The Dead Saga (Book 3): Odium III (25 page)

His face flooded red and he averted his eyes. “Sorry, I um, I was just…”

“You’re a dude, I get it. Whatever. But give her a little privacy, pervert.” I stood up with a grin and made my own way to the water.

There was no way I was getting naked here, not with all of my wounds just starting to heal; plus there was my bruised ego at Mikey staring so transfixed to Nova’s ass, of course. I crouched down and touched the water, feeling the iciness of it on my fingertips, and shivered, staring up at Nova in shock.

“How are you not freezing to death?” I asked incredulously.

Nova grinned, and it was then that I noticed her teeth clenched tightly, her jaw set hard. She nodded and swam toward me before climbing out and putting back on her filthy clothes. Her teeth chattered violently.

“God, that was good,” she said before hurrying off to the fire that Mike had now built up.

I shook my head. That woman was completely crazy—maybe more than Joan in some ways. I looked over at Joan as she silently kneeled down at the edge of the lake. The water lapped around her as she stared down at something. I stood up and moved across to her.

“Everything okay?” I asked cautiously, not sure on whether I should be worried or not.

She didn’t look up at me as she spoke. “What happened to me?” she whispered. Her words sounding painful. “I used to be so beautiful, and now…”

She looked up at me, her eyes brimming with tears. But I was lost for what to say to her. The apocalypse had destroyed us all, both inside and out, that was for sure. But it wasn’t often that we tended to look at the outside damage. What was the point? When you were running for your life or killing for your loved ones, the external stuff didn’t matter. My body was evidence of this. It was only in moments like this that you really considered the damage done to you.

Joan’s hands tentatively touched her face, and she stared down again at what I now realized was her own reflection. Her fingers worked their way around her eyes and forehead, over hollowed cheekbones and thin lips, sunken eyes and rotten teeth, and then there was the nest of hair on her head, which was no doubt swarming with lice. I wanted to tell her she was beautiful still, but that it didn’t matter what she looked like—the fact that she was still alive and breathing was a more beautiful and amazing thing than anything. But my words got lost before they left my throat, and I ended up standing with my mouth open in and a silent o like the cruel-hearted bitch that I was.

“Leave me,” she said quietly, and I knew my moment had passed to comfort her, and I felt awful for it.

“Sure, take your time,” I said, and backed away, never having gotten to wash myself, but not really caring so much anymore.

I walked back to the fire and sat down opposite Mikey and Nova, who both looked at me expectantly. I shrugged and looked down into the fire without saying anything, my guilt eating away at me. That was exactly why I wanted to leave and be on my own: I was a shitty friend, I was a shitty partner, and I had been a shitty surrogate mother to Emily. I was just plain old shitty.

“What’s eating her?” Nova asked. “Sorry, bad choice of words,” she added on at the end.

I finally looked up, feeling full of sorrow. “She just realized that she isn’t what she thought she was anymore.”

“What does that even mean?” Nova asked, her eyes looking toward Joan, who was still staring at her own reflection.

“She thought she was Joan, the wife of her dead husband, and she just saw the damage the apocalypse has done to her. She’s just realized that she can’t be that person anymore,” I said sadly.

We all went through it to some degree—that moment when we realized that the person we were needed to be laid to rest if we wanted to survive this fucked-up world. You couldn’t be who you previously were and survive. It just wasn’t possible. Not unless the person you were previously was a cold-hearted killer to start with anyway. Good people, kind people, they were the ones that really lost everything. Because they lost not only family and friends, but they lost themselves somewhere also.

“What did you say to her?” Nova asked quietly, finally understanding what I was saying.

I shook my head. “Nothing. I said nothing.”

“Jesus, Nina.” Nova stood up and walked over to Joan, but I turned away, not being able to watch as she gave her the comfort that I couldn’t.

“What’s going on?” Mikey asked, getting straight to the point. “I know something’s up, so give it to me straight.”

“I’m leaving the group. I’m going off on my own,” I replied, looking up at his face. I couldn’t keep it from him anymore, and this seemed like the perfect time for him to know the truth. He had told me he loved me yesterday, all of me, but I wasn’t sure how truthful that really was. Because how could anyone love someone as cruel as me?

“Why?” he asked, his features scrunched in frustration and confusion.

“Because watching people die is killing me. Because I’m a horrible person.” I gestured over to Joan and Nova. “So I’d rather be alone with nothing to lose than
with
people and lose everything.”

“You’re moods are fucking killing me!” Mikey snapped and stood up. He glared down at me and I huffed in defiance. “Seriously, you’re giving me whiplash with your back and forth. Happy, sad, angry—make your mind up, but know this.” He pointed down at me, and I stood up abruptly, surprised and taken aback by his anger and hostility toward me.

“What?” I snapped back.

“You’re not leaving me again. Wherever you go, I’m going too. So get that in your head, woman! You don’t get to get rid of me so easily.”

We stared at each other for a long moment and then he yelled over to Nova and Joan that we needed to get back on the road. He looked back at me, a deep scowl etched across his face, before turning and storming toward the truck.

Annoyance and happiness rolled into one inside me. He was annoyed that I wanted to leave, yet had told me in no uncertain terms that he was coming with me. It was sweet and beautiful, even if his delivery was ridiculously shitty.

I stamped out the dying fire and waited for Nova and Joan to make it back up to me. Okay, so I was delaying getting in the truck with Mikey. So sue me. Maybe he had spoken a lot of truth—I
was
flitting from one emotion to another—but it was hardly something that I’d planned. And shit, if I couldn’t get depressed in a zombie apocalypse, when could I?

“Seems you’re charming everyone today,” Nova snarked, looking at Mikey as he started the truck. Even from our distance, you could see how furious he was.

“Whatever,” I snapped back.

I climbed into the truck, not acknowledging Mikey or the chilly mood between us, and after watching Nova and Joan get in their truck we turned in a circle and headed back out onto the highway.

There were no deaders as we drove, and the longer we drove with none in sight, the more freaked out I was becoming about it. I wanted to broach the subject with Mikey, but stubbornness and the fact that I didn’t want him to bite my head off again stopped me. So instead I slumped in my seat and stared out the window, watching the world go by in a blur.

I must have drifted off at some point, and when I woke it was raining—only lightly, but the squeak of the windshield wipers jerked me awake and I abruptly sat up and rubbed at my eyes.

“Everything okay?” I asked cautiously, feeling out his mood.

“Fine,” he replied sharply.

“Can I get you anything? Do you want to swap? I can drive for a little bit.”

“Nope, I’m good,” he responded sourly with a small snort.

“Well, clearly not. You’re obviously still pissed at me.” I folded my arms over my chest. This was getting ridiculous now. His moods were getting to be as bad as mine.

“Pissed doesn’t even begin to explain it,” he muttered.

I turned to face him, forcing my words to come out calm and clear and not pissy. I didn’t want an argument with him. In fact, I wasn’t exactly sure why he was being such a total dick about it. So I wanted to leave. Surely he had to understand why—especially now that he knew everything that had happened with Rachael and this crazy zombie baby shit. The loss of Emily was just the final nail in the coffin.

“What exactly is your problem, Mikey?” I asked, feeling exasperated.

“You were going to leave, again!” he snapped. “And after everything, after everything I did to find you, to show you. Do you not forgive me, is that it? Because I’ve said I’m sorry, I can’t say it again and make it mean anything more.”

“Mikey,” I began, but then the rain died off and the truck seemed quieter than the moment before. I took a deep breath and went on. “My leaving isn’t about you.”

“Then what is it about?”

“It’s about me. I can’t live through another loss. And I can’t live with those people. I don’t trust them, but most of all, I don’t trust me.” This was all so ridiculous when there was so much else to be worrying about. But the smallest of things meant the greatest of changes in this world. “I’m leaving for me, because I need to, because it’s what’s best for me.”

He didn’t say anything for a long time. His teeth found his lower lip as he started to chew on it thoughtfully. I began to think I had wasted my words on him when he finally found his voice again.

“But you trust me?”

I glanced over at him to find him staring straight ahead.

Did I trust him? Did I believe that he would do whatever it took to survive this world? Did I believe that he was a good person and that he would protect me as much as I would protect him?

“I do,” I replied.

“Then I’m definitely coming with you,” he said, still without looking at me. His jaw was still tight with tension, his shoulders stiff. “We’re not arguing about it.”

I rolled my eyes. “Fine, whatever.” I played it nonchalantly, but I was glad he wanted to come. I didn’t want to lose him either, and all my talk of leaving everyone behind so I didn’t witness anyone else die was true, but I truly believed it would be just as painful to leave him behind and never see him again as it would be for him to die.

He smiled, the anger falling from him like snow cascading down a mountainside. Relief swallowed his features and he reached a hand out to me, and I placed my palm inside of his.

“Good, because I was going to follow you anyway.”

I rolled my eyes at him.

“So, is there somewhere you want to go?” he asked, sounding a little excited about the prospect of a mini road trip with me.

Unfortunately this road trip would be filled with fighting our way for survival and killing zombies, not visiting town highlights and having dirty sex in seedy motels. Well, it more than likely wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t cancel out the dirty sex if I had my way.

“I do. I want to go to my parents-in-laws’ home.” I rushed out the words, not sure what his reaction would be.

I mean, things were very different from what they used to be. I’m pretty sure that somewhere in the
New Boyfriend Rulebook
there was a particular rule about not taking your current boyfriend to visit with your dead husband’s parents. I watched him frown, the corners of his eyes crinkling before he smoothed them out and spoke.

“So, I’m guessing that they lived somewhere pretty secure then? For you to believe that wherever they are would be safer than the mall?”

Good reply
was all I could think. “Yes, they retired to a small town in the South. They lived in a little cabin by the edge of the lake there, and used to go bird-watching over on this little island.”

“Aaah, so you’re thinking the island will be safe?” He looked over at me, making sure that he was following me correctly, and I nodded. “Okay, well that seems as good a place as any. Do you know exactly where?”

I shook my head and felt a blush creep up my cheeks.

And he frowned and shook his head. “But you now roughly, right?”

I shook my head again, and he slammed the palm of his hand on the steering wheel and yelled something incomprehensible.

“What?” I yelled back.

He glanced at me quickly. “So you were just going to drive off into the distance and hope that you stumbled across this place? Have you not learned anything? Do you not live in the same fucking world as the rest of us, Nina? It’s dangerous out there. This is not a time for a road trip into the unknown.”

I opened my mouth to say something but he abruptly cut me off. “Don’t. Just don’t, because you’ll say something stupid and piss me off more, and then we’ll argue, and I don’t want to argue with you anymore. It’s not like you fucking listen to me anyway!”

I rolled my eyes and looked away from him, feeling my temper flare but having no outlet for it. Because he was right, and I had no argument.

Mikey dragged a hand over his beard. “God damn it, Nina,” he grumbled and shook his head. “I can’t believe that you were just going to drive off into the unknown.” He huffed again, and this time I couldn’t keep my mouth shut. But instead of arguing with him over a point that he was totally right on—because it was a stupid idea to just drive off with no idea where I was going—I decided to calm the situation down.

“I knew it was in the fucking South!” I snapped. “I could probably find it on a map.”

“And you have a map to hand, do you.” He snorted out a laugh of utter disbelief as I shook my head. “When we get to the mall we’ll grab a map and you can show me properly where it is.”

It was my turn to chew on my bottom lip. “I’m sorry.”

Mikey shook his head again. “I’m sorry too,” he grumbled. “We’ll figure it out.”

*

We didn’t stop to eat until much later that day. A small garage was coming up, and it seemed like the perfect place to check in with Nova and Joan. The fuel situation was an obvious worry—these trucks didn’t get much mileage to the gallon—but I was hoping that there might be some good fuel still left to get us where we needed to go.

We pulled the truck to a stop, and shortly after, Nova pulled up beside us, looking happy with herself. Even Joan looked pleased. Nova opened her door and, standing on the doorframe, looked out to us.

“Whatsup bitches?” She grinned and blew a huge pink bubble before letting it pop.

She began chewing manically again while I frowned at her. Things definitely seemed to be getting back to how they should have been: me cranky, and her as cheery as a rooster in the morning.

Joan poked her head out and smiled. “Yes, whatsup bitches?” she cackled loudly, and Mikey burst out laughing.

“Joan, what’ve I told you about the cackling?” Nova snapped, and Joan stopped with the creepy laugh.

I shook my head at them both, and glared at Mikey for playing along with them. He grinned back at me, not in the slightest bit put out by my scowl. Which was good. I didn’t really want him to be a total sap with me.

“Just checking on your gas situation. Everything okay?” Mikey asked, a finger lodged in his mouth while he chewed on a nail. I wanted to tell him to quit that shit, but decided he was pissed enough at me right then.

“Oh. No, then, we’re pretty low. We could use something to keep us on the road. Unless you want us all to shack up in the one truck?” Joan wiggled her eyebrows at me and Mikey, and I had the distinct feeling that she had seen us last night. I mean, we weren’t exactly discreet, but I hadn’t planned on giving a peepshow to anyone, of course. Why she had chosen now to let it be known she had seen us, I had no clue.

“Let’s see what’s here then.” Mikey jumped down from the truck and shut his door. His light-hearted, soft side fell away, and he turned serious as he pulled out a sharpened machete.

“Joan, you wait with the trucks. If there’s any trouble whistle three times,” Nova said, coaxing Joan back inside the truck despite the pouting that she got in return.

We started walking toward the doors of the small gas station, trying our best to ignore the blood stains and dried-out limbs scattered by a car with its door hanging wide open. The door to the gas station pushed open easily, and I stuck my head inside and waited a beat to see if I heard movement within. When I didn’t, I slapped my palm on the door loudly. Tension was coiled in the pit of my stomach as we waited for a long minute with several more slaps on the glass to draw any deaders out to us.

My hackles raised even higher as I heard the distinct sound of a groan coming from inside, and I let out a quiet breath and steeled myself for a fight. It was dark inside, the light not penetrating the inside of the store too well, years of built-up dirt and grime blocking out what should have been the first glorious day in a long while. The shadows moved, and I waited for the deader—or deaders—to reveal themselves.

A deader came slinking out of the shadows, its face drawn and sallow. Its cold, fogged-over eyes fixed on me as it let out another groan of hunger and frustration and forced itself to move quicker. It was then that I, and then Nova and Mikey as they came up beside me, saw what was hindering its steps.

Another deader was attached by handcuffs to the first deader’s ankle. And every step the first deader made dragged the face of the second deader along the cold linoleum with an uncomfortable squeak. It looked up at us, its skin hanging rotten and putrid from its bones, is fingers trying to clasp onto something so that it could get up and get us itself, but then the walking deader took another step and its face hit the floor again with a sickening
crunch
.

Shadows fell away and we realized that this deader was a crawler anyway, and wouldn’t be able to stand up in any capacity since it had no legs. No lower torso in fact. Its body ending at its torn away waist line.

“Fuck, that’s gross,” Nova said from next to me, and stepped inside, the dimness blanketing her.

She took out a blade, stepped forward, and rammed it into the forehead of the first one, ignoring the scratching the second one was doing to her boot. As she pulled out her blade and let the deader fall to the floor, she crouched down and thrust the blade into the back of the crawler deader’s skull. She wiped the blade down the back of one of them, cleaning it free of the purification, and stood up.

“If you find some smokes, they’re mine,” she said as she moved off into the darkness.

Mikey brushed past me, looking back over his shoulder. “If you find any cherry Jolly Ranchers, they’re mine.” He winked and continued inside.