The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (549 page)

DON PEDRO

Dost thou wear thy wit by thy side?

Do you wear your wit by your side?

CLAUDIO

Never any did so, though very many have been beside their wit. I will bid thee draw, as we do the minstrels; draw, to pleasure us.

No one ever did, though very many have been beside their wit. I will tell you to pull it out, as we do tell minstrels; pull it out, to please us.

DON PEDRO

As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Art thou sick, or angry?

As I am an honest man, he looks pale. Are you sick, or angry?

CLAUDIO

What, courage, man! What though care killed a cat, thou hast mettle enough in thee to kill care.

Have courage, man! Even if worry killed a cat, you have enough strength enough in you to kill worry.

BENEDICK

Sir, I shall meet your wit in the career, an you charge it against me. I pray you choose another subject.

Sir, I shall meet your wit in due time, if you charge it against me. Please choose another subject.

CLAUDIO

Nay then, give him another staff: this last was broke cross.

Give him another staff: this previous one has broken crossly.

DON PEDRO

By this light, he changes more and more: I think he be angry indeed.

By this light, he changes more and more: I think he actually is angry.

CLAUDIO

If he be, he knows how to turn his girdle.

If he is, he knows how to turn it around.

BENEDICK

Shall I speak a word in your ear?

CLAUDIO

God bless me from a challenge!

God save me from a challenge!

BENEDICK

[Aside to CLAUDIO.] You are a villain, I jest not: I will make it good how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.

You are a villain, I am not joking: I will show how you dare, with what you dare, and when you dare. Do me right, or I will protest your cowardice. You have killed a sweet lady, and her death shall fall heavy on you. Let me hear from you.

CLAUDIO

Well I will meet you, so I may have good cheer.

DON PEDRO

What, a feast, a feast?

CLAUDIO

I' faith, I thank him; he hath bid me to a calf's-head and a capon, the which if I do not carve most curiously, say my knife's naught. Shall I not find a woodcock too?

In faith, I thank him; he has called me to a calf’s-head and a neutered rooster, which if I do not carve most strangely, say my knife is worth nothing. Shall I not find a woodcock too?

BENEDICK

Sir, your wit ambles well; it goes easily.

Sir, your wit is walking well.

DON PEDRO

I'll tell thee how Beatrice praised thy wit the other day. I said, thou hadst a fine wit. 'True,' says she, 'a fine little one.' 'No,' said I, 'a great wit.' 'Right,' said she, 'a great gross one.' 'Nay,' said I, 'a good wit.' 'Just,' said she, 'it hurts nobody.' 'Nay,' said I, 'the gentleman is wise.' 'Certain,' said she, ‘a wise gentleman.' 'Nay,' said I, 'he hath the tongues.' 'That I believe' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on Monday night, which he forswore on Tuesday morning: there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' Thus did she, an hour together, trans-shape thy particular virtues; yet at last she concluded with a sigh, thou wast the properest man in Italy.

I’ll tell you how Beatrice praised your wit the other day. I said you ad a fine wit. ‘True,’ she says, ‘a fine little one.’ ‘No,’ said I, ‘a large wit.’ ‘Right,’ she said, ‘a large crude wit.’ ‘No,’ I said, ‘a good wit.’ ‘Fair,’ she said, ‘it hurts nobody.’ ‘No,’ I said, ‘the gentleman is wise.’ 'Certain,' she said, ‘a wise gentleman.' 'No,' I said, 'he has the tongues.' 'That I believe' said she, 'for he swore a thing to me on Monday night, which he took back on Tuesday morning: there's a double tongue; there's two tongues.' In this way she, an hour together, speak of your particular virtues; yet at last she concluded with a sigh that you were the best man in Italy.

CLAUDIO

For the which she wept heartily and said she cared not.

At which point she cried hard and said she didn’t care.

DON PEDRO

Yea, that she did; but yet, for all that, an if she did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly. The old man's daughter told us all.

Yes, that she did; but yet, for all that, if she did not hate him deadly, she would love him dearly. The old man’s daughter told us all.

CLAUDIO

All, all; and moreover, God saw him when he was hid in the garden.

All, all; and in addition, God saw him when he was hidden in the garden.

DON PEDRO

But when shall we set the savage bull's horns on the sensible Benedick's head?

But when shall we place the savage bull’s horns on the sensible Benedick’s head?

CLAUDIO

Yea, and text underneath, 'Here dwells Benedick the married man!'

Yes, and text underneath, ‘Here lives Benedick the married man!’

BENEDICK

Fare you well, boy: you know my mind. I will leave you now to your gossip-like humour; you break jests as braggarts do their blades, which, God be thanked, hurt not. My lord, for your many courtesies I thank you: I must discontinue your company. Your brother the bastard is fled from Messina: you have, among you, killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord Lack-beard there, he and I shall meet; and till then, peace be with him.

Farewell, boy: you know how I feel. I will leave you now to your gossiping mood; you break jokes the way braggers break their blades, which, God be thanked, do not hurt. My lord, for your many favors I thank you: I must leave your company. Your brother born out of wedlock has run from Messina: you have, among you, killed a sweet and innocent lady. For my Lord No-beard there, he and I shall meet; and till then, peace be with him.

[Exit.]

DON PEDRO

He is in earnest.

CLAUDIO

In most profound earnest; and, I'll warrant you, for the love of Beatrice.

In most serious earnest; and, I predict to you, for the love of Beatrice.

DON PEDRO

And hath challenged thee?

And he has challenged you?

CLAUDIO

Most sincerely.

DON PEDRO

What a pretty thing man is when he goes in his doublet and hose and leaves off his wit!

What a pretty thing man is when he puts on his clothes and leaves off his intelligence!

CLAUDIO

He is then a giant to an ape; but then is an ape a doctor to such a man.

DON PEDRO

But, soft you; let me be: pluck up, my heart, and be sad! Did he not say my brother was fled?

But, be quiet please: leave me alone: pluck up, my heart, and be sad! Did he not say my brother had run away?

[Enter DOGBERRY, VERGES, and the Watch, with CONRADE and BORACHIO.]

DOGBERRY

Come you, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she shall ne'er weigh more reasons in her balance. Nay, an you be a cursing hypocrite once, you must be looked to.

Come, sir: if justice cannot tame you, she shall never weigh any more reasons in her scales. Indeed, if you are a cursing hypocrite once, you must be dealt with.

DON PEDRO

How now! two of my brother's men bound! Borachio, one!

What’s going on? Two of my brother’s men tied! Borachio one of them!

CLAUDIO

Hearken after their offence, my lord.

Listen to what their offence is, my lord.

DON PEDRO

Officers, what offence have these men done?

DOGBERRY

Marry, sir, they have committed false report; moreover, they have spoken untruths; secondarily, they are slanders; sixth and lastly, they have belied a lady; thirdly, they have verified unjust things; and to conclude, they are lying knaves.

By Mary, sir, they have lied; and in addition, they have spoken untruths; and also they have made false accusations; sixth and lastly, they have lied about a lady; thirdly, they have verified unfair things; and to conclude, they are lying criminals.

DON PEDRO

First, I ask thee what they have done; thirdly, I ask thee what's their offence; sixth and lastly, why they are committed; and, to conclude, what you lay to their charge?

First, I ask you what they have done; thirdly, I ask you what is their offence, sixth and lastly, why are they in custody; and, to conclude, what do you charge them with?

CLAUDIO

Rightly reasoned, and in his own division; and, by my troth, there's one meaning well suited.

Correctly reasoned, and in his own system; and, by my truth, there’s one suitable meaning.

DON PEDRO

Who have you offended, masters, that you are thus bound to your answer? this learned constable is too cunning to be understood. What's your offence?

Who have you offended, gentlemen, that you are forced to answer in this way? This ‘learned’ constable is too cunning to be understood. What’s your offence?

BORACHIO

Sweet prince, let me go no further to mine answer: do you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light; who, in the night overheard me confessing to this man how Don John your brother incensed me to slander the Lady Hero; how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero's garments; how you disgraced her, when you should marry her. My villany they have upon record; which I had rather seal with my death than repeat over to my shame. The lady is dead upon mine and my master's false accusation; and, briefly, I desire nothing but the reward of a villain.

Sweet prince, I will answer right away: you hear me, and let this count kill me. I have deceived even your very eyes: what your wisdoms could not discover, these shallow fools have brought to light; who, in the night overheard me confessing to this man how your brother Don John motivated me to falsely accuse the Lady Hero; how you were brought into the orchard and saw me court Margaret in Hero’s clothes; how you disgraced her when you were supposed to marry her. My villainy they have upon record; which I would rather seal with my death than repeat to my shame. The lady is dead because of my and my master’s false accusation; and, briefly, I want nothing but the punishment of a villain.

DON PEDRO

Runs not this speech like iron through your blood?

Doesn’t this speech run like iron through your blood?

CLAUDIO

I have drunk poison whiles he utter'd it.

I have drunk poison while he said it.

DON PEDRO

But did my brother set thee on to this?

But did my brother put you up to this?

BORACHIO

Yea; and paid me richly for the practice of it.

Yes; and paid me well for putting it into practice.

DON PEDRO

He is compos'd and fram'd of treachery:

He is made of treachery:

And fled he is upon this villany.

And has run away from this villainy.

CLAUDIO

Sweet Hero! now thy image doth appear

Sweet Hero! Now your image appears in my mind

In the rare semblance that I lov'd it first.

In the rare way that I first loved it.

DOGBERRY

Come, bring away the plaintiffs: by this time our sexton hath reformed Signior Leonato of the matter. And masters, do not forget to specify, when time and place shall serve, that I am an ass.

Come, take away the [he means to say ‘defendants’]: by this time our sexton has [he means to say ‘informed’] Sir Leonato of the matter. And gentlemen, do not forget to specify, when the time and place is right, that I am an ass.

VERGES

Here, here comes Master Signior Leonato, and the sexton too.

[Re-enter LEONATO, ANTONIO, and the Sexton.]

LEONATO

Which is the villain? Let me see his eyes,

That, when I note another man like him, I may avoid him. Which of these is he?

That, when I notice another man like him, I may avoid him. Which of these is he?

BORACHIO

If you would know your wronger, look on me.

LEONATO

Art thou the slave that with thy breath hast kill'd

Are you the slave that with your breath has killed

Mine innocent child?

My innocent child?

BORACHIO