The Darker Side of Mummy Misfit #2 (13 page)

And serves me right really.  Can’t ask for any sympathy, can I?

But then I got up this morning and saw that, although he’d left without saying goodbye, there was a small box on the breakfast bar.

Inside was the most beautiful pair of drop diamond earrings - tiny but perfect.  He’d also left a card which said.  ‘I love you my Lib and I’m a patient man.  We’re in this for life and I know we’ll get back on track.  Xxx’

Oh, I really don’t deserve him!  Why am I such an idiot?

PM

I was so chuffed with my first piece of ‘real’ jewellery, I decided to wear them for school pick-up.  Fenella and Patience were admiring them, and saying how lucky I was to have such a romantic husband, when Gestapo decided to muscle in on the conversation.

“Oooh, Libby, those sparklers aren’t from the new Tiffany range are they?”  She looked closer.  “No, I doubt it.  They’ve got more of a Samuel’s look about them.”

I opened and closed my mouth like a stupid thing, unable to come back with any kind of put-down.

Fenella was in like a shot.  “And what was the last gift Pritesh showered
you
with?  A tumble dryer?  Must be tough for you dating an honest grafter instead of your dodgy dealing hubbie - white goods don’t exactly have the same kudos as hedge funds though, do they?”

Patience giggled and tried to cover it up - badly.

Gestapo looked as if she was about to explode and rounded on her.  “And what would
you
know? 
I
may currently be having my school fees sponsored by some revolting little ‘do-goody charity’ but nobody knows
how
you pay
yours.
  What’s your
secret
?”

Before Patience had a chance to reply, Gestapo had been taken aside by Hinge, with Bracket in her wake, and asked to accompany them to the school office.

Who’d have thought my lovely earrings could cause so much controversy?

Friday 28
^th
November

Jenny called before we left for school as she wanted to fill me in before anyone else arrived in the office.

“They’ll kill me if they find out I’m telling you, Lib, but Gestapo’s been given a verbal warning.  If she’s rude to a parent again or disses CCL, she’s out.  Hinge & Bracket said it was terribly sad for her kids but they couldn’t condone her increasingly obnoxious behaviour.”

Ha!  Serves Gestapo bloody right.  It’s about time she got her come-uppance.

Arranged emergency coffee and Irn Bru for my Anti-Meemies and swore them to secrecy before I spilled the beans.

“OMG!  That’s just so fab, it’s made my day,” Fenella chuckled, stuffing an almond croissant in her mouth. (She really is looking quite large these days!)

Patience played with the crumbs on her plate and said, “You know, I was
so
close to telling her how I actually afford the school fees but I was saved by Hinge & Bracket.”

“All credit to old H&B.  They won’t stand for any nonsense, will they?  They’re what makes the school such a decent place,” Fenella added.

“The whole thing got me thinking though,” Patience continued.  “Why should I
ever
need to tell them who or what I am?  It’s none of their business and bragging about it makes me as bad as them.  I’m just
me.
”

Had to say I agreed but Fenella was having none of it.  “Are you kidding?  Of course, you’re just
you
but think of the fun we’ll have when the story comes out.  Come on Patience, don’t deny a poor pregnant woman a bit of revenge!  I just can’t wait to see the looks on their faces.”

We clinked our coffee cups and tin can together and agreed we’d wait for the perfect moment.

PM

Off to Nic and Rick’s later this evening and Max is having his first sleepover with Todd.  He’s taking Dog and Dot with him so that they can have a doggy-sleepover with Splodge and Brown as well.

As Max excitedly packed a bag for the dogs I realised that, once we got back from our dinner, Ned and I would be alone for the night for the first time in six years - aside from when Max was in hospital recently and then there was no thought of romance.

Oh shit!

Saturday 29
^th
November

Bit of an odd night, last night.

Nic and Rick are totally stressed out.  Baby Mikhail
never
sleeps and seems to cry an awful lot.   Nothing placates him - food, clean bum, rocking, winding, singing -
nothing.

I’ve never seen the usually immaculate pair look so scruffy.  They were both in slobby trackies, baggy T-shirts splattered in dribble and milk and they looked like they could do with a weekend in bed.

“Sorry guys,” Nic said when he let us in. “We couldn’t be arsed to cook tonight.  We’ve ordered a Thai takeaway.  Hope that’s OK.”

Their usually stunning minimalist flat was an absolute tip with nappies, wipes and clothes strewn everywhere and Stripe the dog seemed delighted to have a bit of company.  I could almost detect him looking around for Dog and Dot to play with.  He settled next to Ned instead with his head on his lap.

I took Baby Mikhail and had a go at stopping his incessant crying.  He really was quite cross and had made himself very hot and sweaty.

“Libster, he just never stops,” Rick said wearily.  “The doc says it’s probably just colic but we’ve tried everything.  What if he doesn’t like us?”

Ned and I did our best to assure them both that every parent thought like that when their newborn wouldn’t stop howling.  “It’s got something to do with the sleep deprivation,” Ned told them.  “You can’t think straight anymore. 
And
he’s got quite a set of lungs on him.  I’m surprised you can even hear yourselves
think
.”

I managed to eat my takeaway with a (finally) sleeping baby across my shoulder and Ned had a doting Stripe’s head on his knee.

Just as I got to my last mouthful I heard my mobile and, when I saw ‘Fenella’ on the screen, I had a bit of a ‘Lou Moment’ and instantly thought something was wrong with Max.

“Hi, Sweedie, don’t panic!  Max is fine and fast asleep.  It’s Dot, I’m afraid.  She just won’t settle.  Poor thing keeps pacing the house and going to the front door.  I think she’s missing you.”

As I told Ned, we looked over to Nic and Rick both almost nodding off.

Ned voiced my thoughts before I had a chance to.

“Well, as we’ve got to call it a night and go and collect our homesick dog, why don’t we take Stripe
and
your little screamer for a sleepover and give you two a night off?”

Nic and Rick tried to say no but we could tell they really needed a helping hand so we insisted, as I gathered stuff for the nappy bag and Ned rigged up the car seat.

I reckon the knackered new parents were probably in bed before we’d turned out of the driveway.

As my hubbie drove slowly to Fenella’s, I realised that I had one-in-a-million and I put my hand on his knee.

Probably the most affectionate gesture I’ve made to him in months.

And, on what was to be our first night alone in years, we found ourselves responsible for a newish born baby and another dog.

Sunday 30
^th
November

Where did yesterday go?

Fenella delivered Max back to us at about 11 in the morning to find Ned and me in our dressing gowns, knocking back our third coffees.

Dog, Dot and Stripe were happily sleeping under the table.  Stripe was delighted to be back with his mum and sister - and Dot was just relieved to be back home where she belonged.

“Oh my, look at
you
two.”  Fenella sat at the breakfast bar and helped herself to some cereal.  “I assume it wasn’t an easy night then?”

Neither Ned or I felt capable of stringing a sentence together.  Finally Mikhail had decided to quieten down and he was sleeping happily in our old travel cot in the corner.

Fenella drank the last of the milk from her cereal bowl and crossed the kitchen to take a peek at him.

“Oh!  He’s got a very … erm …
different
look about him, hasn’t he?”

And, even though I was feeling like a ‘Bear of Little Brain’, I realised that my suspicions had been confirmed.

Something wasn’t right.

PM

Once Fenella left, I managed to get myself dressed very quickly before Mikhail woke because I wanted to have a chat with Ned.

I told him that I didn’t think Mikhail’s crying and ‘slightly odd’ look was just down to being a young baby.  I couldn’t come up with anything more conclusive, but I just had a feeling.

Ned agreed that he’d had a few niggling thoughts himself, but he’d just put it down to not remembering what it was like to have a baby around.

“What do we do, Lib?” he asked me, rubbing his very tired eyes.  “Should we say something?”

Told him that I thought that would be the worst possible move and that we should just keep it to ourselves for now.  If there
is
a problem, hopefully the health visitors will pick up on it fairly quickly.

“I don’t think it’s something that should come from us,” I added.  “But I do think we have
another
problem to deal with.”

Ned looked slightly panicked, as if I was about to bring up the state of our marriage - like I had the
energy!

I carried on before he managed to get himself too worked up.  “Ned, I don’t think they’re coping well with a new baby
and
Stripe.  He’s a young dog who needs love and exercise. 
You
saw the way he made a bee-line to you for some love.  I think we need to be careful how we word it, but he might need to come back and live with Dog and Dot.”

Ned agreed and made another pot of coffee.  Then he looked at the clock and realised it was gone one and opened a bottle of Pinot.

“Shit, Lib!  When did our life get so complicated?  We were happier when we had no money.”

As I drank the wine I really didn’t need, I couldn’t help but agree with him.

Monday 1
^st
December

Thankfully, all went well with Nic and Rick when they came to collect Mikhail.   They looked much more refreshed and agreed to stay for lunch.

Of course ‘Wonder Lungs’ started howling furiously more or less as soon as we sat down to eat and we took it in turns to try to quieten him down.  Even Max took a shift and shook various interesting objects at him whilst making funny faces.

After lunch, I suggested that Ned, Rick and Max took Mikhail out for a walk in our old pram to see if the fresh air and motion settled him - told them they could also give the three dogs a run while they were at it.  This meant I’d have my old friend Nic to myself for a bit to have a chat.

As I poured us both a top-up and thought through my opening lines, Nic broke down into tears and everything came out at once.

“Libster, there’s something wrong with him isn’t there?  We just
know
it.  We don’t care what it is, as long as he’s going to be OK, but we just
know
there’s something.  Oh Lib, we love him so much already - he
has
to be OK.  And what if they decide to take him away from us? - it would kill us.   And poor Stripe feels so neglected, we never have time for long walks or playing ball.  We’re shit parents and we’ve just totally fucked up.  What are we going to do?”  He sobbed dramatically, blowing his nose into a sheaf of kitchen roll.

Once I’d managed to calm him down I told him that they were being the best possible parents they could be.  “You’re showering him with love and affection and he
knows
that.  He’s your baby boy and
anyone
can see that you’re both totally devoted to him.  Stop beating yourselves up.”

Nic snivelled a bit more and nodded at me so I decided it was a safe time to continue.  “If you think there may be a problem, take him to your GP.  It’s what they’re there for.  Tell them all your concerns.  You shouldn’t
ever
have to feel alone in this - any new mum would do the same thing. 
And
… if you really feel Stripe is suffering, then the logical conclusion is that he comes back and lives with us.  It’s not a problem and Dog and Dot would be more than happy.”

This set off a whole new bout of tears, but ones of the slightly more relieved variety.

The upshot is, Nic and Rick left with a reasonably placated Mikhail and we are now the proud owners of three dogs.

And Stripe didn’t turn a hair when they left.  He slept happily with his mum and sister with a slowly wagging tail.

Tuesday 2
^nd
December

CCL

Max is absolutely delighted that we now have Stripe living with us - it’s like Christmas has come early.