The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (1045 page)

extremity of both ends: when thou wast in thy gilt

and thy perfume, they mocked thee for too much

curiosity; in thy rags thou knowest none, but art

despised for the contrary. There's a medlar for

thee, eat it.

You never knew the middle road of humanity, just the

highest and lowest: when you had all your fine clothes

and your perfume, you were mocked for being too

delicate; in your rags you have no delicacy, and are

despised for it. There's a medlar for you,

eat it.

TIMON

On what I hate I feed not.

I don't eat what I hate.

APEMANTUS

Dost hate a medlar?

You hate a medlar?

TIMON

Ay, though it look like thee.

Yes, though it looks like you.

APEMANTUS

An thou hadst hated meddlers sooner, thou shouldst

have loved thyself better now. What man didst thou

ever know unthrift that was beloved after his means?

If you had hated meddlers earlier, you would

love yourself better now. Did you ever know a

profligate man who was loved once his money was gone?

TIMON

Who, without those means thou talkest of, didst thou

ever know beloved?

Did you ever know anyone who was loved who didn't

have the money that you talk about?

APEMANTUS

Myself.

Me.

TIMON

I understand thee; thou hadst some means to keep a

dog.

I understand you; you had just enough money to keep a

dog.

APEMANTUS

What things in the world canst thou nearest compare

to thy flatterers?

What is there in the world that you can most closely

compare to your flatterers?

TIMON

Women nearest; but men, men are the things

themselves. What wouldst thou do with the world,

Apemantus, if it lay in thy power?

Women are closest; but men, men are all complete

flatterers. What would you do with the world,

Apemantus, if you had the power?

APEMANTUS

Give it the beasts, to be rid of the men.

I'd give it to the animals, to get rid of men.

TIMON

Wouldst thou have thyself fall in the confusion of

men, and remain a beast with the beasts?

Would you like to be part of the fall of man,

and remain an animal with the other animals?

APEMANTUS

Ay, Timon.

Yes, Timon.

TIMON

A beastly ambition, which the gods grant thee t'

attain to! If thou wert the lion, the fox would

beguile thee; if thou wert the lamb, the fox would

eat thee: if thou wert the fox, the lion would

suspect thee, when peradventure thou wert accused by

the ass: if thou wert the ass, thy dulness would

torment thee, and still thou livedst but as a

breakfast to the wolf: if thou wert the wolf, thy

greediness would afflict thee, and oft thou shouldst

hazard thy life for thy dinner: wert thou the

unicorn, pride and wrath would confound thee and

make thine own self the conquest of thy fury: wert

thou a bear, thou wouldst be killed by the horse:

wert thou a horse, thou wouldst be seized by the

leopard: wert thou a leopard, thou wert german to

the lion and the spots of thy kindred were jurors on

thy life: all thy safety were remotion and thy

defence absence. What beast couldst thou be, that

were not subject to a beast? and what a beast art

thou already, that seest not thy loss in

transformation!

A horrible desire, may the gods grant it to you!

If you were a lion, you would be tricked

by a fox; if you were a lamb, the fox would

eat you; if you were a fox, the lion would

suspect you, if you happen to be accused by

the ass; if you were an ass, your stupidity would

torment you, and all you would be living for would be to

make a breakfast for the wolf; if you were a wolf, your

greediness would torture you, and you would often

risk your life for your dinner; if you were a

unicorn, pride and anger would confuse you and

you would cause your own downfall in your anger; if you were

a bear, you would be killed by a horse;

if you were a horse, you would be taken by a

leopard; if you were a leopard, you would be related to

the lion and you would be punished for his transgressions;

the only way you could be safe would be to run away,

being absent would be your defence. What animal could you be,

that didn't suffer at the hands of another animal? And what

an animal you are already, if you can't see that you would be

worse off as an animal!

APEMANTUS

If thou couldst please me with speaking to me, thou

mightst have hit upon it here: the commonwealth of

Athens is become a forest of beasts.

If anything you said could please me, you

might have just said it: the state of

Athens has become a forest of animals.

TIMON

How has the ass broke the wall, that thou art out of the city?

How did the ass break through the wall, to let you out of the city?

APEMANTUS

Yonder comes a poet and a painter: the plague of

company light upon thee! I will fear to catch it

and give way: when I know not what else to do, I'll

see thee again.

Here comes a poet and painter: may the plague of

society land on you! I don't want to catch it

so I'll go: when I can't think of anything else to do, I'll

come back and see you.

TIMON

When there is nothing living but thee, thou shalt be

welcome. I had rather be a beggar's dog than Apemantus.

When you are the last living creature, you will be

welcome. I would rather be a beggar's dog than Apemantus.

APEMANTUS

Thou art the cap of all the fools alive.

You are the King of fools.

TIMON

Would thou wert clean enough to spit upon!

I wish you were clean enough to spit on!

APEMANTUS

A plague on thee! thou art too bad to curse.

A plague on you! You are too wicked for simple curses.

TIMON

All villains that do stand by thee are pure.

Any villain standing next to you would look pure in comparison.

APEMANTUS

There is no leprosy but what thou speak'st.

There is no leprosy to compare with what you say.

TIMON

If I name thee.

I'll beat thee, but I should infect my hands.

If I say your name.

I would beat you, but I don't want to catch anything.

APEMANTUS

I would my tongue could rot them off!

I wish my tongue could rot your hands off!

TIMON

Away, thou issue of a mangy dog!

Choler does kill me that thou art alive;

I swound to see thee.

Get lost, you son of a bitch!

It tortures me to see that you are alive;

it makes me faint to see you.

APEMANTUS

Would thou wouldst burst!

I wish you would burst!

TIMON

Away,

Thou tedious rogue! I am sorry I shall lose

A stone by thee.

Get lost,

you tedious scoundrel! I am sorry to have to waste

a stone on you.

Throws a stone at him

APEMANTUS

Beast!

Animal!

TIMON

Slave!

Slave!

APEMANTUS

Toad!

Toad!

TIMON

Rogue, rogue, rogue!

I am sick of this false world, and will love nought

But even the mere necessities upon 't.

Then, Timon, presently prepare thy grave;

Lie where the light foam the sea may beat

Thy grave-stone daily: make thine epitaph,

That death in me at others' lives may laugh.

To the gold

O thou sweet king-killer, and dear divorce

'Twixt natural son and sire! thou bright defiler

Of Hymen's purest bed! thou valiant Mars!

Thou ever young, fresh, loved and delicate wooer,

Whose blush doth thaw the consecrated snow

That lies on Dian's lap! thou visible god,

That solder'st close impossibilities,

And makest them kiss! that speak'st with

every tongue,

To every purpose! O thou touch of hearts!

Think, thy slave man rebels, and by thy virtue

Set them into confounding odds, that beasts

May have the world in empire!

Rogue, rogue, rogue!

I am sick of this false world, and will love nothing

except the necessities of life.

So, Timon, go and dig your own grave at once;

put it where the light foam of the sea can wash

against your gravestone daily: make your epitaph

that through me death is laughing at the lives of others.

[To the gold]

Oh you sweet killer of kings, that causes division

between fathers and their natural sons! You bright polluter

of the pure wedding bed, you brave adulterer,

you always young, fresh, loved and delicate suitor,

whose blush could thaw the holy snow

that lies in Diana's lap! You material god,

that brings incompatible things together,

and makes them kiss! You govern all speech

and all purposes! Oh you ruler of hearts!

You can see your slave, man, is rebelling, you have

set all men against each other, so beasts

will rule the world!

APEMANTUS

Would 'twere so!

But not till I am dead. I'll say thou'st gold:

Thou wilt be throng'd to shortly.

I wish it would happen!

But not in my lifetime. I'll say you have gold:

you will be mobbed shortly.

TIMON

Throng'd to!

Mobbed!

APEMANTUS

Ay.

Yes.

TIMON

Thy back, I prithee.

Let me see you going, please.

APEMANTUS

Live, and love thy misery.