The Complete Works of William Shakespeare In Plain and Simple English (Translated) (100 page)

on the plains of Holmedon; Hotspur took

Mordrake, Earl of Fife and the oldest son

of beaten Douglas, and the Earl of Athol,

of Murray, Angus and Mentieth, prisoner:

isn't this an honourable haul?

A gallant prize? Ha, cousin, isn't it?

West.

In faith,

It is a conquest for a prince to boast of.

By God,

it is a triumph for a prince to boast of.

King.

Yea, there thou mak'st me sad, and mak'st me sin

In envy that my Lord Northumberland

Should be the father to so blest a son-

A son who is the theme of honour's tongue,

Amongst a grove the very straightest plant;

Who is sweet Fortune's minion and her pride;

Whilst I, by looking on the praise of him,

See riot and dishonour stain the brow

Of my young Harry. O that it could be prov'd

That some night-tripping fairy had exchang'd

In cradle clothes our children where they lay,

And call'd mine Percy, his Plantagenet!

Then would I have his Harry, and he mine.

But let him from my thoughts. What think you, coz,

Of this young Percy's pride? The prisoners

Which he in this adventure hath surpris'd

To his own use he keeps, and sends me word

I shall have none but Mordake Earl of Fife.

Well, saying that you make me sad, can make me sin

by envying my Lord Northumberland

for being the father of such a wonderful son;

a son who is the very soul of honour,

the very straightest tree in the forest,

who is the darling of fate and her joy;

when I look at people praising him

all I can see is the riotous behaviour and dishonour

which mars the appearance of my young Harry. Oh, if it could be proved

that some fairy in the night had exchanged

our children when they lay in their cots,

and called mine Percy, his Plantagenet!

Then I would have his Harry, and he mine:

but I won't think about him. What do you think, cousin,

of the arrogance of this young Percy? The prisoners

whom he has captured in this adventure

he is keeping for his own purposes, and he sends me word

that I shall have none except Mordrake, Earl of Fife.

West.

This is his uncle's teaching, this Worcester,

Malevolent to you In all aspects,

Which makes him prune himself and bristle up

The crest of youth against your dignity.

This is the teaching of his uncle, this Worcester,

who hates you in every respect,

this is what makes him puff himself up

and oppose your dignity with his youth.

King.

But I have sent for him to answer this;

And for this cause awhile we must neglect

Our holy purpose to Jerusalem.

Cousin, on Wednesday next our council we

Will hold at Windsor. So inform the lords;

But come yourself with speed to us again;

For more is to be said and to be done

Than out of anger can be uttered.

I have summonsed him to answer for this;

and because of this for a while we must

neglect our holy business in Jerusalem.

Cousin, next Wednesday we will hold a council

at Windsor. Inform the lords;

but afterwards hurry back to me;

I am so angry that there is more to be said and to be done

than we can speak of in public.

West.

I will my liege.

I will, my lord.

 Exeunt.

[Enter Prince Henry and Falstaff.]

FAL.

Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?

Now, Hal, what time of day is it, lad?

PRINCE.

Thou art so fat-witted, with drinking of old sack, and

unbuttoning thee after supper, and sleeping upon benches

after noon, that thou hast forgotten to demand that truly which

thou wouldst truly know. What a devil hast thou to do with the

time of the day? unless hours were cups of sack, and minutes

capons, and the blessed Sun himself a fair hot wench in

flame-coloured taffeta, I see no reason why thou shouldst be

so superfluous to demand the time of the day.

You've become so stupid by drinking Spanish wine

and slobbing out after supper, and taking

afternoon naps, that you have forgotten

to ask for the things you really want to know.

What the devil has the time of day got to do with you?

Unless hours were cups of wine, and minutes

chickens, and clocks the tongues of brothel keepers, and dials

the signs of their brothels, and the blessed sun itself

a saucy hot lass in a flame coloured petticoat,

I can't see any reason why you would be so interested

in the time of day.

FAL.

Indeed, you come near me now, Hal; for we that take purses go

by the Moon and the seven stars, and not by Phoebus,--he, that

wandering knight so fair. And I pr'ythee, sweet wag, when thou

art king,--as, God save thy Grace--Majesty I should say, for

grace

thou wilt have none,--

You're getting warm now, Hal, for we who

steal purses follow the moon and the seven stars,

and not Phoebus, that fair wandering knight.

And I pray, sweet lad, that when you are king,

as which, God save your grace - Majesty, I should say,

as you won't have any grace-

PRINCE.

What, none?

What, none?

FAL.

No, by my troth; not so much as will serve to be prologue

to an egg and butter.

No, I swear, not enough to say grace for a buttered egg.

PRINCE.

Well, how then? come, roundly, roundly.

What is it then?Get to the point.

FAL.

Marry, then, sweet wag, when thou art king, let not us that

are squires of the night's body be called thieves of the day's

beauty:let us be Diana's foresters, gentlemen of the shade,

minions of the Moon; and let men say we be men of good

government, being governed, as the sea is, by our noble and

chaste mistress the Moon, under whose countenance we steal.

Well then, sweet lad, when you are king, don't let we who are

active by night be accused of being lazy in the day.

Let us be rangers for Diana, attendants of the shadows,

servants of the moon; and let men say we are well ruled men,

being governed by our noble mistress the moon as the sea is,

and we steal under her gaze.

PRINCE.

Thou say'st well, and it holds well too; for the fortune of

us that are the Moon's men doth ebb and flow like the sea,

being governed, as the sea is, by the Moon. As, for proof, now: A

purse of gold most resolutely snatch'd on Monday night, and most

dissolutely spent on Tuesday morning; got with swearing Lay by,

and spent with crying Bring in; now ill as low an ebb as the foot

of the ladder, and by-and-by in as high a flow as the ridge of the

gallows.

You're speaking well, and it's the truth; for the fate of

we who are the moon's men ebbs and flows like the tide,

as we are ruled, like the sea, by the moon.To prove this:

a purse of gold that's well stolen on Monday night, and

profligately spent by Tuesday morning, got by shouting "Stand and deliver"

and spent by shouting, "Bring the drink!" brings one to the low tide of

the foot of the ladder, and soon you'll climb as high as the summit

of the gallows.

FAL.

By the Lord, thou say'st true, lad.And is not my hostess of the

tavern a most sweet wench?

By God, you're telling the truth, lad. And isn't the landlady

the sweetest lass?

PRINCE.

As the honey of Hybla, my old lad of the castle.And is not a

buff jerkin a most sweet robe of durance?

Sweet as the honey of Sicily, my old lad of the castle. and isn't

a convict's uniform the sweetest outfit?

FAL.

How now, how now, mad wag! what, in thy quips and thy

quiddities? what a plague have I to do with a buff jerkin?

What, what, mad lad?What are you saying with your subtle jokes?

What the devil has a convict's uniform to do with me?

PRINCE.

Why, what a pox have I to do with my hostess of the tavern?

Well, what the devil have I to do with the landlady?

FAL.

Well, thou hast call'd her to a reckoning many a time and oft.

Well, you've paid her bill often enough.

PRINCE.

Did I ever call for thee to pay thy part?

Did I ever ask you to pay your share?

FAL.

No; I'll give thee thy due, thou hast paid all there.

No, I'll give you that, you paid the lot there.

PRINCE.

Yea, and elsewhere, so far as my coin would stretch;

and where it would not, I have used my credit.

Yes, and other places, as much as I could afford;

and when I couldn't, I used my credit.

FAL.

Yea, and so used it, that, were it not here apparent that

thou art heir-apparent--But I pr'ythee, sweet wag, shall there be

gallows standing in England when thou art king? and

resolution thus fobb'd as it is with the rusty curb of old father

antic the law? Do not thou, when thou art king, hang a thief.

Yes, so much so, that if it wasn't obvious that

you were the heir-apparent- but I ask you, sweet lad, will there be

gallows standing in England when you are king?And

will brave lads be constrained as they are now by the dull

mad old laws?When you're king, don't hang thieves.

PRINCE.

No; thou shalt.

No, but you will do some hanging.

FAL.

Shall I? O rare! By the Lord, I'll be a brave judge.