The Exception (65 page)

Every day people phoned to offer their condolences and find out what happened. At times, it became too much for Iben and Anne-Lise took over.

‘Iben was climbing this ladder on the houseboat, so she couldn’t follow what happened on the quay. But a lot of the warehouses have been converted into flats and people were
watching from their windows because they had heard the shot Iben fired at Zigic. The witnesses all say that Zigic was aiming his gun at Iben. But at the moment he was ready to pull the trigger, Malene called out. No one knows why. She threw herself in front of the gun. Iben was then able to reach the roof and that saved her. The metal ridge protected her.’

At some point in every single phone call, the person would wonder about Malene’s brave act. They wanted to know more and Anne-Lise’s replies became more and more precise.

‘Yes, it’s true. Quite remarkable. I’ve never heard of anything like it … Of course, but what Iben did in Kenya was different. She says so herself, you know. After escaping, when she ran back to the hostages, she didn’t think of it as taking a risk. She simply couldn’t imagine that the Kenyan police might side with the hostage-takers.’ …

‘Yes, how true that is. Malene was very special. We were so proud to have worked with her. No, I suppose we didn’t realise that she had this in her.’ Anne-Lise isn’t completely sorry that Malene is dead.

Some time after Malene’s funeral, Iben puts a large portrait of Malene on the bulletin board. She stops bringing in roses and also suggests to Anne-Lise that the two of them should leave their desks in the library and move into the Winter Garden.

Taking over Malene’s place so soon after her death makes Anne-Lise uneasy, but Iben says that it’s OK with her. Paul and Camilla agree.

Malene’s things are put away on a shelf behind Iben and Anne-Lise takes the seat opposite her. Anne-Lise puts her photo of Henrik and the children almost exactly where Malene’s plastic troll used to be.

Until a new project manager is appointed, Iben takes over Malene’s tasks. They stop speaking incessantly about Malene during the breaks and move onto other things. As they continue working together on the special Turkey issue, the talk flows easily between the desks in just the way Anne-Lise used to dream
it would. Everything is as she hoped it would be when she left Lyngby Central Library. The only problems troubling Anne-Lise are rooted inside her own mind.

Look how they smile, she thinks, sweet as pie, as if they never tried to drive me insane. Of course they tell themselves that never happened. It makes them feel good. And how much better would it be if I managed to forget everything as well? But how can I forgive them? How will I ever be able to trust anyone the way I did just a year and a half ago?

One evening she agrees to go with Henrik to a tasting arranged by his wine club.

He beams and gives her a kiss. ‘You’re my old Anne-Lise again!’

The tasting takes place in a large, specialist wine shop in Østerbro. It is crowded, and everyone seems to be in a good mood. Some come straight from work and are still in their suits. Others, like Henrik, have changed their clothes.

A couple of Henrik’s old friends from university started the club and most of their circle joined it, mainly because it was a nice way to keep in touch. Henrik and Anne-Lise usually meet many of their old gang.

Nicola rushes up to greet Anne-Lise. ‘It’s great that you’ll be at Jutta and Stig’s! And thank you so much for the invitation to your place. I’m so pleased that you’re your old self again!’

Anne-Lise and Nicola see much more of each other these days.

The shop’s proprietor introduces the first wine and the first round of glasses is being filled at the long, French-style dining table in the middle of the room.

As one wine follows another, several people come over to say how delighted they are to see Anne-Lise. They must have been talking about me more than I ever realised, she thinks. It’s as if she’s been away in hospital with a disease or something.

It all becomes too much for her. She finds Henrik and nods
towards a narrow passage between two walls of boxes of wine. They slip away from the others.

‘Henrik, listen. It’s good that nobody has noticed anything different about me, but it isn’t right what they’re all saying: I’m not “the old Anne-Lise”.’

Henrik looks stunned, takes a step back and hits his head against the protruding corner of a box. She must have sounded much more adamant than she intended.

‘I’m trying to behave like a good person, but it’s such an effort. I’m so bitter.’

‘But Anne-Lise, darling.’

‘My head is bursting with fantasies about revenge. You have no idea! And they won’t stop. I can’t cope with it! I’ll never ever be my old self again!’ Anne-Lise’s lips are tightly closed and she sinks down on a spindly wooden chair.

Henrik sighs, drags a box along to the chair, sits down and puts an arm round her. He speaks to her gently. ‘You will be yourself again, Anne-Lise. Of course you will. It just won’t happen overnight, that’s all.’

‘No. Iben is right. Other people shape who I am. I can’t make myself into who I want to be. We all have it in us to be murderers and executioners and war criminals.’

Henrik’s arm tightens round Anne-Lise’s shoulders. ‘What are you saying?’

‘Henrik, for God’s sake. I wouldn’t be the woman I am now if I could choose. But Iben says we can’t choose. Other people determine who we are.’

Henrik shifts the box so he can sit facing her and takes her face in his hands. ‘Please, explain this to me slowly. Try to help me understand what you’re saying.’

Anne-Lise feels like throwing her glass of red wine on the storeroom floor.

‘It’s like this. Iben watches nature films and says that people behave the same way as animals. She says that there are patterns of behaviour that everyone conforms to because they are
instinctive and predestined – psychological laws of nature. She’s been studying developmental biology and social psychology and research papers about the psychology of the perpetrator. And she has written two articles about evil called “The Psychology of Evil I” and “II”.

‘I hate those articles of hers and her lectures too. Iben’s outlook is so grim and black. I’ve heard her say things like: “The more I learn, the more convinced I am that we would all act in exactly the same way as the perpetrators if we had been in their situation.”’

‘I see. What do the others say to all this?’

‘No one in the office ever argues with Iben. And I realise now that she’s right.’

‘She’s wrong, you know.’

Anne-Lise mustn’t start sobbing now, when all their friends are within earshot. She tries to be as quiet as possible. ‘I don’t want to be like this, Henrik. I’m evil.’ She looks into Henrik’s face and senses him thinking: Oh God, will this never end? He deserves so much better.

‘Anne-Lise. You are not evil.’

‘But I wasn’t sorry to hear that the back of Malene’s head had been blown to bits, was I? If the others had died as well, I wouldn’t have minded. Does that sound like the “old Anne-Lise” – does it?’

Anne-Lise drives Henrik’s large, dark-blue car home from the wine tasting. He asks her to stop just before they reach the house where Anne-Lise’s parents live. Her mother has looked after the children, but he would prefer them to wait a little before picking them up.

‘I’ve thought about what you said. Remember what Malene did. She was the worst of them; nonetheless, she did something that Iben’s theories couldn’t explain in a thousand years.

‘To sacrifice your life for someone who is not your child – how would Iben get around that? She can’t. And if Malene can
do something like that, then there is something in all of us that is both unpredictable and potentially good. It exists in you. And in me.’

They sit together in silence. Anne-Lise moves close to Henrik and rests her head on his shoulder. He puts his arm around her.

One week after the police interrogated everyone in the Centre about Rasmus’s death, Camilla starts pressing Iben to find out how the investigation is going. She feels nervous about her sessions with Dorte Jørgensen and is keen to know what is going on.

When Iben puts down the receiver, her hand is shaking. ‘I spoke to Dorte Jørgensen. The investigation is closed. Malene has written on her home computer that she was aware of having a split personality. She admits to having killed Rasmus.’

All work ceases. It seems unbelievable at first and then Malene’s image changes in an instant. They decide to phone again to make sure Iben hasn’t misheard. Anne-Lise makes the call.

Iben is shocked, but then, they all are. They had put together a shared memory of Malene, like a jigsaw puzzle. Now it has come apart and every piece takes on a new meaning.

The rumours about Malene spread rapidly through the world of human rights. Anne-Lise hears Iben speaking to one of the callers: ‘Naturally I’m deeply grateful for Malene’s self-sacrifice. Deeply. But I did wonder. It didn’t fit somehow. It’s understandable now. She was tormented by her guilt over having killed Rasmus. And, perhaps, she was mentally ill. That would explain a lot.’

Iben listens to the voice at the other end of the line, and continues.

Absolutely. What she did wasn’t the response of a healthy human being. In fact, her self-sacrifice in no way contradicts the theories I discussed in my articles in
Genocide News
on evil.’

Paul opens the front door with a bang and steps into the office, beaming happily at everyone. He’s barely over the threshold before he starts announcing his news. ‘At last, I can tell you all!’

‘Hi, Paul! Tell us what?’

‘It’s such a relief to be able to tell you. I promised not to whisper a word before it was official. Today’s the day! Morten Kjærum has accepted a post at the United Nations in New York. His directorship at Human Rights will be advertised soon, possibly as early as May.’

Iben gets in first. ‘Is it yours for the asking, then?’

‘So far, that’s impossible to tell.’

‘But you seem over the moon, right?’

Paul slings his jacket over one chair and sits down on another. ‘Put it this way: to be honest, the heavyweight contenders are Frederik and myself. I’m the boss for this place as well as a member of the board at the Centre for Democracy. We’ve been very active at DCGI, organising things like conferences and other stuff that’s kept us in the public eye – quite unlike the Democracy Centre. Take that successful Yugoslav conference at Louisiana – Frederik’s people didn’t have a chance, organisation-wise. It means that I have the edge. Also, Frederik removed himself from our board not long ago. One way or the other, he’s lost quite a bit of power.’

‘How long have you known this?’ Anne-Lise wants to know.

‘Two weeks.’

Iben, Anne-Lise and Camilla exchange glances. It’s suddenly clear to all of them why Paul has behaved so strangely over the past few weeks. They pretend to be pleased for him, but it doesn’t take Camilla long to see that the news is to their advantage too.
Paul obviously wants to stay in charge of DCGI and will set about merging it with the DIHR as soon as possible.

Iben will get a whole crew of intellectuals with whom she can argue all day long.

Anne-Lise will have other librarians around her.. She’ll want that, even if she and Iben make a great show of getting on ever so well. Camilla can clearly see that Anne-Lise would love to have other colleagues to talk to. Now her dreams will come true, and without the hassle of looking for a new job.

Only one of them has any reason to worry and that person is Camilla herself. She knows that when this kind of place merges with another one, the bosses will always try to save on secretarial posts.

It’s only three o’clock but Iben starts clearing her desk. She seems very happy these days and has stopped staying late at the office every night. Apparently she sees rather a lot of Gunnar Hartvig Nielsen.

Her bag is packed and on her desk, when that seedy old fusspot Erik Prins ambles in. As usual he stops at Iben’s and Anne-Lise’s desks for a chat. He starts telling them about a new book he has come across. Talking about it reminds him of Iben’s articles.

He continues in his high-pitched voice: ‘You know the way everyone harps on about how odd it is that concentration-camp officers would go home from work and behave like decent loving fathers? What’s so odd about it? We’re all like that.’

Iben nods and says she agrees. It seems she’s not in such a great hurry to get home after all. They chat away and then she launches into one of her spiels.

‘We let rip with idealism and grand words, but it’s nothing but rationalisations of our own egoistic behaviour. Not only do we lie to others; we also lie to ourselves. Each one of us lives inside a house of mirrors – our own instinctive self-righteousness distorts the way we view reality so that we can justify our actions to ourselves. And there’s no way we can escape.’

Iben and Erik are completely on the same wavelength. Camilla, however, can easily see how badly Anne-Lise takes it, and feels she can’t stand much more of it either.

Earlier Camilla might have shouted, ‘What about Malene? Everyone is capable of choosing to be an exception from your theories! Otherwise life wouldn’t be worth living.’ But there’s no point in saying, ‘What about Malene? If you’re a guilt-ridden murderer and sick in the head, then you can be an exception.’

Anne-Lise suddenly gets up and hurries off to the toilet. She’s behaving just like she used to.

On her way home Camilla collects Dennis from an after-school club and takes him with her to the supermarket.

When they arrive home, Finn’s car isn’t there yet. They’re just inside the door when the phone rings. She puts the shopping bags down and runs to answer.

A man’s voice is speaking English. ‘Hi, Camilla.’

She recognises the voice instantly. The skin down the back of her neck and spine seems to contract. If he’s using his mobile phone he could be nearby. Right outside the door, for all she knows! He’s capable of anything. He might get inside her home. It wouldn’t matter a damn to him if Finn were there. She concentrates on hiding her fear from her son and covers the mouthpiece of the telephone.