The Critic (16 page)

She’d walked away from me without hearing me out. I’d figured that by now, she’d think more of me than to believe I slept with every actress I met. I didn’t know which way to turn. What the fuck had happened? My phone rang, and I answered without looking at the screen. “What!”

“Well, that isn’t a very nice way to greet your mother.”

My eyes squeezed closed as I cringed. “Sorry, Mom, I’ve had a bad day.”

“Well, that really isn’t an excuse, but I’m sorry to hear it. Would you like to talk about it?”

“No.” Telling my mom about Andi and the show would be the worst thing I could do. She’d have me bring Andi flowers and give her an in-depth explanation, and I wasn’t in the mood for that. Andi should have trusted that I didn’t sleep around.

“Have you taken care of the theater endowment?” she asked.

“Yes, everything is all set. We had a minor glitch, but it’ll work out.”

“Glitch?” Her voice was full of concern.

“It’s really fine and already taken care of. I’m sure the show will be wonderful.”

“Sweetheart, you don’t sound like yourself. Why don’t you come home and we can talk about it?”

My mother always wanted to make things better, but I needed to handle this. I was sure she’d have vast amounts of wisdom to share, but I was so upset with Andi that wisdom was the last thing I sought.

“I’ll see you soon, I promise,” I said. “I have some business to take care of. Please tell the women in the guild that the director is very grateful. He’ll be sending tickets to all of you for opening night.”

“Fantastic, I’ll tell them . . . Bentley, are you going to be okay?”

Just then, my phone beeped, and I saw it was Brett. I needed to talk to him. He would understand this situation and tell me what I needed to hear, not necessarily what I wanted to hear. “Mom, your number-two son is calling. I need to go, and yes, I’ll be fine.”

She laughed. “Tell him to call his mother every once in a while. Love you.”

“Okay. Love you, Mom.”

I hung up, answered Brett’s call, and proceeded to tell him that he wasn’t the only one who could fuck up a relationship and to call our mother.

Curled in a ball on my bed, I was numb. The pressure in my entire body was too much for me. My brain felt muddled with thoughts of Bentley, but I needed to find a new energy source and get moving. Maybe I’d give myself a day to mope and start looking for work tomorrow. My eyes roamed over the picture of my name in lights, the theater programs I’d collected over the years, a picture of me and Seth from dress rehearsal, and a newspaper clipping stuck on the frame of my mirror. A sigh escaped me, along with a tear that I hoped would be the last one.

My phone beeped. I picked it up and stared at the screen.

Seth:
I heard. Are you ok?

He was such a great guy. It was a shame we weren’t attracted to each other. At one time, we’d joked about it and kissed, but it wasn’t something either of us would have written home about. He was a great kisser, but it just didn’t curl my toes or make me feel the way I should have, like when Bentley kissed me. Figured.

Andi:
Not really, but I will be.

Seth:
Can I come over?

Andi:
Now’s not a good time.

Part of me wanted him to, but I wasn’t ready to get into what had happened between Bentley and me. I was glad Seth had texted because I was sure the sound of my voice would bring him over within minutes. I could lie to myself and say I wouldn’t let Bentley’s betrayal affect me, but my friends would see through my façade.

Seth:
Did you talk to Gina?

Andi:
No.

Seth:
Can I?

Andi:
I’ll call her later or tomorrow and tell her everything. Thank you.

Seth:
Will you call me too? I’m worried about you.

Andi:
Yeah, I’ll call.

Seth:
Great. Don’t get mad if I don’t wait that long.

I felt as exhausted as if I’d just run the New York City Marathon. As I tried to process how this had happened to me, how I could have let him crush me this way, there was a knock on the door. I slowly swung my legs over the side of the bed, feeling as if I had weighted shoes on rather than bare feet. Another two knocks sounded. As I stood, my toes gripped my carpet, and my hand went to the side table for support.

More knocks.

In a soft, lazy voice, I told whoever was there that I was coming, but I doubted they heard me. As I opened the door, my eyes found Bentley’s. Too tired to do anything else, I asked, “What do you want?”

His right hand rested on the doorframe while his body leaned in just enough for me to smell him. “We need to talk.”

“No, we don’t. I’m tired and don’t have anything to say.”

I dragged my body, which had awakened with his presence but still felt weighed down, to the kitchen for a glass of water. My hand shook when I raised the glass to my mouth, and I felt him behind me, bringing back the memory of our night together. I stood stock still, keeping my back to him. His hands went to my shoulders, and my head lowered. Too weary to argue, I set the glass in the sink and turned to face him. His eyes lacked the sparkle I’d become accustomed to. They were deep, dark, and searing.

“I’d tell you I’m sorry if I thought that would help,” he said.

My head shook. “Don’t. It doesn’t. Plus, I doubt you are. Please just go.”

He ran his hands through his dark hair. I walked to the door and opened it.

“You really want me to leave? I’ll be leaving tomorrow, so if you want to talk this out, now’s the time. I’ll only be coming back as necessary for the show.” He crossed his arms, awaiting my reply.

A lump formed in my throat. Whatever this was between us was over before it had really started. I nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay? Wow, Andi. You aren’t the person I thought you were at all. What happened to that feisty woman who found me in the restaurant to tell me off? Where’d she go? Where’d your fire go?”

“You extinguished it the moment you lied to me.” I half shrugged. “Or maybe it never existed. Maybe your reviews were spot-on when you said I lacked passion. How ridiculous I must’ve seemed as I poured out my heart about my dreams and my parents and how hard it was for me to accept your help in the first place.” I shook my head in disbelief. “Only to find out it wasn’t just me you wanted to help. I thought I was special to you. I thought you were different.”

“I am different. I did believe in you and your talent, and more importantly, in us. I still do, or I wouldn’t be here.”

“Save it. I don’t want to hear it.” I didn’t want his bullshit explanations. I wanted him out.

“You’re talented and deserve the spotlight.” He turned to leave but not before looking back at me with piercing eyes. “I thought you wanted me too, that you wanted us.”

“We aren’t an ‘us.’ You still don’t understand—I trusted you. Every word you told me, I believed. Enjoy the show. It really is a great story, and I’m sure with your continued assistance, Lucy will make sure the show will be filled with the passion it lacked.”

Without a word, Bentley walked away. As the door closed, my tear ducts opened. I looked around the apartment; it felt as empty as I did. I sat on the sofa, wrapped my arms around a soft throw pillow, and tried to stop my heart from shattering into a million pieces. I rolled to my side as sobs wracked my body. I wondered if I’d ever get over him.

His words haunted my thoughts. “
I did believe in you.” “You’re talented, Andi.” “I think you’re beautiful.”
Were those things true or just lines he’d used to get what he wanted? And not just from me apparently. That was the thought I couldn’t get rid of. How many were there? How did he even know Lucy?

I found myself pulling the soft blanket off the back of the couch. I wrapped my body in it before I drifted off to sleep.

A knock on my door made me sit upright. Had he come back? In a place deep in my heart, I wished he had, but when I opened the door, Seth was standing there with a pizza box and a bottle of my favorite wine.

“Holy shit, what happened? Are you okay?” He walked past me into my kitchen.

I followed and sat at my kitchen table. “You didn’t need to come over. I would’ve called.”

Seth turned to me. “Chambers came back to the theater looking like his dog just died, so I figured you weren’t doing much better.”

My voice cracked. “He did?”
Good.

“Yeah. I don’t know what happened, but I heard him tell Mack that he’d be back periodically to check in. I came to the conclusion that you’d probably told him to take a hike. Am I right?”

I nodded. “It was horrible.”

Seth grabbed plates and glasses from my cupboard and set them on the table. “Talk to me, Andi.”

I fiddled with a napkin. “There isn’t much to say. I thought he was different, but he wasn’t. He was exactly what I didn’t need, which is the opposite of how I’ve felt the past few days.”

Before Seth could reply, the door opened, and Gina flew in. “I’m so sorry I’m late. The bitch didn’t like the way her eyes looked because she ‘looked older.’” Gina tossed her bag on the sofa and removed her jacket in a huff. “She
was
older, and I made the mistake of saying that I’m a makeup artist, not a plastic surgeon. I’m telling you, these actresses can be a major pain in my ass! No offense, Andi, but I’m telling you, if I didn’t get paid well for what I do, I swear I’d quit and get a job at a department store makeup counter where all I’d have to deal with are everyday women who appreciate me!
Ugh!
” She put her hands on her hips and looked to Seth and me. “Shit. What the fuck happened? You look horrible.”

I looked at Seth, who was smirking. “I left a voicemail for Gina to come over too. I didn’t tell her why.” He shrugged apologetically.

“Seriously, will someone tell me what the hell is going on?” Gina sat down as Seth got her a plate and glass. “Andi?” She reached out to me.

I took a sip of wine. “Well, Bentley isn’t who I thought he was.”

She lowered her brows and deadpanned, “Who is he?”

A slight laugh escaped me. “No, I mean he did something. I found out about it at the re-audition, and now I’m out of a job.”

Seth handed her a glass of wine as she said, “Shut the fuck up! You got fired?”

“Gina, please.” Seth sat back down.

“I’m sorry, but I’m in the dark here. What happened?”