better to dress in camouflage than
run into battle in rainbow colors screaming ‘come and get me’?”

She burst out laughing. “At war? You’re so dramatic. This is
school
.”

“Exactly my point.”

She studied me carefully. “Well, we obviously see things differently.” Then, under her breath she muttered, “Poor Tanya …”

“What did you say?”

“Nothing …”

I stared at her for a moment and then looked away.

“You know,” she said, “one time at my elementary school this guy, Alex Lopez, called me names for being Chinese.”

“That’s horrible.”

She flashed a defiant look at me. “So what would your Rules suggest I should have done, you know, about my ethnicity?”

“Um … nothing … you can’t change your ethnicity.”

“Exactly. And I shouldn’t have to.”

“But you can change other stuff about yourself—I mean, people
generally
, not you
specifically, change stuff about themselves that
can
be changed.”

Emily smirked. “I punched Alex in the face and tripped him in the hallway.”

She obviously found my horrified expression amusing and laughed.

“So, are you in trouble?” she asked.

“No. I forgot my lunch money. I’m never in trouble.”

“I was always getting into trouble at my old schools.”

“Well, assault will do that to you.”

She shrugged. “It was worth it. But I wasn’t only getting into trouble for taking my revenge on kids who bullied me.” She grinned. “In fourth grade I smuggled a kitten into class, and she climbed up onto the teacher’s desk and peed on her notebook!”

I couldn’t help but giggle. It was unacceptable of me, letting my guard down like that when we were in a serious competition, and, to top it all off, Emily would probably be considered a violent criminal in some states. I coughed, trying to cover my giggle.

“Are you in trouble again?” I eventually asked.

“Nah, not today. I just need to ask permission for something. Don’t want them to go bonkers the way they did with the fund-raiser.”

“What are you doing?”

“That’s for me to know and you to find out.”

I frowned. She was infuriating!

We had PE first period that day. We were going to play T-ball. Ms. Kozub picked Juan and Aidan as captains. They stood in front of the class and took turns choosing their teams. It’s the most psychologically damaging part of school. I’m certain that serial killers and psychopaths were all probably picked last in sports.

Sure enough, people like Kevin, Tanya, and Bethany were ignored as Juan and Aidan called out their team members. Aidan picked me first, as I usually had a knack for helping to choose a winning team based on my knowledge of everybody’s personalities, weaknesses, and strengths. Of course, I told him to choose Tanya, even though I knew she was terrible at T-ball.

Emily was still the new girl and therefore an unknown when it came to her sporting ability. So Juan and Aidan were both avoiding picking her. But she didn’t look stressed. Bethany was biting her nails anxiously. Kevin’s eyes darted between Juan and Aidan as they skipped over him. The other kids waiting to be called shifted nervously from one foot to the other. Emily whispered into Bethany’s ear. Bethany raised an eyebrow in surprise but nodded.

Then the most peculiar thing happened. Bethany locked eyes with Aidan and shook her head and waved her hands as if to say “don’t pick me.” Aidan looked confused. Then, when it was Juan’s turn, Bethany locked eyes with him and also shook her head and waved her hands. Juan looked stumped and you could sense him hesitating. Then he called out Kevin. It was now Aidan’s turn, and Bethany started waving and shaking her head again, as though being picked by Aidan was the last thing she wanted. He shrugged and, for
no explicable reason, called out her name. She marched over and joined us. Emily was looking at Bethany and grinning from ear to ear.

It was a beautifully executed plan, and I was insanely jealous for not having thought of it before.

Emily was picked last, so she joined our team.

She sauntered over and winked at me. “See, we’ve all got our little tricks for helping others fit in!”

I was furious. Was she trying to steal my title? Take my place? Kick me out? Push me from being an LBC to a TL?

“It was a fluke,” I snapped and turned my back on her.

We all dispersed into our positions. Bethany bounded up to me as we waited for the game to start. Standing inches from my face (definitely cornflakes for breakfast with banana and soy milk) she said: “It was amazing to be picked! Usually I’m one of the last kids standing. And Aidan didn’t even look like it hurt to call out
my name! It’s so good to be playing outdoors in the fresh air. Think of how much electricity we’re saving not being in the classroom with the lights and fans on.”

“Yeah, good point. Are you and Emily planning something?”

“Yes.”

“What?”

She wagged her finger in front of me. “Not telling!”

“What did you do at recess on Friday?”

“Read in the library.”

“With Emily?”

“Nope. Alone.”

“What about lunchtime?”

“Kept Mr. Smith company on recess duty. I walked around with him. He has some great ideas for reducing global warming. It was fascinating.”

So Emily hadn’t found Bethany a best friend yet. That meant I still had a chance of winning and keeping my reputation.

The day suddenly looked ten times brighter.

“Why were you writing notes in class about Samuel?” I asked Alan as we stood in the sixth-grade locker area at the end of recess. Samuel had requested an emergency intervention session before the bell rang.

“It was no big deal …”

“Well, it obviously was to Samuel. You hurt his feelings.” I put a hand on his shoulder. “Would you like it if Samuel backstabbed you
in writing
?”

“I didn’t know he saw me and Josh passing notes.”

“That’s not the point, Alan.”

Tanya walked up and stood beside me, watching me in Friendship Matchmaker mode. When I’d finished, and Alan had apologized to Samuel and they agreed they were best friends again (I made them sign a No Backstabbing Agreement), Tanya and I headed to the seventh-grade locker area.

“Bungee Jump Friend with Stephanie will take place during lunchtime today,” I said.

“Okay …”

“I promise you there is no need to be nervous. Do you trust me?”

“Yes,” she said without hesitation. “Watching you just now, it’s obvious you’re an expert.”

“There you go! I know you have all it takes to be true best-friend material. So let Stephanie see what a great personality you have—following my Rules of course—and you’ll be best friends in no time.”

Stephanie was near the water fountain talking to her older sister, Stacey. I waited within hearing distance and nudged Tanya forward.

“Hi, Stephanie,” Tanya said nervously.

But Stephanie was too busy arguing with Stacey to notice Tanya.

“But you promised you’d let me come with you,” Stephanie said. “And Mom said you had to take me.”

“I’m really sorry, Stephanie. I promise I am. But Yas said no siblings allowed. It’s her party. I can’t tell her who to invite.”

“But that’s not fair! You know how much I love bowling.”

“It’s not up to me, Stephanie! Get over it!”

Stacey gave Stephanie a quick pat on the shoulder and walked off.

“Retreat,” I whispered to Tanya. “Retreat!”

Tanya looked back and, noticing me wildly thrashing my arms around, beckoning her to come back, she ran over.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nobody could Bungee Jump safely into that! She’s too upset about her sister. We’ll have to find another time when she’s in the right mood.”

I ignored Tanya’s wide smile, not wanting to read too much into her enthusiasm for the delay. After all, what chance did I have of finding Tanya a friend if she didn’t want to go along with my mission? I stuffed the thought right in the back of my mind, not wanting to dwell on it.

Ms. Pria let us spend the afternoon working on our Save the Planet Day projects.

“Remember, class, your project needs to be fun and informative. You need to be teaching others about recycling and ways to protect
the planet. Chris, would you kindly return to the world of the living and stop dozing off in my class? Claire and Jemma, am I to actually believe that your project is simply a list of global warming websites?”

“Well, yeah,” Jemma said. “We’re giving people ideas on what to read and stuff.”

Ms. Pria snatched the piece of paper and folded it in half. Then she started fanning her face.

“The only use this paper has to the planet is as a homemade fan. Start again. And this time, put in some effort, please.”

Tanya and I had decided to do a poster with a large painting in the middle and facts and figures on the sides. We drew the earth wearing sunglasses, a tank top, and flip-flops, with a speech bubble that read, “Turn the heat down! I’m hot!” We used acrylic paints to make it colorful. Then we typed out recycling tips and stuck them on the rest of the poster.