The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (402 page)

That last one was Biron, the cheerful and reckless lord:
Not a word with him but a jest.

Never just words with him but jokes.
BOYET And every jest but a word.

And every joke is a word.
PRINCESS It was well done of you to take him at his word.

It was well done for you to take everything he said literally.
BOYET I was as willing to grapple as he was to board.

I was as willing to wrestle words with him as he was to get information.
MARIA Two hot sheeps, marry.

Two angry rams, how funny.

BOYET And wherefore not ships?

And how come we can’t be ships?
No sheep, sweet lamb, unless we feed on your lips.

Not rams, sweet lamb, unless we feed on your lips.
MARIA You sheep, and I pasture: shall that finish the jest?

You are sheep and I’m a pasture: does that finish the joke?
BOYET So you grant pasture for me.

So you grant me pasture.
Offering to kiss herMARIA Not so, gentle beast:

Not at all, gentle beast:
My lips are no common, though several they be.

My lips are not for general use, though there are several.BOYET Belonging to whom?

Who do they belong to?
MARIA To my fortunes and me.

To my fortunes and me.
PRINCESS Good wits will be jangling; but, gentles, agree:

This is a good banter of wits; but gentle ones, we must agree:
This civil war of wits were much better used

This war between us of wits would be much better used
On Navarre and his book-men; for here 'tis abused.

On Navarre and his study-men; for here it is misused.
BOYET If my observation, which very seldom lies,

If my observations, which very seldom lies,
By the heart's still rhetoric disclosed with eyes,

Read the heart’s persuasion, uncovered by my eyes,
Deceive me not now, Navarre is infected.

Don’t deceive me now, I would say that Navarre is infected.
PRINCESS With what?

With what?
BOYET With that which we lovers entitle affected.

With what we lovers call affection.
PRINCESS Your reason?

What makes you say that?
BOYET Why, all his behaviors did make their retire

Well, all his behaviors retreated
To the court of his eye, peeping thorough desire:

To the court of his eye, seeing complete desire:
His heart, like an agate, with your print impress'd,
His heart like an agate stone, has been marked with your print,

Proud with his form, in his eye pride express'd:

Proud with his form, his eyes expressed pride;
His tongue, all impatient to speak and not see,

His tongue, all impatient to speak and not see,
Did stumble with haste in his eyesight to be;

Did stumble with his rush to see you;
All senses to that sense did make their repair,

All of his senses retreated to the sense of sight
To feel only looking on fairest of fair:

So that they could all only feel looking at the most beautiful beauty:
Methought all his senses were lock'd in his eye,

It seemed to me that all his senses were fixed in his eyes,
As jewels in crystal for some prince to buy;

Like jewels in crystal for some prince to buy;
Who, tendering their own worth from where they were glass'd,

Who, offering their own worth from inside their glass,
Did point you to buy them, along as you pass'd:

Did point at you to buy them, as you passed along:
His face's own margent did quote such amazes

You could tell by his face that he was amazed
That all eyes saw his eyes enchanted with gazes.

And all eyes saw his eyes enchanted with gazes.
I'll give you Aquitaine and all that is his,

I’ll give you Aquitaine and everything he owns,
An you give him for my sake but one loving kiss.

If, for my sake, you give him one loving kiss.
PRINCESS Come to our pavilion: Boyet is disposed.

Come to our pavilion: Boyet is done for the day.
BOYET But to speak that in words which his eye hath

I only spoke in words that which his eyes
disclosed.

Disclosed,
I only have made a mouth of his eye,

I have only made a mouth of his eye,
By adding a tongue which I know will not lie.
By adding a tongue that I know will not lie.

ROSALINE Thou art an old love-monger and speakest skilfully.

You are an old matchmaker, and speak skillfully.
MARIA He is Cupid's grandfather and learns news of him.

He is Cupid’s grandfather and learns news about love from him.
ROSALINE Then was Venus like her mother, for her father is but grim.

Then Venus was like her mother, for her father is but girm.
BOYET Do you hear, my mad wenches?

Do you hear what I’m saying, you crazy girls?
MARIA No.

No.
BOYET What then, do you see?

What then, do you see?
ROSALINE Ay, our way to be gone.

The way out of here.
BOYET You are too hard for me.
Oh, I give up.

Exeunt

Enter DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO and MOTH 

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Warble, child; make passionate my sense of hearing.

Sing, child; make my ears feel passion.
MOTH Concolinel.

Concolinel.
SingingDON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Sweet air! Go, tenderness of years; take this key,

Sweet song! Go, young one; take this key,
give enlargement to the swain, bring him festinately

Release the country boy, bring him quickly
hither: I must employ him in a letter to my love.

Here: I must send him to take a letter to my love.
MOTH Master, will you win your love with a French brawl?

Master, will you win your love with a French dance?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO How meanest thou? brawling in French?

How do you mean? Dancing in French?
MOTH No, my complete master: but to jig off a tune at

No, my perfect master: but to do a jig off a tune at
the tongue's end, canary to it with your feet, humour

The tongue’s end, dance to it with your feet, humor
it with turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and

It by turning up your eyelids, sigh a note and
sing a note, sometime through the throat, as if you

Sing a note, sometimes through the throat, as if you
swallowed love with singing love, sometime through

Swallowed love with singing love, sometimes through
the nose, as if you snuffed up love by smelling

The nose, as if you sniffed up love by smelling
love; with your hat penthouse-like o'er the shop of

Love; with your hat like a balcony over the shop of
your eyes; with your arms crossed on your thin-belly

Your eyes; with your arms crossed on your thin belly
doublet like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in

Jacket like a rabbit on a spit; or your hands in
your pocket like a man after the old painting; and

Your pocket like a man in an old painting; and
keep not too long in one tune, but a snip and away.

Don’t keep singing one tune for too long, but do snippets of different songs.
These are complements, these are humours; these

These are gentlemanly accomplishments, these are amusing; these
betray nice wenches, that would be betrayed without

Betray coy girls, that would be betrayed without
these; and make them men of note--do you note

These; and make them noteworthy men—are you noting
me?--that most are affected to these.

What I’m saying?—that are the most drawn to these.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO How hast thou purchased this experience?

Have you yourself purchased this experience?
MOTH By my penny of observation.

With my penny of observation.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO But O,--but O,--

But oh,--- but oh,---
MOTH 'The hobby-horse is forgot.'

‘The hobby-horse has been forgotten.’

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Callest thou my love 'hobby-horse'?

Are you calling my love a ‘prostitute’?

MOTH No, master; the hobby-horse is but a colt, and your

No, master, the prostitute is only a slut, and your
love perhaps a hackney. But have you forgot your love?

Love is maybe just promiscuous. But have you forgot your love’s name?

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Almost I had.

I almost did.
MOTH Negligent student! learn her by heart.

Neglectful student! Learn her by heart.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO By heart and in heart, boy.

By heart and in heart, boy.
MOTH And out of heart, master: all those three I will prove.

And out of heart, master: all those three I will prove.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO What wilt thou prove?

What will you prove?
MOTH A man, if I live; and this, by, in, and without, upon

I will prove to be a man, if I live; and this, by, in, and without, on
the instant: by heart you love her, because your

The instant: by heart you love her, because your
heart cannot come by her; in heart you love her,
heart cannot get close to her; you love her in your heart

because your heart is in love with her; and out of

Because your heart is in love with her; and out of
heart you love her, being out of heart that you

Heart you love her, being out of spirits since you
cannot enjoy her.

Cannot enjoy her.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO I am all these three.

I am all these three.

MOTH And three times as much more, and yet nothing at

And three times as much more, and yet nothing at
all.

All.

DON ADRIANO DE ARMADO Fetch hither the swain: he must carry me a letter.

Fetch me the country boy: he must carry a letter for me.
MOTH A message well sympathized; a horse to be ambassador

A message well matched; a horse to be an ambassdor
for an ass.