The Embrace (24 page)

Jared was getting weaker by the second and I knew the time was coming when I would have to let him go. Even just thinking about letting go seemed painful. I dug my nails into his arm and tried desperately to draw enough blood to satisfy me.

This was all eerily similar to my first kill. The first taste of human blood had been like the first time you take a drug. Everything disappears and you drink in your poison, feeding your addiction. After the first victim I had felt invincible. Jared’s blood reminded me of this feeling and it was almost impossible to let go.

I could sense him drawing closer to his final breath. I needed to move away, to stop drinking from him. Even though I knew the window of opportunity to change him was slipping away, I couldn’t stop. His blood was too tantalising.

Finally the curtain began to rise and I managed to pull away, although I was still reeling. I pressed my wrist against my lips and tore at my veins. I vaguely remembered the exchange of blood from the night Gabriel made me a vampire so I knew that you had to drain the victim and then make them drink the blood of the sire.

I looked at Jared for the first time since I’d tasted him. He was cold and moisture had gathered in droplets on his brow. I realised my hand was no longer on his arm and so he should have been able to move, but for some reason his body was frozen. I ran a finger along his brow. It was soaked in sweat, probably from his desperate attempts to escape from my hold on him.

I put my wrist up to his lips and tried to force the blood down his throat as Gabriel had done to me. A droplet landed on his parted mouth but he didn’t react. His eyes remained blank.

“Jared. Drink.” I wasn’t using compulsion anymore. He was too weak and should have submitted anyway. “Jared.” My voice twisted freakishly as I tried to grab his attention.

In a panic I reached out and pressed a finger against the pulse point on Jared’s neck, copying the moves I’d seen police officers do so many times on TV. There was nothing there. He was dead.

The curtain of thirst had now completely disappeared. I had been lost in my passion for his blood and everything had become a blur. I must have been carried away by the moment and let my feeding go on for too long. I had allowed the precious few seconds between life and death to pass me by, and now it was too late to do anything.

I pricked up my strong hearing and found no strong heart beat.  He was really dead. I had been so wrapped up in feeding from him that I’d let him slip away. It was too late to turn him.

I thrust my wrist at his lips again in a desperate attempt to revive him. I knew it wouldn’t work but I tried anyway. For the first time in weeks, I had been presented with a chance for happiness, but as usual I had blown it. I had failed, and now it seemed there was nothing left to save me.

I don’t know how long I sat in Jared’s apartment before I gathered the courage to leave. Sitting there wouldn’t bring him back, and I had to get back to the nest before sunrise hit.

I managed to find my way back to the nest without any difficulty. Working out what to do with Jared’s body had been tricky. I didn’t know whether to take it somewhere and dispose of it or just leave it there, but I figured it would take a while before anyone found the body so I left it there. I cut his wrists with a kitchen knife and placed his body in the bathroom, faking a suicide attempt. It felt wrong treating him like a strange just seconds after trying to turn him into my mate.

The whole way home I was stuck in a daze. I had expected to stay there over night and guide Jared through the transition, but now I was returning to my nest alone and just as depressed as I had been before. I had lost my last hope just because I couldn’t control my own hunger.

When I arrived back at the nest I could sense Gabriel was there. He wasn’t in the living room so I imagined he was reading in the bedroom. That was all he seemed to do if he wasn’t hunting. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with any nonsense he had to throw my way.

I walked straight into the study and threw the door shut behind me. I had installed a lock during my alterations and this was exactly the kind of night that made me thankful I had. I wanted nothing but peace, a night of complete nothingness.

I thought of Jared’s cold, dead body. What a waste of a life. I had known when I caught his wonderful scent that he was going to die that night either way, but for a short while he had provided me with exactly what I needed: hope that a better life existed. 

That night had given me the perfect opportunity to create a new world for myself. I would have had to explain it to Gabriel so I was happy that I could avoid that conversation now. I had no guarantee that Gabriel would have allowed me to keep Jared. He was an ancient vampire with strength far beyond my own. If he had been set on it he could have destroyed the newly created Jared in seconds.

I couldn’t guarantee his reaction, but with the way Gabriel had been treating me I imagined he would be happy to be rid of me. He probably would have let me go without much persuading and I would have been free. Jared and I could have travelled the world together and experienced life as a loving couple, me in control and him as my willing follower. Instead, Gabriel and I were stuck in a perpetual loop of abuse and loneliness.

I slumped on the floor and tried to wipe away my failure. I wasn’t going to tell Gabriel about this, not that he would ask anyway. I had betrayed him and I knew he wouldn’t react well to that.

I loved him more than anything, which was all that mattered. I had never loved Jared the way I loved Gabriel, but he had seemed to offer a chance to reinvent myself. Anything seemed better than the world I was trapped in. 

I fell asleep thinking of the mess I had created. There was still about half an hour until sunrise but I was exhausted. I had lost any chance for happiness, unless Gabriel magically decided to forgive me. I had to accept that my mate held all the cards now.

I tried desperately not to think about Jared over the following days. I really longed for a companion who loved me but nothing seemed to be going my way. I couldn’t even face talking to Gabriel anymore and I had failed at trying to turn someone into a vampire. I was going to die alone, tormented by lost love for eternity.

About a week had passed after Jared’s death and I still hadn’t been out of the nest for more than an hour at a time. I was becoming used to hunting close to the apartment complex and returning to the nest alone. I would go back to the study, my new home, and stay there all night.

I had borrowed a few of Gabriel’s books while he was out hunting, but I saw myself or my life reflected in every book I read. Every lovesick protagonist or manipulative antagonist seemed to reflect my own relationship.

I was stuck in this dead end world with nothing keeping me going except blood and the terrible pain I felt when I contemplated killing myself or leaving Gabriel. I couldn’t find anything to take my mind off the agony.

I was sitting in the study on the fold away sofa. It wasn’t the most comfortable sleeping area but it was better than the bath I had found myself sleeping in after our fight. The sofa would do.

I was lying curled up in the corner, a discarded book at my feet. The plot had revolved around two tortured lovers and the feelings of the main character had reminded me too much of my own life.

I had already fed on some weak teenage boy who had passed the apartment block and my full veins were sending me off to sleep. I was torn out of my slumber when the door to the study was thrown open. I barely even needed to look up, I could tell who it was. I could sense his strong, imposing figure standing in the threshold. It was Gabriel.

He just looked at me at first, without saying a word. He liked to make an entrance before he spoke and so usually he would stand still and make sure people took in his regal figure before he even opened his mouth.

I expected a new tirade: did Gabriel know I had considered creating a new vampire? Did he know I was seriously considering killing myself to escape this loneliness?

“I can’t do this anymore.” He said finally.

I don’t know what I’d expected but it certainly wasn’t that. Maybe he was going to kill me so that he could be free to find a mate who wouldn’t be a disappointment as Emma and I had both proven to be.

“Do what?” I said. I would stay calm, not anger him, just let him speak his mind.

“I love you. There hasn’t been a second where I’ve stopped loving you, even though I didn’t show it. I want you to be mine again. I want to lie next to you and hunt with you. I want us to be together again.” He seemed to sigh as he spoke. I could tell he was tired and he seemed to be stressed by something.

I didn’t really know what to say. I had wanted this for weeks. I had been desperate for Gabriel to sweep me up and tell me how much he loved me but now that it was finally happening it felt wrong to submit to him so easily. I loved him but he had put me through so much pain during our separation and I couldn’t just forget that.

I decided to be honest and grow a back bone.

“I love you too. I want to be with you again, I do.” I got up from the sofa and walked towards him. The light from the living room lit up his face as I moved closer and I was hit by his beauty. I still found it hard to believe that someone so beautiful could be in love with me.

“Gabriel, I want to be with you but I think we have things to sort through. I’m sorry about risking our safety but it was just a moment of stupidity. I’ve grown so much in the past month. I will never be that reckless again, I promise.”

Gabriel nodded. It wasn’t exactly a wonderful apology but he seemed to accept it.

“Why did you take me to your room that night? You made me think you’d forgiven me and then you just discarded me. It was like something was ripped out of me.”

I wanted to collapse into his arms and let our past arguments be forgotten, but I needed to be strong. He had put me through so much in the past few weeks and I needed some kind of resolution.

He moved away from the door way. He didn’t touch me but he was so close I could practically feel his skin on mine. I desperately tried to avoid his gaze. His eyes could almost hypnotise me and looking in to them might force me to give in to him.

“I think this all came from my own insecurities. I could see you getting more independent and I didn’t want to lose you. I expected you to just give in to me but I never realised how strong you’ve become. I wanted to hurt you, I guess.” There was a sadness in his eyes that made me believe him.

“It was stupid but I cared about you so much and I could feel you slipping away from me every time you hunted alone. I wanted to make you remember me. I felt like hurting you was a way of punishing myself for driving you away. It’s all become so messed up. I’m so sorry.”

His eyes were calling out to me. I reached up and touched his dark hair. My fingers slid down his face and brushed his high, perfect cheek bones. His skin was clear and soft and it drew me closer to him. I moved my body and pressed myself against him.

“We can’t do this anymore. If we’re going to make this work we have to be completely honest with one another. No more games, okay?”

I whispered this to him, not allowing myself to really believe we were together again. Maybe it was all another cruel joke.

He nodded and kissed me. It wasn’t a powerful kiss, just a second of our lips touching, but it was enough. I wrapped my arms around his neck and stood on my tiptoes to kiss him again.

The power he had over me was similar to the first kill, or my recent night with Jared. When his hands traced the outline of my figure and his lips were on mine, everything else disappeared.

That night we talked through our problems. We resolved every issue that had ever caused trouble between us. I didn’t mention Jared but it didn’t matter because as the night went on I stopped thinking about him. He had been a poor substitute for Gabriel, the one I really loved, and now that I was reunited with my true mate everything else paled in significance.

That night was filled with passion and love. There was none of the anger of our last night together. This night made me feel like everything was right again. We lay on the sofa bed together alternating between tender kisses and serious discussions.

I finally fell asleep that night in Gabriel’s arms for the first time in what felt like years. I felt at peace whenever I was with him. I had everything I had ever wanted. I could tell that he had forgiven me for my stupidity and I had managed to forgive and forget his treatment of me.

I was proud of myself for standing my ground and making Gabriel apologise first. I loved him but the dynamics of our relationship needed to change if we were going to last for all eternity.

That night I was the happiest I’d been since my transformation into a vampire. I had forgotten my pain, my failure, everything that had happened. I was totally content.

**

When I woke up I almost felt as if it wasn’t real. I turned around and found Gabriel lying beside me, still asleep with a peaceful expression on his face. He hadn’t run away before I could wake, meaning he hadn’t abandoned me. We were together and this time it was real.

I saw him stirring and a moment later his eyes flickered open. There was an overwhelming strength and wisdom in his expression even when he had just woken up. I was swept up by a sudden rush of admiration.