The Duet (13 page)

“No.” Jay set his guitar carefully into the stand, but I could tell he wasn’t nearly as calm as his actions suggested. He was as shaken as I was, and for some reason that gave me immense pleasure.

“Come on, man. You heard Darden. He totally loved it!”

“I said no. Now are we done with practice or what? I’m hungry.”

Cooper looked from Jay to me, as if I could help plead his case. I shrugged, then hurried off the stage. How could he think I knew what was going through Jay’s head?

God knows, I never did.

18

I’ve never really had my heart broken. In high school, I dated someone new at least every month; never got too attached, never wanted to.

No boy had ever had the ability to crush me, or even make me cry.

Until Jay.

When he first came back from rehab, I was nervous. But I was nervous in a good way – excited, and full of anticipation for what would happen when he got home. It never once occurred to me that he would reject me. After all those letters, and the things he said in them, I just assumed…

Well, I had been wrong.

I was planning on letting him settle in for a few days. I wanted to keep things light between us, let him know I wasn’t expecting some storybook romance just to magically happen. But all that went to hell when I saw him in the kitchen that first day. He had been about to kiss me, I just know it. But he didn’t. Something spooked him and he pulled away as if he’d been burned.

I was hurt, but I understood. He just needed time.

Several days went by, then it was a week, then two weeks. With my work schedule I barely saw him. One morning I passed him in the hall before work and he gave me a cold nod. I passed that off as pre-coffee grouchiness. Then, one night I was hanging around talking to Kate at Darden’s. The band wasn’t playing that night, and I hadn’t officially started as their opener yet. Jay came in, and he was with some girl. They appeared to be on a date. I slipped out shortly after he got there, not trusting myself to be able to hide my disappointment. By the end of the night I had convinced myself the girl he was with had just been an old friend, and that there was still hope for him and I.

I guess you could say I was in denial.

But when I saw him at a party a few days later, that same girl draped across his lap, I started to catch on. His reception of me was cold at best. We were like strangers again, and after mulling it over, I began to think that maybe someone else entirely had written those letters.

His rejection stung. I went through every possible scenario in my head, but nothing made sense. I was sad, and then I was furious at myself for being sad, and then I was furious at him for making me doubt myself.

He really did a number on me.

I let it go, knowing I would run into him often – we lived in the same apartment for God’s sake - and that it wouldn’t do anybody any good for me to be all girly and weepy whenever he was nearby.

A few nights later, I had way too much to drink, and I let Jay have it. I unloaded everything I thought of him, calling him a few choice names, getting right up in his face and even poking my finger in his chest for emphasis.

He took it all. Listened to every word I said without fighting back, or defending himself. It only pissed me off more. I wanted him to react; get mad, tell me to go to hell, something. But that stony silence and that unreachable green-eyed stare was all that I got. That and the only five words that he spoke to me; words that I would dissect for weeks, and never come any closer to understanding. “I’m not what you need.”

After that night, he and I entered in to some unspoken agreement. We would co-exist as two of Cooper’s best friends, but we would interact directly as seldom as possible. It seemed to work just fine.

Until tonight.

Singing that duet with Jay, cracked something open in me. I had held my feelings for him at bay for a long time, but that wasn’t really feasible anymore. We had a bond; it was indefinable and unexplainable, and he could deny it and run away from it all he wanted, but it would still be there.

I just wished there was a way I could make him see it.

19

Jay put the finishing touches on the song, and looked it over one last time with a critical eye. He had mixed feelings about unveiling it tonight. On one hand, he felt it was an invasion of his privacy, but on the other, he was almost relieved to finally see something he wrote come to fruition – something a little more creative than the last original of his he’d allowed to be performed on that stage. And there were no two people he trusted it more to, than Izzy and Cooper. They would do the composition justice tonight on stage; that he knew.

He handed Izzy the sheet with his changes – a chord progression in the bridge and a few tweaked lyrics – and watched her face as she looked it over. She had a blank expression, and just nodded when she was finished.

“Are you ready for this?” she asked, quietly enough so that Cooper couldn’t hear from where he was adjusting a microphone a few feet away.

“I guess I have to be,” Jay said.

She was about to say something else when the doors burst open and the rest of the band entered the club, in their usual boisterous way.

The UnAmused warmed up for about an hour, going over a few of the newer songs they’d added to the set list. Izzy sat on the stage throughout the practice, dangling her legs off the edge, with a pair of noise cancelling headphones, trying to memorize the new song. Jay was distracted the entire time, watching her concentrate on words that may or may not have been inspired by her in the first place.

When it was time for her to join the practice, Cooper threw a pick at her to get her attention. She stood up, rubbing her hands together, and gave Jay a brief glance before joining Cooper at the center of the stage. Since it was an acoustic number, the rest of the band went down to the bar to pilfer some of Darden’s liquor before he showed up and kicked their asses.

It took about three or four runs before the song was as good as it was going to get. Jay was happy with the way it sounded, but there was a little part of him that said it could have been better. Cooper’s voice was higher than Jay’s, and on the screechy side, more like the higher range of an Axl Rose. It didn’t compliment the smooth deeper tones of Izzy’s voice. But it was good enough. The crowd would love it.

Later that night, after Izzy was finished with her set, Jay was finishing up his pre-performance ritual with a leisurely cigarette.

“Does that really help?” she asked, sneaking up behind him.

He stubbed the half-burned butt out with his foot. “Does what help?”

She waved an arm around in a circle. “This whole bit you do to alleviate stage fright. Does it do any good?”

“Not really,” he said honestly. “But it makes Cooper feel better, so I do it for his sake.”

She nodded once as if that was the answer she expected him to say.

“It’s not so much that I’m afraid to perform. I just feel exposed sometimes. And I don’t like it.”

“I get it.”

“You do? But you’re the complete opposite of me. You and Cooper. You shine in a spotlight.”

“But it’s not really me that they’re seeing. It’s this persona. And because of that, I don’t feel like anyone can see anything I don’t want them to. When you’re out there, you
are
exposed, because it’s the one time you can’t hide who you really are.”

Izzy backed away, and Jay only had a moment to try and digest what she’d just said before he was summoned to the stage. For the first two songs, he tried to focus on the music, but his head kept getting twisted around Izzy. He shook it off and by the middle of the first set he was back on track, pouring his heart out into every riff and every harmonized note with Cooper. He even started to feel like he was having fun up there.

Until his best friend completely dropped a bombshell, and Jay felt his heart drop down into his boots.

“We’re gonna take it down a beat here for a minute.” The crowd started grumbling, and Cooper soldiered on. “I think you’re gonna like this one, folks. It’s been awhile since we’ve performed an original up here at the club, but tonight, as an extra special treat, we’re gonna hear Izzy and The UnAmused’s own Jay Archer team up for a song that will surely knock your socks off! So give it up for Izzy Delaney and that somber hooligan with the mad guitar skills, performing an original song called “Don’t”. Come on, people. Let me feel some love!”

The crowd went absolutely bonkers, but all Jay could see was Izzy walking out on stage with a smile pasted on her face, but a deer in the headlights look in her eyes. He barely had time to be downright terrified over the fact that he was about to sing in front of a crowd for the first time ever, or that the song he was going to sing was so deeply personal to him, he wasn’t sure he could do it. Someone carried two stools out to the middle of the stage, another person handed him his acoustic guitar and the microphones were adjusted as he blindly sat next to Izzy.

There was no way out of this.

The audience settled down, and the club was about as quiet as it could possibly get when more than three hundred people filled the space. He knew they were waiting for him to begin, but his hands felt like stone against the smooth finish of his guitar. He knew better than to look at Izzy, but he could feel her looking at him, waiting with everyone else, to see what he would do.

As if he had risen out of his own body and someone else had taken over, he began to play the intro. Izzy’s voice came in on cue, strong and confident, pulling out all the stops with inflection that dripped emotion. He joined in at the tail end of the first verse, then they sang the first chorus together, and still he managed to look anywhere but at her face.

He bent his head low over his guitar, then raised his head with his eyes closed as his verse began. He stopped worrying what everyone would think or how they might judge him, and he sang as if he and Izzy were the only ones in the room. As if she – the intended recipient – was the only one to hear his words.

I’m not what you need

Can’t be what you’re hoping for

Her voice joined his again, but this time it sounded different; more raw, less steady. He finally let himself look at her and his heart nearly stopped.

Don’t leave, don’t stay

Don’t push me away

Don’t smile, don’t cry

Don’t say goodbye

Don’t think you can fix me

Don’t try

That connection that he’d always suspected they had with one another, was more evident than ever. Only this time he felt trapped; a prisoner to those pale lavender eyes that seemed to look right past all his walls, deep into his soul.

It made sense after all. She knew him better than anyone. He had written things to her about himself that he had never spoken aloud, nor even hinted to anyone else; including his clueless shrink who’d patted himself on the back for “fixing” Jay during his stint at rehab. As if anyone as messed up as he was, could be fixed in just six weeks.

The song ended and there was a weird moment where no one reacted. He barely noticed though, as he sat there like a statue staring into Izzy’s face. And then pandemonium broke loose. The crowd was screaming and cheering, and Cooper was patting him on the back and hugging Izzy, who collapsed against him like a rag doll. The rest of the band came back out and took their places. The stools were whisked away, and Jay’s other guitar was delivered. The next song started and they were off.

But Jay didn’t miss the look on Izzy’s face as she ran off the stage and disappeared into the crowd. She was as affected as he was by that song.

20

When Jay opened his apartment door on Sunday morning to go for a run, the last thing he expected was to have flashbulbs going off in his face. He was pulling on a t-shirt as he opened the door, and he froze for a moment on the threshold, completely dumbfounded – a perfect photo opportunity for those who made a living at that sort of thing – before coming to his senses and slamming the door behind him.

“What the fuck!”

Cooper chose that moment to walk out of his bedroom, yawning and scratching himself unselfconsciously.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, reaching for the orange juice in the frig, which he drank out of the container.

“There’re people outside there. People taking pictures. Of me, for Christ sake. Why would anyone take a picture of me leaving my apartment for a run on a Sunday morning?”

“No shit, really?” Cooper put the juice down, and ran over to the window. As soon as he parted the blinds, Jay could see the activity pick up outside. They must’ve seen him. But why were they even there?

Cooper ran into his room and came back out seconds later with his laptop flipped open. “Dude, this can’t be right,” he said.

Jay narrowed his eyes at his friend. Somehow he knew that he wasn’t going to like the answer to his next question. “What did you do?”

Cooper didn’t look up, and he didn’t answer right away. “Four hundred fifty-two thousand views,” he muttered.

Jay snatched the laptop away from him, and immediately went pale. There, playing on the screen in bold living color, was his performance with Izzy at the club last night. And sure enough, the YouTube video had close to a half a million views and was climbing as he sat there watching in horror.