The Forever Dream (29 page)

"Okay." His voice was still dazed. "Oh, God, yes, it's more than okay." His hands touched her shoulders hesitantly, as if they were very fragile. Suddenly he was laughing freely, joyously. "New York instead of Washington, a baby, a career, anything you want. I'll even give up the harem." His arms went around her, and he crushed her to him. "I'll give up the whole damn world."

"That won't be necessary. Depriving yourself of the harem will do."

He buried his face in the loose hair at her temple. "I thought I'd lost you," he said huskily. "I should have lost you. Why didn't I, sweetheart?"

"Because I'm a very clever and self-serving woman who refuses to give up what she wants just because you did something stupid," she said lightly. "To even things out, though, I should really insist you permit me to tie you down and let me drive you crazy." She tilted her

head consideringly. "I think pink satin bonds would be quite attractive on you."

He sifted through the nonsense to what was important to him. "And what do you want, Tania?"

She looked up at him, her dark eyes glowing. "You, Jared Ryker," she said simply. "I think there's every possibility that I feel something very special for you. I've never cared for anyone this way before, so I can't be certain. But whatever it is, I think it may last as long as the time that your work is going to give us."

He went still. "You mean that?" There was an uncertainty in his expression that she found very endearing in a man as usually composed as Jared. He shook his head incredulously. "There can't be another woman like you in the entire universe. Do you know that you've totally committed yourself to me without even demanding any vows of undying devotion in return?"

"It would be nice if you'd say something lovely and meaningful, but it's not really necessary," she said gravely. "I'm a very determined woman. If you don't feel that way about me now, then I'll just have to work much harder until you do." She paused. "But I think you do feel something pretty close to what I want, Jared. Am I wrong?"

His hands reached up to frame her face. "No, you're not wrong. I think if you ever left me, I'd go a little crazy." His eyes were shining with a warmth and joy she'd never seen there before. "It would leave an aching gap the size of the Grand Canyon." His head bent and his lips touched hers with a warmth and solemn sweetness that caused a lump to form in her throat. "I want you by my side and in my bed for the rest of our lives. Is that close enough to what you want?"

"Close enough." She was blinking rapidly. "Isn't it foolish—I suddenly feel ridiculously weepy. I never cry."

For the first time he realized she'd not even been

aware of those tears that had run silently down her cheeks and broken him into a million pieces. His lips lightly, tenderly brushed each lid. "No, you never cry," he agreed gently.

She pushed away from him and stepped back. "Now that we've indulged in all the proper sentimental avowals, I think it would be very helpful if we talked." Her voice was shaky, but she didn't really care.

She took Jared's hand and led him to the bed. There was a bemused smile on his face as she pushed him briskly down on its cushioned softness. "This isn't an invitation to lechery, you understand," she said with mock sternness as she flicked out the crystal lamp on the bedside table. "But there's no reason we can't be comfortable." She lay down beside him. "Hold me."

"Delighted."

His arms enfolded her, holding her close for a moment before turning her so that her back was to him, spoon fashion. She wriggled against him contentedly, and his arms tightened. Lord, she felt sweet and warm, filling his arms, filling up all the empty places he'd ever known. "You're not talking," he observed.

"I know," she said dreamily. It was blissfully tranquil just lying here wrapped in the security of Jared's arms. The dimness of the room, the falling snow that was forming Currier and Ives etchings on the panes of the French doors, the soft velvet canopy above them all wove a silver mesh of intimacy that was poignantly beautiful. "Words don't seem very important right now."

He kissed her ear. "There's no hurry. Later."

She shook her head. "No, I want it to be tonight." There had been too many misunderstandings already between them. "You said earlier that I hadn't come to you to ask the questions I should have. Well, I'm coming to you now, Jared."

"I know what's bothering you the most, of course," he said quietly. "The children."

She nodded. "I love them. I don't think it's the selfish ego trip you accused me of. I think some women need motherhood to complete them and that I'm one of them." Her voice became strained. "But I'm not the only one who will suffer. There's an entire world of women out there who are like me, Jared."

"It's not an ego trip at all," he said gruffly. "It's as beautifully natural as you are, sweetheart. I must have gone a bit insane to rip at you like that." His cheek rubbed caressingly against the curve of her lower jaw. "Like I said, I can't give guarantees, but I don't go along with Corbett and Kevin in believing compulsory birth control, sterilization really, is inevitable. There are other roads we can travel. Hydroponic agriculture, farming the sea—improvements are increasing our food supply all the time. With a multi-national effort that will certainly take place, we should be able to produce enough to last for the time we'll need it."

"For the time we'll need it?" Tania asked, puzzled. "Until we branch out to other planets," he said calmly. "It's the only real solution to overpopulation. We'll have to explore and colonize new worlds."

"You say that so lightly." She chuckled. "Kevin said he should be right at home with science fiction ideas, considering the company he was keeping. I'm beginning to see what he meant. Is it really possible?"

"Not at the moment. There are a few ideas on the drawing boards that look promising, but it would take a breakthrough to be able to colonize planets or create space stations of any size." His gaze was fixed thoughtfully on the falling snow. "That breakthrough will come, though. It took us only ten years to reach the moon once we made it a national priority. Think how much more could be accomplished with every major country in the world cooperating. Longevity will help there, I think. Who knows how many advancements have been lost to civilization because a life was cut short? I think that you'll find most of the killer diseases will soon be conquered. The work in genetics, the understanding of immunologic systems in humans, the ability to intervene with DNA—all that was basic to my own discovery—is rapidly eradicating cancers and heart diseases." "Utopia?"

"I can't promise Utopia," he said gravely. "The problems Corbett and Kevin mentioned are just as real and difficult as they told you. I recognize that. The only difference is that I don't think any challenge is insurmountable for the human race. I don't believe we're going to blow each other up or cut each other's throats for the last grain of wheat. I think that when it comes down to choices, we'll make the right ones and work together. *

"I hope you're right," she said, her expression troubled. "It's a frightening responsibility you're facing, Jared."

"Do you think I don't know that? Do you think I don't have doubts and insecurities like any other person?" He drew a deep breath. "Why do you think I reacted so strongly when you went for the jugular this morning? I believe what I'm doing is right, Tania, and I can't afford to have that belief shaken. Without it I'd have to admit to being the monster you called me."

She felt a swift pang of remorse for her vitriolic attack. Perhaps Jared's actions tonight were even more understandable than she'd thought. She must have struck him to the heart in any number of ways. "You've got to admit that your reaction was a bit extreme," she said softly.

"I was frightened," he said, with a simplicity that caused her throat to tighten with unshed tears. "Last night you gave me everything I'd ever wanted sexually in a woman; before you'd shown me all the qualities of your heart and mind that I'd dreamed of finding. Then you were taking all of yourself away from me. I thought I had lost you." His arms tightened around her. "I couldn't take our separation, little Piper."

"Neither could I," she said huskily, one hand lifting to gently cover his. "I don't think I'd be able to stand the loneliness without you. I never thought about loneliness until I met you. I don't think it really ever existed for me."

"And I never knew anything else."

She'd known that instinctively since the moment she'd met him. "Not even with Lita?" she asked gently.

He shook his head. "I loved her, but it didn't help the loneliness. I knew I'd only have her for a little while." His voice deepened from pain. "The hellish thing was that she knew it too. Her disease caused premature aging, but not senility. She could see what was happening to her body, but she didn't understand it. She was a pretty little baby when she showed the first symptoms. By the time she died she looked as if she were ninety." His voice was fierce. "And she was only twelve years old, damn it. Only twelve."

"Jared—"

"No one else is going to have to go through that. Do you know how tragic it is to see someone you love lose everything that makes life worth living for them? It's happening all the time, all around us, to everyone. But not anymore. Not now!"

She could feel the passion in him reach out as a vibrant, living entity. She wanted to take away his pain, but she could only tighten her hand on his. "No, not anymore, love. You've stopped all the clocks. It can't happen now."

She wasn't sure he'd heard her. His gaze was still on

the snowfall, which was gradually growing in intensity. "When I was a boy, I read a book called Childhoods End. That title has stayed with me all my life. Our lives are so pitifully short that we scarcely leave adolescence before our minds and bodies begin to deteriorate. It's such a heartbreaking waste. God, I hate that waste."

"Childhoods End" she repeated thoughtfully. "Its such a sad little phrase."

"It doesn't have to be that way," he said. Suddenly the bitterness was gone from his tone of voice, replaced by a pensive quality. "It could mean something entirely different for us if we let it. It could mean mankind's entering into the maturity it's entitled to, ready to put aside toys of war and shackles of ignorance and reaching instead for peace and knowledge. It could mean that, Tania."

She nodded but didn't answer, her throat tight and her hand clasping his. He fell silent, too, and they lay there with their eyes on the flakes drifting earthward while their thoughts dwelt on Childhood's End.

Tania very carefully formed the snow into a hard-packed ball, aimed it with all the precision of a major league pitcher, and let it fly. It landed with a very satisfactory thunk on the nape of Jared's neck.

"What the hell?" The imprecation was followed by several more that were considerably more obscene as Jared whirled from his contemplation of the valley below with a wariness that vanished immediately when he saw Tania standing a few yards away, calmly making another snowball, a mischievous grin on her face.

"I should have known," he said, shaking his head. "You not only keep me waiting out here in the cold until you finish practicing, but you have the nerve to add assault to your sins."

"I couldn't resist! You were much too solemn standing there." She weighed the snowball in her gloved hand. "In fact, you've been taking yourself much too seriously all this past week. I thought it was time I took you down a peg."

"Oh, you did?" he asked silkily. His eyes narrowed dangerously and he glided toward her with a pantherish stride. "Life isn't just fun and games, pixie. It's time you developed a little respect for my worth. I've been letting you get a little too uppity lately."

She backed away, her dark eyes sparkling. "I'd forgotten your kingly destiny, O Honorable Master." She pressed her hand to her heart in mock horror. "What punishment are you going to mete out to me?" Quick as a flash her expression changed to deviltry. "Oh, well, I might as well be hung for a sheep as for a lamb." She threw the snowball in her hand with lightning swiftness. She didn't wait to see it hit his cheekbone with a soft splatt but turned and streaked away through the birch grove with a shout of laughter.

She could hear him pounding after her, his feet crunching the snow, and his exultant laughter. She didn't realize how close he was, however, until she was brought down by a neat tackle worthy of an end for the Pittsburgh Steelers. She was swiftly rolled over on her back and he was astride her, his hands pinning her shoulders to the snow-blanketed earth. "Now," he said, looking down at her with supreme satisfaction. "What were you saying about punishment?" His face was lit with mischief, and he looked more boyish than she'd ever seen him. Her heart lurched with the queer melting tenderness that was almost always with her now.

He swiftly opened her tan sheepskin jacket. He gathered a handful of loose snow in one hand and gazed appraisingly at the open throat of her tailored blouse. "I think I have a few ideas on that score," he said teasingly.

"No! You wouldn't put that down my blouse," she

protested, her laugh bubbling. "I'll get you for this, Jared Ryker. That's cruel and unusual punishment."

"Still unrepentant?" He shook his head disbelievingly. "Not only that, but actually threatening. I'm afraid something definitely has to be done. But I wouldn't think of dumping this down your blouse and getting it all wet. You might catch cold." He released her other hand and was swiftly unbuttoning her blouse. "We couldn't have that, now, could we?"

"Jared!"

His hands were swiftly parting the material. Suddenly the teasing mischief died as he looked down at her. "Naked and lovely and ready," he said thickly, his gaze on the swelling perfection of her breasts.

"Not ready for this," she choked out breathlessly, her eyes wide and startled. The exuberant playfulness of the previous moment was fading before the languid heat that was beginning to surge through her. It was oddly erotic to be here in the icy snow with her breasts bare beneath the hot kindling of Jared's gaze.