The Daughter in Law
Read The Daughter in Law Online
Authors: Jordan Silver
Tags: #Literature & Fiction, #Erotica, #Humorous
The Daughter In Law
By
Jordan Silver
Copyright© 2014
Alison Jordan
All Rights Reserved
"I do not want your hag of a
mother in my home for the holidays." I moved around the room as I spoke
because if I stood still too long I might commit murder.
"Vanessa I've asked you not to refer to my mother like
that."
"Why not? She calls me worst and I've got the Facebook
posts to prove it."
"She's my mom. What do you expect me to do?"
"I expect you to grow a pair and tell that nut job how
it is or there's gonna be hell to pay."
"Baby, come on. Can't you just try for me?" He was
advancing but I was onto his shit, no way; not this time buddy.
"What? You mean for the
one-hundredth time? Uh-uh, all trials are over, she failed. When people fail
the trial period you don't hire them. You should know that you're a Captain in
the army. If your ass had failed boot camp that shit would be out; and let me
tell you something, boot camp ain't got shit on a new daughter in law trying to
fit in with a narcissistic tyrant set on destruction."
"She's not that bad."
"To you maybe, you're her son, to me she's Cerberus at
the gates of hell. And while we're on it honey boo
boo
can't come either." "Who the hell is honey boo
boo
?
Have you lost your mind?"
"That would be sister number two. In fact, the only
ones allowed are your father and your older sister. Them I like, but if I have
to sit at MY dinner table after slaving all day to prepare food for ungrateful
people who talk about how much they hate me, I'm bringing Tommy to the table."
"Okay now calm down. I'm sorry I ever bought you that
damn gun."
"You said it was for
protection from predators while you were deployed. Those two are the only wild
animals I met the whole time you were gone."
"I don't see why you have such
a big problem with my mom, she's been nothing but nice to you."
"Of course she's nice to me in front of you, apparently
she has more sense than you do."
"What do you mean by that?" Oh,
are
your feathers ruffled big boy
? Tough.
"I mean that if you've
lived with this woman for the first eighteen years of your life, and have known
her for the last fifteen and still don't know that she is Beelzebub's bastard
spawn. Then you ought not be looking for evil in foreign lands soldier boy
because you obviously don't know what it looks like."
"Vanessa my mom is not
evil...." Enough of this round and around shit; I’ve had it up to my eye
socket.
"Okay let's do this the easy way shall we. Your mother,
or your wife; and remember, incest is illegal in this state."
"For fuck sake Vanessa, what the hell is wrong with
you?"
"This is what happens when
I put up with sneak attacks for a damn year while that black hearted demon from
the pits of hell acts like she's a saint. And before you say anything you'd be
wise to ask yourself if I'm the kind of woman to make this shit up. Then again
since you don't recognize evil maybe you can't see so good either." I was
screaming and ready to pull my hair out at this point. Only that troll could
get my blood to boiling this much. Ugh.
He sighed long and hard while
holding the bridge of his nose between his fingers. I guess he was feeling the
strain of the holiday drama that was unfolding around him now too. Too bad it
had to come to this. I tried, I really did. But there’s only so much a girl can
do before she says fuck this shit and takes matters into her own hands. I’m
amazed that I held out this long and didn’t hamstring that putrid bitch before
now. But hubby had been away fighting a war. It wouldn’t have been good to lose
his monster and his wife at once. Because I’m sure if I ever did put my hands
on that demon seed it would be the end of her shit stirring ass. Bitch!
"Vanessa?"
"What?"
"It's almost seven aren't you gonna get up and put the
turkey in the oven?"
"What turkey?"
"What...Thanksgiving turkey that's what turkey."
"Did you tell Satan's concubine not to come to my
house?"
"Not this shit
again." He was quiet for way too long after that and I didn't trust it one
bit.
He ran his fingers up and down my
spine, the sneak. He knows that's my weak spot.
"Cut it out Damien, I
already got me some last night, it's not gonna work." My ass. Of course he
didn't quit but I had to be strong. If
I get sidetracked by
the dick
I'll end up across the table from Lucifer's main bitch and her side
kick.
"Oh shit Damien too deep too
deep." This fucker just went balls deep while I was half asleep. Son of a
bitch!
"You gonna behave?" Pound, pound, pound...shit he
means business. That shit felt like a lead-pipe on my ovaries.
"Damien." I tried getting to my knees to ease some
of the pressure in my tummy.
"Uh
uh
uh
you stay right where you are." The fucker tried to come through my navel.
You ever had that pussy hurt feeling that was so good but you know the cooch is
gonna
be sore for hours after? Yeah like that.
"Just let me get to my knees."
"No you don't." He
pulled my hair bending me almost double, the diabolical bastard.
"This is what happens when you
misbehave. Can my mom come to dinner?"
"Nuh uh...
oowwwweeee
you
fuck."
He finally pulled me up to my knees but the pounding only
intensified. Now he had my tits to hold onto for added support.
"Just for being bad you don't get my seed."
Oh that was a low blow. He knows...
"That's mean
Dami
." I
had that sulky little girl thing going on only it was for real. I hated when he
pulled out, unless he was going to paint my back or my tits. Only I knew when
he was punishing me he'd go into the shower and finish in there. I hate his
bitch of a
mother,
this was all her fucking fault.
Ain't
this all about a bitch? First he jerked his shit off
in the shower after leaving me high and dry, literally. And this sea hag from
hades still gets to show her face at my door? Oh it's on motherfuckers. This
Brooklyn Italian bitch is about to show these good ole southerners how it's
done. Smile Vanessa don't give this bitch the satisfaction.
"Oh Vanessa have you gained a
bit of weight?"
Yes bitch, this is the much-awaited grand baby that you
won't ever be seeing if I have anything to say about it. You ass abscess.
"You think so?" I looked down at my svelte self and gritted my teeth.
"I sure would like a nice martini, it was a bit of a
drive in, what with traffic and all."
Bitch you live twenty minutes
away. "One martini coming up."
With a little hint
of twenty mule team borax.
I glared at my dead
man walking
hubby and I guess he saw something in my eyes
because he was on the move.
"I'll get that you just
sit and rest, you've been working all day in the kitchen." My
ass
you care about that, you just don't want me to poison
Rosemary's baby.
"Vanessa I promise you, if you
don't behave what you got this morning will look like child's play when I'm
done with you tonight. Remember that time you threw your glass of wine at my
head?" He whispered that shit in my ear with a smile for the rest of the
room. Shit I started twitching my legs; I could still feel the burn and that
had to have been over a year ago.
"The turkey's a bit dry this
year. I always made a nice turkey didn't I Clarence?" My poor father in
law looked constipated. I have no idea how this man managed to live with
Chucky's
bride for almost forty years. I gave hubby a look,
that was his cue to step up to the plate, but his greedy ass was too busy
gnawing on a bone. Oh well, I'll take this one.
"There's a Boston Market like ten minutes away,
thataway
." I pointed in the general direction.
"Vanessa..."
"What? She's not happy,
I'm just trying to be helpful." Next one bitch; I've been practicing this
shit in my head all week bring it.
I could see
her gearing up for another volley. She was a little stymied there for a hot
minute; she's not accustomed to me answering her jabs. The skank of Babylon
sitting next to her looked like she had a pinch nerve in her face. I was ready
for her ass too. Meanwhile I'm secretly taping all of this to show the clueless
one later. If he thought hard dick scared me he was demented. He knows all I
have to do is nip that bar in his cock just right and the tables will be
turned. Like putty in my hands.
"Well, that was rather rude
and uncalled for..."
"Mom drop it, you were both out of line."
"You only got that half right sport." Now it was
his turn to be stymied. Blame it on hormones or whatever but I was not about to
put up with their shit. As far as I see it, if he can't stand up to the Gila
monster on my behalf it was
me
against them.
"Vanessa can I see you in the kitchen for a minute?
It's time to get dessert."
Uh huh. "Why bother? She'll only find fault with the
pie, take her to carvels for some ice cream cake. She thinks that shit's
gourmet." I think I choked half the table.
I was ever so
proper as I folded my brocade napkin brought from Castile by my dear nana, and
left the table to follow hubby. I skirted my way around the island and kept out
of reach. He's a grabber. I walked to the pantry and opened the breadbox. I'd
planned for everything way in advance. "Now Vanessa, I don't know what's
gotten into you but...for fucks sake Nessa put that shit away." He was
backtracking fast. Tommy has that affect on people.
"Did you think I was playing
when I said that I would straight up twat punch your incubator and that rotted
fruit of her womb you call a sister? Didn't I tell you not to bring these
people to my house?"
"You've lost your fucking mind."
"YES I HAVE, and it's thanks to that
devil's reject you call a mother." He was trying to whisper and shit but I
had no problem with her hearing every word. After all she doesn't whisper when
she's slinging shit my way.
"Two
years, two years I put up with their shit. One you were here for and the other
you were away fighting for your country while I was duking it out with Satan's
hench
-women in the bowels of hell." I could hear the
gasps in the other room from this far away.
"If she says one more thing to
piss me off I'll cap her ass." I could tell I'd really thrown him this
time. He has no idea. I'd put up with a lot, but when I overheard the sea hag
talking to one of his ex girlfriends about how she wish he'd married her, all
fucking bets were off.
"Baby what's really going on?
Why in the world are you behaving this way? Talk to me."
"
Motherfuck
...I
have been talking to you, you just haven't been listening. Now if I have to
clip this bitch one and get her black tainted blood on my good linen and china
there's gonna be hell up in this bitch."
He shook his
head and opened and closed his mouth three times. Poor thing he's so clueless,
the evil that bore him has him totally snookered. She had me fooled for the
first few months after we met too. Until I realized that she was taking
everything I said and twisting it around to serve her own twisted, demented
purposes. Now I'm just all the way the fuck over it.
"Get your mom her pie mama's
boy." I know he hates that shit but this is war. If I have to act like a
raving fucking lunatic...
I heard the whispers picking up in the next room and I just
knew she was bashing me again.
"Hey old lady we've got stand your ground in this
state, any perceived threat bitch, try me." I yelled that shit into the
dining room and just for emphasis popped one off at the ceiling. My dad always
said, go big or go home. I started this shit off might as well finish it. Who
knows when I'll have the chance again? I guess the stampede heading for my
front door was the answer to that. Not tonight.