The Countdown to Thirty (21 page)

“Come here,” he said standing to his feet and pulling me up
to comfort me in hug. I hugged him back knowing I made a foolish decision that
even I didn’t trust, it was just the easiest decision for me to make at the
moment. God I hated being weak.

That night we cuddled in bed with the music down low as I
told him about my trip to visit my family. He offered understanding and
solutions like a loving partner should do. He was working to gain my trust back
I could tell that much, but when he began to gently stroke me over my pajama
shorts I lied and told him I was on my period and couldn’t
do it
tonight.
Being that he was the one who messed up he didn’t make a big fuss about it and
held me anyway. His reaction caused me to question if it was genuine or for
appearances sake only. Shortly after, I realized he hadn’t given up when he
began to massage my breast slowly and sensually. My fluttering hormones from
temporary abstinence prompted me to renege on my ‘
that time of the month’
lie but I stayed strong. Within no time we both fell asleep.

When I woke up in the middle of the night to use the
bathroom, I had to remind myself that I allowed Malcolm back in my life when I
saw him sleeping in bed beside me in nothing but his boxer briefs and rock hard
abs. I grabbed my phone and after using the bathroom I crept through the dimly
lit living room and sat down on the floor with the bag of Halloween candy. I
threw a few mini Snickers in my mouth and thought about Malcolm’s reaction if
he found out I was dating Christian. I could only imagine the questions he
would ask if he knew. He was as much a fan of Christian as Christian was of
him.

Earlier when Malcolm had me tightly wrapped in his arms as
he told me he loved me, Christian called for our nightly phone convo. I had no
choice but to silence it and let it go to voicemail. My heart sunk to the pit
of my stomach as more guilt and unworthiness overwhelmed me.

I exhaled a heavy breath of air as I began to unwrap a
Reese’s and devour it like I’d done the Snickers. I released a quiet laugh when
I considered the fact that Malcolm and I’d never spent Halloween or any holiday
together. Christian listened, he heard me, he cared about the things I wanted
no matter how small…and this is how I repay him, by hooking up with another man
who I couldn’t even be sure was going to really do the right thing by me or
not.

I grabbed my phone to listen to the voicemail he left and a
tear fell from my eyes. His voice sounded peaceful but disappointed that he
didn’t get to talk to me tonight. Damn! I hate that Malcolm put me in this
position.

“Kaia…come back to bed.” Malcolm called out from the
bedroom. The haste in his voice prompted me to put the phone down before I got
the chance to even send him an apology text.

While wiping my tears I gathered the scraps of candy wrapper
and replied, “I’m coming.” I quickly trashed them before returning to Malcolm’s
side.

“What took you so long?” He asked groggily as he wrapped his
arms back around me.

“Nothing Malcolm, I just made some tea.”

Pumping his package into me from behind he asked, “You still
on your period?”

“Yes, all night.” I answered hoping to put an end to his
growing erection which was hardening against my backside. I closed my eyes and
tried hard to imagine it was Christian holding me; that it was him I felt
pressed tightly against me and no one else.

What the hell was I doing?

v
 
 

The catchphrase “just sleep on it” never applied to me.
Usually if I went to sleep with an unresolved issue I always tended to wake up
with the same freaking issue, but not this morning. At the crack of dawn I
sprang up from my bed in a terrified panic with my arms outstretched pulling at
something. I was having a nightmare but I couldn’t remember all the details.
The only thing I could recall at the moment was that I was hanging over a ledge
or some sort of cliff and was struggling to keep my grip from slipping. It kind
of looked like Ivan’s landscape portrait. Out of nowhere a man appeared but I
couldn’t see his face, it was a blur. He stood over me watching me as I
screamed for his help crying out “Give me a hand! Give me a hand!” When he
finally reached down I noticed the familiar mahogany beaded bracelet around his
wrist. I felt at ease because it was Malcolm. I loosened my grip and reached
for his hand but when I did he pulled it back and I began to fall. I was
grasping at empty masses of air when I woke up in terror.

I was angry, nearly in a rage when I came to my senses and
realized what I’d allow last night and how stupid I’d been to let this asshole
in my house then in my bed! Christian would kill me if he found out! Hell I was
ready to kill myself! God was sending me a clear message that was for sure.

With a fury I stormed to my closet throwing on my robe then
switched the radio on blasting it loud enough so Sonya couldn’t hear a word I
was saying.

“Get up Malcolm!” I yelled snatching my comforter from his
body and throwing it somewhere on the floor, “Get the fuck up!”

He sprang up nearly as quickly as I had and gave me the
nastiest look of scorn, “Wait a minute! What the hell are you doing? What are
you tripping about?”

“You!” I screamed, “I want you up and out now!” I yelled as
I walked around the room collecting his pants, then his shirt and hurling them
at him.

“I can’t believe I let you in here. You think you can just
keep stringing me along and I’ll always be here like a little stupid dog. I’m
not dumb Malcolm and I’m not stupid! Get out!”

He didn’t listen to me. Instead with his same look of scorn
he went for the radio and tried turning it off as if he called the shots around
here, a problem I knew I created. I slapped his hand away then picked up one of
his shoes and hurled it at his head. He ducked and instead of it slapping
against his bald pate it went crashing into the window creating a long diagonal
crack from top to bottom. Through all of my rage I’d taken a second to wonder
how much that was going to cost me. No way was maintenance fixing that for
free.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” He barked taking my
wrists above my head and shoving me into the wall.

He squeezed them so hard I expected to hear a snap at any
moment. The surge of pain when my back and head collided with the wall caught
me so far off guard that I couldn’t think, I just began to cry. Not only
because of the pain though, but because I was frustrated and angry with this
whole turn of events.

“I want you out! It’s over!” I sobbed, “For good, just
leave. Don’t come back.”

The blank look of shock was written all over his face and
maybe even a little disappointment to. He unpinned my hands, releasing me from
his tight grip and collected his things. Still sobbing while watching him slip
back into his sweat suit I’d hoped that he was equally as shocked by my
outburst as I was by his disrespectful pop-up last night. I braced myself, this
was it. The official end of Kaia Hammond and Malcolm Malone had come. I felt
frozen as I watched two years of fantasies, companionship and love exposed
themselves for what they’ve always been, fake.

“You know what you should’ve been for Halloween?” He asked
in a cynical tone. He stood at my bedroom door adjusting his beanie before
exiting. The scornful look in his eyes told me he had one last nasty thing to
say before he was out of my life once and for all.

I didn’t bother responding to his question, I just glared at
him in disgust while I rubbed my wrist.

He cackled, “A bride, something you’ll never be.”

“Get out!” I screamed.

I could see just how naïve I’d been and I hated him for it.
When I heard the front door slam I ran to lock it then immediately set my alarm
system. I put my back against the door as my chest puffed up and down. I went
back to my room and in anger snatched the plug to the radio out of the wall
desperate to drown out any noise. I needed silence in order to think. How could
he say something so mean?

I walked to the window where I’d thrown his shoe and traced
my fingers over the ugly crack. Tears continued to roll down my face when I
made the executive decision to keep my ass home on my Sunday off. Earlier in
the week Rosie had volunteered me to come into the office today to help clean
up some of her mess.

“Psst, she can deal with her own damn problems. I have
enough of my own.”

Sonya

I stood at my mother’s kitchen window as I let warm water
fill the stainless steel sink and thought about Lamont’s pending trail. During
his initial arraignment he plead not guilty to a slew of charges including
attempted murder and conspiracy to commit murder. Thank God the woman and her
child had pulled through, a healthy baby girl she named Asia. The judge ended
up revoking any possibility of bail and he was sent back to the confines of the
Clark County Detention Center to wait out his time until trial. Media outlets
from all over the country were covering this story. Forensic experts and
retired prosecuting attorney’s blabbed on and on about motive and this and that
but as far as I was concerned they didn’t know anything, I was the one who
discovered the truth about him years ago.

As it turns out, he never got into the NFL but instead
started his own barbershop business. That wasn’t surprising since he had a need
for control. From the information reported his business was actually
successful, he wasn’t hurting for money. Why he did it seemed to be the big
question on everyone’s mind.

But I was the one who knew that this narcissistic freak
considered only himself and what
he
wanted. He’d be willing to kill
anything that got in the way of
his
plans. The scariest thing to me is
that we’d been practically living in the same neighborhood for God knows how
long and I didn’t even know it. Before this happened I still assumed he lived
up north in Reno.

My thoughts eventually shifted from Lamont to my new job at
Maddison’s. It’d taken me so long to get to this point of fulfillment that in a
way it still felt surreal. No I wasn’t an entrepreneur yet and yes I was still
buried in debt but the point was things were getting better for me. I was
working behind the scenes of retail management, learning their inventory
process then accounting for it, balancing their books, completing payroll and
even placing orders with their vendors. Every skill was going to be
transferrable to my business. There was no way I’d ever get bored working at
Madison’s, there was just too much to learn. And with the money they were
paying me I figured in about two months I’d be able to start paying off small
chunks of debt.

“Auntie Sonya your phone!” Imani yelled breaking my daze out
the window and drawing my attention to the water and bubbles that began to
overflow.

“Shit,” I whispered turning off the sink in a hurry. I could
now hear the ringing as Imani and Xavier raced each other through the kitchen
with my phone in hand.

Out of breath Imani spoke, “Your phone auntie, we ran all
the way from grandma’s room…to bring it to you.”

“Thank you babies,” I said quickly towel drying my hands
before I picked up the phone, “Hello?” I answered not wasting a moment to even
glance at the caller ID.

“Hey it’s me.”

Kyle’s deep voice coated in his sexy Boston accent resonated
through the phone sending chills up my spine that I fought hard to ignore. I
couldn’t let feelings or emotions get involved in this situation if I wanted it
to go according to plan. Zero emotions. So I acted like it was the cold outside
making me quiver instead of Kyle and grabbed my jacket and put it on.

“Hi Kyle, how are you?”

“I’m doing better now,” he responded coolly, “I want you to
swing by tonight, think you can do that?”

 His question sounded more like a request even though he
waited for my response. I wanted to be a little irritated if he thought for a
minute I would just jump whenever he said jump but I couldn’t. I wanted to be
over there and feel his hands on my body and his lips on my lips, giving me
pleasure that no plastic love stick ever could.

“Yea, I can do that.” I replied trying to play it cool.

Then just as calmly as when we first met he replied, “Good,
eight o’clock don’t be late,” before he hung up the phone.

He cleverly killed any opportunity I had to object or even
say
“Great, see you later
”, shit even a good-bye before he disconnected
the call and left me hanging.

My mother walked in a few minutes later and helped me dry
and put away the rest of the dinner dishes. Saundra and David enlisted Mama to
babysit for their monthly Friday night date night, and she therefore enlisted
me to help her out for “moral support” as she called it. We agreed that if she
cooked dinner I’d wash the dishes and even get the kids in their pajamas.

She caught me by surprise when she casually asked my
feelings on the whole Lamont trial thing…Saundra must have told her, that
wasn’t surprising. When I came back from Reno without my bachelor’s degree,
jobless and depressed and heartbroken she didn’t crucify me, she showed me
love. The guilt I felt from disappointing her was heavy but she still continued
believing in me anyway. This is where a large part of my independence comes
from. I had to show her I could do this and stand on my own and do the right
thing, no matter how hard I messed up and had to struggle. My mother and I
never really liked to re-hatch that old-wound, I think it was too painful for
me to see that pain in her eyes from knowing the misery I’d gone through. It
normally was just a subject quietly brushed over if it ever came up, but now
she’d asked me my feelings directly causing me to feel slightly shamed and
forcing me to choose my words carefully.

I thought for a moment then replied, “I believe the law will
handle this and judge him accordingly,” I said knowing I sounded rehearsed and
evasive.

“Look at me,” she said gently putting her smooth carmel hand
on mine, “Your sister told me everything that he did to you, including the
baby. Why didn’t you tell me? I would have supported you.”

I shrugged my shoulders feeling a little embarrassed, “I
don’t know mom. I guess I didn’t want you feeling sorry for me. Plus there was
nothing to be done about it at that point you know? What was done was done.”

“I’ll always be your mother, don’t keep things like that
away from me. You never know what can be done. It’s not you against the world
Sonya, you have a whole family who loves you.”

I nodded my head showing I understood.

I finished drying the dishes while she continued, “What goes
around comes around baby, and he’s going to get his. Half of these men are so
crazy I don’t know what goes in those minds. But I do know that you’re smart
and you’re a fighter and I see you trying hard everyday to make the best out of
your life. I’m proud of you no matter what.”

I started to feel tears creep there way to my eyes and my
nose get a little runny but I gathered all my strength to surpress them. I hate
crying and I didn’t want to do it in front of my mom, I don’t like to get
emotional in front of her. Instead I gave her a nice hug and thanked her. She
caught me by surprise yet again when she suggested I move back in with her once
my lease was up.

“You can save money.” She said, “You can have the room in
the back with your own bathroom and you know I won’t bother you much. You won’t
even need to pay me rent.”

The idea of it did sound good, and to be honest I’d thought
about it a hundred times every time the rent was due. But my independence was
important to me and so was my sanity. My mother unintentionally had a way of running
the show with early morning wake-up calls and an alcohol free zone that started
at her front door. She didn’t do it on purpose, it was just her way after years
of being the head of our household. Our bond seemed tighter when we didn’t live
together, you know the saying “
distance makes the heart grow fonder”;
that
was us. After declining her offer I thanked her but told her I’d keep the
option open, she was pleased with that.

I tucked the kids into bed then drove off into the night
towards Kyle’s. I pulled into his driveway at about seven fifty and I wondered
if I should drive around the block a few times then come back and ring his
doorbell at about five after. The last thing I needed was for him to think of
me as desperate or eager to please because that wasn’t the case. Nevertheless,
I decided against it and not because I was ready to pounce on him but because
my toes were cold.

“Yea, my toes are cold.” I confirmed with myself.

“
Yea right girl, you like this man.”
My concious said
letting me know I wasn’t fooling her.

As I rang his doorbell I admitted to myself that maybe I did
like him, but not enough to fall in love and want to spend all my damn time
with him. I mean I’m Sonya Kemp afterall, I don’t fall in love and go goo goo
for men anymore. This ain’t the fifties and I’m not looking for my night in
shining armor.

When he opened the door he caught me so far off guard that
my mind didn’t have time to react to his swift movements. He grabbed me by the
hands and pulled me in quickly actually sending my body flying into his as he
kissed me tightly and roughly. My body’s animalistic instict kicked into overdrive
and did the thinking and moving for me, kissing him back passionately and
forcefully until we ended up on his leather sofa entangled in web of lust.

Experience told me Kyle was a breast man, that’s why he
surprised me when he stopped me from removing my shirt just as I was about to
pull it over my head.

“Slow down,” he said just above a whisper.

I thought that meant he wanted me to go slow, you know
seductively like they do it in the movies, but when he grabbed my hands and
stopped them from removing my shirt any further above my head I was confused.
He exhaled a deep breath like he had blue balls or something but I sure as hell
didn’t give it to him. Leaning down to give him a kiss not ready to stop what
he’d started I felt his manhood pressed against me and it turned me on even
more.

“Sonya baby, slow down alright.” He said again but this time
lifting me up from my stradled position then sitting me down on the couch like
I was a small child.

I was thuroughly confused. I couldn’t help but to look at
him like he was crazy.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, c’mon let’s eat.” He said standing up reaching for
my hand then leading us to the kitchen.

Let’s eat? Since when did we eat?
Clearly he was
trying to play hardball but the bulge still in his pants confirmed he wanted
me.

The oversized house was quiet and the room was still. As we
walked towards the kitchen it felt as if our raging hormones were echoing
against the walls and reverberating sexual tension all over the place.

He pulled out two barstools indicating that he wanted me to
sit. I did but I couldn’t help feeling a little akward. I wasn’t oblivious to
the fact that he wanted to get to know me better, duh. And if I wasn’t scared
and jaded as Nina so nicely put it, or was it bitter and jaded, this would have
been easy for me.

He walked into the kitchen and came back with two full-sized
plates of food. He sat in the barstool next to me then hopped back and went for
the fridge.

“Almost forgot the wine.” He said reaching for the glasses,
“Would you like some?”

“Yes wine, please wine.”

“Nervous huh? Don’t be, you know I don’t bite unless you
want me to.” He said causing me to blush more than I would have liked to.

When I thought about it, I guess I wasn’t handling this
situation the right way. We’d been sleeping together yet I still knew very
little about him. But that was the plan right? No emotions. No ties.

If this were ‘Pretty Woman’ you’d be Julia Roberts and
he’d be Richard Gere,
my concious butted in.

“Are you calling me a hoe?” I asked myself.

I got no response.

Kyle returned with our glasses and told me to dig in as he
poured.

I was hungry since I passed up dinner at my mother’s. I’ve
never had a liking for liver.

“Wow, it’s…fabulous. I didn’t know you could cook.”

“Yes ma’am, I learned from the best. My moms taught me.” He
said placing our wine glasses down on the bar. “What you’re looking at here is
a marinated shrimp scampi. I put a little garlic, lemon peel, red pepper and
dry white wine to get that flavor your tasting right now.”

And he was right. My pallet did sommersaults, the flavor in
this meal was incredible, it was easily five star restuarnt quailty. He smiled
at me once realzing he’d pleased me, yet again. God he was so dangerous in more
ways than one.

“So once again, congratulations on the job beautiful,” he
said taking a healthy bite of his meal. “How was your first week?”

I smiled, “It went good. A lot of training but I’m catching
on fast.”

“That’s good, I can see you doing that job. The sexy little
accountant,” he joked.

I laughed and took a sip of wine. It was refreshing and
soft, “You make it sound like a porno or something.”

He laughed again as he continued on, “No it’s not like that,
but you are sexy.” He licked his lips, “But you already know that don’t you?”

He was giving me the eye, but not in the fiending for me
type of way, it was more of an admirable way like he was tyring to look into my
soul. I put my overworked hormones to the side and let myself completely relax
around him for once. We ended up chatting about music and reality TV while he
refilled our glasses with more wine. I found out he was seriously into ‘The
Walking Dead’ series, something I would have never guessed by looking at him.
But then again what does a zombie fan look like right?

Before I knew it our coversation had gotten so interesting
and fun that we ended up back in the living room with the bottle of wine beside
us as we stretched out onto the floor. I was tipsy, he was tipsy.

When I stumbled over my words as I explained my misery at
Alliance America he mimicked me making me snicker like a drunk. He in turn told
me his first real job was cleaning port-o-potties for the city back in Boston.
When he vividly shared a few of those horror stories with me I laughed until
the tears fell from my eyes. He was wooing me through laughter for sure and the
more I drank the more I allowed myself to just enjoy the moment.