The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (426 page)

Bring him his confessor, so he can be prepared,
For that's the utmost of his pilgrimage.

For the last point in his journey.

Exit Provost

ESCALUS

[Aside] Well, heaven forgive him! and forgive us all!

[Aside] Well, God forgive him! and forgive all of us!
Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall:

Some rise up by sin, and some fall from virtue:
Some run from brakes of ice, and answer none:

Some commit sin and escape the consequences:
And some condemned for a fault alone.

And some are condemned for only a mistake.

Enter ELBOW, and Officers with FROTH and POMPEY

ELBOW

Come, bring them away: if these be good people in

Come, take them away: if these be good people in
a commonweal that do nothing but use their abuses in

A community that do nothing but practice their vices in
common houses, I know no law: bring them away.

Brothels, I do not know the law: take them away.

ANGELO

How now, sir! What's your name? and what's the matter?

What is the meaning of this, sir!  What’s your name? and what’s the matter?

ELBOW

If it Please your honour, I am the poor duke's

It it pleases you, your hono, I am the Duke’s poor
constable, and my name is Elbow: I do lean upon

Constable, and my name is Elbow: I do rely on
justice, sir, and do bring in here before your good
justice, sir, and do bring in here before your good

honour two notorious benefactors.

Honor two notorious benefactors.

ANGELO

Benefactors? Well; what benefactors are they? Are

Benefactors? Well; what kind of benefactors are they? Are
they not malefactors?

They not malefactors?

ELBOW

If it? please your honour, I know not well what they

If it pleases you, your honor, I do not know well what they
are: but precise villains they are, that I am sure

Are: but they are definitely villains, that I am sure
of; and void of all profanation in the world that
of; and devoid of all ‘profanation’ in the world that

good Christians ought to have.

Good Christians should have.

ESCALUS

This comes off well; here's a wise officer.

This is well spoken; here’s a wise officer.

ANGELO

Go to: what quality are they of? Elbow is your

Go on: what occupation are they? Elbow is your
name? why dost thou not speak, Elbow?

Name? What are you not speaking, Elbow?

POMPEY

He cannot, sir; he's out at elbow.

He cannot, sir; he’s a bit dumb, and doesn’t always make sense.

ANGELO

What are you, sir?

What are you, sir?

ELBOW

He, sir! a tapster, sir; parcel-bawd; one that

Sir, He is a bar man, sir; a part-time procurer of whores; one that
serves a bad woman; whose house, sir, was, as they

Works for a bad woman; whose brothel, sir, was, as they
say, plucked down in the suburbs; and now she

Say, torn down in the suburbs; and now she
professes a hot-house, which, I think, is a very ill house too.

Claims to run a bath-house, which I think, is a very bad house too.

ESCALUS

How know you that?

How do you know that?

ELBOW

My wife, sir, whom I detest before heaven and your honour,--

My wife, sir, whom I ‘detest’ before heaven and your honor,--

ESCALUS

How? thy wife?

Your wife? Why?

ELBOW

Ay, sir; whom, I thank heaven, is an honest woman,--

Yes, sir; whom, I thank heaven, is an honest woman,--

ESCALUS

Dost thou detest her therefore?

Why do you detest her then?

ELBOW

I say, sir, I will detest myself also, as well as

I say, sir, I will ‘detest’ myself—I mean declare myself—also, along with
she, that this house, if it be not a bawd's house,

Her, that this house, if it isn’t a brothel,
it is pity of her life, for it is a naughty house.

It is sad thing for her, for it as a wicked house.

ESCALUS

How dost thou know that, constable?

How do you know this, constable?

ELBOW

Marry, sir, by my wife; who, if she had been a woman

I swear by the Virgin Mary, sir, and by my wife; who if she had been a woman
cardinally given, might have been accused in

That was carnally inclined, might have been accused of
fornication, adultery, and all uncleanliness there.

Fornication, adultery, and all moral impuity there.

ESCALUS

By the woman's means?

By this woman’s doings?

ELBOW

Ay, sir, by Mistress Overdone's means: but as she

Yes, sir, by Mistress Overdone’s doings: but the same as she
spit in his face, so she defied him.

Spit in Pompey’s face, so she defied him.

POMPEY

Sir, if it please your honour, this is not so.

Sir, if it pleases you, your honor, this is not true.

ELBOW

Prove it before these varlets here, thou honourable

Prove it before these ‘scoundrels’ here then, you ‘honorable
man; prove it.

Man’; prove it.

ESCALUS

Do you hear how he misplaces?

Do you hear how me mistakes one word for another?

POMPEY

Sir, she came in great with child; and longing,

Sir, she came in pregnant; and wanting--
saving your honour's reverence, for stewed prunes;

Begging your pardon for my bad language—for stewed prunes;
sir, we had but two in the house, which at that very

Sir, we had only two in the house, which at that very
distant time stood, as it were, in a fruit-dish, a

Instant of time stood, as it were, in a fruit-dish, a
dish of some three-pence; your honours have seen

Dish worth about three pennies; your honors have seen
such dishes; they are not China dishes, but very

Dishes like that; they aren’t China dishes, but very
good dishes,--

Good dihes,--

ESCALUS

Go to, go to: no matter for the dish, sir.

Go on, go on: no matter about the dish, sir.

POMPEY

No, indeed, sir, not of a pin; you are therein in

No, indeed, sir, it’s not worth the trifle; you are thus
the right: but to the point. As I say, this

Correct: but to the point. As I say, this
Mistress Elbow, being, as I say, with child, and

Mistress Elbow, being, as I say, with child, and
being great-bellied, and longing, as I said, for

Being great-eblied, and wanting, as I said, for
prunes; and having but two in the dish, as I said,

Prunes; and having only two in the dish, as I said,
Master Froth here, this very man, having eaten the

Master Froth here, this man here, having eaten the
rest, as I said, and, as I say, paying for them very

Others, as I said, and, as I say, he payed for them
honestly; for, as you know, Master Froth, I could

Honestly; for, as you know, Master Frother, I can’t
not give you three-pence again.

Give you three pennies again.

FROTH

No, indeed.

No, indeed.

POMPEY

Very well: you being then, if you be remembered,

Very well: you were then, if you remember,
cracking the stones of the foresaid prunes,--

Cracking the stones of the aforementioned prunes,--

FROTH

Ay, so I did indeed.

Yes, I did do that.

POMPEY

Why, very well; I telling you then, if you be

Why, yes; I told you then, if you
remembered, that such a one and such a one were past

Remember, that so-and-so and so-and-so were beyond
cure of the thing you wot of, unless they kept very

Cure for that thing you know of, syphilis, unless they kept a very
good diet, as I told you,--

Good diet, as I told you,--

FROTH

All this is true.

All this is true.

POMPEY

Why, very well, then,--

Why, very well, then,--

ESCALUS

Come, you are a tedious fool: to the purpose. What

Come one, you are a tedious fool: get to the point.  What
was done to Elbow's wife, that he hath cause to

Was done to Elbow’s wide, that he has a reason to
complain of? Come me to what was done to her.

Complain?  Come the part about what was done to her.

POMPEY

Sir, your honour cannot come to that yet.

Sir, your honor cannot come to that yet.

ESCALUS

No, sir, nor I mean it not.

No, sir, I don’t mean it that way.

POMPEY

Sir, but you shall come to it, by your honour's

Sir, but you shall come to it, by your honor’s
leave. And, I beseech you, look into Master Froth

Leave.  And, I ask you, consider Master Froth
here, sir; a man of four-score pound a year; whose

Here, sir; a man of 80 pounds a year, a good income; whose
father died at Hallowmas: was't not at Hallowmas,

Father died on All Saint’s Day: was it not on All Saint’s Day,
Master Froth?

Master Froth?

FROTH

All-hallond eve.

Halloween.

POMPEY

Why, very well; I hope here be truths. He, sir,

Why, very well; I hope all this is true.  He, sir,
sitting, as I say, in a lower chair, sir; 'twas in

Was sitting, as I say, in a low chair, sir; ‘it was in
the Bunch of Grapes, where indeed you have a delight

The room called Bunch of Grapes, where indeed you like
to sit, have you not?

To sit, do you not?

FROTH

I have so; because it is an open room and good for winter.

I do like it; because it is an public room and good for winter.

POMPEY

Why, very well, then; I hope here be truths.

Why, very well, ten; I hope this is the truth.

ANGELO

This will last out a night in Russia,

This will take a very long time, like Russian nights,
When nights are longest there: I'll take my leave.

As nights are the longest there: I’ll take my leave.
And leave you to the hearing of the cause;

And leave you to the hearing of the case;
Hoping you'll find good cause to whip them all.

I hope you’ll find a good reason to whip them all.

ESCALUS

I think no less. Good morrow to your lordship.

I think the same.  Good night to you lordship.

Exit ANGELO

Now, sir, come on: what was done to Elbow's wife, once more?