The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (169 page)

You want to get me alone, you dog? Oh you snake! The loneliness is in your face, teeth, throat, and hateful lungs. It’s even in your nasty mouth! I will make your bowels lonely when I blow them out of your body with my gun.

Nym

I am not Barbason; you cannot conjure me. I have an humour to knock you indifferently well. If you grow foul with me, Pistol, I will scour you with my rapier, as I may, in fair terms. If you would walk off, I would prick your guts a little, in good terms, as I may; and that's the humour of it.

I am no spirit you can cast spells on. I have a good mind to knock you out. If you get ugly with me, Pistol, I will stab you with my sword. I would prick your guts in all fairness and that would be the end of it.

Pistol

O braggart vile and damned furious wight!


The grave doth gape, and doting death is near,


Therefore exhale.

You vile man! Your death is near, and your grave is open. Take a deep breath.

Bardolph

Hear me, hear me what I say. He that strikes the first


stroke I'll run him up to the hilts, as I am a soldier.

Listen to me. I will kill the person who strikes first. I am a soldier.

Draws.

Pistol

An oath of mickle might; and fury shall abate.


Give me thy fist, thy fore-foot to me give.


Thy spirits are most tall.

That’s a powerful promise. We should calm down. Give me your hand or your foot. You have a brave spirit.

Nym

I will cut thy throat, one time or other, in fair terms:


that is the humour of it.

I will cut your throat sooner or later, and that’s that.

Pistol

"Couple a gorge!"


That is the word. I thee defy again.


O hound of Crete, think'st thou my spouse to get?


No! to the spital go,


And from the powdering tub of infamy


Fetch forth the lazar kite of Cressid's kind,


Doll Tearsheet she by name, and her espouse.


I have, and I will hold, the quondam Quickly


For the only she; and--pauca, there's enough.


Go to.

I think you’re trying to say, “Couple a gorge!” Do you think you can get my wife? No, go the hospital and get a wife, one with diseases.

Enter the Boy.

Boy

Mine host Pistol, you must come to my master, and you,


hostess. He is very sick, and would to bed. Good Bardolph, put thy face between his sheets, and do the office of a warming-pan. Faith, he's very ill.

My host, Pistol, you must come to my master. And you, too, hostess. He is very sick and needs help. Good Bardolph, put your face underneath his sheets and be a warming pan. I swear, he is very ill.

Bardolph

Away, you rogue!

Get out of here, you rascal!

Hostess

By my troth, he'll yield the crow a pudding one of these days. The King has kill'd his heart.


Good husband, come home presently.

Honestly, he will be food for the crows one day. The king has broken his heart. Come on husband. Come home.

Exit Hostess and Boy.

Bardolph

Come, shall I make you two friends? We must to France


together; why the devil should we keep knives to cut one


another's throats?

Come on. Can’t I help you two become friends? We have to go to France together. Should we take our knives to cut each other’s throats?

Pistol

Let floods o'erswell, and fiends for food howl on!

Not until the rivers flood and fiends howl for food!

Nym

You'll pay me the eight shillings I won of you at betting?

Are you going to pay me the eight shillings you owe me?

Pistol

Base is the slave that pays.

Only slaves pay debts.

Nym

That now I will have: that's the humour of it.

Then, I will take it now.

Pistol

As manhood shall compound. Push home.

We’ll see. Go for it.

They draw.

Bardolph

By this sword, he that makes the first thrust, I'll kill


him; by this sword, I will.

I swear by this sword, the first person to make a move, I’ll kill.

Pistol

Sword is an oath, and oaths must have their course.

You better be prepared to keep your oath.

Bardolph

Corporal Nym, and thou wilt be friends, be friends; an


thou wilt not, why, then, be enemies with me too. Prithee,


put up.

If you and Corporal Nym won’t be friends, then you can be my enemies, too.  Prepare to fight.

Nym

I shall have my eight shillings I won from you at betting?

I just want my eight shillings.

Pistol

A noble shalt thou have, and present pay;


And liquor likewise will I give to thee,


And friendship shall combine, and brotherhood.


I'll live by Nym, and Nym shall live by me.


Is not this just? For I shall sutler be


Unto the camp, and profits will accrue.


Give me thy hand.

Okay, I will pay you, and give you some liquor. I offer you my hand in friendship, Nym. Give me your hand.

Nym

I shall have my noble?

You’ll pay me.

Pistol

In cash most justly paid.

Yes, in cash.

Nym

Well, then, that's the humour of't.

Well, then, that’s that.

Re-enter Hostess.

Hostess

As ever you come of women, come in quickly to Sir John.


Ah, poor heart! he is so shak'd of a burning quotidian tertian, that it is most lamentable to behold. Sweet men, come to him.

Come as quickly to Sir John as you would to a woman. Ah, the poor man! He is so feverish, it’s sad to see. Sweet gentlemen, come to him.

Nym

The King hath run bad humours on the knight; that's the even of it.

The king has done him wrong. That’s that.

Pistol

Nym, thou hast spoke the right.


His heart is fracted and corroborate.

Nym, you are right. His heart is broken.

Nym

The King is a good king; but it must be as it may; he


passes some humours and careers.

He is a good king, but be that as it may, he is fickle.

Pistol

Let us condole the knight; for, lambkins, we will live.

Let’s go see the knight, little lambs, for we will live.

Enter Exeter, Bedford, and Westmoreland.

Bedford

'Fore God, his Grace is bold, to trust these traitors.

I swear before God, the king is bold to trust these traitors.

Exeter

They shall be apprehended by and by.

They will be arrested eventually.

Westmoreland

How smooth and even they do bear themselves!


As if allegiance in their bosoms sat


Crowned with faith and constant loyalty.

They act all smooth, as if they were loyal and faithful men.

Bedford

The King hath note of all that they intend,


By interception which they dream not of.

They never expected the king to find out what they were doing.

Exeter

Nay, but the man that was his bed-fellow,


Whom he hath dull'd and cloy'd with gracious favours,


That he should, for a foreign purse, so sell


His sovereign's life to death and treachery.

No, who would have expected the friend he spoiled would sell his king’s life for a little sum of foreign money?

Trumpets sound. Enter King Henry V, Scroop, Cambridge, Grey, and Attendants.

King

Now sits the wind fair, and we will aboard.


My Lord of Cambridge, and my kind Lord of Masham,


And you, my gentle knight, give me your thoughts.


Think you not that the powers we bear with us


Will cut their passage through the force of France,


Doing the execution and the act


For which we have in head assembled them?

The winds are right for us to sail. My Lord of Cambridge, Lord of Masham, and my gentle knight, tell me what you think. Don’t you think the forces we have will be enough to cut through France and achieve our goal?

Scroop

No doubt, my liege, if each man do his best.

No doubt, my liege, if every man does his best.

King

I doubt not that, since we are well persuaded


We carry not a heart with us from hence


That grows not in a fair consent with ours,


Nor leave not one behind that doth not wish


Success and conquest to attend on us.

I’m sure everyone will, since we are all in agreement and desire success and conquest.

Cambridge

Never was monarch better fear'd and lov'd


Than is your Majesty. There's not, I think, a subject


That sits in heart-grief and uneasiness


Under the sweet shade of your government.

There has never been a king more feared or loved than you. Plus, there’s never been an issue before the government wanted more than this.

GREY

True; those that were your father's enemies


Have steep'd their galls in honey, and do serve you


With hearts create of duty and of zeal.

King

We therefore have great cause of thankfulness,


And shall forget the office of our hand


Sooner than quittance of desert and merit


According to the weight and worthiness.