The Education of Sebastian (33 page)

I took an envelope from David’s study and carefully sealed the lock inside, simply writing Sebastian’s name and the date across the corner. Then I placed it between the pages of my copy of
Lolita
– a book so profane that I knew David would never so much as touch its dust jacket; it was also my private joke – not that I felt like laughing. In fact it was everything I could do to keep from crying.

And I knew I was on borrowed time with David: he wouldn’t take another night of me sleeping in the guest room without some sort of explanation.

I had two choices. I could lie:

‘I’m fine, I just need some space’.

Or I could tell part of the truth:

‘Our marriage is over and I want a divorce. No, there’s no one else’.

Either way, I was scared of what he’d do. His temper was so unpredictable, I didn’t know what would happen if I pushed him to extremes. Discussing divorce certainly constituted ‘extreme’ in anyone’s book.

I wandered into the kitchen to make something for his supper. Without even being aware of my movements, I threw together a lasagna and tossed it into the oven.

It was a quarter after six and I was beginning to wonder where David was when I suddenly remembered it was his formal dinner at the officer’s mess. He was right: I really should check the schedule more often.

I pulled the lasagna out of the oven and dumped it on the side. I considered throwing it in the garbage but I hated to waste food. David could have it reheated in the microwave tomorrow. He was going to have to get used to microwaved meals once we were separated: I figured he may as well start getting in some practice now.

The thought made me feel a little better. I decided to risk checking my phone. Maybe there would be a message from Sebastian, or maybe I could just torture myself a little more by seeing that he hadn’t responded.

But he had.

* Me 2 *

God, I loved that man.

I sent another quick message.

* Can I c u tonite?

I can get away for a while if u can.

What time u finish? Pick u up? *

His reply was immediate.

* 10 *

* I’ll be there *

* :) *

With those few words on a plastic screen, happiness flooded through me.

And then I remembered Ches: I hoped I wouldn’t have to face him again today. It had been bad enough seeing the look on his face this morning; and it had been beyond horrible fighting with Sebastian. I just wanted to be able to see him and touch him and have him hold me and utter the sweet lie that it was going to be okay.

It really wasn’t my day.

He was waiting for me: ‘he’ being Ches, not Sebastian.

He was leaning against his van in the rear parking lot where he’d seen us earlier in the day. He folded his arms as I drove up and threw me a look of such contempt and loathing that my stomach gave an unhappy lurch. I wanted nothing more than to hit the accelerator and drive in the opposite direction and get the hell out of Dodge.

Gathering strength from some unknown place, long hidden, I took a deep breath and got out of the car to face him.

“Hello, Ches.”

“Mrs. Wilson,” he said, emphasizing the ‘Mrs.’.

He scowled at me, challenging me to speak.

“I can guess what you think of me,” I said softly.

“Can you?” he said coolly, raising an eyebrow in disbelief and disgust.

“You think I’m just using Sebastian, but it’s not like that.”

“Then tell me what it is like,” he sneered, “because I’d really like to know. Seb is my friend and you...”

“I don’t want to hurt him,” I said, forcing the words out as my throat began to constrict.

“Yeah? Well, you’re doing a really great job there! His head is completely spun; he doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. You’ve messed him up real good.”

I choked on my reply but he wasn’t going to give me time to recover.

“You’ve met his dad. Do you know how many times he’s beat the shit out of him? Have you any idea what he’ll do to him when he finds out about this?” His voice was bitter. “Yeah, the military hero will really freak out, his son bringing shame on the good family name of Hunter and all that crap, by banging a married woman.”

I had no words.

He glared at me.

“And what about when your husband finds out? I suppose you’ll dump Seb so fast that…”

“I’m leaving David.”

I spoke so quietly I wasn’t sure he’d heard me at first.

“What?”

I looked up. “I’m going to ask David for a divorce.”

He stared at me, then shook his head.

“I don’t believe you.”

“It’s true. We… I… as soon as Sebastian turns 18.”

“You’re full of shit.”

“No, she’s not.”

Sebastian’s voice came out of the darkness and I closed my eyes in relief. He walked up and put his arm around my shoulders, kissing me quickly on the lips.

“Hey, baby.”

Then he turned to his friend.

“We’re just waiting till I’m 18 and then I’m legally free of my family. We’re going to go to New York.” He pulled me closer and nuzzled my hair. “I’ve found us an apartment. It’s in Bensonhurst – it said on this website that they call it Brooklyn’s Little Italy. I thought you’d like that.”

He smiled at me then looked back at Ches who was staring in outrage and astonishment.

“What the fuck you talking about, man? New York?”

“Yes, as soon as we can, and as far away as we can get.”

“But…
New York?
”

“Caro’s going to work while I go to school. And I’ll get a job, as well. We’ve got it all worked out.”

“Are you crazy, dude?”

I thought Sebastian would lose his temper, but he just carried on talking, his voice even.

“We know it won’t be easy but we want to be together. It’s the only way.”

Ches blinked, opening and closing his mouth several times. “Why didn’t you tell me, man?” He sounded hurt.

“We didn’t want to tell anyone because… we couldn’t. Caro is breaking the law by being with me.”

It was clear Ches was in shock: he stood and gaped at us.

“I’m under age,” continued Sebastian softly. “If anyone found out… if anyone reported us, it’s a felony – because of… the age difference.” He shrugged. “Caro could go to jail. That’s why I couldn’t tell you.”

“Wow, I’m sorry, man. I didn’t know!” said Ches helplessly.

“She’s taking a huge risk. She wanted us to wait but… I couldn’t stay away from her. So if anyone is to blame, it’s me.” He looked Ches directly in the eye. “I think you owe her an apology.”

I touched his arm. “It’s okay, Sebastian. He was just looking out for you. I understand.”

Ches looked mortified. “I didn’t know! I just thought… is it that serious? I mean, what could happen to her?”

He seemed to be having a hard time taking it in. I couldn’t blame him: I still had a hard time with the concept of being loved so much, of being so much in love that it hurt.

Sebastian nodded and I stared at the ground feeling a mixture of pride and shame in our confession.

“I’m… I’m sorry, Caroline,” said Ches, shaking his head. “You guys… wow… I…”

“Thank you,” I said quietly. I looked up at Sebastian. “I’ll go wait in the car.”

They talked for a few more minutes while I sat and waited and watched. Eventually Ches pulled Sebastian into a bear hug and then patted him on the arm. I guessed he was telling him it was going to be alright.

Sebastian opened the passenger door and slumped down onto the seat.

“Everything okay?” I asked, tentatively.

“I guess,” Sebastian said wearily, rubbing his eyes. “He… he gets how much you mean to me but…”

But?

“He still thinks it’s kind of crazy. He’s cool though. He won’t tell anyone.”

I hoped he was right.

Sebastian raised his hand to my cheek. “Don’t worry: Ches is my best friend – he’s my brother ,” he said simply.

I leaned against him, feeling the warmth of his body through his thin T-shirt. I stared out at the stars in the night sky, wondering if one of them might be our lucky star.

I traced Sebastian’s silhouette in the darkness, his straight nose, his full, sensuous lips, his strong chin, the graceful profile of his head.

He leaned back in the seat and turned to smile at me.

The most incredible feeling of love welled up inside me. I was so lucky. He was kind and thoughtful and caring. He was fun to be with; beautiful inside and out. I didn’t know a lover could be a friend, too. And he loved me.

Me.

But was I really strong enough to follow my heart and to hell with the consequences? Could I expect a 17 year old boy… man… to be strong enough for this? No, that wasn’t right. I was the one who had to be strong: for both of us.

And at that moment, I knew the question and the answer. Was I strong enough? Yes, I was.

Chapter 14

“I need to hold you,” said Sebastian, softly.

I scrambled onto his knee and we clung to each other in the dark of the country club’s parking lot.

All our hopes and fears had been explored in those tense few minutes with Ches. Sebastian was strong in so many ways, but he was also so young. And now he needed me and I wanted to give him comfort, to reassure him, to protect him from the world. He needed me – and I needed him.

I held him tightly, pulling him closer. Gradually his body began to relax, the tension leaking away.

“So,” I said, breaking the heavy silence, “you found an apartment in Little Italy?”

I felt him smile against my neck.

“Yeah, I thought you’d like that.”

“I do. Tell me about it.”

He let out a long breath and settled me more comfortably in his arms.

“It’s got one bedroom and one bathroom and is on the fourth floor of an apartment building on 82nd Street. We’ve even got an elevator.”

I smiled. I didn’t care how many elevators it had; I just wanted it all to be real.

“From the top of the building you can see Staten Island and the Statue of Liberty. We can walk along the Belt Parkway Promenade, or ride bikes – people go kite-flying there, too…” he paused. “And the rent is only $1,250 a month, but that’s unfurnished, and we get 875 square feet.”

“So much room.”

I couldn’t bear to tell him that despite the tiny size of the apartment, the rent was still more than twice the amount I currently had in my checking account.

“Yeah, well...” he continued. “But it says it’s near the train and we can walk to Coney Island in about 30 minutes. Oh, and it’s only four blocks from a park.”

“It sounds perfect.”

He sighed. “I almost phoned the rental agency but…”

“Too soon.”

“I know,” he sighed again. “Jesus, Caro. How the hell are we going to get through three more months like this?”

“Because we have to,” I said in a steady voice. “And we will.”

A look of admiration flickered across his face.

“God, I love you!” he said.

He kissed me lightly on the lips but his touch was like an incendiary device going off inside me. I kissed him back deeply, pouring all the angst and fear and passion I could into that one moment, showing him how much I loved and needed him, too.

His body responded immediately and I felt his arms tensing around me.

“Let’s go somewhere,” he said, his voice low and rough.

“I don’t want to go to my place,” I said, a shiver running down my spine. “I don’t know what time David will be back. We can’t risk that.”

“Where is the bastard?” Sebastian spat the words out.

“At a mess dinner.”

“Oh, yeah. I forgot about that: Dad went, too. They’re usually pretty late though,” said Sebastian thoughtfully.

I shook my head. “No, I’d rather go to the beach. Anywhere but
home
.”

The word sounded like a lie on my lips. It wasn’t my home: not anymore.

“We could drive out to the beach? But it’s pretty cold tonight – no cloud cover. I guess we could stay in the car.”

He sighed. I knew what he was thinking. After the luxury of a bed, neither of us really wanted to revert to an awkward backseat fumble.

“We could find a cheap motel,” he said doubtfully.

“We can’t afford it,” I reminded him. “Let’s just drive out to the beach and…”

“We could go to my place,” said Sebastian suddenly.

“Excuse me?”
Had I heard him right?

“Yeah! Dad’s out at that officers’ mess dinner with the asshole. He always stays over: he usually passes out in a bachelor room,” he said, the disgust clear in his voice.

“What about your mom?”

He pointed to the clubhouse with his chin. “Drinking.”

“How’s she getting home?”

“Like I give a damn? Taxi, probably. But she won’t come in my room. She never does: she stopped coming in my room when I was ten.” He paused, his lips curling with contempt. “Anyway, she usually can’t even make it up to their room – she just sleeps on the couch in the den.”

“I don’t know, Sebastian…”

I felt freaked at the thought of being in Donald and Estelle’s house, but now Sebastian had suggested it, I was burning with curiosity to see his room.

“How will I get in without being seen?”

“There’s an empty lot next door and we’ll go in through the backyard. No one will see us.”

He sounded excited.

“Okay,” I said, shaking my head in wonder at what the hell I’d just agreed to.

He grinned at me, a beautiful, wide, beaming smile.

We drove back listening to
Lucia di Lammermoor
– the tale of a girl caught in a feud between her own family and that of another powerful clan. And then she went mad. I hoped it wasn’t portentous.

I parked my car behind the vacant lot, making sure it was as well hidden as it could be on a public street.

“Okay?” said Sebastian, squeezing my hand.

I laughed nervously at my own recklessness.

He led me through the darkness, following the line of a high fence. When we got to a large and beautiful Japanese maple that grew up close beside, he stopped. The tree partially obscured the fence.

“How are you at climbing?” he grinned at me.

“You’re joking?” He just smiled at me. “You’re not joking?!”