The Dastard (12 page)

They went outside to find Sim. He was chatting with Soufflé Moat Monster. Oops--that would bring one more creature into the secret, even if Sim hadn't told him anything, because Sim was such a remarkable bird.

“Sim, you will have to be more circumspect,” Melody told him.

“Or you'll give us away before we start,” Harmony agreed.

“And we can't afford that,” Rhythm concluded.

“Oh, I know,” Sim squawked. They had not given him the power to speak in human talk, but they understood him well enough. “I explained to Soufflé.”

“He did,” the moat monster agreed in monster tongue, which they also understood. “I was introducing my apprentice, Chip.”

“We don't see him,” Melody said.

“Right here.” Soufflé indicated a spot on the water beside him.

Now they spied a tiny creature. It was a sea monster the size of a chipmouse.

“He looks small,” Harmony said. “Is he young?”

“No, he's full grown. He will serve duty with the imps.”

“They need guardians too,” Rhythm agreed. It did make sense; the imps were very small.

“But now we shall have to depart,” Sim squawked.

Soufflé nodded. “Zap us.”

They sang, played, and beat a magic tune, and Sim assumed the aspect of an ordinary roc bird, and Soufflé looked blank, then sank out of sight. So did Chip. They had forgotten all about the big bird's visit.

But another creature came by. “What is that?” Melody asked.

“It looks like a werewolf in wolf form,” Harmony said.

“No, it's a Mundane dog,” Rhythm concluded. “With a sign.”

They read the sign, and learned that this was Boss, looking for a home. But they had other business, and could not help him. The dog wandered disconsolately on.

Sim extended his talons, and they grabbed hold. He spread his wings and flew a short hop over the moat, landing in the orchard beyond.

“Demon Vore told me about the mission,” he squawked. “I think it would be easier if I just pecked off the Dastard's head.”

“We can't do that,” Melody said, horrified. “It would be unprincessly, and your mother wouldn't approve either.”

“I was afraid of that,” Sim squawked. “We're the good guys; we have to be ethical and decent and reasonable.”

“It is a pain,” Harmony agreed.

“And we have no real idea how to proceed,” Rhythm finished.

“Maybe we need advice,” Sim squawked.

They considered that, then Melody hummed, thinking of a source for advice. In a moment she had a direction. “That way,” she said, pointing north. “Beyond the Gap Chasm.”

Sim picked them up and launched into the sky. It occurred to one of them that this would make them highly visible from the ground, and someone might wonder, so they sang and played a brief tune that made them all invisible. In two and a half moments they were passing over the yawning Gap Chasm; it seemed that nothing much was happening at the moment, so it was sleepy. They enjoyed it, because they hadn't seen it on Ptero though it surely existed there somewhere; they knew it mainly by reputation. In fact all of Xanth they knew mainly by hearsay, because their only real memories of it dated from the year they were four years old. This business of not changing age as they traveled was unsettlingly weird.

There was a cloud floating just over the chasm. As they approached it, it changed, assuming the shape of a vase. Then it became the image of a frog. Then the torso of a shapely woman. It obviously wasn't Fracto; he never posed like that.

“Cloud sculpturing!” Melody exclaimed.

“That must be somebody's talent,” Harmony agreed.

“And there she is, standing at the brink of the chasm,” Rhythm said.

Indeed, there was a girl looking up at the cloud. She was evidently practicing her talent, having found a suitable cloud. Such magic might not be practical, but it was esthetic. Maybe someday that girl would put on an artistic exhibition in the sky.

Melody gave spot directions, based on her magic awareness of where there was advice, and soon they landed near a lovely cave. They let go of Sim's talons and walked toward it.

A swirling cloud of smoke formed before them. It formed into a handsome demon man: D. Vore. “Aren't you forgetting something?” he inquired.

“Like what?” Harmony asked.

“Like being still invisible.”

“Oopsy,” Rhythm said. “That would be confusing.”

They abolished the invisibility and became the three garden variety women. Sim hunched down, still invisible, knowing he would never fit in the cave. Vore swirled back into smoke and dissipated.

Then Melody suffered a siege of vague alarm. She paused, trying to fathom it.

“What's the matter?” Harmony asked.

“You look as if you're seeing half a ghost,” Rhythm concluded.

“Maybe I am,” Melody said. “It's as if someone is looking at me. Recognizing me.”

“Recognizing you!” Harmony said.

“That breaches the secret,” Rhythm said.

Melody tried to clarify her feeling, but it was already fading. Whoever it was had not looked at her long. There didn't seem to be anyone here. That suggested that it was a magical observation.

But if someone already recognized her, how could they maintain the secret of the exchange? That was disturbing.

The three of them could sing and play things real, but this wasn't something they could do much about. It was not their kind of magic. It was disturbing.

“Maybe it's someone in the cave,” Melody said, knowing it wasn't.

They entered the cave. It was dark, but soon a screen lighted. Hello girls.

“Hello,” Harmony said, somewhat set back.

“We came for advice,” Rhythm said, recovering.

Oh, you want Nada Naga, online.

“On line?” Melody asked, perplexed.

I will summon her. But first tell me who you are.

“We are three anonymous girls,” Harmony answered.

I am not sure that will do.

“We have our reasons,” Rhythm said.

They were afraid that Com Passion would not accept that, or would see through their anonymity spell, but she didn't.

I am Com Passion. I am making the connection to the Xanth Xone of Cyberia.  The screen blinked. Then the lovely face of Nada Naga appeared on it.

“This is Nada Naga, advice columnist for the lovelorn,” she said. “What is your problem?”

Advice for the lovelorn? The three exchanged as much of a glance as would fit in the confined space. They hadn't thought to check the kind of advice being offered. And it was becoming obvious that they couldn't get relevant advice without giving away their secret. So they were not starting their mission very well.

But Melody thought of something. “I feel someone watching me,” she said. “But I don't know who.”

Nada considered. “Let me get a look at you.” She squinted from the screen. “My, you look almost familiar.”

“I'm just an ordinary anonymous girl,” Melody said quickly, wishing she had thought to change her hair color. Of course she knew Nada on Ptero; she was the mother of DeMonica. But Nada was younger and prettier here, by about seventeen years. It was disconcerting.

“Oh. Well, I'm sure it doesn't matter. You are certainly pretty enough, and that surely explains why some man is looking at you. You should be flattered instead of alarmed.”

“But I don't know who he is,” Melody said.

“But you do have a suspicion.”

Melody realized with surprise that she did. “The Das--” She caught herself. “The dashing young man I'm looking for.”

“Then go and find him, Anonymous,” Nada said. “He shouldn't be hard to locate.” She squinted again. “But you should prepare better. Your outfit is rather passé. You should lift your hem considerably, and tighten your blouse. Let your hair hang loose. Smile more often. I'm sure you'll make an impression on him.” She frowned. “That hair--I know only three people who have green hair, and one of them is a child. Are you--”

“Thank you so much!” Melody said quickly. “You've been a great help. I'll go find him now.” She backed away from the screen. Nada shouldn't be able to recognize her, but she was coming uncomfortably close. Melody hadn't realized just how bad a giveaway her hair would be; on Ptero there were others, such as Green Murphy, but here in Xanth it was much more limited.

Nada's face faded from the screen. The script print reappeared. Would you like to play solitaire?

Harmony stepped in. “No thank you, Com Passion.”

“We must hurry to find that man,” Rhythm said. They turned together for the cave entrance.

But you have hardly arrived, Passion protested. You must stay for a nice visit. The entrance became a solid wall.

They were stuck for it. If they used their magic to make the entrance real again, they would give away their identities. Garden variety girls would not be able to escape. “Maybe we will visit for a while,” Melody said. “We don't mean to be rude.”

Excellent! Then the screen flickered. Oh. I'm getting an incoming call. Pardon me a moment. The print held for exactly one moment, then faded. A new face appeared, one Melody didn't recognize. It was a rather pretty Mundane woman. Pia--how nice to hear from you! The script now ran along the screen below the face.

“You know I was diabetic,” Pia said. “Until I got cured by a healing spring in Xanth. That actually carried over into Mundania, somehow; I was amazed and gratified. I think Nimby had something to do with it. Then I heard of someone, and I thought she must be from Xanth, and I was curious, so I thought I'd call and inquire.”

Of course, dear. However. I have visitors at the moment.

Pia was embarrassed. “Oh, I didn't mean to interrupt. I'll call back another time.”

“No!” Harmony cried. “Stay and visit.”

“Yes, we are interested,” Rhythm said. For this might distract the friendly machine from the three anonymous princesses.

Pia looked out from the screen. “Do I know you?”

“No,” Melody said. “Not really.” For now she remembered: They had met this woman, briefly when they were three years old. The memory had almost faded, in eighteen years.

“We are three young women looking for a man,” Harmony added.

“Who stopped by to get advice from Nada Naga,” Rhythm finished.

“That's odd,” Pia said. “You are beginning to remind me of someone. The way you talk, more than the way you look. But--”

“No, we are nothing,” Melody said desperately. Their habit of alternating speech was giving them away; they would have to break that up. Pia was remembering that, but hadn't made the connection to the children she had encountered. Yet.

“Oh. Well, if you don't mind my interrupting your visit--”

“We don't mind,” Melody said. She fired a glance at her sisters, warning them to be quiet.

Please continue, Pia. Passion suggested.

Pia found her place. “Well, this person I heard of is called Diana Betic. She had the talent to make things that are sweet become less so, and those that are not sweet seem sweet, so as to increase the ease of eating things without messing up her blood sugar levels. She pretty well has to be from Xanth, doesn't she? I mean, Mundanians don't have magic talents.”

“She must be,” Melody said, though she didn't know what blood sugar levels meant.

“She can make other people act sweet too,” Pia continued. “She has a magical monitor lizard, her pet and companion, who tells her what her blood glucose level is when he tastes her blood.”

“Tastes her blood!” Melody exclaimed, appalled.

“Oh, it's friendly,” Pia assured her. “I gather you don't know about diabetes.”

“I never met him,” Melody agreed.

“It's a sort of disease where a person's blood gets very sweet. She has to stick herself to get drops of blood, to find out how sweet it's gotten. And stick herself with needles to get it back where it's supposed to be.”

“Ugh!” Melody said.

Pia smiled. “Precisely. Anyway, this Diana has a tiny lance called a lancet to prick her finger for the blood she gives to the monitor to taste. She has a pine needle for her insulin. So is she in Xanth?”

I don't know. Passion confessed.

“Well, keep an eye out for her, just in case,” Pia said. “I'd like to hear from her, if she calls in. I'll tell her to go jump in a lake--or rather, a healing spring.” She smiled, and faded.

The screen flickered. Now where were we?

“We were about to go, having had a nice visit,” Melody said. Would it work?

Oh, that's right. Are you sure you won't stay for solitaire. My mouse Terian will deal the cards. A lovely young woman appeared.

“No, thank you so much,” Melody said, backing toward where she hoped the cave entrance was.

Oh well. Maybe another time. The woman shrank into a real mouse.

Melody resisted the urge to shriek. There was just something about mice. Fortunately the cave entrance was there, and she and her sisters were able to back all the way through it. What a relief!

Except that there seemed to be a mistake. The tunnel didn't lead out. It led down, and it smelled of fish.

Harmony banged into a wall. “Oh, I hurt my wrist,” she wailed.

“Mine too,” Rhythm said. “And I didn't even touch the smelly wall.”

“We'd better go back the way we came,” Melody said. Her own wrists were feeling sore.

“What, and face that mouse?” Harmony demanded.

“Wait, I've got it,” Rhythm said, a bulb flashing over her head. “This is a carpal tunnel.”

The others groaned. Then, annoyed, they sang and played into existence a fast ramp out of the tunnel to the ground. In a moment they were clear of it, letting the carp smell dissipate.

They found Sim, able to see him despite his invisibility, because it was their magic that made him so. “Wrong kind of advice,” Melody said.

“You spoke last time,” Sim squawked.

“We had some dialogue while we were separate from you,” Melody said. “But I suspect our custom of alternating is about to give us away. I think we're going to have to break that up. Also, we had better change our hair colors. Too many people are starting to make connections.”

Sim nodded. “That does make sense,” he squawked.

They sang and played, and turned their hair colors uniformly drab. That would surely help.

“But we still don't know how to handle the Dastard when we catch him,” Harmony said. “I think we need a battle plan.”