The Devlin Deception: Book One of The Devlin Quatrology (48 page)

“I know, Ron; you've talked about that as long as I've known
you. Not sure if SecDef is a good fit. But I'll think about it.”

“Cool. Have you seen Ned and Joan?”

“I think they got in last week.”

“Ken and Marsha?”

“Haven't seen 'em yet.”

“Norm and Janet?”

“I think they're on a cruise this week.”

“Dave and Pat?”

“Who?”

“Dave and Pat, from New Jersey; they sit over near the stairs
when they're here.”

“Can't place 'em; don't know.”

“We got in on Thursday.”

“Good for you.”

“Had to unpack and get all settled in or we woulda gotten to
the beach yesterday.”

“Ah, well. The beach survived.”

“Yeah, we had to get the A/C cleaned, and Jenny wanted to get
some baking done. Too bad the rest of the gang isn't here. I can't
eat all that stuff.” He patted his beer belly.

“I'm sure you'll find something to do with it.”

“Excuse me, Jake, Ron. I'm going to go talk with Jenny,”
Pam cut in.

“Okay,” Jake said. Pam got up and walked up toward Ron's
wife, who was sitting about ten feet west of the Mimosa twins, who
shifted one of their beach bags slightly. Ron's eyes followed Pam's
swiveling bright red bikini bottom, then reverted to Jake when Pam
sat down in Ron's chair.

“How about Paul and Evelyn? Have they come down yet?”

“Haven't seen 'em.”

“George? Will? Lucy? Bill? Peggy? Barbara 1? Barbara 2?”

“Nope, nope, yup, nope, nope, nope and nope. Okay, Ron, time's
up. Into the water for me. Have a nice day.” Jake got up,
grabbed his bag and noodles and headed to the Gulf. A few minutes
later, Pam joined him with her noodle, wrapping her legs lightly
around his, running the tops of her feet up and down his shins.

“She seems nice, and she really loves baking. But he is kind
of an arrogant jerk.”

“Oh, he's tolerable, especially with Jenny's brownies to
balance him off.”

“What was that about the brownies buying him a minute?”

“I set that up last winter. Told him the only reason I
tolerated him was because of Jenny's baking.”

“To his face?”

“Yep. But with a laugh, and after a lot of setting him up to
be able to take it. You know, that guy thing of calling each other
names.”

“Oh, yeah. Clever.”

“No big deal. He's also an Obamabot, so I tease him on that,
too.”

“Oh, I'd like to see that sometime.”

“I'll make sure you're here next time I do that.”

“Cool.”

“Not too bad; it's about 82 degrees, according to the TV.”

“What?”

“Weren't you talking about the water temp?”

“Oh, no, Jake; I was – oh, you got me.” She
chuckled.

“Yup, gotcha. Probably another month of noodleable water …
for me, at least.”

“How cold does it get in the winter?”

“Lowest I've seen was 58 degrees. Last February. When I was
up in Boston, we thought that was warm.”

“Ooooo; I don't know. Sounds cold to me.”

“Tourists and snowbirds, especially the Canadians and Germans,
go in and think it's fine.”

“I think I'll have to try it then.”

“Oh, I got an email from Marti and Dave; they're having their
boat parade party in December and we're invited.”

“Marti and Dave?”

“Fishbuster Charters. Remember that T-shirt you had on at –
wherever it was we met when --”

“Oh, right; I liked the name. What day in December?”

“I think it's the 17th, a Saturday.”

“Uh-oh. I think I have a thing with O-P around that time.”

“Oh. On the 17th?”

“I'm not sure; I wrote it on my calendar. It may be that week,
or it may be a week earlier. I'll check.”

“I hope it is; you'll like Marti … and Dave, too. Nice,
genuine people.”

“Do you like to fish?”

“Me? Nah.”

“Me neither. But some folks love it.”

“To each his own.”

“Or her own.”

“Right.

“So what's going on with O-P?”

“I don't know if I can talk about it.”

“Oh, okay. No problem.”

“Uh-oh; behind you, Jake.”

“Have you accepted Jaysus as your lord and savior?” a
female voice intoned from behind Jake as he swiveled on his noodles
in response to Pam's alert.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“Have you accepted Jaysus as your lord and savior?” she
asked again, more pointedly.

“Ma'am, if we have, that is our personal business,” Pam
said over Jake's shoulder, “and we prefer to keep it to
ourselves.”

“But if you don't, you will go straight to --”

“Ma'am,” Pam interrupted, “while I respect your
right to your own opinion, I hope that you will show the same respect
to my choice not to hear it.”

“But --”

“Ma'am,” Pam said in her commanding tone, “please
find someone else to talk to … now.”

Shaken, the woman backed away in the waist-deep water and took her
boogie board with her as she looked for another mark.

Jake bit his tongue until the woman was out of earshot.

“Wow, Pam, that was very cool.”

“Learned that a long time ago, in a place far, far away. 1994
or '95, Nashville, Tennessee. I was undercover there, got a lot of
that kind of stuff. Had to develop a response of some sort.”

“Ah. You know, I may have to use that, if that's okay?

“For Donne? Sure.”

“You know, I have one, too, but I've never had the guts to try
it.”

“And?”

“Well, if someone came up and said, 'Have you accepted Jesus,'
I'd say, if I had the guts, 'Accepted? Hell, I pay him and his
cousins Joe-zay and Joo-awn twenty bucks a month to cut my lawn.'”

“Oh, Jake,” Pam said, laughing, “that would take
guts.”

“Hell, I'd probably get another death threat.”

“Maybe two of 'em.”

“Oh, right; could be two. Geez. Oh, thanks for getting O-P to
help with those. Helped set my mind at ease … a bit, at
least.”

“They were happy to do it; they do that sort of research every
day, and even a bit better than the Service did when I was in that
division.”

“Got a few more of those last night.”

“Really? Same kind or more serious?”

“Same kind, just ranting. I'm not too worried about those.
Just those four or five in the original bunch.”

“Stay paranoid, my friend.”

“Oh, Pam, believe me, I am. Wish I knew how to do it better.”

“Maybe I can show you some stuff.”

“I like it when you show me your stuff.”

“Oh, geez, set you up again,” Pam said, chuckling.

“How about we try some of Jenny's brownies?”

“Sounds good,” Pam said.

As they headed toward the shore, they noticed the Jaysus woman
talking with Sonya, the Blabberator.

“Oh, I'd love to be a fly on the wall for that one,” Jake
said.

“Oh, yeah,” Pam said, chuckling.

“Y'know, Pam, one thing I never understood about religion is
why people have to put human characteristics on their god figures.”

Pam thought a moment and then said, “Anthropomorphism? My
guess? Because people need to have a daddy figure or a mommy figure
to be dependent on, so they don't ever have to take personal
responsibility for their lives, just live kind of like perpetual
toddlers.”

“Hmm,” Jake said. “That makes some sense.”

“And then the hierarchy can get people to give them stuff --”

“Like money.”

“-- like money, to feed their dependency needs.”

“Hmm. Or votes.”

As they got settled and started in on Jenny's brownies, Jake said,
“You're not gonna repeat that fake orgasm thing for these, are
you?”

“Oh, I never fake it with you, Jake. No, I promise. But these
are really scrumptious.”

“They do sorta balance Ron off, don't they?”

“Oh, yeah; definitely worth a minute of jerkdom. Mmmmm.”

Jake and Pam both caught Jenny's eye and gave her okay and thumbs-up
signs, as well as big smiles, parts of which had brownie bits
covering a few teeth. Ron was squeaking at some stranger and didn't
see.

A moment later, Pam said, “Jake, you promise you'll take the
zombie stuff out, right?”

“Promise.”

-100-

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

1:53 p.m.

The White House

via a 24-hour news channel

“Additionally, I have ordered the FBI to detain all the bosses
of the stagehands union and any other associated unions and bring
them here to DC. They will be here shortly, I'm told, and I will be
reading them the riot act and ensuring that the lights will be back
on on Broadway tomorrow afternoon. They are in direct violation of
Directives 27 and 33, the no-strike and no-encourage-to-strike
directives. Okay. Yes?

“Alicia ____, ____. Mr. Donne, with your ban on outdoor
smoking bans, are you not encouraging people to smoke and do harm to
themselves and others with secondhand smoke?

“No, Alicia, I am not. What I am doing with that is removing
oppressive and over-reaching behavioral control regulations by local
and state regulators who seem to be overly power-hungry. What they
can do and I would support is encourage people to quit when and if
they want to, through education, information and persuasion, but not
to bring the heavy hand of government down on their behavior and
criminalizing it or subjecting it to civil penalties, such as fines.

“Let me parallel that with the abortion issue. If the churches
want to prohibit their members from having abortions, I have no
problem with that, nor with them evangelizing and trying to get
people to convert to their point of view. However, again, their
beliefs have no place in creating public policy for others who do not
share their belief system.

“In fact, as of yesterday, I have ordered all jurisdictions
that have fined anyone for outdoor smoking, ever, to refund whatever
fines they have collected, and, in addition, to double that refund
for the inconvenience and harm done to the victims of these petty
little power-hungry bureaucrats.”

Donne looked at the camera directly. “So if you were ever
fined or punished for smoking outdoors, you are entitled to a refund
of double whatever you paid, no matter how it's characterized, be it
as court costs, the fine itself or any other costs, including lost
work time, bond fees, et cetera, et cetera. Okay. Yes?

“Alyssa _____, ___ --”

“Hold on a second, please. Alyssa?”

“Yes, Mr. Donne?”

“And Alicia?”

“Alicia, yes, Mr. Donne.”

“Are you related to each other?”

“No, Mr. Donne,” said Alyssa.

“No, sir,” said Alicia.

“Okay; just wanted to check on that. Go ahead, Alyssa.”

“Thank you, Mr. Donne.

“Alyssa, _____, ______. You have fired a lot of federal
employees in the past three months. Do you expect to keep on doing
that?”

“Absolutely, Alyssa. We are going through every department,
every agency, every nook and cranny, and every day we find new
pointless paper-pushing positions to eliminate. I would expect that
you'll see about 150,000 job losses in those positions each month for
the next several months. So people who are 4P'ers, in Pointless
Paper-Pushing Positions, be prepared to get your pink slips.”
Okay. Yes?”

“Robin ____, _____. Mr. Donne, we have only seen you either in
the Oval Office or this room. Do you leave the White House at all?”

“Actually, Robin, no, I haven't left this building since I
bought the country, for three main reasons.

“First, I've got an awful lot of work to do, and I'm sort of a
happy workaholic, other than those previously scheduled state dinners
that I have to do; luckily, I've only had to do two of them so far,
and I plan to do only three more this year. I'm not big on ceremony
and fake diplomacy, and foreign leaders are starting to get the
message on that. I'm a brass tacks kind of guy, and I can get more
done with ten minutes of heavy thinking and two direct phone calls
than with twenty big get-togethers.

“B, I don't need a lot of entertainment and distraction, and I
don't need a lot of back-slapping, hand-shaking, Mr. Happy kind of
stuff, and I think the people are comfortable with me looking out for
them from right here.

“And 3, my security people, including the Secret Service, tell
me that, although the people in general are genuinely supportive of
my policies, the power guys that have been displaced or disgraced are
still pretty pissed off at me for pulling the rug out from under
their dirty greedy games, so many of them are apparently gunning for
me, figuratively and literally, and my people have strongly suggested
that I stay here to make it easier for them to do their job of
protecting me. And for the time being, I will defer to their
judgment.

“By the way, all these assassination plots are pretty stupid,
since even if I die, my policies and directives live on. I've got a
good team behind me, ready to take over and make sure they continue
to be implemented. So the usual rational reasons for assassination,
stopping something from happening or getting a block to something
happening out of the way, won't apply. Irrational reasons, like
revenge, of course --”

Donne paused, pressed his ear and appeared to be listening to
something possibly coming through an invisible earpiece.

“Okay. Time for one more. Yes?”

“Susan ____, _____. Mr. Donne, are you an atheist?”

“Susan, I have no problem with you or anybody asking that
question, but it is one that I will not answer. My religious
beliefs, if I have any, are my personal business, and whatever they
may be, they have absolutely nothing to do with how I set public
policy. That would be pretty hypocritical of me if they did,
wouldn't it, now?

“Okay, gang, that's it for today. I've got to go get the
lights on Broadway shining again. Thanks for coming, all.”

The news channel returned to the talking heads as Donne left the
press room.