The Educated Ape & other Wonders of the Worlds (19 page)

‘And
never should the four be brought together,’ warned Abu Ben Addam, ‘for then
shall the End Times come to each and every world.’

Exactly
how and exactly why, Abu Ben Addam did not say. But it
was
clear that he
believed the End of the World would occur.

‘O
woe unto the Sons of Adam,’ wailed Cardinal Cox. ‘And woe unto my catamite, for
surely shall he receive a box about the ears for taking so long.’

Cardinal
Cox laid down the Talmud and had a little cry.

Cameron Bell
stood all alone upon the first-floor landing of Banana and Bell. He had said
his farewells to the lad known as Jack and the maid who was spare and kempt. He
had given each of them two months’ wages in advance to continue maintenance of
the offices, then sent them home for the rest of the day. So all alone was he
now in the building. He slouched to his office and opened the door. The office
smelled of last night’s alcohol. Cameron Bell let forth a mighty sigh, crossed
to the desk and lifted from its tooled-leather top a photograph in an ornate
silver frame. It was a sepia print of a man and a monkey, stiffly posed beside
a potted plant. The man and the monkey made stern and noble faces, but there
was laughter in their eyes.

Cameron
Bell peered hard at the sepia print. ‘I am putting on weight,’ he said, ‘but
you, my little friend, look just the same.’

He
slid the photograph from its frame, took out his wallet and placed it therein.
Then he set to do what had to be done.

Mr
Bell placed a Gladstone bag onto his desktop, opened up the concealed wall safe
and emptied it of its contents, which he then heaped all into the Gladstone
bag. He sought out his passport and papers that authorised him to carry a
handgun.

He
entered the tiny room where he mostly slept and filled a pigskin valise with
clothes, then changed his suit for one without holed trousers.

Now
clad in travelling tweeds, a sword-stick tucked beneath his arm and a Tyrolean
hat upon his head, he took up the Gladstone and valise and strode towards the
stairs.

But
upon the landing he paused and stood once more. From beyond came the sound of
the city. Within there was nothing to be heard.

A
thought struck Mr Cameron Bell that he might be leaving these offices for the
very last time, for although he would. certainly seek to foil the plans of
Lavinia Dharkstorrm, rescue Darwin, return the reliquaries to their rightful owners
and claim gold for his reward, he knew full well that the witch intended to see
him dead. Once he had performed the duties she had set him, she would have no
compunction in having him done to death.

In
all truth, he might not survive this particular challenge.

‘I am
so sorry,’ said Cameron Bell, ‘so sorry that this came about, my little monkey
friend. But I
will
save you. Yes, I
will.
No matter what the
cost.’

A
tear welled up in Cameron’s eye, but he blinked it away. ‘I have no time for
that,’
said Cameron Bell.

18

iercely
the heat—haze shimmered above the landing strip. That expanse of cobbled stone
at the Royal London Spaceport.

Mr
Bell travelled there upon the New Electric Railway. The sleek silver train with
its elegant carriages swept silently through the countryside at a speed that
Mr Bell found most alarming. It was fast and it was clean and it was efficient,
too, but the great detective much preferred the puff-puffs of his youth. There
was just something special about a steam engine. Something almost magical.

And
thoughts of things that were magical were very much on the mind of Cameron
Bell.

He
had not wasted the previous day. He had engaged in research. He had visited the
British Library to try to make sense of this reliquary business. It all sounded
so complicated, so confusing. Mr Bell had a contact there who allowed him
access to the Restricted Section, wherein lurked all those books forbidden from
public scrutiny — works that might upset a library-goer, works of smut and
sauciness, but works of magic, too.

The
Restricted Section was a closely guarded secret, although most folk suspected
its existence, just as most folk suspected that it held a copy of the loathsome
Necronomicon.
Which, naturally, it did. Mr Bell, however, had not come
to the Restricted Section to view
that.
He wished to consult works
regarding the confusing reliquaries.

The
detective’s contact, a bespectacled librarian, scoured the shelves of the dark
little room. There really didn’t appear to be too many books within. ‘I know we
had a copy of the Talmud here,’ he said, ‘one annotated by Abu Ben Addam, but
it appears to have been mislaid.’

Mr
Bell showed no surprise at this.

‘What
do
you have?’ he enquired.

‘All
manner of things. I have a copy of the
Chicken Kabbala
which contains
most extraordinary theories regarding the Creation.’

‘Perhaps
another time,’ said Cameron Bell. ‘I need to learn whatever I can about the
four reliquaries of the elements.’

‘Then
this is the book you’re looking for.’ And the librarian hefted down a mighty
tome and held it on his palm. ‘This one never ceases to amaze me,’ he said.
‘Look at the size of this book, but it is as light as a feather. How would you
explain that?’

‘I
would not think to try.’ The great detective accepted the book, all
leather-bound with clasps of gold. It certainly did not weigh any more than an
ounce.

‘I
will slip off for a cup of tea now,’ said the librarian. ‘Promise you won’t
steal anything.’

‘Of
course I promise,’ said Cameron Bell.

The
librarian smiled. ‘That is one thing I really love about being in charge of
this section,’ said he. ‘Everyone is so honest. Everyone makes me that promise.
I just wish I knew where all the books keep vanishing to.’

Mr
Bell sat himself down and studied the book. It app eared to be handwritten in
a language of which he had no knowledge. But the more he stared at the pages
before him, the more they appeared to be in English and very simple to read. Mr
Bell closed the great tome and read aloud its title.

He
returned to its text and in the simplest terms he gleaned this.

In
the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth. He brought forth the
flowers and the trees, the fish and the fowl and animals of every description.
And life he gave to Adam and Eve to tend the Garden of Eden.

But
in his wisdom God did not only create an Adam and Eve upon this Earth. So, too,
he created such a pair of first folk upon Mars, Venus and Jupiter.

Just
to be on the safe side.

To
each of these worlds God sent a tempter in the shape of a serpent to test his
Adam and Eve. On Earth, Eve failed the test.

Upon
Mars, the Martians, who were simply born evil, apparently, worshipped the
serpent. God turned their world the colour of blood.

Upon
Jupiter, the Jovians, a naturally jolly bunch and hearty eaters all, cooked up
the serpent for dinner and ate him. But God ejected them from the Garden
because of the mess they made.

Upon
Venus, it was said, their Adam and Eve resisted the serpent’s evil temptations
and God rewarded them by expanding the Garden of Eden to cover all of their
planet.

‘But
what about those reliquaries?’ asked Mr Cameron Bell.

And
he was somewhat surprised when the next page turned by itself.

It
had been God’s original intention that the inhabitants of each of his four
worlds would never know of each other’s existence, that the folk of each planet
would believe they were the chosen people of God and that no other beings
existed in all of the universe.

But
God gave free will to his people and as time passed they grew in knowledge and
eventually conquered space.

‘But
what about the reliquaries?’ asked Mr Bell once more.

The
pages of the book flicked backwards and forwards, but eventually settled down.

‘“For
in those days”,’ read Cameron Bell, ‘ “there were but four elements from which
God created all things. And God consigned to each world an element of their own
upon which they should base their meditations and their thoughts for good.

‘“For
Mars he chose the element of Fire.

‘“For
Jupiter, the element of Air.

‘“For
Venus, the element of Water.

‘“And
for Earth, the element of Earth.

‘“And
God placed a little piece of each of these elements, which were little pieces
of himself, into a Holy Casket, that it might be kept in the chief temple of
each world and venerated as a sign that God was all-seeing, all-knowing and
never too far away to notice when you got up to something naughty.

‘“God
flung the Holy Caskets out into the void of space, that they might fall upon
whichever planet they would.

‘“That
of Earth fell upon Mars.

‘“That
of Jupiter, upon Venus.

‘“That
of Mars, upon Earth.

‘“That
of Venus, upon Jupiter.

‘“And
God in his wisdom made this decision, that he would no longer have any
involvement with his creations. That they should be allowed to go about their
business and do things in their own way.”

‘
But
that
he would not allow this to go on for ever. ‘ “It was his decision that as long
as his peoples paid reverence to the Holy Caskets, he would remain aloof from
their ways. But should the four Holy Caskets ever leave their temples and be
brought together in an unhallowed place, he would know that his creations had
fallen for ever from grace and God would turn his back upon them all.”‘

‘And
what might happen then?’ asked Cameron Bell.

A
page turned and Cameron read from it.

‘“Should
these very relics of God himself be brought together in an unhallowed place,
then the Gates of Hell will be opened. And upon the turn of the next
millennium, the Evil One will be given dominion over all the worlds.”‘

‘Oh
my dear dead mother,’ said Cameron Bell. ‘But the
next millennium
— that
would be when this century turns into the next. When eighteen ninety-nine
becomes nineteen hundred. At least
that
is eighteen months away.

The
pages flicked once more.

Cameron
read once more.

‘“In
those End Times before the turn of the millennium, great evil will fall upon
the planets all. Great plagues will occur, great Empires will fall. The good
will be at evil’s mercy. And things of that nature, generally.”‘

The
book slammed shut by itself.

‘Well
indeed,’ said Cameron Bell. ‘Well now, yes indeed.’

The sleek silver
train of the New Electric Railway drew into Crystal Palace Station. Cameron
Bell gathered his luggage together and alighted from his carriage.