The Dragon and the Pearl (18 page)

‘You don’t have to wait for me any longer.’

Suyin smiled, not detecting the true intent of his words. These insignificant snatches of conversation always seemed to make her happy. She leaned against the edge of the table, revealing a glimpse of ivory skin where the robe parted. He wanted to reach out and pull her on to his lap, let his hands roam beneath the silk that barely covered her.

He rested his fingers gently over her wrist. ‘Do something for me.’

For a second, her breath caught. ‘Anything.’

There were so many things he wanted from her. Everything between heaven and earth, in this life and the next.

‘I am sending Auntie and the others away. You must go with them.’

Her wistful smile faded. ‘No.’

‘It’s not safe here.’

‘I thought I was safe when I left the palace, but my enemies found me.’

He pressed against the space between his eyes. The ache there had become a constant throb. ‘There is nothing more important to me than knowing you’re far away from danger.’

This had to be done. He needed the freedom to think and plan and act. He couldn’t worry about the people under his protection. He couldn’t keep thinking of Suyin and what she meant to him. To face the approaching enemy, he needed to stand alone. With nothing to lose.

‘Auntie will not go unless you do,’ he said.

‘Bastard.’

He knew he had her. ‘You’re clever and resourceful. You’ll always know what to do.’

He started going through the logistics: the route they would take, the cache of gold and silver he would send with them.

‘I can be of use to you in Chengdu,’ she argued.

‘I believe it.’ He looked up and watched the firelight dance over her face. ‘But that’s not what you are to me.’

Her fingers tightened over the edge of the desk. Her eyes glistened, but she held back the tears with a fierceness that shook him. He had never desired her more.

‘First you demanded one night, then a month,’ she accused. ‘Stay when you tell me to stay, go when you say to go.’

‘I always had the better part of the deal.’

He was going to win this battle. He’d planned his attack with careful precision, but Suyin switched tactics.

‘You think I don’t know what you’re doing.’ The softest of threats lurked beneath her silken tone. She ran her finger along the part of the robe, offering him a scant hint of skin, the tantalizing rise of her breast just beyond sight.

‘You’re trying to tell yourself what we had was nothing. That you were only seeking diversion.’

‘I wouldn’t lie to myself like that. Or to you.’

What they had was everything, but even perfect moments were meant to pass. His heart threatened to punch a hole through his chest. He sat back, his hands rounding over the arms of the chair while she stood over him. He could reach for Suyin and tear that scrap of silk from her. He could bury his face into the valley of her breasts and take his fill, but it would destroy them both if he held on to her.

‘There was only one thing I was ever certain of with you,’ she went on sadly. Her hand slipped beneath the edge of the robe, where he wanted desperately to go. ‘You want this body. If I were truly wicked, I could make you keep me with you. I could seduce and beg and you’d say yes.’

Desire roughened his voice. ‘It was always more. I didn’t want it to be, but you were always more than that.’

His shaft grew thick as he watched the silhouette of her fingers circling, making him ache with each slow pass over her nipple. He wanted to close his mouth around her like that, run his tongue against the hard little peak and suckle her breasts through the maddening barrier of cloth until she demanded his hands on her, inside her.

She removed her hand. Her scent swirled around him, the faint hint of jasmine and the feminine musk of her skin.

‘I don’t want to go.’

‘You must.’

She was breathing hard, cheeks flushed, her eyes dark and illuminated with passion. And beneath it all, she was angry. ‘You told yourself one night would be enough. Then it was one month. What are you telling yourself now?’

She climbed over him, her thighs parting over his lap, an offering and a challenge. The blood pounded in his ears and his body grew painfully tight, straining towards her. His next breath would not come.

‘That you are beautiful beyond words, Ling Suyin.’

‘Promise me you’ll come for us.’

The muscle along his jaw tightened. He said nothing. This was always meant to end. He had set boundaries to assure that, but Suyin challenged him. She defied him. He reached for her and cradled her cheek against his palm, but she twisted away. She didn’t want his tenderness.

‘Promise,’ she pleaded.

‘I’ll try.’

His half-attempt at a vow rang hollow in the chamber. He had only spoken out of weakness—weakness for her and a distant longing that refused to let go. Suyin squeezed her eyes shut and nodded, forcing herself to accept.

He kissed her then with his hands buried in the endless river of her hair, too hungry to be gentle. She moaned against him and he drank in the sound. He invaded her mouth with his tongue, pushing inside her, kissing her until she went weak against him.

Her hips sank lower, grinding her soft weight against his arousal. Her arms circled his shoulders to cling to him. The seductress slipped away and he could see the fear in her eyes. For once, she did nothing to hide the vulnerability. She reached down to pull apart his robe and loosen the ties on his trousers.

‘Wait—’ He tried to stop her, but she wouldn’t let him. Soon he was sliding against her damp flesh in a streak of unbearable pleasure.

His hands dug into her waist to hold her away while his body begged to sink into her.

‘Is Ling Suyin your true name?’ Suddenly he needed to know.

‘They gave me this name.’ A look of sadness crossed her face. ‘I don’t even remember what I was called before Luoyang. And you?’

‘Tao. Just Tao.’

Her fingers circled his shaft. Gripping her hips, he slid into her in one smooth, deep stroke, and she let out a purring moan as he penetrated endlessly into the snug heat of her channel. Soft, sweet music. Her body resisted the thick invasion before yielding and stretching around him. Her back arched. A muted sound of surrender caught in her throat as she lowered herself fully, fitting her hips against his. Heaven.

He searched her face as she rode him, a pool of shadows with the candlelight behind her. Once again he was in Luoyang, looking up with yearning at the lighted windows, hearing the laughter. He never imagined that nameless urchin would one day hold the most beautiful creature in the world in his arms.

Before long, his climax was upon him, surging through him. He reached for her, her breast filling his palm as he came in ragged bursts, pouring his essence deep into her.

He remained inside, wanting more even as his strength wound down. The position became awkward once their passion was spent. Suyin sank her head against his shoulder and he stayed like that longer than he planned, listening to her breathing until it slowed.

Boundaries. He needed to remember, but he wanted to forget.

Chapter Eighteen

L
i Tao carried her from the study back to his bedchamber. They made love again, then he held her until she drifted. Not long after her eyes closed, he rose from the bed. She stirred awake as well. There could be no rest for either of them.

The spot beside her was still warm and she could hear Li Tao moving about the room. With a murmur of protest, she entrenched herself beneath the blanket. She didn’t want to open her eyes and find that it was morning. She wasn’t ready.

‘Is it light outside?’ she asked.

‘The moon is still out.’

She sighed with relief and rolled on to her stomach. The room was dim, lit by a single oil candle placed upon the bedside table. She searched for him through the halo of light. He wore loose fitting trousers and the flicker of light danced over his bare torso. Beautiful in form.

He came to sit beside her on the bed and placed something on to the table. It appeared to be a thin bamboo instrument atop a folded cloth.

‘What is that?’

‘A needle and ink.’

She started to rise, but he eased her back to the bed, his hand rubbing slow circles over the curve of her back.

‘It’s all right.’

She closed her eyes and savoured the sensual brush of his palm. ‘What is my mysterious lover scheming?’

He propped one knee on to the bed and lowered his voice even though they were alone. ‘Will you allow me to inscribe a mark on your skin?’ His palm rose gently along her spine to rest over the plane of her left shoulder. ‘Here.’

She held her breath before releasing it slowly. ‘The same design that you have?’

‘In essence. I’m not as skilled an artist.’ His fingertip traced a curved pattern against her shoulder, sending a lazy shiver down her spine. ‘The pain is not much. The needle only stings slightly.’

The pain of it was the least of her worries. Within hours, she’d be gone. Li Tao would ride out to the front line and the mansion would be locked down and abandoned. Could she allow him to brand her for ever with the mark of thieves and assassins?

She turned away and pressed her cheek against the mattress. ‘You ask too much.’

‘It’s for your protection. I have one enemy more persistent than Shen or Gao.’

His hand grew still, resting possessively against the curve of her back. Li Tao was sending his most trusted bodyguards with her along with an armed escort, but she didn’t want to be protected. She wanted to stay and hold on to what she had, despite the risk.

‘You think your Old Man will come after me?’

‘He’ll try, once I’m gone.’

His answer made her insides go cold. ‘Don’t talk like that.’

He tensed beside her, but said nothing. His fingertips stroked her hair and the stillness between them overwhelmed her. This was the only sign of permanence he’d ever offered. She was glad that her face was turned away so he couldn’t see the tear that escaped down her cheek

She wiped it away and twisted to face him. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’ll wear your mark.’

He nodded and turned his attention to the items on the table. With a sense of ritual, he poured a few drops of water on to the flat stone dish and then lifted the ink stick. He ground the charcoal mixture in circular motions to yield a pool of glossy black liquid.

With careful fingers, he brushed her hair from the back of her neck, combing it to one side. She shivered as the strands tickled across her skin. He moved fully on to the bed and his thigh brushed against the outside of hers as he positioned himself.

His breath fanned warm over her as he planted a kiss against her shoulder. Then he reached for the thin bamboo quill. The end of it tapered to a point and she caught the gleam of several small needles at the end.

He smoothed his hand down the line of her spine. ‘Lay flat.’

She obeyed, folding her arms beneath her head as a pillow. There was nothing to do but accept. He ran one hand over the area beneath her shoulder and then paused with fingers outstretched to pull the skin tight. She winced when the needles bit into her, but remained still, anchored by his hold.

He stopped the motion of the instrument. ‘How are you?’

She gasped. ‘You startled me.’

‘Breathe through it. The sting will fade.’

Perhaps on tough hide like his. He moved the bamboo stick a fraction inwards and stabbed again and then again, repeating the motion. She pressed her cheek against her arm, her eyes squeezed shut. The sharp pricks continued until the pain coalesced into a burning sensation. She wavered between asking him to stop so she could catch her breath or remaining silent so it would be over quicker.

The needle stabbed up and down in a rapid staccato, boring the black ink beneath her skin. Her fingers dug into the soft flesh of her upper arms. She tried to concentrate on the scritch-scratch sound of the instrument to distract herself.

Li Tao wiped at her skin with the cloth and then continued. Little by little, the sharp sting of the needles began to blur. The pain never faded, but it receded to the edge of awareness as her body acclimated. The muscles of her back loosened and accepted the pain.

Soon the pain floated above her body, replaced by a warm halo that curled throughout her limbs. With a sigh, she let her head sink in the cradle of her arms. The sensations melded together: the searing prick of the needle, Li Tao’s firm but careful hand on her.

His fingertips stroked lightly between her shoulder blades. ‘Am I hurting you?’

‘It’s not so bad.’

As the burning receded, every other sense grew sharper. Her skin became suffused with warmth. Her breathing slowed to match the steady draw of his above her. She wanted to curl into his touch. Li Tao’s hard thighs straddled either side of her while she lay naked beneath him. The feeling of being sheltered overwhelmed her and it was impossible to deny the sensuality of the experience.

She wished she could see his expression, but she didn’t dare move while he drew the dragon into her. She closed her eyes and surrendered into the jumble of emotions that swirled through her, not at all surprised when her skin warmed and her sex grew damp with longing as the needles continued their relentless path over her. But it would only torment her if they made love again. She would always want one last time.

‘I am in love with you,’ she said when he was done. They didn’t look at one another. ‘You must know that already.’

He spoke after a heavy silence. ‘No. I did not.’

There would be no poetry or words of great feeling. Li Tao was more complicated than words allowed. Her love for him was the same; she couldn’t say when it had begun or when she had stopped pretending. When it had become more important to protect him, than to be protected by him.

She breathed in his scent and tried to capture the feel of being close to him. The design was complete and soon it would be time to go. The mark stung upon her shoulder blade, but she welcomed the pain. She hoped the memory of it, and of Li Tao’s hands on her, would last long into the journey.

Only hours later, Suyin stood outside the mansion. The rest of the household was gathered there as well. The span of the bamboo forest engulfed them. A temporary shelter waving farewell with the breeze. All of their belongings had been stowed away in two wagons. Servants didn’t own many possessions. Suyin realised she didn’t have much of anything either. It was the same as it had been when Li Tao had first come for her by the river.

Li Tao helped Auntie on to the back of the main wagon, seating her beneath the awning rigged to provide shade. They would be packed in amongst the trunks and supplies. It appeared as if they were simply preparing for a trip to the market except for the armed escort assembled around them.

Suyin stood beside the caravan as the last of the goods were loaded, wanting to hold back the inevitable as long as possible. It seemed they all moved slower. Cook inspected the sacks of rice over and over before climbing on to the driver’s seat and Jun took more time than usual using his good arm to hoist himself up beside Cook.

The mark still burned, her skin raw beneath the thin material of her robe. Every twinge reminded her of Li Tao’s mindful touch and the tender pressure of his lips against her back. He had marked her as his, only to send her away. The ache of loss overwhelmed her and she had to look away. She wouldn’t show any tears. Not when he could carry about unmoved, without a trace of emotion.

This was just his way, she told herself. An impassive face to the world that challenged him. But he erected the same wall against her, despite all their nights and mornings and moments.

Wang and the elite guards flanked the supply carts on horseback. An additional armed escort of twenty men would take them beyond the bamboo sea to the southernmost corner of the province. Li Tao was sending his most trusted bodyguards with her and leaving himself unprotected.

That was nonsense. Li Tao had an army of thousands at his command. He didn’t need these swordsmen at his side. He didn’t need her.

‘Lady Ling.’

Li Tao crouched on the bed of the wagon, holding his hand out to her. So they were done. There was nothing left to wait for. She placed her hand into his and her heart sank as his fingers closed around hers. He pulled her upwards. The arm that circled her waist was unnecessary, but welcome. She leaned against him to savour a final moment of closeness. She hoped that she had said everything in the night, with words and without, because there was no time now. And she couldn’t form any thoughts.

‘Please be careful.’

His gaze fixed on to her as hard and unyielding as ever. But there was darkness there, a flicker of pain that was only a mere echo of what she felt inside. He didn’t speak as he led her to sit beside Auntie. Then he only said her name once, low so only she could hear, as he brushed back her hair.

He turned and lowered himself from the wagon. His boots landed with a solid thud on to the packed dirt road. She followed his every movement as he walked to the front of the wagon.

‘Take care of them,’ he told Jun. The boy straightened an inch and nodded.

She knew at any moment the wagon would lurch forwards and the mansion would disappear in the distance. Her mind had woven that picture into her dreams throughout the night. She scrambled forwards to lean over the front of the wagon.

Surely she would have something to say to him. Something that could help. She had conversed with philosophers and diplomats and generals.

‘Li Tao.’

She didn’t have to call him. He was already watching her. He stood tall and starkly handsome and immovable. No matter how hard she searched, Li Tao never showed any sign of doubt or regret. His expression remain stern and fixed, so much like the late Emperor Li Ming, her once protector. A man who had irrevocably decided his fate and was living on borrowed time.

‘There is nothing honourable about fighting to the death,’ she beseeched him.

‘You already know I’m not an honourable man.’

The wagon lurched forwards, the wheels groaning beneath the weight of them. A muffled sniff came from Auntie’s side. Suyin looked back, as she always did.

Li Tao remained alone in the centre of the road with the curtain of bamboo behind him. She forced her gaze away before he became nothing but a dark shape in the distance. Her life had been a string of unwanted journeys, from the humble river bend to the imperial palace. She wanted to believe that this time she would be able to return home, that fate would allow her to come back to find it unchanged.

The ache inside her took over as the mansion disappeared from view. She stared down at her lap, her own hands feeling like they weren’t a part of her anymore.

They were going to a remote village. Cook’s family would take them in and they could disappear amongst the fields of rice and yams. Li Tao believed they would be safer there than walled inside one of the fortress cities under military control.

Now that the journey was underway, the silence became unbearable. Suyin needed some distraction. At least until they were far enough away that she knew Li Tao couldn’t come after them. Until then, she harboured a desperate hope. She kept looking behind them, imagining the sound of hoof-beats in the distance.

Auntie gripped Suyin’s hand tight and she laid her head against the old woman’s shoulder. Auntie never spoke of any children. Certainly her protectiveness toward Li Tao was much like a mother’s love.

‘Sleep,’ Auntie cooed. ‘You look tired.’

Suyin had barely closed her eyes all night. She and Li Tao had been greedy for every last moment together.

‘Maybe a week from here,’ Cook said from the driver’s seat. ‘I’ll make the Lady some special yam noodles when we get there.’

They were trying so valiantly to cheer her. She realised then that she wasn’t alone this time. Li Tao had sent more than his bodyguards. He’d sent the only family he had while he stayed behind.

The day ebbed away in stretches of silence. Cook and Auntie begged her to tell stories about the imperial palace. She described the lake and the plum blossoms in the spring, the great halls that towered over gleaming stone courtyards, making it sound like a faraway place among the clouds. There were thousands of these stories in her head about emperors and concubines and crafty servants.

‘Not these fables.’ Jun’s protest surprised her. ‘Tell us one of your stories, Lady Ling. About something exciting that happened to you.’

He leaned over from the front of the wagon eagerly, gripping the wooden plank for balance.

‘My life was very ordinary, young Jun. I walked about the palace and looked pretty. The Emperor’s caged bird.’

‘What of the insurrection? The palace was under siege for days.’

There was a gleam in Jun’s eye she had never seen before. Auntie shushed him for prying.

‘There is nothing exciting about rebellion.’ Suyin met the youth’s gaze. ‘I was very frightened. The August Emperor was dead and armed men took the inner palace by force. I thought I would be killed.’

‘For the secrets you kept.’

Jun didn’t wait for her response. Satisfied, he turned around to take the reins from Cook.