The Eyes and Ears of Love (22 page)

“Tough girl you brought, Bentley!” The instructor laughs. “All right, so we’re going to practice on the ground before the real action. First we need to practice having an arched body; your torso should always turn into the wind, downwards. Your life depends on this because you should never fall backwards without more experienced training. You will be falling together; therefore, Bentley and you will be attached by the harnesses. The harnesses are very snug, as they should be. Bentley will be the one to pull the ripcord that will open the parachute.” He grabs Dorothy by the shoulder. “Dorothy you look uneasy. What can I do to make you feel better about this jump?”

“Why wouldn’t I be nervous? I’m about to be jumping, like, five thousand feet above ground.”

The instructor begins to laugh hysterically.

“What’s so funny?”

“Five thousand feet? More like eleven thousand feet!”

“Eleven thousand?”

“Yes, darlin’.”

Dorothy feels the blood drain from her face. She feels compelled to ask him, “Um, before we keep going, how did you lose your eye, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“I fell on a giant blue spruce in the Rockies.”

“How do you fall on a tree, exactly?”

“Well, skydiving of course!”

Dorothy makes the mistake of envisioning what that must have been like. She realizes she’s not breathing, and begins hyperventilating.

“Look,” the instructor says, taking Dorothy’s shoulder in his hand.  “What’s your greatest fear about skydiving?”

“Falling,” Dorothy shares.

He chuckles. “Well, it’s not skydiving without falling, sweet cheeks. I can’t help you with that fear. You’ve just got to do it, or not.” He releases his hand from her shoulder and continues with his tutorial. “All right, now let’s practice the actual jump. Bentley, stand directly behind Dorothy.” The instructor pauses momentarily. “I hope you guys don’t expect to jump that far apart? Can you guys get any closer to one another?”

“No.” Bentley says bluntly.

“All right, then,” the instructor continues, “Get in your arched position. Now slowly lean forward and sway back and forth like you are getting ready to jump. Feel the momentum with each sway, it’ll help. Excellent! Perfect! Now Bentley pull that ripcord. Great job! Surprisingly enough, this practice is much easier in the sky! We are going to keep practicing several more times before we board the plane.”

About a half hour passes, then the instructor says the words Dorothy has been dreading, “Who’s ready to go skydiving?”

Bentley and Dorothy don’t reply.

He continues, “The plane is extremely small and only holds about four people; we must remain seated until we’re ready to jump.” 

The instructor helps Dorothy onto the plane. She squats down. “Oh darlin,’ you don’t need to do that, the plane is tall enough, it’s just not very long.” He helps her sit.

The sound of metal against metal, clicks in her ears. “What was that noise?”

“This is just to keep you in place from fumbling all over the plane. I’ve attached your harness onto a latch connecting to the wall of the plane.”

The floor is hard and uncomfortable and her spine rests against a bare metal wall. She hears the scuffling of Bentley and the instructor as they get situated. Dorothy can hear the plane’s engine roar to a start. The propellers transmitting its power thrusting into a rotational motion flood her ears. She hears the squeak of the plane’s wheels as it thrusts forward, then the plane slowly angles up and her entire body is pushed back against the wall. The force is too strong for her to push herself forward. Her head feels heavy.  The upward pressure finally releases as the movement of the plane is at a steady level, but she still feels the need to tilt her body forward. She pulls her knees to her chest, rocking back and forth. The plane is noisy, noisy enough to blur her own thoughts, but Dorothy doesn’t focus on the sound, she focuses on the fear. She feels light as air but she’s unable to stand for her balance is completely gone. Every hair on her body sticks up, like needles piercing her skin. She’s always had dreams of falling, falling off buildings, mountains, and trees. While falling, she can never wake herself up just before she hits the ground, so the jerking of her body must wake her. And now she’s going to voluntarily freefall from a plane, eleven thousand feet above ground.

“All right, Bentley and Dorothy, it’s time!” The instructor says with excitement. “Listen up,” he yells. “This isn’t practice anymore, this is the real deal. So let’s get in our flying positions.” The instructor says aloud what he’s doing as he does it. First, he positions Bentley directly towards the front of the door. Then, with Dorothy’s permission, he guides her to stand directly in front of Bentley. She brushes past him, standing just inches in front of his chest. The instructor tries forcing her feet closer to Bentley’s, but she pushes back, stubborn.  “Fine then!” The instructor says, and Dorothy feels Bentley being pushed directly up against her back.  “Great! Now let’s attach these suckers.” They both feel the instructor grabbing straps and attaching them from all different directions. Dorothy feels Bentley’s light and delicate breath on the back of her neck. Chills dance down her spine. This is different for her, to have a man standing close enough to have contact with her body. Dorothy hears the instructor unlatch the door and immediately the wind surrounds Bentley and Dorothy like a chilly whirlpool of air. “Okay. Lean forward like we practiced,” He says. Dorothy slowly leans forward but feels her body tilting too much; suddenly Bentley wraps his hands around her stomach, pulling her upper body back toward him. Dorothy liked Bentley’s hands wrapped around her, she liked the feeling of him shielding her from danger.

“Lean all the way forward when I say go,” he yells. “Ready! 1, 2, 3, go!”

Dorothy feels the pressure of Bentley’s body leaning forward onto hers and she allows her body to lean, too. Their feet are no longer standing on a hard surface but gently gliding along the wind’s movement. The plane is behind them; its noise evaporated. They are not attached to anything accept each other and a parachute. Dorothy feels the wind in her face and the harsh pressure on her ears, but she has never felt so free and at ease. She can feel her heart pounding. She keeps her eyes open to the world she cannot see and imagines what it does look like. She envisions they are passing through clouds, big, white, fluffy clouds, and the trees that looked like specks from the plane are now getting bigger and fuller as they fall closer to Earth’s surface. She feels as if she is in slow motion gliding through the sky. She clenches her hands onto Bentley’s while his rest around her waist. Suddenly, he pulls his hands from under hers and gently sweeps his hands up her left and right side of her body to her shoulders where he grabs her arms and holds them out like wings. She feels like she has great big wings, a free living bird after all. When Bentley releases his hands from her arms, she feels a slight jerking motion as he tugs on the ripcord. The parachute juts open and pulls them into an upright position. She’s disappointed because she knows they are close to landing and she’s not ready for it to end so soon. The wind calms and they float much slower. She sucks in the air as if she needs it for replenishment, and exhales deeply. She does this several times, to make her feel at ease.

She can feel Bentley’s lips touching her ear and it tingles her entire body. “Okay, Dorothy, we are going to touch the ground on the count of three. 1, 2, 3!”

Dorothy feels her feet stumble over ground. Instead of landing on their feet, Bentley lands atop of Dorothy. She hears him scramble up to his feet and feels the touch of his hand, extended to help her up. He unhooks all the buckles attaching him to her. Immediately she falls back to the ground, and he extends his hand again to touch hers. He helps her turn over onto her back, and before she realizes it, she lets out a loud, ongoing laugh.

His voice is close; he must be kneeling in the grass. “What’s so funny?” he asks her. “I just went skydiving! Me! A blind person!” She laughs again.

“This is the first time I’ve heard you laugh and really mean it.”

Her laugh simmers to a smile. She feels like she’s glowing on the inside, and wonders momentarily if it’s obvious in her face.

“It’s nice,” he adds.

“Can you help me up?” she asks.

He grabs her arms and pulls her up from the ground up to his chest. Her nose touches his neck. Their hands are still connected. She tilts her head up towards his eyes. She can feel his warm breath on her skin. She can sense his lips are close to her lips. Her chest tightens. There is an overwhelming fluttering in her stomach that makes it difficult to breathe. She doesn’t understand this sensation because she’s never felt it before. She wants his lips to touch hers, she moves her face closer and closer to his, but then he steps away.

The instructor lands a few feet from where they were. Dorothy stands, frozen, not comprehending what she should do next.

“Gnarly! What an awesome ride!” The instructor yells.

Dorothy can hear Bentley walk away from her.

“Well, I guess I’ll walk you back then. It’s going to be a bit of a long walk back to the runway, I’m afraid,” the instructor says while holding her by the arm.

She doesn’t focus on the long walk and her increasing thirst, but the confusion she has about that first time fluttery sensation and Bentley’s retraction from her. When the instructor and Dorothy return to the runway, he guides Dorothy over to the truck where Bentley is waiting.

The music is cranked extremely loud in the truck in order to avoid speaking to her, Dorothy suspects. However, she realizes she doesn’t want to talk anyways. She feels too uncomfortable and humiliated—and the worst part is not having a clue why. They arrive back at the Garden.

Dorothy sits, facing straight forward in the silence.

“We need to talk tonight,” he finally murmurs.

She feels her frustration rising. “About what?” she asks, slapping her thighs. “The only one in the dark here is me. What the hell is going on with you?”

“You’ll understand if you agree to talk to me.”

“Talk to me now!”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“I have something I need to do.”

Dorothy rubs her forehead. “I don’t understand you. First, I open up like you’ve encouraged me to. I told the whole group about my sister and the accident and Nurse Lena said you left right in the middle of it. Why?”

“I’ll explain tonight.”

“You’re a hypocrite! You said that being there physically is support. And you couldn’t even stay for me.”

“Will you just talk to me tonight?”

Dorothy reaches out desperately with both hands, finding his hand on the steering wheel. “Just talk to me, please,” she begs, holding him.

“I told you I have somewhere I need to be.”

She lets her hand linger, and it begins to burn. “Fine,” she says, dropping his hand, “we’ll talk tonight.”

“Lena,” he yells out the window in an unsettling tone.

Moments later, Dorothy hears Lena’s voice: “Is everything okay?” she asks.

“Everything’s fine. I just need you to help Dorothy to her room.”

“Okay, but aren’t you staying Bentley?”

“No.”

“I was just asking because you have a lip reading class today.”

“Can you cancel it?”

“Well yes, yes I can.”

Dorothy feels Lena’s skin on her arm as the nurse guides her out of the car. Bentley’s car almost immediately roars away.

“What happened?” Lena finally asks Dorothy as she helps her into her room.

Aurora barks at the sight of Dorothy entering through the door. Dorothy pets her and wraps her arms around her.

“He rejected me,” Dorothy says.

“Who did?”

“Bentley.” She plops on the edge of her bed. “I just don’t get it!”

“Get what?”

“He’s been giving me mixed signals since I got here.”

“Such as?”

“When I first got here, he was dying to help me with therapy, then as days progressed, he started getting friendlier, like maybe he liked me, and today, he treated me like I had some infectious disease.”

Lena sighs and doesn’t say anything.

“I’m so embarrassed,” Dorothy says covering her face. 

“What the heck do you have to be embarrassed about?”

“I’ve never put myself out for a guy’s attention and today I finally did,” she mumbles through her hands.

“Don’t punish yourself. You trusted your feelings and acted on them, you have nothing to be embarrassed about.” Lena gently shakes Dorothy’s shoulders. “If anything, you should be proud of yourself! I know I’m proud of you!”

Dorothy uncovers her face and smiles with half her mouth. “He wants to talk tonight though.” She can’t hide the hope in her voice.

“Eh.”

Dorothy scrunches her forehead. “What?” she asks, concerned.

“That’s never a good line to hear.”

“It’s not?”

“No.”

“Well, I guess I figured. His tone implied it wasn’t going to be a fun conversation. But, what if I showed up wearing something sexy?”

Lena chuckles. “Why would you want to do that, if the talk is going to be negative? Wouldn’t you rather be comfortable?”