The Desperate Bride’s Diet Club (35 page)

She flung her handbag under her desk and slumped into her chair, seemingly the first of the department to arrive.

‘Hiya,’ mumbled
Anthony as he came in a few minutes later.

This was as much as anyone would get out of him until at least half past nine. He switched on his monitor and hugged a can of Red Bull close to his chest.

Wendy was next to arrive. ‘Oh my God!’ she screeched as she stared at Violet. ‘Your hair’s bloody gorgeous!’

Anthony clutched his head at the shrieking.

‘What’s all the noise about?’ said Julie,
taking off her scarf as she approached her desk.

‘Look at Violet’s hair!’ said Wendy.

Julie nodded. ‘Looks good, girl.’

Violet blushed at the fuss and wished the hotline would ring so she didn’t have to cope with the attention. But, as luck would have it, the phone stayed quiet.

‘Where did you have it done?’ asked Wendy. ‘You’ve had loads off.’

‘Toni and Guy,’ mumbled Violet.

She began to
print out the report of hotline calls that Mark wanted each Monday morning. The printer sprang into life and she stood next to it whilst it spewed out her report. Then she walked into Mark’s office.

As it was so quiet, she had assumed he wasn’t in yet. But to her surprise, he was already there, typing on his keyboard.

He glanced up briefly as Violet entered his office and then did a double take.
‘Wow,’ he said, his eyes wide open. ‘You look fantastic.’

Violet blushed and was grateful when she heard the hotline ring. ‘The phone’s ringing,’ she mumbled.

‘It’s a call centre,’ Mark told her. ‘The phone’s always ringing. Let someone else get it for once.’

Violet hopped from one foot to the other, mortified by the way he was staring at her.

‘Smile, for God’s sake, will you?’ he told her.
‘You look great.’

Their hands touched as she handed over the paperwork. Their eyes briefly met before she scuttled out of the office back to the safety of her phone.

The hotline kept her busy all that morning. Mark had been hovering quite a bit so she escaped out into the fresh air at lunchtime, grateful to escape. Her feet led her to the alleyway where Nonna’s delicatessen was situated but
she walked on. She couldn’t face Nonna’s friendly face today. She was afraid she would burst into tears.

Instead, she headed towards the Alzheimer’s Society shop.

She pushed the door open and went in.

Kathy was on her knees, organising some shoes into their various sizes. She lifted her head to greet the new customer and her face spread into a massive smile.

‘Blimey! Look at you!’

‘Hi,’ said
Violet with a small smile.

‘Maggie! Come here! Violet’s gone all trendy on us!’

Maggie poked her head round the door to the back room and her mouth fell open.

‘You look amazing!’ she said, coming to stand next to Kathy.

‘Toni and Guy?’ asked Kathy, getting up.

Violet nodded.

Maggie fumbled in her pocket for her mobile phone. ‘I must take a photo for Lucy.’ She held up the phone in front
of her. ‘Give us a smile, then.’

But Violet’s face disintegrated into tears. Kathy and Maggie looked at each other for a split second before
coming
to stand next to Violet and giving her a group hug.

‘What’s the matter?’ asked Kathy.

‘Is it Sebastian?’ asked Maggie.

Violet nodded between sobs. ‘Everything’s wrong. He hates my hair. He hates my new look.’

Kathy gave Violet’s shoulders a squeeze.
‘But you look fantastic.’

‘I think he hates me.’

‘Of course he doesn’t,’ said Maggie in a firm tone. ‘Besides, you’re so much happier now.’

‘I know,’ said Violet, with a sniff. ‘But I’m not really. It’s all going wrong.’

‘I’m sure it’s pre-wedding jitters,’ said Kathy. ‘Every bride has a minor meltdown before the big day. And you’ve only a couple of months to go. It’s not surprising.’

‘She’s
right,’ said Maggie. ‘Try not to fret, love.’

Violet wiped her eyes and nodded. They were right. It was just the wedding getting to her.

‘Anyway, you think you’ve got problems,’ said Kathy, rolling her eyes. ‘I’ve got this stupid fancy dress party at the weekend.’

‘What party?’ asked Violet, grateful for the change of subject.

‘Edward’s cricket club are having a party and he’s asked Kathy
to go with him,’ Maggie told her.

‘Just as friends,’ added Kathy quickly.

Maggie nudged her in the ribs with her elbow. ‘Yeah, right.’ She looked at Violet. ‘He was in here yesterday, putting the shelves up for us and where was Kathy? At home with some mystery ailment.’

‘It was a twenty-four-hour thing’ said Kathy. ‘I don’t know why you don’t believe me.’

‘What was it my daughter said?’ said
Maggie, screwing her face up in thought. ‘I know! Kathy and Edward sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g.’

‘Very funny,’ muttered Kathy.

Violet stared at her. She’d been so wrapped up in her own life that she had no idea that Kathy had fallen so hard for Edward.

‘My boss called Edward muscly and macho,’ said Violet, remembering Edward in the nightclub.

‘I’ll say,’ said Maggie. ‘He’s so toned and
fit now. I don’t know how any sane, single woman would be able to resist him.’

Kathy scowled at her. ‘Anyway, nothing will happen,’ she told them. ‘There’s no point me even going on Saturday night. He’ll be flirting with that tarty barmaid.’

‘What are you talking about?’ said Maggie.

‘Edward’s not like that,’ Violet told her.

Sebastian was, she thought, surprised at the notion that had popped
into her head. But Edward wasn’t.

‘Humph,’ muttered Kathy. ‘Besides, what the hell am I going to wear?’

‘Actually, Lucy gave me some great ideas about that,’ said Maggie.

And then she burst into a wicked grin that made Kathy’s knees quake.

‘I CAN’T DO
this.’

Kathy turned to face Violet and Maggie, who were sitting on the bed. She had called them half an hour previously to seek reassurance. She wanted them to say that she didn’t have to go to the party at the cricket club.

‘Course you can,’ said Maggie. ‘You look great.’

‘You’re already a size fourteen,’ said Violet. ‘You look fantastic.’

Kathy turned back
to her full-length mirror. She was wearing a short, black, flared dress, tights and high heels. Maggie had pinned a cape on to her dress and Violet was looking for a safety pin to fix on the batgirl logo.

Batgirl. Kathy sighed. Her superhero powers were obviously on the blink.

‘I told you both that I wanted to go as Professor McGonagall,’ she told them.

‘Are you mad?’ said Maggie. ‘You do want
him to fancy you, don’t you?. At least this way you’ll look sexy.’

‘Plus it’s the whole play on words thing,’ said Violet. ‘Batgirl, as in cricket bat. I think it’s cute.’

‘And your legs are to die for,’ added Maggie.

Kathy stared down at them. She supposed she felt a little more confident now that she had lost over four stone. The high heels helped her legs look thinner as well. But she was
showing a fair bit of cleavage and her hair had gone fluffy.

She sighed. ‘Maybe I should ring Edward and tell him I’m sick.’

‘You can’t leave the poor guy to show up at a party on his own,’ said Maggie. ‘It’s not fair.’

‘Besides,’ said Violet, peering out behind the curtain. ‘He’s here.’

‘Oh God!’ panicked Kathy. ‘I’m not ready.’

‘Yes, you are,’ said Maggie. ‘We’ll let ourselves out. So,
off you go. And smile! It’s a party!’

Kathy took a deep breath but found it didn’t calm her nerves at all as she headed down the stairs to meet Edward coming up. They both stared at each other’s costumes before bursting into laughter.

‘Hello, Batgirl,’ said Edward.

‘Hello, Batman,’ said Kathy.

She was smiling but inwardly she gulped. He wasn’t wearing the costume based on the Marvel Comics.
This was modern Batman, sexy Batman. Batman in a rubber-looking suit that clung to his muscles. She had to clutch on to the banister to stop herself falling at his feet.

‘To the Batmobile,’ said Edward, heading down the front path.

Kathy could only stare at the brief glimpse of rubberised bottom as his cape flared behind him. She’d run away if her heels weren’t so high.

They made small talk
on the way to the cricket club, chatting about her week in the shop and his week at work. As he drove the car into the car park, Kathy spotted the clubhouse all lit up in fairy lights.

‘How pretty,’ she said.

‘The committee kept talking about outdoing themselves this year.’

They got out of the car and walked towards the clubhouse. As they got closer, Kathy could see coloured tealights, which
has been lit, as well as more twinkling fairy lights around the windows.

Edward held the door open for Kathy and she walked in. The lights were low enough for the candles to glow but not so low that she couldn’t see everyone else’s costumes. As they all came over to say hello, Kathy counted at least three witches, two sexy schoolgirls and two men dressed as nuns.

Everyone was very friendly towards
Kathy as Edward introduced her. They were all oohing and aahing over their outfits.

‘Great idea,’ said the captain of the cricket team, who was dressed as Keith Richards.

‘Nice for a couple to have his and hers outfits,’ said his wife.

Kathy blushed. She and Edward weren’t a couple. But he didn’t correct them.

Edward asked her if she wanted a drink and they pushed their way through the crowds
to get to the bar.

Unfortunately, Kathy’s good mood began to disappear at that point. The flirty barmaid was once again stationed nearby and her eyes lit up when she spotted Edward.

‘Nice outfit,’ she cooed, reaching across the bar to
touch
the rubber covering his chest. ‘You’ve gone from chunk to hunk.’

‘You’re looking good too,’ replied Edward with a grin.

And who could blame him for looking
so happy, Kathy thought.

The barmaid was wearing a ye olde worlde wench costume which was very low cut at the front. And her boobs were pushed up so high she wouldn’t need a pair of earmuffs if the weather turned cold.

‘What’s your pleasure?’ she murmured, winking at him.

Kathy scowled at her as she ordered a gin and slimline. Edward treated himself to a pint of lager.

‘My first pint in a
long time,’ he told Kathy,

As soon as he had handed over his money, Kathy headed away from the bar, desperate to put as much distance between her and the busty barmaid as possible.

The disco had just begun and a few sober souls had started to dance. But at least the music was loud enough that any long minutes of silence were drowned out by the beat.

‘You OK?’ asked Edward.

‘Fine,’ said Kathy,
taking a big gulp of drink.

‘It should be a good night,’ he said.

Lord, I hope so, thought Kathy.

‘Hungry?’

Kathy nodded so they made their way over to the buffet table. The food was a dieter’s nightmare, with most things either encased in pastry or deep fried. But it wouldn’t do any harm for one night. Besides, she was past caring. And if she had another of these strong gins, she’d be past
feeling her legs as well.

The evening passed slowly. Conversation was a bit
stilted
between Kathy and Edward; the easy bonhomie of the early days seemed to have vanished. But between sips of drink and scoffing sausage rolls, there was some dancing as well.

Edward was certainly the life and soul of the party, thought Kathy, as she watched him dance and sing. A very popular member of the team.

Late in the evening, the singing got louder as the drinks continued to flow. Kathy excused herself and headed for the bar with the intention of getting a soft drink. The barmaid was flirting with someone who, for once, wasn’t Edward.

Kathy tried hard to get her attention so she could order a drink but the woman was too busy pressing her cleavage together and laughing at some inane joke.

Kathy
rolled her eyes and went to turn away but found her route blocked by a man slumped on a stool. It was one of the second eleven team who had obviously hit the beer early as he was now absolutely plastered – and into full drunken sleaze mode.

‘Are you Supergirl?’ he slurred.

Kathy gave him a small smile and went to sidestep him but he stuck his leg out to prevent her from going.

‘So you’re the
one responsible for getting Ed from lard arse to fit, are you?’

‘No,’ said Kathy. ‘He lost the weight all by himself.’

‘I don’t blame him,’ slurred the man. ‘I’d want to look my best if I was with a gorgeous girl like you.’

Kathy gave him a lukewarm smile and looked for an escape route.

‘Why don’t you give Ed the heave-ho?’ he said, suddenly grabbing her around the waist. ‘I can tell what
you need, cutie.’

‘Yes. I need you to piss off,’ muttered Kathy, prising off his hand and trying to pull away.

But he was too quick for her and held on tight. Because he was sitting on the stool, his face was very close to Kathy’s formidable chest.

‘Give us a feel,’ he slurred, drawing his face ever closer to her bust.

Suddenly Kathy was free from his sweaty hands and the drunk was lying on
the floor with Edward towering over him, his hands clenched into fists.

‘You touch her again and I’ll be using your balls for batting practice, all right?’

The man scampered away on his hands and knees whilst Edward turned to face Kathy.

‘Are you OK? Did he hurt you?’

She shook her head. ‘I’m fine.’

‘We should have thrown him off the bloody team ages ago,’ he snarled, still angry.

Before
she could say anything, they were joined by a few of Edward’s teammates and wives who all introduced themselves to Kathy and seemed very friendly.

‘That Chris is such a lech,’ said one of the guys. ‘About time someone floored him.’

‘And the wife’s no better,’ said one of the women to Kathy. ‘Have you seen her?’ She nodded at the busty barmaid.